Ace of Spades HQ

December 27, 2013

Ten Years of Nonsense: Scandis Go Home
— Ace

Originally published January 24th, 2007. January is considered a holy month for "The Winter People."

Pictured: The Scandi Rapid Transit System.

I don't remember when my Pappy first taught me hate -- hatred of the icicle-squating Scandi snow-wops. But I'll always thank him for it.

One of my earliest memories is of watching the Muppet Show, and happily laughing along to the Swedish Chef. Hur-de-ver-de-verd-e-verr, the Swedish Chef said. And I, not knowing any better, merrily repeated his dirty Scandi gutter-talk. "Hur-de-verd-de-verd-e-verr," I said along.

My Pappy walked in, agahst, and shook his head in disgust. "They're goddamned trying to brainwash these kids," he said. The next day, the television was gone, and in place of the tv was a record player and a bunch of Richard Pryor and Redd Foxx albums. "You listen to these guys," my Pappy said. "They don't truck with any goddamned Scandi luge-jockeys."

And so I learned my first lesson about the Scandis. I also learned a lot about The Man, freebasing cocaine, and having anal sex with prostitutes.

Whenever we'd go to a restaurant, my Pappy would nervously look over both shoulders for Scandis, and then, if he didn't see any, would sigh with relief. "Thank God," he'd say. "Not many 'Bjorns' here. So the place won't stink of herring."

One time I asked him why he called them "Bjorns." He explained "Bjorn" was the Scandi gutter-language equivalent of "John." And Scandis were called "Johns" because they had an unhealthy desire to spend most of their time in the toilet. When Scandis were alone at home, he told me, their whole families would gather in the toilet to eat dinner. "So that's why we call them 'Bjorns,'" he said. "But you can also call them 'Toilet People,' but only if there aren't any of those dirty head-mongers within earshot."

"But why do these 'Toilet People' love the bathroom so much?" I asked.

"I don't rightly know," my Pappy said. "Maybe the white porcelain reminds them of their stinking igloos. Maybe they just like the smell of dried urine. It might remind them of the fermented reindeer piss they guzzle every Winter Solstice, which, in frozen Scandi-land, is called 'Tuesday.'"

Another time I was eating dinner, but wouldn't eat my vegetables. "There are children starving in Scandinavia, you know," my Pappy told me.

"So I should eat the vegetables, and not waste them?" I asked.

"Nah, throw 'em out, let the 'possums have at them," he said. "Let the filthy Loki-lovers eat fucking snow. Human food would be wasted on them."

I remember how excited he'd get to watch the US Open, and root for Jimmy Connors, who he called "The Great Off-White Hope." The day Bjorn Borg beat Jimmy Connors was just about the saddest day of my Pappy's life. "Don't worry, son," he told me as he gave my hair a comforting tussle. "Bjorn Borg is just a shaved Yeti in short-shorts. Those people are barely evolved from the snow-sasquatches. Jimmy Connors is still the greatest human tennis player in the world."

He didn't really lose -- the fix was in.
"Those people" control the tennis world.

One time I wondered if the Toilet People celebrated Christmas. My Pappy just chuckled darkly. He told me they did -- in their way. "Ever notice how the Toilet People are always eating shit loaded with salt? Their fish-- even their candy is thick with salt."

"Ewwww!" I said.

"You betcha. The Toilet People love their salt. And I'll tell you why. When Jesus was condemned to be crucified, these rotten toboggan monkeys got into one of their giant wooden shoe-boats and sailed to Judea. These vicious Odin-worshippers planned on rubbing salt in the Savior's wounds as he died. But, being a bunch of fuck-up Toilet People who run on UPT, or 'Uncolored People Time,' they got there late and didn't even get to the right place. They showed up in Rome in around 422 AD, looking around for Jesus, rubbing salt between their dirty hands and laughing like maniacs. Well, the joke was on them, wasn't it?"

He says to this day it's a religious requirement that all Scandis always have at least a good handful of salt on them at all times, just in case the Messiah should return. "They missed their one chance," my Pappy said, "and they're not going to miss the next one." He told me they salt everything they can get their dirty paws on -- even their asses, or "Reindeer Tunnels" -- just to practice for what they call "The Big Day" or "Thor's Victory Lap."

The Seduction of the Innocents:
The perverts of the permafrost teach children
that "God" has girlhair and go-go boots.

So that's why I hate the Bjorns. They say hate can only be taught at a young age, and I'll always thank my Pappy for starting my education off right.

Posted by: Ace at 08:29 AM | Comments (197)
Post contains 830 words, total size 5 kb.

1 Filthy Scandis...

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:33 AM (aDwsi)

2 Uno.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:33 AM (aDwsi)

3 Cool I hadn't read this one. Thanks Ace.

Posted by: Fourth Horseman at December 27, 2013 08:33 AM (KuZ6A)

4 Echoy in here

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:33 AM (aDwsi)

5 Racist sarcasm, now with extra Racism!

Posted by: Sphynx at December 27, 2013 08:33 AM (OZmbA)

6 Were the Bumpuses Scandis?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:34 AM (aDwsi)

7 F'n Icebacks.

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2013 08:35 AM (T8ED4)

8 As a filthy scandi myself, this piece offends me... ...it is not nearly derisive enough.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at December 27, 2013 08:36 AM (BQyNH)

9 So this is where the "filthy scandi" meme came from.

Posted by: Soona at December 27, 2013 08:36 AM (fv6BP)

10 http://tinyurl.com/ml6vdpu

It is the season for giving.

Posted by: CUS at December 27, 2013 08:37 AM (wcLJG)

11 I grew up with a bunch of Saabs and Volvos in the household. I love Danishes but can't stand Abba.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at December 27, 2013 08:37 AM (0LHZx)

12 Somebody didn't get the Baby Bjorn doll they were wishing for.

Posted by: RWC at December 27, 2013 08:37 AM (fWAjv)

13 Ace left this out. Scandi girls castrating reindeer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fftnExG-WFg

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:38 AM (aDwsi)

14 I cooking scandi chop suey, mmmm good.

Posted by: Hop Sing, cook and cattle rustler, babysitter and bottle washer. at December 27, 2013 08:38 AM (iz8V5)

15 The original posting with comments is here:
http://minx.cc/?post=213200

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 27, 2013 08:38 AM (SY2Kh)

16 When the HQ still had some non PC shit. Dirty snow wops! Now eat your lutefisk and go to bed. http://tinyurl.com/bjbyx

Posted by: Nip Sip at December 27, 2013 08:39 AM (0FSuD)

17 Behold, the roots of antiscandism...

Posted by: Brother Cavil at December 27, 2013 08:39 AM (naUcP)

18 And so I learned my first lesson about the Scandis. I also learned a lot about The Man, freebasing cocaine, and having anal sex with prostitutes...

