Ace of Spades HQ

September 21, 2013

The Onion's Film Critic Reveals the Hidden Homoerotic Subtext of "Jaws"
— Ace

via @rdbrewer4, I don't know why this is supposed to be funny.

I thought it was all pretty obvious.

Posted by: Ace at 11:50 AM | Comments (69)
Post contains 41 words, total size 1 kb.

1 hehe, you're all over the place today entertainment theme threaded with the stupid ppl nice

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at September 21, 2013 11:54 AM (IXrOn)

2 I thought it was obvious just by the title.

Posted by: JoeyBagels at September 21, 2013 11:55 AM (pLAVO)

3 Hidden Homoerotic Subtext of "Jaws" I knew it was about homos.

Posted by: Alec Baldwin at September 21, 2013 11:57 AM (mETGQ)

4 nttawwt

Posted by: Y-not at September 21, 2013 11:58 AM (5H6zj)

5 Too much teeth in that shark's action.

Posted by: Hollywood Bigwig at September 21, 2013 12:01 PM (qPwal)

6 Dreyfuss should have been the first to go.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at September 21, 2013 12:02 PM (IXrOn)

7 This very interesting! I use tonight!

Posted by: Chinese State TV Anchor Sum Ting Wong at September 21, 2013 12:02 PM (Aif/5)

8 Brokeback Great White

Posted by: WalrusRex at September 21, 2013 12:03 PM (PjgvN)

9 Candygram!

Posted by: Candygram Delivery Boy at September 21, 2013 12:03 PM (Vk2pI)

10 I like it how the critic reviews it all very seriously in what I call the "NPR soothing tone" voice.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at September 21, 2013 12:03 PM (a4Omg)

11 A little mood music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFCZDNwomRA

Posted by: \m/ The Political Hat \m/ at September 21, 2013 12:04 PM (Vk2pI)

12 Be honest, this is really about Obama and Reggie Love, right?

Posted by: Generation Y at September 21, 2013 12:05 PM (rCS6C)

13 Dreyfuss should have been the first to go. In the book, his character was eaten by the shark before Shaw's character was.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at September 21, 2013 12:06 PM (kqqGm)

14 entertainment o/t Been watching the old series Afterlife with Lesley Sharp and Andrew Lincoln. Never saw Lesley Sharp before, and she's a superb actress. At least in this series she is (2005-2006). So much soccer today. Gaming (Today I'm an Archer, killing stuff). And, now college football. Full of the entertaining stuffies. And, junk food. We are rained in. It's nice.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at September 21, 2013 12:07 PM (IXrOn)

15 13 Yes,but in the book he also bangs the Chief's wife and is totally unlikeable.

Posted by: steevy at September 21, 2013 12:10 PM (9XBK2)

16 The Longest Day was about society building obstacles to keep men apart and how a few brave men blasted through those obstacle so they could do French.

Posted by: WalrusRex at September 21, 2013 12:10 PM (PjgvN)

17 Frankly the Quint in the book is an asshole,basically a bald sadist who likes to torture and kill sharks with no backstory reason like the one in the movie.

Posted by: steevy at September 21, 2013 12:11 PM (9XBK2)

18 steevy, from what I recall about the Chief's wife she was bunk material. And yes, Dreyfuss' character in the book was a total asshole.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at September 21, 2013 12:12 PM (kqqGm)

19 >>>I don't know why this is supposed to be funny. I thought it was all pretty obvious.

Yeah, a pretty pedestrian movie review, more like just a summary of what happened.

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 21, 2013 12:13 PM (Iyg03)

20 Also,the reason the Mayor wont shut down the beaches is because he owes money to the mob.Whole bunch of subplots not in the movie.

Posted by: steevy at September 21, 2013 12:15 PM (9XBK2)

21 Why are so many jumping all over me?

Posted by: The Shark at September 21, 2013 12:15 PM (qPwal)

22 I read the book years ago and can't recall it, but it sounds like they're all SOBs except the sheriff.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at September 21, 2013 12:15 PM (a4Omg)

23 I missed the part in the movie where chief Brody say's: "Where gonna need a bigger cock."

Posted by: Alec Baldwin at September 21, 2013 12:16 PM (mETGQ)

24 The harpoons you see over and over in the movie are a few of the many phallic symbols sprinkled throughout the plot that represent Brody's homosexuality.

Quint and Hooper metaphorically stick their "harpoons" into the manifestation of Brody's sexuality--and I would argue the reification of his penis--the shark.

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 21, 2013 12:18 PM (Iyg03)

25 I always suspected Spielberg was playing for the other team when he directed Dreyfuss in Close Encounters to fashion a colossal butte out mashed potatoes and gravy.

Posted by: Fritz at September 21, 2013 12:18 PM (oBz1n)

26 I missed the part in the movie where chief Brody say's: "Where gonna need a bigger cock."

He was using boat as a metaphor.

