March 20, 2014

Dumbshow: Reporter Says Jay Carney Told Her That Most White House Correspondents Submit Their Questions In Advance
— Ace

Like they say: Look around the table and see if you can spot the mark. If you can't find the mark, you're the mark.

When asked about this, Jay Carney denied being given questions in advance.

White House Press Secretary Jay Carney is denying a television news reporter's claim that reporters often 'provide the questions to him in advance,' before his daily briefings, and that he sometimes provides answers on paper before taking the podium.

'If only this were true,' Carney told MailOnline Thursday morning.

Jay Carney really knocked that answer out of the park with his cheeky, ironic answer.

But then again, he was given that question in advance, So.

[T]he White House was quick to dismiss her account of what Carney said. Carney himself tweeted a second denial after this report was first published.

Well, that's the end of this story then. Lord knows the White House has never lied to me before.


Posted by: Ace at 10:54 AM | Comments (437)
Post contains 189 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Duh.

Posted by: NCKate at March 20, 2014 10:55 AM (y7PFk)

2 Fred Phelps having sex with Hitler

Posted by: Orgainizing For Assholes at March 20, 2014 10:56 AM (e8kgV)

3

Trust me!

 

I won't in your mouth.

This time.

Posted by: rd at March 20, 2014 10:56 AM (D+lxs)

4 I'm guessing the reporters     merely     read the questions provided by the regime.

Posted by: CNN guy, in a semi-deja vu at March 20, 2014 10:57 AM (AskuI)

5 Why would I believe Jay Carney? He's a stuttering butt licking piece of crap.

Posted by: Misanthopic Humanitarian at March 20, 2014 10:57 AM (HVff2)

6 Damn    ironic     sock

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 20, 2014 10:57 AM (AskuI)

7 Never trust Carney folk.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 20, 2014 10:58 AM (P1WNR)

8 And of course, the sycophantic WH press corpse will go along with the charade...

Posted by: Vortex Lovera at March 20, 2014 10:58 AM (wtvvX)

9 *crickets*

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at March 20, 2014 10:58 AM (GjPnA)

10 I know that Ed Henry and whoseewhatsit from Politico have also denied this    chick's   claim,  but my response to that is,  "For all you know, that just means you're out of the loop."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 10:58 AM (4df7R)

11 To hell with freedom OF the press; what we need is freedom FROM the press.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 10:58 AM (olDqf)

12 Never trust Carney folk.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 20, 2014 02:58 PM (P1WNR)




It's the hands...

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 10:59 AM (4df7R)

13 Michelle was going out for some Chinese

Posted by: Oprah at March 20, 2014 10:59 AM (e8kgV)

14 Carney barker is probably right.  They don't give him the questions in advance, he feeds the questions to them.

Posted by: Vic[/i] at March 20, 2014 10:59 AM (T2V/1)

15 Ed Henry - ever notice that you are almost NEVER called upon at a press conference, when they have them?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 10:59 AM (olDqf)

16

Mr. Carney: I will be happy to answer your questions.  But first, you will blow me give them to me in advance.

Posted by: Conservative Crank at March 20, 2014 10:59 AM (sQ0LB)

17 THE most transparent white house EVAH!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at March 20, 2014 10:59 AM (Z7PrM)

18 What is most surprising about Carney is that his pants don't spontaneously catch on fire behind the podium.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, Bossy Redneck Queen at March 20, 2014 11:00 AM (baL2B)

19 13 Michelle was going out for some Chinese Posted by: Oprah at March 20, 2014 02:59 PM (e8kgV) Boy do I have one outstanding joke involving blacks and Asians! Contact me through the usual channelsÂ…

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:00 AM (olDqf)

20 I know that Ed Henry and whoseewhatsit from Politico have also denied this chick's claim, but my response to that is, "For all you know, that just means you're out of the loop." Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit at March 20, 2014 02:58 PM (4df7R) I am sure that is exactly what it means. It's obvious that certain questions are set-up, teed-up, and greased the wheel

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 20, 2014 11:00 AM (t3UFN)

21 I can't believe the White House doesn't provide the questions for the reporters.

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, formerly known as MrCaniac at March 20, 2014 11:00 AM (HxSXm)

22 Shocked face. Not even enough to provoke a rage trigger since I assumed they've all been in the tank for Baracka since day one.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 20, 2014 11:01 AM (/rlXg)

23

But then again, he was given that question in advance, So.