Are you dude who pays that 'cowboy' to punch you in the gut with every thrust he dry plants in your ass? That is pretty messed up, but making him to count out LOUD with every thrust is really messed up.

Posted by: Dustin at December 27, 2013 08:39 AM (80R0X)

19 Should I be offended? My Mother was born in Sweden so that makes me a "Scandi"

Posted by: hello, it's me also a creep-assed cracka.. at December 27, 2013 08:40 AM (9+ccr)

20 I'm a filthy scandi snow wop and I demand a jello mold offering at the Lutheran church as appeasement for your offenses. And maybe some nice kringler and coffee too.

Posted by: Dick "I'm a Dick" Durbin at December 27, 2013 08:40 AM (9ng2u)

21 I like scandies with soy sauce and almonds.

Posted by: Hop Sing, cook and cattle rustler, babysitter and bottle washer. at December 27, 2013 08:41 AM (iz8V5)

22 The Scandi interest lobby is trying to start another world war so they can corner the world market in yak futures.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 27, 2013 08:41 AM (vYf5W)

23 Obviously no Lapp dances for Ace this year.

Posted by: [/i]andycanuck[/b] at December 27, 2013 08:41 AM (f6z8e)

24 My wife's got Dutch ancestry. So her family hails from Holland. She's not Scandi, but I can't see much difference to be honest.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 08:41 AM (A0glY)

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:42 AM (aDwsi)

26 We Swedes love our coffee, even at a young age we had it watered down. One thing I couldn't stand was the Cardamon bread my Aunt made. Cardamon takes like crap...

Posted by: hello, it's me also a creep-assed cracka.. at December 27, 2013 08:42 AM (9+ccr)

27 So... Was there context for this post? Or did you just randomly decide to mock Scandi's and racism at once?

Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) No Really! at December 27, 2013 08:42 AM (GaqMa)

28 I drive a 1983 Scandi Wagon -- a Volvo.

Posted by: Sphynx at December 27, 2013 08:43 AM (OZmbA)

29 24Â My wife's got Dutch ancestry. So her family hails from Holland. She's not Scandi, but I can't see much difference to be honest.Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 12:41 PM (A0glY) They inter breed like rabbits.

Posted by: Hop Sing, cook and cattle rustler, babysitter and bottle washer. at December 27, 2013 08:43 AM (iz8V5)

30 Besides, they're responsible for "Thor."

Posted by: Caliban at December 27, 2013 08:44 AM (DrC22)

31 "Bjorn Borg is just a shaved Yeti in short-shorts." It's funny because it's true! Related: http://youtu.be/sD_-EUUYRA0

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Now with extra taunting. at December 27, 2013 08:44 AM (VtjlW)

32 28 I drive a 1983 Scandi Wagon -- a Volvo. Posted by: Sphynx at December 27, 2013 12:43 PM (OZmbA) You now likey new owners?

Posted by: Volvo's Chinese overloads at December 27, 2013 08:44 AM (0FSuD)

33 tsrbike - I'm thinking that it is a cathartic expression of suppressed loathing, consequent of Santa Clause never having visited Ace's house

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:44 AM (aDwsi)

34 28 I drive a 1983 Scandi Wagon -- a Volvo. Posted by: Sphynx at December 27, 2013 12:43 PM (OZmbA) __________ AKA as the 240 Tank. My parents had one of those while I was growing up and the fucker just refused to die. It had 250K miles on it when they finally got rid of it, but I think it easily had another 100K in it with proper maintenance.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at December 27, 2013 08:44 AM (0LHZx)

35 15 The original posting with comments is here:
http://minx.cc/?post=213200 Posted by: Hollowpoint

Thanks. Wonder where a lot of the names I see there went off to?

Posted by: Hey Boy! at December 27, 2013 08:44 AM (ULH4o)

36 29 24 My wife's got Dutch ancestry. So her family hails from Holland. She's not Scandi, but I can't see much difference to be honest.Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 12:41 PM (A0glY)

Are all them inbred folks end up looking like Kate Upton clones... yuck.

Posted by: Dustin at December 27, 2013 08:45 AM (80R0X)

37 * Claus

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:45 AM (aDwsi)

38 I would smoke some scandies but they are way too hard to keep lit.

Posted by: Hop Sing, cook and cattle rustler, babysitter and bottle washer. at December 27, 2013 08:45 AM (iz8V5)

39 Did the MuNuvian links work back in 2007, or were they old and busted then, too?

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at December 27, 2013 08:45 AM (l3vZN)

40 My wife's got Dutch ancestry. So her family hails from Holland. She's not Scandi, but I can't see much difference to be honest.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 12:41 PM (A0glY)

--------------------------------------------

.......and then there's the fucking Dutch.

Posted by: Soona at December 27, 2013 08:45 AM (fv6BP)

41 Thanks. Wonder where a lot of the names I see there went off to? Posted by: Hey Boy ------------------ The camps.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:45 AM (aDwsi)

42 Ace left this out. Scandi girls castrating reindeer: Holy carp is that real? That chick got right between that reindeer's legs and bit his nutsack! What? A knife is proud or something?!?

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 08:46 AM (A0glY)

43 26-No lutefisk tastes like crap, creamed peas tastes like crap, rice pudding tastes like crap...cardamon is just kind of yucky.

Posted by: Dick at December 27, 2013 08:46 AM (9ng2u)

My great grandfather immigrated from Sweden to America when he was a teenager. My family and I have suffered discrimination ever since. I stick out like a sore thumb living in Houston. Its a nightmare.