Posted by: John P. Squibob at September 21, 2013 12:18 PM (kqqGm)

27 deep

Posted by: Purp PhD/MD/Esq/Nobel Laureate[/i][/b][/u][/s] at September 21, 2013 12:19 PM (9MLX+)

28 Bigger cock needed? Count me in! Barry does not qualify though.

Posted by: Reggie Love at September 21, 2013 12:19 PM (6S4Ai)

29 All those kids on the beach...

Posted by: Harry Reid at September 21, 2013 12:19 PM (qPwal)

30 Disgusting. Al-Shabab press office is live tweeting their attack on the Mall in Kenya. @HSM_Press

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at September 21, 2013 12:19 PM (sCynV)

31 Sorry, my bad -- derp

Posted by: Purp PhD/MD/Esq/Nobel Laureate[/i][/b][/u][/s] at September 21, 2013 12:19 PM (9MLX+)

32 The barrels represent gonads. Notice that Hooper and Brody swim off into the sunset at the end, bookended by two gigantic gonads, signifying the "fertility" of their new relationship.

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 21, 2013 12:19 PM (Iyg03)

33 You can't keep the "barrels" down, just like you can't keep homosexuality down. It always comes to the surface.

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 21, 2013 12:20 PM (Iyg03)

34 In France it was called La Sharkcage a Folle.

Posted by: WalrusRex at September 21, 2013 12:20 PM (PjgvN)

35 IIRC the 1950's sci-fi film "Forbidden Planet" (which starred a very young, non-funny Leslie Nielsen, PBUH)) turned on a similar projection of a forbidden desire (a mad professor's, for his tasty looking daughter).

So...meh...to this Onion thing.

It's been done.

Posted by: Meretricious Persiflage at September 21, 2013 12:21 PM (A46zH)

36 At the rate we're going in the culture and despite "The Onion's" Parody, soon almost ALL movies will be considered to have a erotic subtext including "A Man For All Seasons", "The Apartment" and "Beach Blanket Bingo".

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at September 21, 2013 12:22 PM (a4Omg)

37 In a sense, Hooper, Quit, and even Brody spend most of the movie hunting Brody's sexuality.

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 21, 2013 12:22 PM (Iyg03)

38 Jaws is one of my all-time favorite movies, perhaps because I routinely frolic in the waters that the Great White calls home, and I will not accept the gay projection onto a classic hero's tale. Except for when I say frolic.

Posted by: Lincolntf at September 21, 2013 12:23 PM (ZshNr)

39 The reviewer completely avoided the volcano angle, which changes the symbolism completely from phallic to vaginal -- the three are in fact representing repressed lesbians seeking gender reassignment surgery so they can fully self-actualize and finally put the horror that nature afflicted them with at birth behind them.

Reviewer FAIL.

Posted by: Purp PhD/MD/Esq/Nobel Laureate[/i][/b][/u][/s] at September 21, 2013 12:24 PM (9MLX+)

40 "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." If that's not a "wink-wink" title I don't know what is.

Posted by: Broke-your-Back Mountin' at September 21, 2013 12:24 PM (qKpun)

41 I won't believe it until Ace writes a 2,000 word review to explain it.

Posted by: Liberty Lover at September 21, 2013 12:28 PM (QAShU)

42 I'm waiting for Mr. Clever Film Guy's review of Patton where he finds all the subliminal homosexuality present in the film. I'm waiting for it because my M4 Sherman tank has a squeak in the volute suspension, and I'm going to run him over with it and grease the treads of my tank with his living guts!

So get to reviewing, Mr. Precious. I'm waiting......

Posted by: General George S. Patton Jr. at September 21, 2013 12:30 PM (DLu2s)

43 I assumed all this obvious once I starred with Bill Murray in What About Cock.

Posted by: Richard Dreyfuss at September 21, 2013 12:31 PM (2LC34)

44 And who can forget Mr. Holland's Anus?

Posted by: R. Dreyfus at September 21, 2013 12:33 PM (9m1m4)

45 The station that broadcasts Wake Forest football just switched back to it's normal format. "Earth Angel, earth angel..."

Posted by: Lincolntf at September 21, 2013 12:34 PM (ZshNr)

46 One could also just as easily say that a Great White terrorizing coastal Massachusetts represented the Kennedy clan's insatiable need to victimize innocent co-eds.

One could.

Posted by: Fritz at September 21, 2013 12:34 PM (oBz1n)

47 And didn't anyone notice the subtext of <I>Close Encounters of the Turd Kind</I>?

Posted by: Richard Dreyfuss at September 21, 2013 12:35 PM (2LC34)

48 The mashed potatoes were dicks. Lots and lots of white, stubby dicks.

Posted by: Richard Dreyfuss at September 21, 2013 12:36 PM (2LC34)

49 The gravy was optional.

Posted by: Richard Dreyfuss at September 21, 2013 12:37 PM (2LC34)

50 Jaws is one of my all-time favorite movies, perhaps because I routinely frolic in the waters that the Great White calls home.... Posted by: Lincolntf at September 21, 2013 04:23 PM

I live less than two miles from Gloucester Harbor, and I never saw The Perfect Storm.