 

Meta is the new black.

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at March 20, 2014 11:01 AM (JtwS4)

24 18 What is most surprising about Carney is that his pants don't spontaneously catch on fire behind the podium.
----------
Yeah, but that could explain the missing beard.

Posted by: LFW - Honorary Pointy Eared Vulcan at March 20, 2014 11:01 AM (+hPIb)

25 I can't believe that Barry's lapdog media would go along with this. They actually have the audacity to ask questions. Aren't they just given a script to read to make Barry look good?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 20, 2014 11:01 AM (1Jaio)

26 Boy do I have one outstanding joke involving blacks and Asians! Contact me through the usual channelsÂ… Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 03:00 PM (olDqf) Does it involve bowed legged vimen?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 20, 2014 11:01 AM (t3UFN)

27 Good morning, Mr. Phelps. The man you are looking at is S A T A N ! ! ! ! !

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:01 AM (olDqf)

28 Despite the Obama administration touting a budget deficit of “only” $680 billion in 2013, the GAO’s more accurate accounting shows a total government cost of $3.8 trillion on total revenue of $2.8 trillion.

In other words– the administration wasn’t exactly honest with the American people– the deficit was more like $1 trillion, not $680 billion.

Posted by: Lee Harvey Oswald at March 20, 2014 11:02 AM (e8kgV)

29 Those inquisitive journalists...

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 20, 2014 11:03 AM (V4CBV)

30 2nd BOLO just issued for John Boehner

Posted by: Hayseed is honing his hippie sticker at March 20, 2014 11:03 AM (Cs2tJ)

31 26 Does it involve bowed legged vimen? Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 20, 2014 03:01 PM (t3UFN) Starts off with, "A (epithet for a Chinese guy) walks into a bar, with a (epithet for a black guy) is pouring drinks behind the counterÂ…"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:03 AM (olDqf)

32 Reporter Says Jay Carney Told Her That Most White House Correspondents Submit Their Questions In Advance But for a blow job, I'll overlook it this one time sugar tits. //Jay

Posted by: rickb223 at March 20, 2014 11:03 AM (KvM9d)

33

Yeah, I'm a little unclear on the direction of these  exchanges.   Are reporters giving the White House their questions in advance or is the White House giving reporters their questions in advance? 

 

Not  that it matters, but.....

Posted by: BurtTC at March 20, 2014 11:03 AM (TOk1P)

34 The only time I can remember them asking Carney any uncomfortable questions was during the White House photographer kerfuffle.

Give them a token sign that you respect them in the morning and you can make that sweet rough porn with them all night long.

Posted by: Clownf*cker at March 20, 2014 11:03 AM (q/kmn)

35 Wait, so the WH invites certain bloggers to the West Wing, calls closed door meetings with reporters, and tries to deny access to certain outlets... ...but they're not colluding with the press? Pull the other one.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:03 AM (gBnkX)

36 Don Rickles played a great carny.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 20, 2014 11:04 AM (V4CBV)

37 Walter Duranty, Jimmy Durante. I've got such a headache already.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:04 AM (olDqf)

38

*Trigger Warning*

 

*The following comment will contain the words "fuck", "fucktard", "fucking", and "fuckhole"*

 

That fucking fucktard can go fuck himself in his fucking fuckhole.

Posted by: Lurking Canuck at March 20, 2014 11:04 AM (NF2Bf)

39
So.... Wi Tu Lo is getting drinks from Reggie.....   Go On!!

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:04 AM (nELVU)

40 Did everyone else lose their memories? This was a story right at the beginning of King Putt's reign. There was some very low level grousing among the MSM types that Barky O'Genius required all questions at his Press Conferences to be submitted in advance. But, of course, they did it. Now, it's the new normal - absolute sycophancy.

Posted by: naturalfake at March 20, 2014 11:04 AM (0cMkb)

41 In truth, the WH does hear the journoinfundibula's questions in advance... ...but since those asking the questions are sucking on WH balls at the time, their questions cannot be understood.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:04 AM (HsTG8)

42 Fred Phelps is dead. He bravely took on the facist Military Industrial Complex everywhere. He is a true patriot.

Godspeed great warrior!