Posted by: polynikes at December 27, 2013 08:46 AM (m2CN7)

45 That chick got right between that reindeer's legs and bit his nutsack! What? A knife is proud or something?!? Posted by: bonhomme ----------------- They do the same thing to their men.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:46 AM (aDwsi)

46 Dammit, that's funny. And it only got 81 comments "back in the day".

Posted by: t-bird at December 27, 2013 08:47 AM (FcR7P)

47 That isn't Bjorn on the sled. That Jan, and he's sitting on the Aquavit.

Posted by: Caliban at December 27, 2013 08:47 AM (DrC22)

48 What would you have if you cooked a scandi in a Dutch oven?

Posted by: Hop Sing, cook and cattle rustler, babysitter and bottle washer. at December 27, 2013 08:47 AM (iz8V5)

49 How dare you malign my people and our sacred toilet traditions!

May pickled herring infest your dreams, and may you find yourself entombed with lutefisk.

Posted by: grammie winger at December 27, 2013 08:47 AM (P6QsQ)

50 and then there's the fucking Dutch. Well yes, but I don't kiss and tell.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 08:48 AM (A0glY)

51 No lutefisk tastes like crap, creamed peas tastes like crap, rice pudding tastes like crap...cardamon is just kind of yucky.

------------------

You just described half my Christmas smorgasbord.

Posted by: grammie winger at December 27, 2013 08:48 AM (P6QsQ)

52 Posted by: grammie winger at December 27, 2013 12:47 PM (P6QsQ)

And there's grammie winger bringin the Scandi curse.

Posted by: sweet...ish at December 27, 2013 08:48 AM (bj+Nc)

53 I'm surrounded by them!

Posted by: Minnfidel at December 27, 2013 08:49 AM (FciyD)

54 Ace left this out. Scandi girls castrating reindeer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fftnExG-WFg Posted by: Mike Hammer
........
Goddamn blonde cannibals!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 27, 2013 08:49 AM (f9c2L)

55 That chick got right between that reindeer's legs and bit his nutsack! What? A knife is proud or something?!?

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 12:46 PM (A0glY)

----------------------------------------------

The scandis call it oral sex.

Posted by: Soona at December 27, 2013 08:50 AM (fv6BP)

56 I remember reading this post the first time around. Just as funny today. Congrats on ten years, Ace!

Posted by: Mandy P., lurking lurker who lurks at December 27, 2013 08:50 AM (qFpRI)

57 rice pudding tastes like crap Really? I think it's kind of yummy. Not chocolate mousse yummy, but pretty good.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 08:50 AM (A0glY)

58 If you don't wash them scandies really good they taste like kipper snacks.

Posted by: Hop Sing, cook and cattle rustler, babysitter and bottle washer. at December 27, 2013 08:50 AM (iz8V5)

59 The Dutch. Yeah, they're all rosy cheeked and smiley, at first. Then comes the invite to dinner, 'Dutch Treat'. Next thing you know, there's a wooden shoe planted on your neck...., or you've got your finger stuck in a dike.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:51 AM (aDwsi)

60 Was there context for this post? Or did you just randomly decide to mock Scandi's and racism at once?

I believe it originated from this post:
http://minx.cc/?post=213111

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 27, 2013 08:51 AM (SY2Kh)

61 Three-worded rebuttal: Swedish Bikini Team.

Posted by: Inga at December 27, 2013 08:51 AM (FY93X)

62 51- Nope the menu for every freaking church dinner for my entire childhood. God bless hot rolls

Posted by: Dick "I'm a Dick" Durbin at December 27, 2013 08:51 AM (9ng2u)

63 This is the shit that makes this place a smart military blog.

Posted by: Mallamutt, at December 27, 2013 08:51 AM (D5n3W)

64 A friend's great-grandfather wanted to come to America from Italy. "Work your way across the Atlantic with us and we'll teach you English along the way!", they said. Months later they had made it across and thru all the Great Lakes. He hopped off in Duluth and, sure enough, he knew how to speak...Swedish.

Posted by: t-bird at December 27, 2013 08:51 AM (FcR7P)

65 ...or you've got your finger stuck in a dike.

Go on...

Posted by: Blanco Basura at December 27, 2013 08:52 AM (4WhSY)

66 Tony Beets? Good thing he's Dutch or I'd have to hate him.

Or are the Dutch too close to the dirty scandi homeland they are stained by association?

Posted by: RoyalOil at December 27, 2013 08:52 AM (VjL9S)

67 A finger in the dyke? What does she think of that?

Posted by: Hop Sing, cook and cattle rustler, babysitter and bottle washer. at December 27, 2013 08:52 AM (iz8V5)

68 He hopped off in Duluth and, sure enough, he knew how to speak...Swedish.

------------

Ahhh, Dulut'. The Swedish New Jerusalem.

Posted by: grammie winger at December 27, 2013 08:52 AM (P6QsQ)

69 Really? I think it's kind of yummy. Not chocolate mousse yummy, but pretty good. Posted by: bonhomme
............
My Danish friends servr rice pudding on New Year's Eve. There's one whole almond in it and the one who gets it get's a prize.. but you have to hide it or something.. goofy.

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 27, 2013 08:54 AM (f9c2L)

70 http://www.youtube.com/embed/0RhR6_1aCtc?autoplay=1 NOT. Filthy. Scandi's. Or, with any luck. ....

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 08:55 AM (vuXw6)

71 A traditional Yuletide Swedish delicacy is "blÃ´ta" or "dopp i grytan". It's made with crispbread soaked in bacon water, then slathered with butter and covered with boiled ham and applesauce. (Thanks to an article written by Paul Connolly at local.se). Sounds like a plan to me.

Posted by: mrp at December 27, 2013 08:55 AM (HjPtV)

72 Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 27, 2013 12:54 PM (f9c2L) Heh, Funny you should mention that, my sister brought a Danish Friend with her to Christmas this year so he wouldn't have to spend it alone, and he brought rice pudding with a single almond it in. I'm told that the almond wasn't actually found, I guess because no one went back for seconds.

Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) No Really! at December 27, 2013 08:56 AM (GaqMa)

73 35 15
The original posting with comments is here:
http://minx.cc/?post=213200

Posted by: Hollowpoint

Thanks. Wonder where a lot of the names I see there went off to?
=========
Nice Deb
Slublog
are a couple of note.

and a whole whopping 82 comments, the last being a barrel-worthy from a spambot.

Posted by: RoyalOil at December 27, 2013 08:56 AM (VjL9S)

74 The only eatable contribution those cod suckers made world cuisine. Scandi meatballs.

Posted by: YIKES! at December 27, 2013 08:56 AM (mETGQ)

A friend's great-grandfather wanted to come to America from Italy. "Work your way across the Atlantic with us and we'll teach you English along the way!", they said. Months later they had made it across and thru all the Great Lakes. He hopped off in Duluth and, sure enough, he knew how to speak...Swedish.