And I feel no shame about that.

Posted by: MrScribbler at September 21, 2013 12:40 PM (kaGpp)

51 Does this mean that "Sharknado" is actually about a Folsom Street fair style gay orgy???

Posted by: The Political Hat at September 21, 2013 12:41 PM (Vk2pI)

52 There are, after all, four types of people in society. 1. Gay people who accept their gayness. 2. Gay people who fight their gayness. 3. Straight people who accept their gayness And 4. Straight people who fight their gayness

Posted by: lefty economist at September 21, 2013 12:44 PM (l2AXh)

53 In Patton, the general gets a soldier's attention by barking, "Hey, handsome!" I'm not kidding, he does.

Posted by: Broke-your-Back Mountin' at September 21, 2013 12:45 PM (qKpun)

54 Whoa. Layers upon layers of metaphorical meaning. I can't wait to see the review on the homo-erotic undercurrents in the Godfather trilogy.

Posted by: Count de Monet at September 21, 2013 12:49 PM (BAS5M)

Does this mean that "Sharknado" is actually about a Folsom Street fair style gay orgy???

Wait till I come out (SWIDT?). The gay sharks are obvious by their use of teeth. Because, repression and stuff.

Posted by: Sharkgaydar at September 21, 2013 12:49 PM (2LC34)

56 Show us where the dolls eyes looked at you, Quint

Posted by: Young Quint's Social Worker at September 21, 2013 12:50 PM (/9IC1)

57 I read Perfect Storm when Sebastian Junger did a signing at the bookstore where I worked. Never saw the flick.

Posted by: Lincolntf at September 21, 2013 12:52 PM (ZshNr)

58 So the bridge in the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai represents sexual repression that needs to be destroyed before the enabling train of impotence carries vital war supplies that would enable the Imperial Japanese Army to continue to acting out in overcompensation for their small endowments?

Posted by: Count de Monet at September 21, 2013 12:59 PM (BAS5M)

59 The reason this isn't funny is because it's not far enough away from the truth. It wants to be absurd, but it's only absurd if Hollywood ISN'T full of gay subtext.

Sorry folks, it is.

With as many gay writers and gay actors and gay producers and gay directors, and gay everything running around there, movies are bound to have some gayness tossed in.

Problem is, with most movies, it has to be subversive, because they believe their movies wouldn't sell if it was more out in the open. And they're probably right.

So I don't really care much when I look at a boy/girl couple in some movie or tv show, and after recognizing the falseness of how they are acting with each other, realize it's some writer's gay relationship being played out, except with a boy and a girl.

Posted by: BurtTC at September 21, 2013 01:00 PM (BeSEI)

Posted by: BurtTC at September 21, 2013 05:00 PM (BeSEI)

The obvious reference to virgin gay buttsecks in First Blood is hardly subversive.

Posted by: CAC at September 21, 2013 01:06 PM (wQYe2)

61 Next they'll be saying there was a gay subtext in Top Gun. Seriously, when will they stop ramming us with this throbbing vanity?

Posted by: eman at September 21, 2013 01:08 PM (AO9UG)

62 60 -

Are you talking about the firehose scene? Honestly, I never thought of that one. I suppose you're right.

Posted by: BurtTC at September 21, 2013 01:10 PM (BeSEI)

63 Beach Bikini Blowout XIII, the gayest film ever.

Posted by: Lincolntf at September 21, 2013 01:10 PM (ZshNr)

64 Saving Private Ryan? Saving Private Ryan For Anal is more like it.

Posted by: Dr Spank at September 21, 2013 01:15 PM (qRasw)

65 42 I'm waiting for Mr. Clever Film Guy's review of Patton where he finds all the subliminal homosexuality present in the film. I'm waiting for it because my M4 Sherman tank has a squeak in the volute suspension, and I'm going to run him over with it and grease the treads of my tank with his living guts!

So get to reviewing, Mr. Precious. I'm waiting......

Posted by: General George S. Patton Jr. at September 21, 2013 04:30 PM (DLu2s)

We can start where Patton gets angry and tears down the picture of the hot naked chick from the soldiers' barracks at the beginning of the movie.

Posted by: AD at September 21, 2013 01:29 PM (NmpZu)

66 Or where he slaps a soldier...

Posted by: AD at September 21, 2013 01:32 PM (NmpZu)

67 Thank goodness that we have a sassy president that will let us all finally come out of the closet and celebrate his specialness.

Posted by: rub my winkie at September 21, 2013 01:47 PM (bUYX3)

68 Mary Ellen Moffat, she broke my heart

Posted by: ginaswo at September 21, 2013 02:51 PM (9faJ5)

69 "Apocalypse Now", forget about it.

Posted by: nip at September 21, 2013 03:07 PM (jI23+)

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