Ace of Spades HQ

December 26, 2013

TLC's New Time-Wasting "Reality" TV Show: "Sex Sent Me to the ER"
— Ace

What I really hate about the Internet and cheapo reality-tv wave is that it really makes it terribly easy to waste time.

Reality TV is so cheap to produce they can bang out a show about any premise. They don't need to draw in a large audience to make a profit. So that means they can micro-target whatever particular thing interests a niche audience.

Like the eight reality tv shows about auctioning off the contents of abandoned lockers. Or HGTV's and DIY's six thousand shows about home repair and flipping houses.

Cable TV is becoming more like the Internet -- a quickie burst of shallow information and entertainment which you need no context for, need no investment in, and which you can watch in five minute intervals and then just walk away.

And that makes it very, very good at providing people (like me) with a low-cost, low-investment way to waste precious time, never really realizing how much time is being wasted until one realizes one just spent five hours watching "Holmes Makes It Right."

So, anyway: Let TLC's new show about people who have sustained hospital-ready injuries from having sex waste your precious time for an hour a week.

Posted by: Ace at 01:04 PM | Comments (290)
Post contains 229 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Well this is TLC.

Posted by: Foghorn Leghorn at December 26, 2013 01:05 PM (DfNgy)

2 I thought Hoarders was bad enough.

Posted by: huerfano at December 26, 2013 01:06 PM (bAGA/)

3 There's nothing 'original' with this. This was the theme of Dragnet back in the 60's. From what I remember.

Posted by: Foghorn Leghorn at December 26, 2013 01:07 PM (DfNgy)

4 What.

Posted by: Brother Cavil at December 26, 2013 01:08 PM (naUcP)

5
Lulz, a perfect companion piece to Discovery's NAKED AND AFRAID.

Posted by: soothsayer at December 26, 2013 01:08 PM (Fely/)

6 All pixelation and bleep speech.

Posted by: DM at December 26, 2013 01:08 PM (D90Db)

7
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Posted by: the slide of civilization at December 26, 2013 01:08 PM (Ba6aP)

8 Isn't this a spinoff of Cops?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 26, 2013 01:09 PM (HVff2)

9 So.. whatever happened to that bill in Congress that would allow us to pick cable stations from an a la carte menu? Hmmm?

THAT would put an end to this shit in a heartbeat.

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 26, 2013 01:09 PM (f9c2L)

10 FFS

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 01:09 PM (JpFMR)

11 I can't wait for the very special "Mr. Hamster" episode.

Posted by: johnd01 at December 26, 2013 01:09 PM (ukNFU)

12 Episode 2 : The Case of the Corduroy Couch

Posted by: garrett at December 26, 2013 01:09 PM (V2m7a)

13 most of the people i know, I don't want to know jack shit about their sex lives

Posted by: Nevergiveup at December 26, 2013 01:09 PM (t3UFN)

14 Bah, I should have socked that one.

Posted by: johnd01 at December 26, 2013 01:09 PM (ukNFU)

15 And that makes it very, very good at providing people (like me) with a low-cost, low-investment way to waste precious time, So then I can blame you for this?? Outstanding.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 01:10 PM (JpFMR)

16 The only reality show I watch with any regularity is Survivor Man with Les Stroud. Les has starved on more continents than most pepople can name.

Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 01:10 PM (xWW96)

17 Remember when "TLC" meant "The Learning Channel"? Heck, Remember when A & E referred to "Arts and Entertainment"? Or when "MTV" referred to "Music Television"? *sigh*

Posted by: The Family Channel, now with 30% more necro-beastiality at December 26, 2013 01:10 PM (/YkzI)

18 So it's mostly about weird rectum insertions?

Posted by: Bosk at December 26, 2013 01:11 PM (n2K+4)

Next on The Loser Channel:

"I was painting naked on a ladder and fell off onto a hairbrush!"

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 01:11 PM (QuZie)

20 The week: I shoved a watermelon up my butt.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 01:11 PM (XUKZU)

21 Well Doc, I was standing on a chair changing a light bulb when I fell off. That string of pearls was laying on the ground where I fell and "Whoosh". Right up my ass. Some luck, huh?

Posted by: Gunslinger at December 26, 2013 01:12 PM (A0w8P)

22 I am a very shallow person. All I care about is sex. I am more interested in sex than in the Boston Red Sox, good Bordeaux or why Obamacare sucks. If someone uses the word "fap" I will click to see if there's something fapworthy. I hate that little scrunt Miley Cyrus, but the next time she takes her shirt off I will click on the link. This TLC thing is an achievement. They've created a whole show about sex that I have no interest in seeing.

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at December 26, 2013 01:12 PM (1xUj/)

23 It's like quit running around with that. You can poke an eye out with that if you're not careful.

Posted by: YIKES! at December 26, 2013 01:12 PM (mETGQ)

24 There's a show about people who remove unstable debris from the sides of roads. Unstable debris. Loose rocks and dirt, maybe a piece of wood.

Ace, we should pitch a show about blogging.

Typical action sequence: [Blogger lays on couch, typing. Turns to TV and shouts. Goes back to typing.] Dammit, Boehner!

Posted by: rdbrewer at December 26, 2013 01:12 PM (Iyg03)

25 A visit to the Burn Unit in Episode 4 : Toaster? I Hardly Know Her, or The Case of The Frosted Pop-Tart

Posted by: garrett at December 26, 2013 01:12 PM (V2m7a)

26
My aunt used to be an ER nurse and loves to tell this story. One evening an ambulance rolls up and unloads a gurney with a womans head face up at one end and a pair of feet pointing down at the other.

Turns out the boyfriend "hooked" his foreskin in his girlfriends IUD and could not "back out" of the deal.

Posted by: fixerupper at December 26, 2013 01:13 PM (nELVU)

27 Did you not listen to the hastily read disclaimers!? I SAID "Check with your doctor to see if you're healthy enough for sexual activity!" Did you listen? Nooooooooooo! -Cialis

Posted by: AMDG at December 26, 2013 01:13 PM (t7OO0)

28 "a perfect companion piece to Discovery's NAKED AND AFRAID."

Is that the one about middle school gym class showers?

Posted by: enquirer at December 26, 2013 01:13 PM (ndlFj)

29 I liked it better when it was called 1000 Ways to Die. Aside: I watched that show a couple of times, until I realized every single vignette had that stupid "morality play" bit tacked on so it was OK to root for the person to die. EG: The evil right wing idiot bumpkin Minuteman who was killed by a snake coiling through his trigger guard. Yay! The evil racist got killt!

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 01:13 PM (WhJf8)

30 The only reality show I watch with any regularity is Survivor Man with Les Stroud. Les has starved on more continents than most pepople can name. Posted by: maddogg
..........
Wow.. I had no idea he was back on TV. I used to watch him on Discovery and hoped he would come back.

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 26, 2013 01:13 PM (f9c2L)

31 I thought Naked and Afraid was about prison showers......

Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 01:14 PM (xWW96)

32 Is that the one about middle school gym class showers? Posted by: enquirer at December 26, 2013 05:13 PM (ndlFj) If it isn't, it should be. Some of the worst times in my life.

Posted by: MFM at December 26, 2013 01:14 PM (XIxXP)

33 "so, you say it's been like that for more than 4 hours? Hold on, let me get Nurse Michelle in here to help fix that for you."

Posted by: wiserbud at December 26, 2013 01:14 PM (NXg/k)

34 The theme song is "It's Not Broke But It's Badly Bent."

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 01:15 PM (XUKZU)

35 Thats unpossible, the only thing extra uterine is string... unless he was pierced and it snagged the string.

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 01:15 PM (QuZie)

36 one just spent five hours watching "Holmes Makes It Right." Was that awesome or what? Shit. Yeah. I was glad when it looped because I finally got to walk away.

Posted by: [/i][/b][/s]akula51 at December 26, 2013 01:15 PM (R5qgD)

37 Isn't this a spinoff of Cops? Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 26, 2013 05:09 PM (HVff2) But the cops will be investigating a couch rape incident.

Posted by: YIKES! at December 26, 2013 01:15 PM (mETGQ)

38 {i] I'm literally horrified What does that even mean? M contempt for the human race increases daily, and I've got my eye on hourly.

Posted by: pep at December 26, 2013 01:15 PM (6TB1Z)

39 The only reality TV that I bothered to try to watch was "Intervention," because there was a drinking game for it.

Posted by: The Ironic Hat at December 26, 2013 01:15 PM (/YkzI)

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 26, 2013 05:13 PM (f9c2L)

He's on the Science Channel. New episodes start Wednesday I think.

Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 01:15 PM (xWW96)

41 It would be a better show if they gave the 'victims' a sedative and then shipped them off to Cuba for a Third World treatment.

Posted by: garrett at December 26, 2013 01:15 PM (V2m7a)

42
When the reckoning comes...

all you'll hear is bullwhips cracking...screaming..