Posted by: t-bird at December 27, 2013 12:51 PM (FcR7P)

---------------------------------------------------

My family on my dad's side spoke German (Plattdutch) until the end of WWI. My dad had a hard time in his first couple of years of grade school because he couldn't speak English.

Posted by: Soona at December 27, 2013 08:57 AM (fv6BP)

76 You're just jealous of our scandi babes.

Posted by: Lutefish 4 Evah! at December 27, 2013 08:57 AM (Qev5V)

77 Mah nom iss Brad. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEohxBZSwrY

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 08:59 AM (aDwsi)

78 and then there's the fucking Dutch.
==========
Sir, he specifically requested two "n****rs". Well, to tell the family secret, my grandmother was Dutch.

Posted by: Bart at December 27, 2013 08:59 AM (VjL9S)

79 9 So this is where the "filthy scandi" meme came from.

Posted by: Soona at December 27, 2013 12:36 PM (fv6BP)

Wait 'till you see the Ginger post....

Posted by: Buck Farack, Gentleman Adventurer at December 27, 2013 08:59 AM (Nk6GS)

80 Actual real scandi's I have know: Ole Oleson, Sven Svenson , John Johnson, Hakon Hakonson. Their nicknames: Swede...yep just Swede. Scandis can't be bothered with telling each other apart.

Posted by: Dick "I'm a Dick" Durbin at December 27, 2013 09:00 AM (9ng2u)

81 >>My wife's got Dutch ancestry. So her family hails from Holland. She's not Scandi, but I can't see much difference to be honest. Back when this was posted, I used to say "they're all Scandis" to people who made such claims, but I have grown wiser and more mature. And found ancestors who moved from Amsterdam to New Amsterdam, but mostly that wiser and maturer shit.

Posted by: Mama AJ at December 27, 2013 09:00 AM (SUKHu)

82 You know what the Germans, Dutch, and Scandi tribes did to our beloved Island Nation, Great Britain? They over-ran it pre-Conquest with all sorts of heathen viking nonsense. They marked the fields with stone "runes" whatever the hell that barbaric cave scratching is, and called the land "Angle-land" or home of the Angles (northern tribes).

They are honest to God pre-historical Nazi's. I hate 'em.

Posted by: hmitchell3rd at December 27, 2013 09:01 AM (3YCXd)

Ace, did you learn what prostitutes say after anal sex? "I am Mighty Thor!" Well, maybe not if they do it a lot....

Posted by: Achmed at December 27, 2013 09:02 AM (qfNFY)

84 Actual real scandi's I have know: Ole Oleson, Sven Svenson , John Johnson, Hakon Hakonson.

--------------

My grandmother was a Johnson. Then she married my grandfather. Also a Johnson.

Posted by: grammie winger at December 27, 2013 09:02 AM (P6QsQ)

85 The best lutefisk is made from the blood of Gentile children.

Posted by: Protocols of the Elders of Jyväskylä at December 27, 2013 09:03 AM (8ZskC)

86 You know what the Germans, Dutch, and Scandi tribes did to our beloved Island Nation, Great Britain? They over-ran it pre-Conquest with all sorts of heathen viking nonsense. They marked the fields with stone "runes" whatever the hell that barbaric cave scratching is, and called the land "Angle-land" or home of the Angles (northern tribes).

They are honest to God pre-historical Nazi's. I hate 'em.

Posted by: hmitchell3rd at December 27, 2013 01:01 PM (3YCXd)

-----------------------------------------------

But if they hadn't come to the Isles, the Brits would still only be pale ewoks.

Posted by: Soona at December 27, 2013 09:04 AM (fv6BP)

87 You know what the Germans, Dutch, and Scandi tribes did to our beloved Island Nation, Great Britain? They over-ran it pre-Conquest with all sorts of heathen viking nonsense. They marked the fields with stone "runes" whatever the hell that barbaric cave scratching is, and called the land "Angle-land" or home of the Angles (northern tribes). Are you forgetting the Romans? England was the Houston Texans of the old world.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:04 AM (8ifMA)

88 It's the reason I sit on my deck every year with a bunch of guns. I don't want that f'kn dirty Scandi Santa Claus and his 8-9 reindeer befouling my property. Some shotguns shells filled with rock sock in his fat keister got him from coming around about 15 years ago, but that fat bastard pedo keeps showing up at malls getting little boys and girls to sit on his lap. My vigil on Christmas Eve is now for our neighborhood, and I now consider myself doing God's work against this heathen bastard. Still, can't wait to have bbq reindeer one Christmas night.

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, aka MrCaniac at December 27, 2013 09:05 AM (BXLPR)

89 One of my Dad's best friends was a big blond Swede. His name actually was Ole Olsen. He used to bet guys that if you could not get him drunk, you had to pay for his beer. He would down a case in about 15 minutes and still walk a straight line. The trick was--all the beer had not hit his system.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes, shhh, be a little quieter, some of us are trying to sleep off tho at December 27, 2013 09:05 AM (kXoT0)

90 >>I'm told that the almond wasn't actually found At the bakery today, there was a warning on some of the cakes: "Caution! Plastic baby in cake" (It's almost Mardi Gras season)

Posted by: Mama AJ at December 27, 2013 09:06 AM (SUKHu)

91 A Scandi gave my wife a tee shirt with this on the back: VIKING World Tour 793 England 795 Wales 799 France 807 Ireland 826 Russia 844 Spain 860 Iceland 921 Greece 957 Italy 1000 America So, they are great at running around causing trouble, but in the end no good at hanging onto anything but their original frozen wastes.

Posted by: Meremortal, burbling at December 27, 2013 09:06 AM (1Y+hH)

92 My grandmother was a Johnson. Then she married my grandfather. Also a Johnson.

I am gonna die here, an no sidewindin' bushwackin', hornswagglin' cracker croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.