Posted by: Qestionmann at March 20, 2014 11:05 AM (FdpF8)

43 39 So.... Wi Tu Lo is getting drinks from Reggie..... Go On!! Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 03:04 PM (nELVU) Punchline = "Uh, Uh. No serve (Reggie) in bar!"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:05 AM (olDqf)

44 Fred Phelps having sex with Hitler a threeway with Saddam and Satan.

Posted by: Orgainizing For Assholes at March 20, 2014 02:56 PM (e8kgV)



***********

FIFY


http://youtu.be/AS-ts5_nuF8

Posted by: South Park at March 20, 2014 11:05 AM (L8r/r)

45 So, Mr. Carney, what is the Presnits reaction to the fact that his bracket has already taken a dump?

Posted by: LFW - Honorary Pointy Eared Vulcan at March 20, 2014 11:05 AM (+hPIb)

46
MFM: Jay, what's it like to work for the greatest Prezzy and guy ever?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 20, 2014 11:06 AM (1Jaio)

47 33
Yeah, I'm a little unclear on the direction of these exchanges. Are reporters giving the White House their questions in advance or is the White House giving reporters their questions in advance?

Not that it matters, but.....

Posted by: BurtTC at March 20, 2014 03:03 PM (TOk1P)

 

Not entirely accurate.

 

If the press gives questions in advance, they're lap dogs.  Minimal worth but perhaps something could be done with them.

 

If the WH writes the questions itself, the press are puppets.  Which means that it is time to start the burning times.

Posted by: Conservative Crank at March 20, 2014 11:06 AM (sQ0LB)

48 Oh yeah, the previous link is NSFW!!!!!

Posted by: South Park at March 20, 2014 11:07 AM (L8r/r)

49 I am sure that is exactly what it means. It's obvious that certain questions are set-up, teed-up, and greased the wheel

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 20, 2014 03:00 PM (t3UFN)



What I find hilarious is that,  if this is true,  then all these questions   Carney   answers with,   "I'll have to direct you to  (XYZ Department) for that,"   are  known ahead of time.       And because he is a lying, conniving shitweasel,   he answers them that way anyway.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:07 AM (4df7R)

50 The Obama administration has proposed a 28 percent spending cut for a Pentagon program that supports modernizing the military of Ukraine and other former Soviet Union republics, Pentagon budget records show, a move that could endanger efforts to boost Ukraine's armed forces as they face threats from Russia. The proposed cuts, which are contained in a detailed budget plan posted online this week, come over the objections of officials with the U.S. European Command, who argue they will hurt U.S. attempts to build armed forces in nations formerly beholden to Russia. Not that it really matters BUT CAN YU FUCKIN BELIEVE THIS? And obama and the dems are serious about confronting Russia? What a bunch of fags and fuckin liars

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 20, 2014 11:07 AM (t3UFN)

51 You know the WH press is a willing participant in this..  They know if they give the questions they will be called on..

but wait.. then they know they must have to make it a soft-ball question..

So, we have most of our fourth estate writing soft-ball questions and handing them in to be approved with the hope of being called on..   Jeeeeebus.. what a racket!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at March 20, 2014 11:07 AM (Z7PrM)

52

Eh, I kinda of believe Carney on this one.

 

Well, you could.  Otoh, she said that the correspondents are also given answers in advance to help produce their stories, which seems like a pretty specific detail. 

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at March 20, 2014 11:07 AM (JtwS4)

53 Many of the leftoids on Facebook are going surprisingly easy on Phelps. Apparently they think Breitbart, Reagan and other right-side figures were more worthy of post-houmous venom than Phelps.

Democrats stick together, even in death, no matter how vile.

Posted by: Biff Boffo at March 20, 2014 11:08 AM (YmPwQ)

54 Boy do I have one outstanding joke involving blacks and Asians! Contact me through the usual channelsÂ… Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 03:00 PM (olDqf) I've been warned that ethnic jokes in a blog of this caliber are FROWNED UPON....after I told a mo joke. is there a bog where they are encourages? asking for a friend.