Posted by: the slide of civilization at December 26, 2013 01:16 PM (LVtr+)

43 Is Saffron, Space Whore finally getting green-lit?

Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at December 26, 2013 01:16 PM (E8IHS)

44 "Cable TV is becoming more like the Internet -- a quickie burst of shallow information and entertainment which you need no context for, need no investment in, and which you can watch in five minute intervals and then just walk away."

Oh, it'll get worse. Your attention spans are being meticulously abbreviated every day. We want you to be neural impulses connected to your bank account.

Posted by: Advertisers-R-Us at December 26, 2013 01:16 PM (eHIJJ)

45 The only reality TV that I bothered to try to watch was "Intervention," because there was a drinking game for it. Posted by: The Ironic Hat at December 26, 2013 05:15 PM (/YkzI) LOL, that's some irony.

Posted by: MFM at December 26, 2013 01:16 PM (XIxXP)

46 Million to one shot, Doc. Million to one.

Posted by: Frank Costanza at December 26, 2013 01:16 PM (V2m7a)

47 One more stupidity taking audiences away from our purported elites. Now I'm all conflicted.

Posted by: Decaf at December 26, 2013 01:16 PM (0gUvv)

48 >>Toaster? I Hardly Know Her Toasters are yesterday's news. A man allegedly caught Â“humpingÂ” the window of a Seattle sandwich shop Â— to the horror of individuals inside Â— now faces felony indecent exposure charges. http://tinyurl.com/m6yye35

Posted by: JackStraw at December 26, 2013 01:17 PM (g1DWB)

49 Off dirty MFM sock.

Posted by: Oldsailors Poet Palin/Bolton 2016 at December 26, 2013 01:17 PM (XIxXP)

50 29 The only reality show I watch with any regularity is Survivor Man with Les Stroud. Les has starved on more continents than most pepople can name. Posted by: maddogg .......... Wow.. I had no idea he was back on TV. I used to watch him on Discovery and hoped he would come back. Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 26, 2013 05:13 PM (f9c2L) I can't stand him. An idiot. Makes shit a thousand times harder than it needs to be. Last episode I watched, he started his fire way away from his camp and then had to run a burning brand back. Then he built the fire up under part of the shelter he had built. Which was wood. Shockingly enough, he set his shelter on fire.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 01:17 PM (JpFMR)

51 I thought it was the Irony of Ironies (lost on DiY of course) that the whole theme of the show is basically "this is what happens when you (or some idiot unvetted contractor) do/does it yourself and I have to come and fix it, dumbass." Perfect programming for the "Do It Yourself" Network, right? (like I said earlier)

Posted by: [/i][/b][/s]akula51 at December 26, 2013 01:18 PM (R5qgD)

52 In the ER, nobody can hear you scream. Well they can hear you, they just don't care.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 01:18 PM (XUKZU)

53 Sex changes are covered under obamacare, but are sex accidents?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at December 26, 2013 01:18 PM (t3UFN)

54 I'll stick to moonshiners.

Posted by: Oldsailors Poet Palin/Bolton 2016 at December 26, 2013 01:18 PM (XIxXP)

55 Bullshit Ace, you love it. Love it!!

Posted by: prescient11 at December 26, 2013 01:19 PM (tVTLU)

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 05:17 PM (JpFMR)

Thats why I like the show. Les doesn't cover his fuck ups. I take it you like your reality staged.

Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 01:19 PM (xWW96)

57 I take it you like your reality staged. Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 05:19 PM (xWW96) No, I like people to not be idiots.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 01:20 PM (JpFMR)

58 I demand they start-up "Strip Solitaire at the Playboy Mansion"

Posted by: The Reality Hat at December 26, 2013 01:20 PM (/YkzI)

59 It was a Fusilli Jerry, Doc. Million to one shot. Million to one.

Posted by: Life of Cosmo at December 26, 2013 01:20 PM (eHIJJ)

Why do people need reality shows to begin with? I mean, are they so out of touch with reality that they need a tv show to convince them it exists?

I have never gotten bug for them. Even Duck Dynasty.

Posted by: Soona at December 26, 2013 01:20 PM (QSL7Q)

61 A man allegedly caught Â“humpingÂ” the window of a Seattle sandwich shop Â— to the horror of individuals inside Â— now faces felony indecent exposure charges.
-
That's crazy. Now if it were a pizzeria, that's another thing.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 01:20 PM (XUKZU)

62 ...or they could sedate the patients and take them to a Evangelical Faith Healer?

Posted by: garrett at December 26, 2013 01:20 PM (V2m7a)

63
Hey... Rocky... watch me pull this rabbit back out of my ass.

Posted by: Bullwinkle at December 26, 2013 01:20 PM (nELVU)

64 I would like to see the "best of youtube" channel. All it would be is non-stop showings of the "FAIL!" Compilation, Funniest Cats, and Best NutShotz, round and round the clock. It would be a megahit.

Posted by: Tom Servo at December 26, 2013 01:20 PM (8Fa5Z)

I go to the ER for sex because that is where all the comatose women are taken.

Posted by: Ammo Dump at December 26, 2013 01:21 PM (GgPam)

66 'Gerbils OUT!'

Posted by: FAith Healer at December 26, 2013 01:21 PM (V2m7a)

67 No, I like people to not be idiots.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 05:20 PM (JpFMR)

Les is far from an idiot. It takes guts to do what he does. And he is good at it.

Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 01:21 PM (xWW96)

68 So, no Hot Not Chick's Douchebags show. Yet.

Posted by: YIKES! at December 26, 2013 01:22 PM (mETGQ)

69 When the reckoning comes...

all you'll hear is bullwhips cracking...screaming..

Go on...

Posted by: Blanco Basura at December 26, 2013 01:22 PM (4WhSY)

70 The only reality show I watch with any regularity is Survivor Man with Les Stroud. Les has starved on more continents than most peopple can name. Hate hate HATE that show. Every time he bitches about having to film his exploits I scream inside, "You brag about this being the reason to watch you. You're really alone, right, that's supposed to be your hook!" And the fact that he only "survives" because he's got fat storage from when he's not "surviving". If he were stuck in the wild for three or four weeks, he'd be dead. He never rustles up enough food!

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 01:22 PM (WhJf8)

71 I like people to not be idiots.
-
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 01:23 PM (XUKZU)

72 "Hey Reggie, Check out this new TV series, don't you dare contact them 'til I'm outta office."

Posted by: broco bomba at December 26, 2013 01:23 PM (J8TNb)

73 Dear TLC: I never thought I would be writing to you. It all started with that fateful decision I made years before, to install berber carpet.....

Posted by: BurtTC at December 26, 2013 01:23 PM (xCw24)

74 The judge shows are the ones that snared my parents.

Myself, I'm holding out for Lions And Democrats, held in a Roman style arena. Someone give me a head's up when that one debuts, please.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 26, 2013 01:23 PM (wNF3N)

A Dingo Ate My Penis! New this fall on TLC.

Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at December 26, 2013 01:24 PM (jucos)

76 Speaking of getting fucked up the ass: Iran producing new generation of centrifuges Published: 12.27.13, 00:10 / Israel News Ali Akbar Salehi, head of the Atomic Energy Organization of Iran, said that Iran is producing a new generation of centrifuges, "and another round of tests will be made before proceeding to mass production." He said that Iran now has 19,000 centrifuges and is "able to produce its own nuclear fuel", Press TV reports. Behrouz Kamalvandi, spokesman for the Iranian organization, said that the new development is an expression of Iranian policy to further improve production and enrichment capacity. (Ynet) Way to go obama

Posted by: Nevergiveup at December 26, 2013 01:25 PM (t3UFN)

77
Myself, I'm holding out for Lions And Democrats, held in a Roman style arena. Someone give me a head's up when that one debuts, please.
-
Let's throw Harry Reid in and see how he feels about a filibuster then.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 01:25 PM (XUKZU)

78 I'm still waiting for Epic Slap Fights.

Posted by: YIKES! at December 26, 2013 01:25 PM (mETGQ)

79 Hate hate HATE that show. Every time he bitches about having to film his exploits I scream inside, "You brag about this being the reason to watch you. You're really alone, right, that's supposed to be your hook!" And the fact that he only "survives" because he's got fat storage from when he's not "surviving". If he were stuck in the wild for three or four weeks, he'd be dead. He never rustles up enough food!

Posted by: bonhomme at December 26, 2013 05:22 PM (WhJf

Thats right, chances are if he was stuck for a month he could well starve to death. So would you. So would I. Gives you an appreciation for the people who actually lived under those conditions, and an insight into why they often died in childhood or before their time. It's tough out there, and if you think not, you are bullshitting yourself.

Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 01:26 PM (xWW96)

80 Sex Sent Me To The Poor House-any Jerry springer show guest

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 26, 2013 01:27 PM (HVff2)

81 Zip it with the down-twinkles, Ace. This show is the best shot I have at ever being on national TV and I'm gonna do my best to make it happen!

Posted by: innominatus at December 26, 2013 01:27 PM (y/xlI)

82 Every time some chick complains about me splattering all over her face, I have to explain to her..."it could be worse, you could be in reality TV"

Posted by: Baxter Megajunk, Porn Idol at December 26, 2013 01:27 PM (o+SC1)

83 "What I really hate about the Internet and cheapo reality-tv wave is that it really makes it terribly easy to waste time." So this post is a double win?