Posted by: Gabby Johnson at December 27, 2013 09:06 AM (8ZskC)

93 Oh my goodness. This gets me every time. I suddenly feel the urge to write some Mad Max inspired fan fiction about a post apocalyptic war between the Bjorns and KaBoom Kids. Working title: Ivan Blake: Beyond the Shelter Pit Posted by: The Obsidian Owl at December 27, 2013 12:48 PM (tWmgi) I would read that.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Now with extra taunting. at December 27, 2013 09:06 AM (VtjlW)

94 England was the Houston Texans of the old world.Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 01:04 PM (8ifMA Some things never change.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 09:07 AM (vuXw6)

95 The Scandic Hegemony knows no bounds. It is everywhere. Lurking. Scheming. Making snowballs. Hard ones that hurt.

Posted by: eman at December 27, 2013 09:07 AM (EWsrI)

96 But if they hadn't come to the Isles, the Brits would still only be pale ewoks. Posted by: Soona

See 'Welsh' - knew a few, they shave a narrow band around their bodies so they can remember where their neckbeard ends and pubic hair begins, on the backside its so they know where the asshair stops and the neckhair begins.

Posted by: Dustin at December 27, 2013 09:08 AM (80R0X)

97 Another meme I've been enlightened about.

Thanks, Ace.

Posted by: Washington Nearsider at December 27, 2013 09:08 AM (fwARV)

98 They laugh when we buy cars called Volvos. "Volvo." Get it?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 27, 2013 09:08 AM (8ZskC)

99 The Scandic Hegemony knows no bounds.

It is everywhere.

Lurking.

Scheming.

Making snowballs.

Hard ones that hurt.

Posted by: eman at December 27, 2013 01:07 PM (EWsrI)

------------------

We will kill you, in your sleep, on Christmas, with rutabaga.

Posted by: grammie winger at December 27, 2013 09:09 AM (P6QsQ)

100 I'll say something nice. "Arn: Knight Templar" (the series, not the movie) is a good watch if you have Netflix streaming.

Posted by: mrp at December 27, 2013 09:09 AM (HjPtV)

101 Hey man, some of my best friends are Scandi's!

Posted by: Minnfidel at December 27, 2013 09:09 AM (FciyD)

102 Jesus. What do we have here?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 27, 2013 09:09 AM (DmNpO)

103 Three-worded rebuttal: Swedish Bikini Team.

Posted by: Inga at December 27, 2013 12:51 PM (FY93X)

That's four words, dummy.

Posted by: Joe Biden at December 27, 2013 09:10 AM (fwARV)

104 England was the Houston Texans of the old world.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 01:04 PM (8ifMA)

So Edward Longshanks was the J.J. Watt of the old world?

Posted by: Sean Bannion[/i][/s][/u][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:10 AM (JpC1K)

105 I'll say something nice. "Arn: Knight Templar" (the series, not the movie) is a good watch if you have Netflix streaming.

Posted by: mrp at December 27, 2013 01:09 PM (HjPtV)

---------------------------------------------

Is it a French movie?

Posted by: Soona at December 27, 2013 09:10 AM (fv6BP)

106 So, they are great at running around causing trouble, but in the end no good at hanging onto anything but their original frozen wastes. Posted by: Meremortal -------------- Biker Scandis

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:10 AM (aDwsi)

107 There's only a few million of them. You'd think there'd be more procreation just in an attempt to keep warm. And just wait until they run out of oil. That will be amusing.

Posted by: Meremortal, burbling at December 27, 2013 09:10 AM (1Y+hH)

108 They laugh when we buy cars called Volvos. "Volvo." Get it? Only if you say it with a weird accent. Then it sounds like vulva. Isn't that Latin for I roll, or I turn?

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:11 AM (8ifMA)

109 60 The Dutch. Yeah, they're all rosy cheeked and smiley, at first. Then comes the invite to dinner, 'Dutch Treat'. Next thing you know, there's a wooden shoe planted on your neck...., or you've got your finger stuck in a dike. Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 12:51 PM (aDwsi) Learned years ago that a "Dutch Oven" isn't a big pot for cooking. Nope, it's when a couple of those Lower Scandi's from the Scandinavian Subcontinent get together and invite Christians over, they get the house real hot, lock the doors, and then proceed to release the noxious fumes from their nasty over salted fish.

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, aka MrCaniac at December 27, 2013 09:11 AM (BXLPR)

110 So, they are great at running around causing trouble, but in the end no good at hanging onto anything but their original frozen wastes.

The same can be said for Great Britain.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 27, 2013 09:12 AM (8ZskC)

111 VIKING World Tour Â 793 EnglandÂ 795 WalesÂ 799 FranceÂ 807 IrelandÂ 826 Russia Â 844 SpainÂ 860 Iceland Â 921 GreeceÂ 957 ItalyÂ 1000 AmericaÂ ABBA followed this same path in their quest for world domination.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 09:12 AM (vuXw6)

112 Scandinavians falsely believe that Reindeer Herpes can be cured by having unprotected sex with a young, virgin Reindeer.

This presents a problem, because there remain no virgin reindeer in Sweden.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 27, 2013 09:12 AM (SY2Kh)

113 Jesus. What do we have here? Well NDH, we have a collection of people making fun of another collection of people.

Posted by: Jesue[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:12 AM (8ifMA)

114 Biker Scandis That's exactly who gave her the shirt. Rides around on a Harely making noise and annoying people but never accomplishing a thing except for leaving dark stains everywhere he goes.

Posted by: Meremortal, burbling at December 27, 2013 09:12 AM (1Y+hH)

115
I leek her volvo and he get velly excited.

Posted by: Achmed the Ass Bandit at December 27, 2013 09:13 AM (pJF+c)

116 Would have worked better if I could spell Jesus.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:13 AM (8ifMA)

117 ABBA followed this same path in their quest for world domination.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 01:12 PM (vuXw6)

With similar results.

Posted by: Sean Bannion[/i][/s][/u][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:13 AM (JpC1K)

118 Well NDH, we have a collection of people making fun of another collection of people. *** It's like high school all over again!

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 27, 2013 09:13 AM (DmNpO)

119 Just let me know when you are going to start on the Italians so I can hide.

Posted by: Meremortal loves Roma at December 27, 2013 09:14 AM (1Y+hH)

120 So Edward Longshanks was the J.J. Watt of the old world? Posted by: Sean Bannion at December 27, 2013 01:10 PM (JpC1K) I was gonna say that is unfair, the Texans have at least one person who can play defense. I see Romo had to have back surgery. Obligatory link is obligatory: http://bit.ly/Jp8vQx

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Now with extra taunting. at December 27, 2013 09:14 AM (VtjlW)

121 I've recently watched the Netflix Original "Lillehammer". It's a good dose of scandi hell.

Posted by: sawhorse at December 27, 2013 09:14 AM (e1h7z)

122 Hey man, some of my best friends are Scandi's! Posted by: Minnfidel Now, that's just a cry for help...

Posted by: t-bird at December 27, 2013 09:14 AM (FcR7P)

123 After reading Victor Davis HansonÂ’s description of this PresidentÂ’s legacy, you canÂ’t not think it perfectly describes our first Â“Affirmative ActionÂ” president. Mr. Obama is reduced to the perfect amalgamation of all the horrors of Affirmative Action. I fully expect to see an asterisk placed next to his name in the history books.