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:08 AM (15qFH)

55 Don Rickles played a great carny. Dennehy was unforgettable as the Tilt-a-Whirl.

Posted by: garrett at March 20, 2014 11:08 AM (H+1fB)

56 Oh, shit.   Do I need to include a trigger warning if my comment is going to include a reference to the Preezy, his consort,  or any member of his benighted cabinet?    Because that might get tedious.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:08 AM (4df7R)

57 Given that it's March Madness time, some enterprising young reporter could get a question approved about the Brickthrower-in-Chief's jump shot.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:08 AM (gBnkX)

58 She said "off the record" WTF?

Posted by: Tutu at March 20, 2014 11:08 AM (CpWI4)

59

49 -

 

Trigger Warning:  All South  Park links are NSFW. 

 

I do feel sad for Chris, however. 

Posted by: BurtTC at March 20, 2014 11:09 AM (TOk1P)

60 @48

I think they're manipulated into submitting the questions the WH wants so they still have that thin self-image of being respectable and in control.

When, in fact, they are being pimped and have no control.

Posted by: Clownf*cker at March 20, 2014 11:09 AM (+hPIb)

61 Many of the leftoids on Facebook are going surprisingly easy on Phelps.

----

Yeah I noticed that too..... 

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:09 AM (nELVU)

62 Holry Fuk! Big bwak role heading dis ray!

Posted by: Kim Chee at March 20, 2014 11:09 AM (Cs2tJ)

63 I refuse to bake a cake for Jay Carney's wedding.

Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 11:09 AM (x3YFz)

64 The Obama administration has proposed a 28 percent spending cut for a Pentagon program that supports modernizing the military of Ukraine and other former Soviet Union republics, Pentagon budget records show, a move that could endanger efforts to boost Ukraine's armed forces as they face threats from Russia.



Well what do you expect?    He    doesn't want to    offend   Pooty-poot!   

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:10 AM (4df7R)

65 Boy do I have one outstanding joke involving blacks and Asians!

Contact me through the usual channelsÂ…

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 03:00 PM (olDqf)




But we don't want the Irish!

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 20, 2014 11:10 AM (1Jaio)

66 OT, But related. Speaking of blathering idiots. I hope that somehow Phelp's funeral is given the solemn respect it deserves. And by that I mean I hope a metric fuckton of people show up to return the favor to Dead Phred and His Phucking Phamily.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 20, 2014 11:10 AM (/rlXg)

67 Yeah, and I totally really wrote Obama's autobiography. I even admitted it twice in public. Cause I'm sooooo serious. Admitting something sarcastically and later denying works. Trust me.

Posted by: Billy Ayers at March 20, 2014 11:10 AM (ZPrif)

68 39 Did everyone else lose their memories?

This was a story right at the beginning of King Putt's reign.

====

Which feels like it was 100 years ago.

Posted by: Biff Boffo at March 20, 2014 11:10 AM (YmPwQ)

69 18 What is most surprising about Carney is that his pants don't spontaneously catch on fire behind the podium. Nomex. It's what race car driver's suits are made of.

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, formerly known as MrCaniac at March 20, 2014 11:10 AM (HxSXm)

70 It's like we're living in The Matrix, except that our simulated control-bots are much less attractive.

Posted by: Phinn at March 20, 2014 11:10 AM (i5GO4)

71 Hey press, what was that deficit number you touted last year?  If it   was anything under a trillion, you lose.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 20, 2014 11:11 AM (AskuI)

72 55 I've been warned that ethnic jokes in a blog of this caliber are FROWNED UPON....after I told a mo joke. is there a bog where they are encourages? asking for a friend. Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 03:08 PM (15qFH) Well, that's why I didn't post the joke, but just intimated at it. What a world, right?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:11 AM (olDqf)

73 Perfectly believable that they don't ask someone like Tapper or the Fox News correspondent to submit questions.They know which reporters are their lackeys.

Posted by: steevy at March 20, 2014 11:11 AM (zqvg6)

74

In a controlling administration this is not a surprising revelation.*  They won't let press photographers pool to cover the president, what makes you think they would want to be surprised by some question straight out of right field?

 

 

*Kim Jong Un says "Whoa, and I thought I was a control freak!"