Posted by: Meremortal, gaaahh at December 26, 2013 01:27 PM (1Y+hH)

84
Tune in to next weeks episodes titled "Who Knew Baby Calves had Teeth" and "Ben Gay is REAAALLY Hot".

Posted by: fixerupper at December 26, 2013 01:27 PM (nELVU)

85 I go to the ER for sex because that is where all the comatose women are taken.
-
Yeah, that what the guy who drove the Pussy Wagon thought as he was banging the Bride.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 01:27 PM (XUKZU)

86 If I understand you correctly, my years-long boycott of TV is not having the desired effect. They just have to dumb and dumberer it down even further.

Posted by: t-bird at December 26, 2013 01:28 PM (FcR7P)

87 "That's right, chances are if he was stuck for a month he could well starve to death. So would you. So would I." He's supposed to be an expert woodsman. And he's supposed to consult with experts before going into a particular environment. Then why does he never EVER manage to provide himself a diet that would sustain him?

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 01:28 PM (WhJf8)

88 At least tell me the theme song for the show is "Love Will Tear it Apart" by Joy Division?

Posted by: BurtTC at December 26, 2013 01:28 PM (xCw24)

89 There was a show with this guy named Will. He would do special ops rescues and missions with actors playing victims against real Marines, Green Barets SEALs etc. I liked that show. I liked him.

Posted by: Oldsailors Poet Palin/Bolton 2016 at December 26, 2013 01:28 PM (XIxXP)

90 Most reality shows could be titled "Dork". Or, "Dorks".

Posted by: Soona at December 26, 2013 01:28 PM (QSL7Q)

91 Food is a low end priority in a survival situation.

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 01:29 PM (QuZie)

92 At least tell me the theme song for the show is "Love Will Tear it Apart" by Joy Division?

More likely to be King Missle's "Detachable Penis".

Posted by: Blanco Basura at December 26, 2013 01:29 PM (4WhSY)

93 Just more fodder for my combination entertainment and education extravaganza regarding the first two decades of the Twenty-First Century: DUMBASS! The Musical

Posted by: Brother Cavil at December 26, 2013 01:30 PM (naUcP)

94 Speargun Hunter is still the best show on tv.

Posted by: garrett at December 26, 2013 01:30 PM (V2m7a)

95 Unless the Er nurses are hot and naked. I can come up with no sex act that would be hot to see undone.

Posted by: The Hickster at December 26, 2013 01:30 PM (TI3xG)

96 Les Stroud does the only survival show that involves actual survival. Sometimes if he makes fire the hard way he tells you "I have an easier way, too, but if I didn't have that I could do this", and then makes fire by hitting a rabbit with a hammer or something. The Dual Survival idiots galumph about making shelters and crawling in, but they never tell you the next day that the night was cold and difficult because they were back in their trailers as soon as the scene was cut. Les wakes up in the middle of the night and says he's cold and wet and miserable. Bear Grylls is the same. "Here's how I would eat a scorpion if I had to", then makes a pissy face. Les Stroud eats scorpions when he's been in the desert for three days without food and when he eats them he's really happy to have some nice desert lobster on a fire stick. I have a different beef with the Naked and Afraid people. They demonstrate no actual survival, so it's about being naked outdoors. Which is great, I love being naked outdoors. So, they're all naked but all of the sex bits on their front sides get pixellated. Their backsides get shown. I know that censorship is an evolving thing. Buttocks used to be off limits too. Heck, I Dream of Jeannie couldn't show her navel. But what committee got together and said "OK, butts are an evolving societal norm but nipples are still Satan's plaything"?

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at December 26, 2013 01:30 PM (1xUj/)

97 Food is a low end priority in a survival situation. Water Shelter Fire Food If by low end you mean the last of the very most basic things, sure.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 01:31 PM (WhJf8)

98 He's supposed to be an expert woodsman. And he's supposed to consult with experts before going into a particular environment. Then why does he never EVER manage to provide himself a diet that would sustain him?

Posted by: bonhomme at December 26, 2013 05:28 PM (WhJf

He can only provide enough food if there is plenty of food to be had with minimal tools. Remember, he has only a multitool, and little else. No stored food from times of plenty. Ususlly no firearm, no fishing equipment, no shelter, no matches, no nothing. Thats how you do when you go with nothing, as in accidentially stranded, as he depicts.

Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 01:31 PM (xWW96)

99 Remember when there were TV shows that reported actual current events? They called them news reports. Those were the first reality shows. It's been all downhill from there.

Posted by: Meremortal, gaaahh at December 26, 2013 01:32 PM (1Y+hH)

100 Idiocracy comes closer to realization every day.

Posted by: Kreplach at December 26, 2013 01:33 PM (Xkr8I)

101 25 My aunt used to be an ER nurse and loves to tell this story. One evening an ambulance rolls up and unloads a gurney with a womans head face up at one end and a pair of feet pointing down at the other. Turns out the boyfriend "hooked" his foreskin in his girlfriends IUD and could not "back out" of the deal. Posted by: fixerupper at December 26, 2013 05:13 PM (nELVU) Circumcision, it's not just for joos anymore

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 26, 2013 01:33 PM (HVff2)

102 You could take on of those super fatties from the biggest loser and drop them into the middle of nowhere, then come back every few days for a weigh in.

Posted by: Oldsailors Poet Palin/Bolton 2016 at December 26, 2013 01:33 PM (XIxXP)

103 It's 'TLC' so it will be ok to show this during preschool.

Posted by: Libtard teacher at December 26, 2013 01:33 PM (6fSty)

104 then makes fire by hitting a rabbit with a hammer

That actually never works, but I still enjoy doing it now and again.

Posted by: Les Stroud at December 26, 2013 01:33 PM (NXg/k)

105 then makes fire by hitting a rabbit with a hammer That actually never works, but I still enjoy doing it now and again. Posted by: Les Stroud at December 26, 2013 05:33 PM (NXg/k) Who doesn't? *fap*fap*fap*

Posted by: Elmer Fudd at December 26, 2013 01:34 PM (/YkzI)

106 I waste more time than I will admit but I can assure you that unless by some miracle there is a live-blogging event of an episode, I will never lose an hour to that mess. Recently I have found that the very best shows on t.v. are Showtime series.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 26, 2013 01:35 PM (DmNpO)

107

Now if they had a survivor episode on Mars I might tune in.

"Fuck food. I need AIR"!

Posted by: Soona at December 26, 2013 01:35 PM (QSL7Q)

108

That structure is also old school fail. Proper based on research since the 70's:

1. Clear thought

2. First aid (specifically bleeding control and infection risk minimization)

3. Temp control + Shelter

4. Signaling

5. Water

7. Food

Survival after 72 hours falls through the floor in all situations and environments. Not boiling/freezing and getting found is job 1.

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 01:35 PM (QuZie)

109 "Hey Reggie-kins, Is Kumquat really a word?" " Who invented them ?"

Posted by: broco bomba at December 26, 2013 01:35 PM (J8TNb)

110 Ever make fire with a couple of sticks? It ain't easy, even when the proper raw materials are available. I saw Les take 5 1/2 hours to get a fire going before. Thats how it works in the real world.

Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 01:35 PM (xWW96)

111 My modest suggestion for the most utterly ridiculous "reality TV" show on air?

The White House press corps.

Posted by: torquewrench at December 26, 2013 01:36 PM (gqT4g)

112

>>Speargun Hunter is still the best show on tv.

.I dropped my brand spanking new $125 speargun on a dive when I was stationed at GITMO. Never found it and we dove a couple more times around that spot looking for it. I was Pi$$ed and never got to fire a bolt from it.

Posted by: Registered Voter at December 26, 2013 01:36 PM (0DC/m)

113 The last 'reality TV' that I truly enjoyed was the Barney Cam.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 01:37 PM (aDwsi)

114

Next on The Loser Channel:

"I was a teenage LSD chemist sex addict pre-school teacher Christian wannabe!"

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 01:37 PM (QuZie)

115 109 Ever make fire with a couple of sticks? It ain't easy, even when the proper raw materials are available. I saw Les take 5 1/2 hours to get a fire going before. Thats how it works in the real world. Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 05:35 PM (xWW96) I'm willing to bet most Boy Scouts could do better than 5 1/2 hours. If it takes you that long to start a fire, you're not living up to the name of the show.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 01:37 PM (JpFMR)

116 He can only provide enough food if there is plenty of food to be had with minimal tools. Remember, he has only a multitool, and little else. No stored food from times of plenty. Usually no firearm, no fishing equipment, no shelter, no matches, no nothing. That's how you do when you go with nothing, as in accidentally stranded, as he depicts. Different strokes I guess. I'd rather watch a "survival" show where they actually show you how to do/make what you need to survive. Maybe make a fishing hook from the bones of the rabbit he caught using a snare. And how to find a game trail. And how to make a fire near your shelter without setting it on fire. Seems he likes to focus on bitching about how cold he is or how he has to make two trips on the same trail to get a shot. (Did you know he has no camera man!)