Posted by: Hank "Guam capsizing"Johnson at December 27, 2013 09:14 AM (e8kgV)

124 ABBA followed this same path in their quest for world domination.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 01:12 PM (vuXw6)

---------------------------------------------

In that case, you need to add Germany onto the list.

Posted by: Soona at December 27, 2013 09:15 AM (fv6BP)

125 >>But if they hadn't come to the Isles, the Brits would still only be pale woks. With bad teeth and cooking skills that rival the best McDonald's fry cook.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 27, 2013 09:15 AM (g1DWB)

126 @ Gabby Johnson Yes, Gabby, but is the Sheriff near?

Posted by: Mayor Johnson at December 27, 2013 09:15 AM (VJetW)

127 Oh, you don't like Volvo? Here, try a "Saab."

Posted by: Honest Haakon Used Cars at December 27, 2013 09:15 AM (8ZskC)

128 And just wait until they run out of oil. That will be amusing. Oh hells, they're coming after us again, aren't they?

Posted by: The Whales at December 27, 2013 09:16 AM (naUcP)

129 IIRC, it's a Swedish-Norwegian production. Lots of sword-chopping, Scandi babes, etc.. Excellent production values.

Hey, Populaire is tres bien. I've watched it twice, now. Time to break out those old French language records...

Posted by: mrp at December 27, 2013 09:16 AM (HjPtV)

130 So, they are great at running around causing trouble, but in the end no good at hanging onto anything but their original frozen wastes. The same can be said for Great Britain. They are busy turning the last redoubt over to the Muslims, who have been after it since about 700 A.D.

Posted by: Meremortal loves Roma at December 27, 2013 09:16 AM (1Y+hH)

131 I'll always be grateful to Teh Ewok for warning me of the menace that is the Vast Scandi Lutefisk Conspiracy.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 27, 2013 09:16 AM (c2oll)

132 @ 123 I've recently watched the Netflix Original "Lillehammer". It's a good dose of scandi hell.
Posted by: sawhorse at December 27, 2013 01:14 PM (e1h7z)

Love it when Johnny sticks it to those scandis!!

Posted by: Califemme at December 27, 2013 09:16 AM (MffOI)

133 Here, try a "Saab." Posted by: Honest Haakon ----------------------------- Oh, you don't like chicken? Here, try squab.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:16 AM (aDwsi)

134 Here, try a "Saab." 80s University Professors everywhere nod in agreement.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:18 AM (8ifMA)

135 121. No need Italians are the superior race Everyone knows that

Posted by: Navypopojoe at December 27, 2013 09:18 AM (b0/Zr)

136 Germany. Insert between Iceland and Greece. Some imagination required.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2013 09:18 AM (vuXw6)

137 How to spot a Scandi. 1. Garage filled with salt. 2. Huge bonfires in backyard on "Odin Day" 3. Whole family wears reindeer heads to church. 4. Beer freezes at their touch. 5. Visit at midnight and write runes on your doorstep if you refuse to answer the door.

Posted by: eman at December 27, 2013 09:19 AM (EWsrI)

138 New Saab owner: "What do you mean I have to mix oil with the gas?"

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:19 AM (aDwsi)

139 At least the Romans classed the joint up a bit on our beloved isle.

William the Conquerer brought Norman administration and good government to the Isles.

The Celts before all others were a kind and worthy people.

But the Vikings just came a'slaughter. Bathed in filth. Covered in reindeer nut blood.

Always have, always will. Dirty, dirty Scandi's.

Posted by: hmitchell3rd at December 27, 2013 09:19 AM (3YCXd)

140 "60 The Dutch. Yeah, they're all rosy cheeked and smiley, at first. Then comes the invite to dinner, 'Dutch Treat'. Next thing you know, there's a wooden shoe planted on your neck...., or you've got your finger stuck in a dike."

Or one of them is worrying off your nuts with their teeth.

Posted by: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! at December 27, 2013 09:19 AM (1Rgee)

141 Huh huh huh. tbodie said "insert".

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 27, 2013 09:20 AM (c2oll)

142 Gustavus Adolphus kicked some Habsburg ass in the 30 Years War.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 27, 2013 09:20 AM (8ZskC)

143 With bad teeth and cooking skills that rival the best McDonald's fry cook. British food is excellent! When compared with Welsh and Scottish food.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:20 AM (8ifMA)

144 Not sure if any of you have seen this wonderful documentary about Scandi Midsummer celebrations: http://tinyurl.com/njsvyfb

Posted by: Vercingetorix at December 27, 2013 09:21 AM (zz2zO)

145 Still waiting for the Queen to make her Sigur Ros joke...the one with all the consonants.

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2013 09:21 AM (T8ED4)

146 Fuckin' Snowbacks.

Posted by: toby928© Texan by birth, Moron by the grace of Ace at December 27, 2013 09:21 AM (QupBk)

147 This Scandi has banged more hot queef then all of you Thinbloods, combined! Chicks dig the blue eyes and hot blood. Plus, we can lick frozen honey from the bottom of a mason jar!

Posted by: Son of Rasmuss at December 27, 2013 09:22 AM (86zol)

148 I had a Finnish girlfriend once. She was gorgeous in everyway. She detested the Swedes, but I think the Russians even more. I never met a Dane that was likeable. Norwegians are amiable, but never new a non-Scandi to have a successful relationship with one. Scandanavia is just a "different" place.

Posted by: Buckeye Abroad at December 27, 2013 09:22 AM (Cq9jv)

149 The Swedish Chef makes teh meetballs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY_Yf4zz-yo

Posted by: grammie winger at December 27, 2013 09:22 AM (P6QsQ)

150 "Italians are the superior race Everyone knows that" We do have the largest average penis size in Europe and the Americas so we've got that going for us.

Posted by: Meremortal loves Roma at December 27, 2013 09:23 AM (1Y+hH)

151 I'm told that the almond wasn't actually found, I guess because no one went back for seconds. Posted by: tsrblke
........
Well.. you're supposed to eat all of it.. that's why you hide the almond.. so people keep eating it.. lol.. (I think). Like I said.. goofy.

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 27, 2013 09:23 AM (f9c2L)

152 Scandis! Scandis! Out! Out! Out!

Posted by: Bean Pies, ey? at December 27, 2013 09:23 AM (Qev5V)

153 You think Scandis are bad, try ticking off a drunk Finn. Friendly advice - locate the puukku before the test of strength.

Posted by: mrp at December 27, 2013 09:23 AM (HjPtV)

154 Puukko, that is.

Posted by: mrp at December 27, 2013 09:23 AM (HjPtV)

155 British food is excellent!

When compared with Welsh and Scottish food.

Posted by: bonhomme at December 27, 2013 01:20 PM (8ifMA)

---------------------------------------------

After sampling all three theories of cooking, I believe this statement to be true.

Posted by: Soona at December 27, 2013 09:23 AM (fv6BP)

156 or you've got your finger stuck in a dike. That's lovely compared to what I'll do to yuh. When I get ahold of you I'm gonna stick my thumb up your bum.

Posted by: Zombie Steve Irwin[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:24 AM (o4Xc4)

157 Is this the part where we say, "Bless their hearts"?

Posted by: Meremortal, viva Roma at December 27, 2013 09:25 AM (1Y+hH)

158 Not sure if any of you have seen this wonderful documentary about Scandi Midsummer celebrations: http://tinyurl.com/njsvyfb

Posted by: Vercingetorix at December 27, 2013 01:21 PM (zz2zO)

------------

Too funny!

BTW, the cabin in that video is a classic Swedish summer home. We have a nearly identical replica in the North Woods of the U.P.

FIL built it to honor his childhood home.

Posted by: grammie winger at December 27, 2013 09:26 AM (P6QsQ)

159 Chatting up a dolly in a bar, the conversation turned to Dutch Masters. I was holding my own for about 3 minutes, until I realized that she was talking about painters.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 27, 2013 09:26 AM (aDwsi)

160 This is award winning material from a bygone era. Heritage series, coming-to-America award winning.

Posted by: Fritz at December 27, 2013 09:28 AM (TKFmG)

161 That's lovely compared to what I'll do to yuh. When I get ahold of you I'm gonna stick my thumb up your bum. Posted by: Zombie Steve Irwin How you doin'?

Posted by: Stingray Union Local 38 shop steward at December 27, 2013 09:28 AM (naUcP)

162 Omg. This is one of my very favorites. I sent it to one of my mostly filthy scandi friends and he loved it. An AoS classic, definitely.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at December 27, 2013 09:28 AM (r+7wo)

163 That's lovely compared to what I'll do to yuh. When I get ahold of you I'm gonna stick my thumb up your bum. Posted by: Zombie ------------------------ Jack Horner? Is that you? I know it's you...

Posted by: The Pie at December 27, 2013 09:29 AM (aDwsi)

164 Not sure if any of you have seen this wonderful documentary about Scandi Midsummer celebrations:
===
One of the regulars here commented a while back that he lived close to where the ad was filmed.

Posted by: mrp at December 27, 2013 09:29 AM (HjPtV)

165 Still waiting for the Queen to make her Sigur Ros joke...the one with all the consonants. Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2013 01:21 PM (T8ED4) Now, now, now, I love Sigur Ros. I mean Kzklewqz isn't nearly as good as Vaewhhsz but it's almost up there with Kveikur and Twmmpn and ( ). Two of those are real btw. Annnnd now to fire up some Hoppipolla.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Now with extra taunting. at December 27, 2013 09:30 AM (VtjlW)

166 >>When compared with Welsh and Scottish food. Haggis. This is not the food of a civilized people.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 27, 2013 09:32 AM (g1DWB)

167 I'm descended from Samnites, who held central-east Italy. Rome did with them what Patton did with Metz, fired some shots, said fuck it and drove around the joint, leaving it sit. It's the only part of Italy never conquered by Rome. The Scandis never got to us either.

Posted by: Meremortal, viva Roma at December 27, 2013 09:32 AM (1Y+hH)

168 You think Scandis are bad, try ticking off a drunk Finn. Friendly advice - locate the puukku before the test of strength. Ja, Finns with a knife, but you repeat yourself.

Posted by: toby928© Texan by birth, Moron by the grace of Ace at December 27, 2013 09:33 AM (QupBk)

169 OT Has anyone here had Rotisserie Chicken from a vendor cooking by a road in Naples, Italy? If so, do you happen to have the recipe? It was the awesome!

Posted by: Ammo Dump at December 27, 2013 09:33 AM (GgPam)

170 How you doin'? You got lucky with that tiny prick!

Posted by: Zombie Steve Irwin[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:33 AM (A0glY)

171 OT Has anyone here had Rotisserie Chicken from a vendor cooking by a road in Naples, Italy? If so, do you happen to have the recipe? It was the awesome! Old family recipe. We make the rat look like chicken.

Posted by: Italian Rotisserie Guy[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:34 AM (A0glY)

172 I can't believe, with all these Youtubes, no one has brought this one up yet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPhTweUH4a8

Posted by: Caesar North of the Rubicon at December 27, 2013 09:34 AM (HubSo)

173 Busty Blonde Ruskie defines Wop and adding Ice as a prefix actually makes sense..

http://tinyurl.com/kfdsues

Posted by: The Hickster at December 27, 2013 09:35 AM (TI3xG)

174 Naples, Italy? Posted by: Ammo Dump at December 27, 2013 01:33 PM (GgPam) Over a dozen trips to Italy, and I avoid Naples like the plague. They like to have garbage strikes and burn the piles laying about the streets. Toxic. Vesuvius smells better, and the traffic is horrific even for Italy. From Rome, bypass Naples and turn right at the Amalfi coast, It is civilized, beautiful and features less pickpockets.