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 01:37 PM (WhJf8)

117

Can we rub Jay Carny and Dick Morris together and start a fire?

Ya, but they won't fess up to it in public...

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 01:38 PM (QuZie)

118 OK, we're over 100 so I am going to post this interesting (I think) OT:

A federal agent who exposed the Justice DepartmentÂ’s flawed gun-trafficking investigation known as Operation Fast and Furious says the FBI played a key role in events leading to the 2010 murder near Nogales, Ariz., of U.S. Border Patrol Agent Brian Terry.

John Dodson, a special agent with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, contends that the bandits who killed Terry were working for FBI operatives and were sent to the border to do a drug rip-off using intelligence from the federal Drug Enforcement Administration.

Â“I donÂ’t think the (FBI) assets were part of the rip-off crew,Â” Dodson said. Â“I think they were directing the rip crew.Â”

http://tinyurl.com/mypxq64

Curiouser and curiouser. Well, not to the MBM. It seems the FBI was giving intel to Mexican drug gangs so that they could rob other drug gangs for the purpose of giving street cred to their spies at the same time that the BATF were supplying firearms to Mexican drug gangs to . . . Oh hell, I give up.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 01:38 PM (XUKZU)

119
We've become a society of voyeurs and attention-seekers.

Posted by: the slide of civilization at December 26, 2013 01:38 PM (DlaLh)

120 .I dropped my brand spanking new $125 speargun on a dive when I was stationed at GITMO. Never found it and we dove a couple more times around that spot looking for it. I was Pi$$ed and never got to fire a bolt from it. Posted by: Registered Voter --------------- Oh! So you're the one that lost...... Nevermind. I don't know anything about it.

Posted by: Whistling Innocently at December 26, 2013 01:38 PM (aDwsi)

121 I'm willing to bet most Boy Scouts could do better than 5 1/2 hours.

If it takes you that long to start a fire, you're not living up to the name of the show.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 05:37 PM (JpFMR)

That statement is pure horse shit. Is that the best you got?

Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 01:38 PM (xWW96)

122 Maybe make a fishing hook from the bones of the rabbit he caught using a snare.

Or hit with a hammer.

I really prefer that method.

Posted by: Les Stroud at December 26, 2013 01:39 PM (NXg/k)

123 Different strokes I guess. I'd rather watch a "survival" show where they actually show you how to do/make what you need to survive. Maybe make a fishing hook from the bones of the rabbit he caught using a snare. And how to find a game trail. And how to make a fire near your shelter without setting it on fire. Or how to make a spear without using your knife to cut down a branch, shape it, split one end and then use 47 feet of string and 27 different knots to tie the knife into the split end.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 01:39 PM (JpFMR)

124 It all started when that Cpt. Kirk killed that fucking gorn.

Posted by: Soona at December 26, 2013 01:40 PM (QSL7Q)

125 Is that the best you got? Posted by: maddogg at December 26, 2013 05:38 PM (xWW96) Didn't realize it was a competition.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 01:40 PM (JpFMR)

126 I'm willing to bet most Boy Scouts could do better than 5 1/2 hours. *Raises hand.* 45 minutes in the Pacific Northwest woods with wet wood everywhere.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 01:41 PM (WhJf8)

127 Remember when the Lefties liked to pretend that they wanted people out of their bedrooms?

Posted by: Colorado Alex at December 26, 2013 01:41 PM (vyobY)

128 I dropped my brand spanking new $125 speargun on a dive when I was stationed at GITMO. Never found it and we dove a couple more times around that spot looking for it. I was Pi$$ed and never got to fire a bolt from it.

I dropped my dive light while diving in Long Island Sound. It was lit when I dropped in. Depth was maybe 30'.

We dove straight down and circled for about 15 minutes and never found it.

A lit flashlight.

Posted by: wiserbud at December 26, 2013 01:42 PM (NXg/k)

129 Did you spend 5 1/2 hours watching him trying to start a fire ?

Posted by: smokey tb at December 26, 2013 01:42 PM (J8TNb)

130 Flipping Las Vegas > The Big Bang Theory.

Posted by: Dr Spank at December 26, 2013 01:42 PM (xlX1p)

131 Ace, Time to do your sublime gig on cascade preference and the power of a plurality.

Posted by: Mt Top Patriot at December 26, 2013 01:43 PM (UofT+)

132 45 minutes in the Pacific Northwest woods with wet wood everywhere. Posted by: bonhomme -------------- That's why a survival manual is important, you can use the dry paper to start a fire.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 01:43 PM (aDwsi)

133 Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker

Posted by: wooga at December 26, 2013 01:43 PM (2qbmc)

134 I'm willing to bet most Boy Scouts could do better than 5 1/2 hours. *Raises hand.* 45 minutes in the Pacific Northwest woods with wet wood everywhere. Posted by: bonhomme at December 26, 2013 05:41 PM (WhJf Yah, but you didn't have to lug around a big camera...

Posted by: The Survival Hat at December 26, 2013 01:44 PM (/YkzI)

135 I was at a Christmas party and met someone involved with a reality show. His show has been aired but was pulled and is being reshot with some new "characters". Each cast member is making roughly $4K an episode with the producers splitting close to $2 Million. And this is for an unknown show without a popular following. THAT is why there are so many of these shows.

Posted by: Daybrother at December 26, 2013 01:44 PM (aziHc)

136 Reality is tough enough without watching goofy people acting up for chump change and an audience.

Posted by: mrp at December 26, 2013 01:45 PM (HjPtV)

137 Cable TV is becoming more like the Internet Cable is like restaurants around here. Be "new" and get on the lunchtime or dinner circuit for a while. When things start to fade, remodel and rename.

Posted by: t-bird at December 26, 2013 01:45 PM (FcR7P)

138 45 minutes in the Pacific Northwest woods with wet wood everywhere. Where did you get the rabbit?

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at December 26, 2013 01:46 PM (1xUj/)

139 Yah, but you didn't have to lug around a big camera...

or a hammer.

WHAT WAS THAT?

was that a rabbit?

Posted by: Les Stroud at December 26, 2013 01:46 PM (NXg/k)

140

>>I dropped my dive light while diving in Long Island Sound. It was lit when I dropped in. Depth was maybe 30'.

We dove straight down and circled for about 15 minutes and never found it.

A lit flashlight.

.OK, I don't feel so bad now, but I am still out $125 and it was a virgin gun, never fired a shot.

Posted by: Registered Voter at December 26, 2013 01:46 PM (0DC/m)

141 That's why a survival manual is important, you can use the dry paper to start a fire. Plus a blast match and that weird soap looking stuff that will burn while floating on water. My 45 minute bow and stick fire was using some old man's beard moss I found in the branches. And it was raining until ten minutes before I started.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 01:46 PM (WhJf8)

142
There is a simple test to determine if the Left approves of something or not? All it is is a question:

Does This Fuck With Normal Or Does It Reinforce Normal?

Posted by: soothie at December 26, 2013 01:46 PM (BUcLz)

143 Oh. My. Gosh.

135 comments deep, and I can't find a single reference to next season's reality-show premiere, "Ow! My Balls!"

Come ON, you guys. We're slipping.

Posted by: Keith Arnold at December 26, 2013 01:46 PM (AWj2Z)

144 OT: This "starting a fire with a rabbit and a hammer" meme is making me laugh for some reason.

Posted by: t-bird at December 26, 2013 01:47 PM (FcR7P)

145 132 45 minutes in the Pacific Northwest woods with wet wood everywhere. Posted by: bonhomme -------------- That's why a survival manual is important, you can use the dry paper to start a fire. Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 05:43 PM (aDwsi) That was a chuckle. I didn't know this Stroud guy was such a decisive fellow

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 26, 2013 01:48 PM (HVff2)

146 Maybe they could do one of these shows about Michelle and Barack.

Posted by: Caliban at December 26, 2013 01:48 PM (2ArJQ)

147 Does This Fuck With Normal Or Does It Reinforce Normal? Would it piss Daddy off?

Posted by: t-bird at December 26, 2013 01:48 PM (FcR7P)

148 Who doesn't?

*fap*fap*fap* Posted by: Elmer Fudd

Can it please be duck season now?

Posted by: Bugs's tire cottontail[/i][/b][/s] at December 26, 2013 01:49 PM (DL2i+)

149 "Where did you get the rabbit?" Was it one of them Beveryly Hills Giant jackrabbits? We got 'em! http://tinyurl.com/n8waeaj

Posted by: Granny Clampett at December 26, 2013 01:49 PM (6fSty)

150 When we are visiting my SIL, she invariably watches some painfully stupid show called (?) 'Buy This Dress', or something like that. It is about the shallowest, most vapid women imaginable, shopping for wedding dresses. Just walking through the room while she is watching that, without making a scathing observation is extremely difficult. Oh..., and she is gleefully looking forward to voting for Hillary.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 01:49 PM (aDwsi)

151 I just bought a magnesium fire starter block and striker for $3.99; it weighs about an ounce. Into the bugout bag it went.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 26, 2013 01:50 PM (wNF3N)

152
Does this Fuck With The Church?

Does this confuse young people?

Posted by: soothie at December 26, 2013 01:50 PM (8dspl)

153 No stored food from times of plenty. Ususlly no firearm, no fishing equipment, no shelter, no matches, no nothing. Thats how you do when you go with nothing, as in accidentially stranded, as he depicts. Posted by: maddogg Really? Where and how in the hell would you ever "wake up" out in the middle of nowhere with just a Leatherman? No gun, no firestarter, no food, etc? Headed out camping would have everything & more. Accidentally stranded in my truck would have more.

Posted by: rickb223 at December 26, 2013 01:50 PM (t+DWU)

154 Maybe they could do one of these shows about Michelle and Barack.
-
Celebrity Deathmatch?

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 01:50 PM (XUKZU)

155
"Gregg, who was 440 pounds at the time, and Jennifer were having sex for the first time when disaster struck! In the throes of passion, Gregg sent Jennifer's head through a wall."

http://tinyurl.com/knwcsej

Toasty!

Finish her!

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at December 26, 2013 01:50 PM (kdS6q)

156 It occurs to me that there might be a counter to the 'Buy This Dress' show, called 'Buy This Gun'.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 01:50 PM (aDwsi)

157 That was a chuckle. I didn't know this Stroud guy was such a decisive fellow Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 26, 2013 05:48 PM (HVff2) Lol. I'm just not a fan. The wife and I just marvel at some of the stuff he does. I mean, he made a shelter out of branches, logs, etcÂ….and then built his fire right underneath part of the overhang.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 01:50 PM (JpFMR)

158 135 comments deep, and I can't find a single reference to next season's reality-show premiere, "Ow! My Balls!"

THREAD WINNA!

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 01:51 PM (QuZie)

159
Does this cause young people to doubt the teachings of their parents?

Posted by: soothie at December 26, 2013 01:51 PM (xIzGn)

160 Different strokes I guess. I'd rather watch a "survival" show where they actually show you how to do/make what you need to survive.>>

As a kid my father got the Foxfire books and we would try out the skills taught in them. He also got me on a book of the month club from Outdoor Life about survival/hunting/woods stuff.

Which mostly taught me the same thing the Boy Scouts Motto says. Be Prepared. Don't go out into the wild without some basics like matches, a multitool, candybars...

Posted by: The Hickster at December 26, 2013 01:51 PM (TI3xG)

161 OT: the pajama boy look can actually be pulled off: http://tinyurl.com/lm7bk5u What? I actually have to say "Christina Hendricks" to get you to click?

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at December 26, 2013 01:51 PM (1xUj/)

162 One more reason why Ace needs a doggeh.

Posted by: Bean Pies, ey? at December 26, 2013 01:51 PM (Qev5V)

163 Where and how in the hell would you ever "wake up" out in the middle of nowhere with just a Leatherman?
-
Just after the tractor beam, the space ride, the anal probology, and the amnesia inducing drugs.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 01:52 PM (XUKZU)

164 Les Stroud: "Here's how it's supposed to work." *shows video of it not working* Audience: "I've learned nothing." Stroud: "Boy my camera's heavy."

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 01:52 PM (WhJf8)

165 Here's an easy way to tell if your favorite Reality TV show is phony, scripted bullshit.

Is the show "Cops"?

If you answered "yes", it is (mostly) not fake.
If you answered "no", then it is fake.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 26, 2013 01:52 PM (SY2Kh)

166 "Really? Where and how in the hell would you ever "wake up" out in the middle of nowhere with just a Leatherman?" ...they did sexual things to me, then dropped me off in the wilderness.

Posted by: Abducted by Aliens at December 26, 2013 01:52 PM (6fSty)

167 .OK, I don't feel so bad now, but I am still out $125 and it was a virgin gun, never fired a shot.

Posted by: Registered Voter at December 26, 2013 05:46 PM (0DC/m)

------------------------------------------------

My BC malfunctioned over a 1000 ft wall one time. Started sinking like a rock until I dropped my weights. I'm afraid if I would have sunk to the bottom no one would have found me either.

Posted by: Soona at December 26, 2013 01:52 PM (QSL7Q)

168
"A man comes into the ER with a wife, a girlfriend, and a fractured penis."

The Doctor says, "We don't see many fractured penises in here...."

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at December 26, 2013 01:53 PM (kdS6q)

169 Really? Where and how in the hell would you ever "wake up" out in the middle of nowhere with just a Leatherman? No gun, no firestarter, no food, etc? Posted by: rickb223 Woke up outside Denver in '73. It was snowing hard and the car was about out of gas. Didn't know where I was. Couldn't find my wallet. I don't drink Mescal anymore.

Posted by: Daybrother at December 26, 2013 01:53 PM (DA7Nd)

170 My Scrot Master taught me to keep my lifeboat matches in my urethra, for safety.

Posted by: Roggie Love at December 26, 2013 01:53 PM (QuZie)

171 Pffffttt... Do that every night.

Posted by: Hawk Thunderschlong at December 26, 2013 01:53 PM (zf3M1)

172 I've noticed tv programming is dividing into a few camps. Crappy reality tv, sit coms that are shot in reality tv style and long form series, be they dramatic, sci fi, horror or what have you.

It's as if there are only two ways to watch, mindless noise in the background or binge watching a whole series.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 26, 2013 01:53 PM (Gk3SS)

173 Bitch, bitch, yada yada, bitch, bitch, yada.

That's all we ever hear. But you keep watching!

Posted by: The Reality Show Kings at December 26, 2013 01:53 PM (cll/q)

174 Hey Reggie, how much do you know about wet wood ?

Posted by: broco bomber at December 26, 2013 01:54 PM (J8TNb)

175 5 days till the start of the phase out of 60 and 40 watt incands.

If you didn't stock up on 100 and 75 watt ones, now is your last chance to stock up the last useful wattages.

Posted by: Kreplach at December 26, 2013 01:54 PM (Xkr8I)

176 Ace, how come you can't think up better shit and pitch it to the networks? AoShq Productions got a nice ring to it. You could become the next Ryan Secrest, make a billion bucks, and spend your free time banging beautiful women. Disagree with me and you're a homo.

Posted by: Bean Pies, ey? at December 26, 2013 01:54 PM (Qev5V)

177 "Gregg, who was 440 pounds at the time, and Jennifer were having sex for the first time when disaster struck! In the throes of passion, Gregg sent Jennifer's head through a wall." *** I have to imagine that at 440 lbs it had been so long since he'd had sex that his orgasm sent her flying like a rocket.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 26, 2013 01:54 PM (DmNpO)

178 63 I would like to see the "best of youtube" channel. All it would be is non-stop showings of the "FAIL!" Compilation, Funniest Cats, and Best NutShotz, round and round the clock. It would be a megahit. Posted by: Tom Servo at December 26, 2013 05:20 PM (8Fa5Z) When I'm down in the dumps I go to youtube and watch laughing babies, howling beagles, and babies with their doggehs.

Posted by: nerdygirl at December 26, 2013 01:55 PM (mck3/)

179 On the next episode of "Sex Sent Mt to the ER":

Participant: "Yeah, doc, I've got a wife, a girlfriend, and a mortgage payment, and all of them are nine weeks late..."

Posted by: Keith Arnold at December 26, 2013 01:55 PM (AWj2Z)

180 Bugs's tired cottontail

Really doesn't work as a Goodyear Joke

Posted by: Bugs's tired cottontail[/i][/b][/s] at December 26, 2013 01:55 PM (DL2i+)

181 Holmes Makes It Right makes me sick. It's always a "deserving" person who was cheated by some Evil Flybynight contractor -- who was also the lowest bid chosen by our "deserving" person. But have no fear! Our poor sucker is going to be saved by our hero, the only man in the world who knows how to remodel, using tens of thousands of dollars worth of donated labor and material.

Help us, Mike! You and your earring our only hope.

Posted by: Koblog at December 26, 2013 01:55 PM (nqWQj)

182 I haven't seen much reality TV. My daughter used to watch "What Not to Wear" and "Project Runway" and I must say I enjoy those. I'm not sure when they air or on what channel though, so I only see them by accident or when the daughter is around. Oh, I like "Pawn Stars" too.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at December 26, 2013 01:55 PM (dfYL9)

183 Years ago, in my medical copyediting days, I read an article in a pathology journal on a condition called "broken penis". The condition is pretty much what you think it is.

The article presented a number of case studies. Each, without exception, included the sentence, "The patient stated that he had been having normal intercourse."

Unspoken comment: "Riiiiiight."

Posted by: Brown Line at December 26, 2013 01:55 PM (VrNoa)

184 Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 26, 2013 05:54 PM (DmNpO)

Yes....masturbation is impossible at that weight...

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 26, 2013 01:56 PM (QFxY5)

185 ...they did sexual things to me, then dropped me off in the wilderness. Posted by: Abducted by Aliens at December 26, 2013 05:52 PM (6fSty) At least I got free contraceptives!