Posted by: Meremortal, viva Roma at December 27, 2013 09:38 AM (1Y+hH)

175 What this thread desperately needs is a song. Not just any song, but the Immigrant Song! http://youtu.be/sLV4T1Rl1-k Posted by: Count de Monet at December 27, 2013 01:24 PM (BAS5M) ******** That's not Scandi talent. This is Scandi talent. http://tinyurl.com/2tlv23

Posted by: YIKES! at December 27, 2013 09:38 AM (mETGQ)

176 Over a dozen trips to Italy, and I avoid Naples like the plague. They like to have garbage strikes and burn the piles laying about the streets. Toxic. Vesuvius smells better, and the traffic is horrific even for Italy.

From Rome, bypass Naples and turn right at the Amalfi coast, It is civilized, beautiful and features less pickpockets.

Posted by: Meremortal, viva Roma at December 27, 2013 01:38 PM (1Y+hH)

Was stationed there for 3 years in the mid-80s. Filthy place but the road chicken was great and cannot find a recipe for it.

Amalfi coast is beautiful!!

Posted by: Ammo Dump at December 27, 2013 09:40 AM (GgPam)

177

True Scandi story...

One of my sister's teachers went on a rant about all whites being slave owners in the past. Of course my sister didn't play along and insisted that our family never were slavers.

As the teacher kept on the same meme, my sis tells her "We are Norwegian and therefore Vikings. Our ancestors raided, raped and pillaged."

Posted by: PMRich at December 27, 2013 09:40 AM (KDUNf)

178 "Old family recipe. We make the rat look like chicken." Well, on second thought, if it's all that good maybe I would try sewer rat.

Posted by: Jules Winnfield at December 27, 2013 09:41 AM (VJetW)

179 I think they just charged a Sandie with a hate crime after he was caught playing the knock out game.

Posted by: Buffalobob at December 27, 2013 09:42 AM (RZBmV)

180 My Italian uncle used to remark that he was making 'wop' biscuits. I would just shake my head and chuckle. He would say, 'take the wrapper off of the can and wop them on the edge of the counter!'.

Posted by: Cicero Kid at December 27, 2013 09:42 AM (6fSty)

181 They like to have garbage strikes and burn the piles laying about the streets. AKA vast areas of Asia. Without the strikes I mean.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 27, 2013 09:42 AM (A0glY)

182 Posted by: PMRich at December 27, 2013 01:40 PM (KDUNf) Excellent!

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at December 27, 2013 09:49 AM (r+7wo)

183 OK. My all-time favorite Swedish video from the Eurovision 2009. The Russians were so incensed, Tingalin was awarded an official protest from the Russian embassy.

Two Swedes wander through Moskva's back streets ...

LINK: http://preview.tinyurl.com/c6y3nt

Posted by: mrp at December 27, 2013 09:50 AM (HjPtV)

184 as one of the uncolored people I can only say, "Burk ne ve der muniorn...here moo moo"

Posted by: sven10077 at December 27, 2013 10:40 AM (9jfyN)

185 Hilarious thread & comments

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 27, 2013 10:45 AM (HVff2)

186 And now you know.....

.... the rest of the story.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at December 27, 2013 10:57 AM (HRp/k)

187 No joke. When I was a kid and we had to go over to the east side of town, my dad (a German born and bred on the west side) would always say, "These crazy Swedes don't know how to drive!"

Posted by: CommonSenseMom at December 27, 2013 11:26 AM (0KGR9)

188 I made lefse for the first time this morning. It turned out great.

Posted by: Synova at December 27, 2013 11:46 AM (7/PU+)

189 effing puffin humpersÂ….

Posted by: stace at December 27, 2013 11:58 AM (9PXzx)

190 Aqua vit, you non-Scandi pussies...

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at December 27, 2013 12:41 PM (FtGAd)

191 Seven hundred and fifty words and not a single reference to the vile Scandi lutefisk fixation.

Posted by: Dirty Old Man at December 27, 2013 02:27 PM (Yv5v6)

192 I can't believe this hateful post was republished! I call upon my good friends at A&E to teach Ace a lesson in tolerance and respect 21st century style... by suspending his blog and forcing him to a sit-down discussion with offended Scandis everywhere in order to sort through the hard feelings and find common ground. Preferably over a dinner of salted ale and pickled venison.

I think this is a teachable moment, a time we should honestly ask ourselves questions like: Have I ever snickered at a blonde for taking the customary 20 minutes to double-park a Volvo? Have I too mocked the proud tradition of Swedish quartets who sing poorly translated gibberish set to disco pop while dressed as the spawn of Elvis and Liberace? If so, maybe you too need to undergo the new Phil Robertson Treatment.

Posted by: mark asread at December 27, 2013 02:44 PM (CtjOo)

193 You know why they calls 'em Pole er Bears don't cha? Cause them Reindeer rapists do 'em in the dog when they's hibernatin.

Posted by: TrueNorthist at December 27, 2013 03:55 PM (3Aixx)

194 _______________________________

As an American who has bonified Scandinavian roots (I'd say upwards of 80%), I can tell you without reservation that I was so offended at your tremendous Scandi-Hate Mongering that I absolutely laughed myself silly.

This was one of your funniest posts yet.
It caught me by total surprise, and I'm still giggling.

Posted by: _Dave_ at December 27, 2013 09:37 PM (07UzX)

195 Ace, You are generally funny, clever, and right on the money with your pointed barbs, but you utterly miss the boat here with your blatant racist otherizing. Frankly, it sickens me. Replace "Scandi" with "African American" or "Jew" and you will see what I mean. Did you mean to me satirical? Eh, I think not. The hatred in strong in you.

Posted by: Bjorn Hurdeever at December 28, 2013 02:32 AM (LQcUl)

196 In light of the humorous and exaggerated sarcasm, would my speculation that you may have Scandi roots be off base? I've heard a book/s worth of humorous, Scots-British insults based on my ancestry. No one mocks as well as the people who know themselves best. However, I will give a nod the Europeans' favorite past-time of stereotyping the natives of their neighboring countries. I found a book published in the 1800s which discribed typical ways Europeans labeled each other. For instance the British described Italians as "disorganized, irrational and emotionally hysterical". The French sniffed at the British for being "money-grubbing merchants who were emotional and sexual icebergs" -- and on and on... No wonder they spent several centuries fighting wars.

Posted by: I'd rather be surfin at December 28, 2013 07:38 PM (35iAt)

197 Funny and true- I read this post for the first time while trying to take a dump at the Norway pavilion at Epcot.

Posted by: Hunkie the Hungarian at December 30, 2013 03:18 AM (zTcy6)

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