Posted by: Sandra Fluke, Unidentified F**king Object at December 26, 2013 01:56 PM (/YkzI)

186 Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 05:50 PM (JpFMR) I was channel surfing the other day. Is this the guy who landed his plane in the outback just to survive? If so, couldn't watch the entire show

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 26, 2013 01:56 PM (HVff2)

187 My daughter used to watch "What Not to Wear" and "Project Runway" and I must say I enjoy those. I'm not sure when they air or on what channel though, so I only see them by accident or when the daughter is around. *** I like Project Runway as well although, presently, they are in the "Allstars" season and I don't like it as well. PR airs on Thursdays.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 26, 2013 01:57 PM (DmNpO)

188 I just bought a magnesium fire starter block and striker for $3.99; it weighs about an ounce. Into the bugout bag it went.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 26, 2013 05:50 PM (wNF3N)

-------------------------------------------

Why not just a package of Bic lighters? Or several packages? Good barter item there.

Posted by: Soona at December 26, 2013 01:57 PM (QSL7Q)

189 Yes....masturbation is impossible at that weight... *** Can he reach it?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 26, 2013 01:57 PM (DmNpO)

190

>>My BC malfunctioned over a 1000 ft wall one time. Started sinking like a rock until I dropped my weights. I'm afraid if I would have sunk to the bottom no one would have found me either.

.Scary stuff can and does happen diving. I wonder how many people die recreational scuba diving each year? Not sure there are numbers on that.

Posted by: Registered Voter at December 26, 2013 01:58 PM (0DC/m)

191 As a kid my father got the Foxfire books and we would try out the skills taught in them. He also got me on a book of the month club from Outdoor Life about survival/hunting/woods stuff. Which mostly taught me the same thing the Boy Scouts Motto says. Be Prepared. Don't go out into the wild without some basics like matches, a multitool, candybars... Pretty much this. The "preppers" who take the same wilderness survival courses over and over to learn how to make X,Y,Z without A,B,C never seem to make the connection. "Stock up on A,B,C".

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 01:58 PM (WhJf8)

192 I am not so petiently waiting for a 'reality' show where Chris Matthews tingling leg and David Brooks sharply creased pants are amputated without anesthesia.

Posted by: Angel with a sword at December 26, 2013 01:58 PM (hpgw1)

193 Heard from a friend who lives where one episode was filmed that on American Hoggers, a show purportedly about hunting and eliminating the scourge of feral hogs (which is a big problem in Texas), the show's producers show up to film and they BRING THEIR OWN HOGS so they will for sure find some to hunt.

Sheesh.

Posted by: Sphynx at December 26, 2013 01:58 PM (cll/q)

194

Next on The Loser Channel:

"Hobo Survival - how to use hobos for food, clothing, shelter and defense in a disaster!"

Posted by: Roggie Love at December 26, 2013 01:58 PM (QuZie)

195 Why not just a package of Bic lighters? Or several packages? Good barter item there.
-
And memorize when the next solar eclipse is. That could come in handy.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 01:58 PM (XUKZU)

196 Woke up outside Denver in '73. It was snowing hard and the car was about out of gas. Didn't know where I was. Couldn't find my wallet. I don't drink Mescal anymore. Posted by: Daybrother at December 26, 2013 05:53 PM (DA7Nd) Been there, done that, but it was in the desert with Mescaline and unbelievable amounts of Coors. Does that count?

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire at December 26, 2013 01:58 PM (zf3M1)

197 Sherlock: 1/1/2014 Justified 1/7/2014

Posted by: Bean Pies, ey? at December 26, 2013 01:59 PM (Qev5V)

198 Beveryly Hills Giant jackrabbits?

We're gonna need a bigger hammer....

Posted by: Les Stroud at December 26, 2013 01:59 PM (NXg/k)

199 "We might even get a brand new Buddha out of the deal."

Typing of which, did anyone read the Daily Telegraph story about the Mao worshipers in China? The solid gold statue of the Chairman is worth Â£20 million

Posted by: mrp at December 26, 2013 01:59 PM (HjPtV)

200 "Celebrity Deathmatch?" A classic. The last show I watched on a regular basis. Now I see Broncos games and whatever is on when I walk through the great room, usually a few seconds of some foodie show.

Posted by: Meremortal, gaaah at December 26, 2013 02:00 PM (1Y+hH)

201 Ginger Baker once famously said that he could cure Eric Clapton's heroin habit by dropping him off in the middle of the sahara desert with just some water and then coming back to look for him in a month or so. I'd tape that and then not watch it.

Posted by: Daybrother at December 26, 2013 02:00 PM (huV8W)

202 Scary stuff can and does happen diving. I wonder how many people die recreational scuba diving each year? Not sure there are numbers on that. There are numbers. If I remember right, fewer people die SCUBA diving than die bowling.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 02:00 PM (WhJf8)

203 Different strokes I guess. I'd rather watch a "survival" show where
they actually show you how to do/make what you need to survive.>>

As a kid my father got the Foxfire books and we would try out the skills taught in them. He also got me on a book of the month club from Outdoor Life about survival/hunting/woods stuff.

Which mostly taught me the same thing the Boy Scouts Motto says. Be Prepared. Don't go out into the wild without some basics like matches, a multitool, candybars...
Posted by: The Hickster at December 26, 2013 05:51 PM (TI3xG)

Someone you can out run. . . .

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 26, 2013 02:00 PM (Gk3SS)

204

"Stock up on A,B,C"

+1 Million right there. WINNA!

Posted by: Roggie Love at December 26, 2013 02:00 PM (QuZie)

205
There are numbers. If I remember right, fewer people die SCUBA diving than die bowling.
-
And most of them are wives on Super Bowl Sunday.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 02:01 PM (XUKZU)

206 If I remember right, fewer people die SCUBA diving than die bowling.

ya can't drink beer and smoke while you're diving

Posted by: wiserbud at December 26, 2013 02:02 PM (NXg/k)

207 .Scary stuff can and does happen diving. I wonder how many people die recreational scuba diving each year? Not sure there are numbers on that.

Posted by: Registered Voter at December 26, 2013 05:58 PM (0DC/m)

----------------------------------------------

Diving is pretty safe within the given parameters. Very few people die if they have decent equipment. Shit happens though.

Most deaths occur from the "no fear" death cult.

Posted by: Soona at December 26, 2013 02:02 PM (QSL7Q)

208 "Scat Play with Martin Bashir"

Posted by: --- at December 26, 2013 02:03 PM (DauBb)

209 I just bought a magnesium fire starter block and striker for $3.99; it weighs about an ounce. Into the bugout bag it went. Posted by: GnuBreed ---------------- I recommend having a few flares. Great as fire starters, great for signaling.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 02:03 PM (aDwsi)

210 "ya can't drink beer and smoke while you're diving"

Oh yes you can.

Posted by: My Dumpster Has WiFi at December 26, 2013 02:03 PM (HjPtV)

211 178 I have to imagine that at 440 lbs it had been so long since he'd had sex that his orgasm sent her flying like a rocket. Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 26, 2013 05:54 PM (DmNpO) Eew, that is just wrong. Wrong I say

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at December 26, 2013 02:03 PM (HVff2)

212 Been there, done that, but it was in the desert with Mescaline and unbelievable amounts of Coors. Does that count? Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire Why yes. Yes that certainly does.

Posted by: Daybrother at December 26, 2013 02:04 PM (gPJkr)

213 Someone you can out run. . . . Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 26, 2013 06:00 PM (Gk3SS) HmmmÂ…excellent point. Wanna be my camping buddy?

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 02:04 PM (JpFMR)

214 Fire Starting kit in every pack: Lighter, Waterproof Matches, Cotton Balls soaked in Vaseline and some drier lint. All crammed into a medium sized prescription bottle.

Posted by: garrett at December 26, 2013 02:04 PM (V2m7a)

215 Finally a reality tv show I could be on, the rippin'and the tearin', the rippin' and the tearin' man.

Posted by: Rick something I think at December 26, 2013 02:04 PM (2m7Ih)

216

>>I recommend having a few flares. Great as fire starters, great for signaling.

.Glow sticks. the currency of the new millennium.

Posted by: Registered Voter at December 26, 2013 02:04 PM (0DC/m)

217 Someone you can out run. . . .
Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD,>>

If you are going bear hunting as described here that is great advice.

Posted by: The Hickster at December 26, 2013 02:05 PM (TI3xG)

218 "ya can't drink beer and smoke while you're diving" Oh yes you can. Posted by: My Dumpster --------------------- Actually, you can drink beer and smoke while riding a motorcycle. A friend told me.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 02:05 PM (aDwsi)

219 188 ----I like Project Runway as well although, presently, they are in the "Allstars" season and I don't like it as well. PR airs on Thursdays. Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 26, 2013 05:57 PM (DmNpO) --------------------------------------- Yes --- and some challenges are more interesting than others. I love it when they have to do things like design a dress for Miss Piggy or use materials from a pet shop, that sort of challenge. I do think the contestants are (for the most part) very talented and resourceful.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at December 26, 2013 02:05 PM (dfYL9)

220 So if you went camping with some friends, and woke up with a condom in yur butt, would you tell anyone?

Posted by: Roggie Love at December 26, 2013 02:06 PM (QuZie)

221 HmmmÂ…excellent point.

Wanna be my camping buddy? Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at December 26, 2013 06:04 PM (JpFMR)

Sure!

Here. I got you these boots.

And these socks.

And those pants.

Hold still, hold still, all that squirming is making it really difficult to slice your Achilles. Sheesh.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD, you taunty bitch. at December 26, 2013 02:06 PM (Gk3SS)

222 Most of the programs are intelligence parasites. The more you watch the stupider (new word) become.

Posted by: norman lear at December 26, 2013 02:06 PM (J8TNb)

223 My brain cannot understand scuba diving. It requires one to take a breath while completely submerged underwater. Not happening.

Posted by: Meremortal, gaah at December 26, 2013 02:07 PM (1Y+hH)

224 Posted by: naturalfake at December 26, 2013 06:03 I can get you in, but getting out is on you.

Posted by: bing dang oww at December 26, 2013 02:07 PM (2m7Ih)

225 -I like Project Runway as well although, presently, they are in the "Allstars" season and I don't like it as well.

PR airs on Thursdays.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at December 26, 2013 05:57 PM (DmNpO)
---------------------------------------
Yes --- and some challenges are more interesting than others. I love it when they have to do things like design a dress for Miss Piggy or use materials from a pet shop, that sort of challenge.

I do think the contestants are (for the most part) very talented and resourceful.
-
My wife and daughter watch that show. Every time it comes on, I want to kill myself.

Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 02:07 PM (XUKZU)

226 Heard from a friend who lives where one episode was filmed that on American Hoggers, a show purportedly about hunting and eliminating the scourge of feral hogs (which is a big problem in Texas), the show's producers show up to film and they BRING THEIR OWN HOGS so they will for sure find some to hunt. Bear Grylls got caught early on filming in locations that were purportedly out in the boonies, later to be shown right across the street from civilization. He was also sleeping at night in hotels, if I remember. But he's still the real deal in many other ways. He was Brit Special Forces. He broke his back, and a few months later was back out in the wilderness. He's climbed Everest. I watched Mythbusters one time where they were going to film with some Great White sharks. They went to South Africa and their guide guaranteed sharks. Nothing. Not a single shark.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 02:08 PM (WhJf8)

227 If you are going bear hunting as described here that is great advice. Posted by: The Hickster ----------------- There is the apocryphal story told about the woman who claimed that a Beretta Minx .25 had saved her from a bear. A listener snorted in derision, saying that there was no way that she stopped a bear with a .25 auto. She pointed out that she used the Minx to knee-cap her boy friend.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 02:08 PM (aDwsi)

228 I recommend having a few flares. Great as fire starters, great for signaling. Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 06:03 PM (aDwsi) The bug-out bag should ALWAYS have a couple BIC disposables. As much as I like Zippos...

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire at December 26, 2013 02:09 PM (zf3M1)

229 Cave diving.....don't do it.

Posted by: naturalfake at December 26, 2013 06:05 PM (KBvAm)

--------------------------------------------

Cave diving I would never do. Cenotes found under the Yuccitan are a different story. They're quite beautiful and safe.

Posted by: Soona at December 26, 2013 02:09 PM (QSL7Q)

230 "Yes, this little .22 stinger semiauto saved my life when I was attacked by a bear while camping." "It sure is a sweet little gun. Sorry about your wife."

Posted by: anonymous Daybrother post at December 26, 2013 02:09 PM (SiWaC)

231 Reality show idea which combines sex, the ER, and deep seas fishing called Balls Deep.

Posted by: Ammo Dump at December 26, 2013 02:10 PM (GgPam)

232 228 ---My wife and daughter watch that show. Every time it comes on, I want to kill myself. Posted by: WalrusRex at December 26, 2013 06:07 PM (XUKZU) -------------------------- Well, yes. When it's on and Mr. DeVille and the boy are around, I make sure there are no sharp objects or firearms closeby. A simple safety precaution.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at December 26, 2013 02:11 PM (dfYL9)

233 Damn. I was late on that post.

Posted by: anonymous Daybrother post at December 26, 2013 02:11 PM (edCjJ)

234 >>Diving is pretty safe within the given parameters. Very few people die if they have decent equipment. Shit happens though. >>Most deaths occur from the "no fear" death cult. In my opinion, the biggest danger to divers are some of the idiots who run "resort" diving programs. I say this as someone who used to do that. Think long and hard before ever going diving with the locals the next time you are in some exotic location.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 26, 2013 02:12 PM (g1DWB)

235 'Bear' was Territorial Army, not active duty. Hereford despises him. He also has been faking shit from day one. Blind amputees have climbed everest. He is just another money whore. He makes Myke Hawke (one of my former regional medical managers) look good. Which, given that you can actually buy a Myke Hawke thong, takes some doing...

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 02:12 PM (QuZie)

236 I would watch reality shows if they had plots like: Rachel Maddow and Ellen DeGeneris go dancing in Saudi Arabia.

Posted by: Meremortal, gaah at December 26, 2013 02:12 PM (1Y+hH)

237 Cenotes foundunder the Yuccitan are a different story. They're quite beautiful and safe.

as long as you follow the rope.

but yeah, diving a cenote was pretty cool.

Posted by: wiserbud at December 26, 2013 02:12 PM (NXg/k)

238 The bug-out bag should ALWAYS have a couple BIC disposables. As much as I like Zippos... Google BlastMatch. They issue them to USAF pilots. It's an awesome firestarter you can use one-handed.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 02:12 PM (WhJf8)

239 226 My brain cannot understand scuba diving. It requires one to take a breath while completely submerged underwater. Not happening. Posted by: Meremortal, gaah at December 26, 2013 06:07 PM (1Y+hH) It's awesome. Well worth the plunge.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire at December 26, 2013 02:13 PM (zf3M1)

240 To Live And Jaywalk In LA

When Adam Bialik, a bartender, stepped off the curb on his way to work at the Ritz-Carlton a few blinks after the crossing signal began its red Â“DonÂ’t WalkÂ” countdown, he was met by a waiting police officer on the other side of the street and issued a ticket for $197.

from an LA Times article.....reason #5,645,342 why I don't want to live in CA.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 26, 2013 02:13 PM (wNF3N)

241 Watched the bbc miniseries Great Train Robbery. It's just 2 1.5 hr episodes. The first episode is all robbers the second coppers. Lots of actors and you're trying to ID them all. It seems that the bbc has discovered the 60s and is producing a lot of stuff from that time period. What makes it note worthy is the music.

Posted by: Bean Pies, ey? at December 26, 2013 02:13 PM (Qev5V)

242 In my opinion, the biggest danger to divers are some of the idiots who run "resort" diving programs. I say this as someone who used to do that.

I met the cutest blonde dive master at Club Med in St. Lucia.

Even my wife said "so, I guess you'll be diving pretty much every day, huh?"

Posted by: wiserbud at December 26, 2013 02:14 PM (NXg/k)

243 241 The bug-out bag should ALWAYS have a couple BIC disposables. As much as I like Zippos... Google BlastMatch. They issue them to USAF pilots. It's an awesome firestarter you can use one-handed. Posted by: bonhomme at December 26, 2013 06:12 PM (WhJf Nice. Must. Experiment.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire at December 26, 2013 02:15 PM (zf3M1)

244 >>I met the cutest blonde dive master at Club Med in St. Lucia. That was me, homo.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 26, 2013 02:15 PM (g1DWB)

245

>>My brain cannot understand scuba diving.

It requires one to take a breath while completely submerged underwater.

Not happening.

.It does take some getting used to. Our son dove about 15 times with us when he was about 13 years old. We never went below 100' and made mostly shallow dives to less than 40 foot. The last dive he just said never mind it wasn't his thing and quit. The wife and I dove regularly after that when we were stationed in GITMO for three more years. Probably 3-4 times a week and maybe over 200 dives there. It was nice.

Did you know you can take the regulator out of your mouth under water and talk? I had to do that once to get the Wife's attention when she was straying way too close to the coral reef where a shark was feeding.

Posted by: Registered Voter at December 26, 2013 02:15 PM (0DC/m)

246 Google BlastMatch. They issue them to USAF pilots. It's an awesome firestarter you can use one-handed.

My hammer only requires one hand too.

Of course, I need the other hand to hold down the rabbit, so I guess that could be a problem.

Posted by: Les Stroud at December 26, 2013 02:16 PM (NXg/k)

247 'Meat Eater' is another good show.

Posted by: garrett at December 26, 2013 02:16 PM (V2m7a)

248 That was me, homo.

I know.

*wink

Posted by: wiserbud at December 26, 2013 02:17 PM (NXg/k)

249 It's awesome. Well worth the plunge. Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire at December 26, 2013 06:13 PM (zf3M1) I believe that.

Posted by: Meremortal, gahh at December 26, 2013 02:17 PM (1Y+hH)

250 'Bear' was Territorial Army, not active duty. He was 21 SAS. I wouldn't tell a 21 SAS guy he's not real SAS for all the Crown Jewels.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b] at December 26, 2013 02:19 PM (WhJf8)

251 It's awesome. Well worth the plunge.

That and parachuting.

Two things that I would do every single day if I could afford to.

Posted by: wiserbud at December 26, 2013 02:19 PM (NXg/k)

252 Why not just a package of Bic lighters? Or several packages? Good barter item there.

Butane lighters don't work when they get cold.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 26, 2013 02:19 PM (SY2Kh)

253 from today's AP wire feed:

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (AP) -- A father and son who went diving on Christmas Day with new equipment the boy got for a present have been found dead in an underwater cave at a north Florida wildlife refuge.

Timely, yes?

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 26, 2013 02:19 PM (wNF3N)

254 Butane lighters don't work when they get cold. Posted by: Hollowpoint -------------------------------- Ah! We're onto something. Drawers with a small pocket for for keeping a lighter warm. What could go wrong?

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 02:21 PM (aDwsi)

255 "It does take some getting used to.Our son dove about 15 times with us when he was about 13 years old. We never went below 100' and made mostly shallow dives to less than 40 foot. Did you know you can take the regulator out of your mouth under water and talk?" So I can get in a scream before I go. Terrific. You're trying to kill me, aren't you?

Posted by: Meremortal, burble at December 26, 2013 02:21 PM (1Y+hH)

256 Butane lighters don't work when they get cold. I know a twick to warm dthem!

Posted by: Barney Frank at December 26, 2013 02:22 PM (V2m7a)

257 Timely, yes?

ugh.

Posted by: wiserbud at December 26, 2013 02:22 PM (NXg/k)

258 New series: Sex led me to the Maternity Ward !

Posted by: norman lear at December 26, 2013 02:23 PM (J8TNb)

259 I imagine that Scuba and Sky diving are going to be required reporting under the new OCare rules.

Posted by: Daybrother at December 26, 2013 02:23 PM (dQNJc)

260 22 does it all the time, just ask them, lol...

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 02:25 PM (QuZie)

261 You use the first BIC lighter to start a fire and then you put the others right next to.....

Posted by: Daybrother at December 26, 2013 02:25 PM (yjvIn)

262

>>>So I can get in a scream before I go.

Terrific.

You're trying to kill me, aren't you?

.Well yes you can scream underwater, that was the whole point about warning her about the shark wasn't it? I couldn't get her attention with hand signals or tugging on her fins to warn her about the Shark. And from what I remember, there is no international hand diving signal for Shark.

Plus, I think I scared the shark away shouting.

Posted by: Registered Voter at December 26, 2013 02:26 PM (0DC/m)

263 new series "Barack in The Saddle Again"

Posted by: norman lear at December 26, 2013 02:27 PM (J8TNb)

264 Actually, tyhey are like vegans, they will tell you they tell them. Funny guys. Especially the medics.

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 02:27 PM (QuZie)

265 And from what I remember, there is no international hand diving signal for Shark. Posted by: Registered Voter Fin gesture on top of head.

Posted by: Daybrother at December 26, 2013 02:27 PM (huV8W)

266 260 wiserbud,

Here's the link on the cave diving deaths:

http://tinyurl.com/kuuecdt

Short version, the adult was an idiot.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 26, 2013 02:27 PM (wNF3N)

267 Gotta check the weather. Got down to -18 last night, managed to keep 700SF attached garage no worse than 11 with a small space heater running every so often and the lights on. May add a small fan tonight to blow the warmer air out of the rafters. bbl

Posted by: Meremortal, burble at December 26, 2013 02:28 PM (1Y+hH)

268

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 02:28 PM (aDwsi)

269 Well, you use your matches to heat up your Bic, sillies.

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 02:28 PM (QuZie)

270 >>And from what I remember, there is no international hand diving signal for Shark. Yea there is. Fin in front of face.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 26, 2013 02:29 PM (g1DWB)

271 And from what I remember, there is no international hand diving signal for Shark. ------------- Waving a bloody stump.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 02:30 PM (aDwsi)

272 The international signal for 'shark' is your buddy with his knife in his hand. Swimming towards you. Very quickly.

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 02:30 PM (QuZie)

273 >> Yea there is. Fin in front of face.

What if you've only got a twenty?

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 26, 2013 02:31 PM (wNF3N)

274 new series about the 1st lady's 2nd term "Return of the Yeti "

Posted by: norman lear at December 26, 2013 02:31 PM (J8TNb)

275 What if you've only got a twenty? Posted by: GnuBreed ---------------------- Annnnd, that is why I hang out here.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at December 26, 2013 02:31 PM (aDwsi)

276 Haven't watched TV in ages. Mr. Empire has been ... um, complaining about the content for years. So -- We are discontinuing satellite at the end of the month. My satellite box is already disconnected and ready to go.

Posted by: Empire1 at December 26, 2013 02:32 PM (7WRAq)

277 Short version, the adult was an idiot.

ayup.

Darwin's theory in action. Too bad he took the kid with him though.

Posted by: wiserbud at December 26, 2013 02:32 PM (NXg/k)

278 Yea there is. Fin in front of face.

works for attracting strippers too.

Posted by: wiserbud at December 26, 2013 02:33 PM (NXg/k)

279 >>What if you've only got a twenty? Sharks don't negotiate.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 26, 2013 02:33 PM (g1DWB)

280 I was paired with a french videographer guy on a dive in central America. He thought it was cool that a couple of 7 ft White Tip reef sharks were lying still on the bottom side by side in the horrific current. He tried to stick his camera and lights directly in their faces. I tried tugging on his fins but he ignored me. I'm a good buddy and so made sure he stayed between me and the sharks until he almost touched them. One left and the other scared him away by moving aggressively closer. By then I was on my way up. Fucking divemaster told me I shouldn't have left. Didn't see him swimming to the rescue...

Posted by: Daybrother at December 26, 2013 02:38 PM (Vscef)

281 new series Former First Lady and Secretary of State creates her signature perfume: "Cockles and Mussels"

Posted by: norman lear at December 26, 2013 02:39 PM (J8TNb)

282 'Smegma' by Michelle, the new scent guaranteed to drive your man....

Posted by: OG Celtic-American at December 26, 2013 02:40 PM (QuZie)

283 285 OGCA Smegma is sold in Europe as Fromunda cheese. Very popular in Amsterdam.

Posted by: norman lear at December 26, 2013 02:44 PM (J8TNb)

284 My brother absolutely loves diving. He doesn't get to go as often as he'd like, but he's setting up his tech gear in endless configurations every weekend. He used to cave dive and then started going with some pretty adventurous types. It spooked him. The disorientation/claustrophobia risk was too high. He said, "You know, you have to be a bit of a fool to do that for long."

Still loves diving but wouldn't cave dive for the life of him... which it could well be if you keep doing it. Very dangerous even for the experienced and prepared.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at December 26, 2013 02:57 PM (eHIJJ)

285 Watched an ep of 'Bizarre Stories of the ER' once. A guy and girlfriend who had been camping came in. Of course there was alcohol and the upshot was that the boyfriend had inserted his penis in one of the small holes on a small camp stove. And it was stuck. But that was actually only the start of the hilarity. They called one of the interns to come take a look and he did. And then passed out. Called a BIG fireman. He looked. And passed out. Called the janitor in to get some ideas. He looked. And was able to walk around the corner before he passed out. I don't actually remember what the answer to the predicament was. But I do remember that by the time the guy got freed, the girlfriend had dissappeared.

Posted by: dwagyak at December 26, 2013 03:11 PM (mkKMD)

286 25 My aunt used to be an ER nurse and loves to tell this story. One evening an ambulance rolls up and unloads a gurney with a womans head face up at one end and a pair of feet pointing down at the other. Turns out the boyfriend "hooked" his foreskin in his girlfriends IUD and could not "back out" of the deal. Posted by: fixerupper at December 26, 2013 05:13 PM (nELVU) Like credibility in most war stories, "You had to be there."

Posted by: DM at December 26, 2013 04:03 PM (ieU06)

287 People still have cable and DirecTV? Huh.

Whoda thunk?

Rest of us moved on.

Posted by: tangonine at December 26, 2013 04:05 PM (x3YFz)

288 Dwagyak @ 288-
Well, hell, at least he didn't stick it in the pickle slicer. That's a good way to get fired.

Posted by: EROWMER at December 26, 2013 04:46 PM (OONaw)

289 At least one of these episodes will feature a dude and a chick doing it cowgirl style and said chick breaking off said dude's male member.

Posted by: midwestconservative at December 26, 2013 04:50 PM (eFTkY)

290

YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH!!

If you are denigrating, by comparison, Mike Holmes with these nitwit shows, then it will be on....like Mann-Steyn on

Posted by: jk76 at December 26, 2013 05:13 PM (VKkox)

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