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Buy Four Outrages, get a Rightous Indignation Free! at March 20, 2014 11:11 AM (hLRSq)

75 Which is why the whole daily press briefing should be done away with. Even if the questions weren't asked ahead of time, the questions are never actually answered. It's always, well let me check or well we're working on it or well, we can't really comment right now.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at March 20, 2014 11:11 AM (0LHZx)

76 Fred Phelps loves c**k (it's a Terminal Lance joke.. wagner loves.. eh, you'll get it.)

Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 11:11 AM (x3YFz)

77 does Carney really need to be tipped off when half the time his answers are "I'll have to get back to you", "you'll need to ask the spokesman for the [.....] department about that" and "look, we've already answered that question..." ?

Posted by: Mallfly at March 20, 2014 11:11 AM (bJm7W)

78 Ed Henry tweeted out immediately that her claim was "dead wrong"

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 20, 2014 11:11 AM (DmNpO)

79 Fell for it again, huh?

Posted by: Your Mouth at March 20, 2014 11:11 AM (DLu2s)

80 How about of we just tell the 'punchlines' to jokes. Is that allowed? because if it is.....

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:12 AM (15qFH)

81 You have to parse the language (Thanks Bill Clinton). No, Carney doesn't get the exact question in advance. Instead, he is merely provided with the topics and issues that the media whore will be asking about.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at March 20, 2014 11:12 AM (IN7k+)

82 And, of course, she has backtracked her ass off.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 20, 2014 11:12 AM (DmNpO)

83 "It's like we're living in The Matrix, except that our simulated control-bots are much less attractive." And it wasn't exactly a high bar.

Posted by: Hugo Weaving at March 20, 2014 11:12 AM (gBnkX)

84 Our fair-minded media would never be involved in this. Debbie Wassaman-Smiltz read that off her cue cards on MSNBC.

Posted by: --- at March 20, 2014 11:12 AM (MMC8r)

85 72 55 I've been warned that ethnic jokes in a blog of this caliber are FROWNED UPON....after I told a mo joke. is there a bog where they are encourages? asking for a friend. Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 03:08 PM (15qFH) Well, that's why I didn't post the joke, but just intimated at it. What a world, right? Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 03:11 PM (olDqf) As long as you mics don't make fun of us wops, I'm fine with it.

Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 11:12 AM (x3YFz)

86 62 Many of the leftoids on Facebook are going surprisingly easy on Phelps. ---- Yeah I noticed that too..... Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 03:09 PM (nELVU) ________ He is a Democrat after all.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at March 20, 2014 11:12 AM (0LHZx)

87 53 Eh, I kinda of believe Carney on this one. Well, you could. Otoh, she said that the correspondents are also given answers in advance to help produce their stories, which seems like a pretty specific detail. Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at March 20, 2014 03:07 PM (JtwS4) Considering the MFM are all leftists and in the tank for anyone of their tribe, then why would Carney even need to pre-screen questions when the "reporters" know better than to ask actual real probing questions? The don't. So maybe Carney is right after all, though it is cold comfort all things considered.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:13 AM (olDqf)

88 How about of we just tell the 'punchlines' to jokes. Is that allowed? because if it is.....

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 03:12 PM (15qFH)


----


One.... if you hit him in the middle.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:13 AM (nELVU)

89 Trigger Warning! Trigger Warning! Trigger Warning! Barky is a Stuttering Clusterfcuk of a Miserable Traitor Trigger Warning! Trigger Warning! Trigger Warning!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:13 AM (HsTG8)

90 and when Hitler was told to go pack fudge with Phelps, he yelled "Warum?! Was hab' ich gemacht??!!"

Posted by: Mallfly at March 20, 2014 11:13 AM (bJm7W)

91 41 Fred Phelps is dead. He bravely took on the facist Military Industrial Complex everywhere. He is a true patriot. Godspeed great warrior! Posted by: Qestionmann at March 20, 2014 03:05 PM (FdpF Fresh fish! Hey fishy fishy fishy. Hey Kennedy, Phelps is yours for a carton of smokes!

Posted by: Satan in a Doo Rag at March 20, 2014 11:13 AM (HxSXm)

92

How about of we just tell the 'punchlines' to jokes. Is that allowed? because if it is.....

 

But you fuck one goat...

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at March 20, 2014 11:13 AM (JtwS4)

93 Wait. Wait just one doggone second. Carney gets the questions in advance and he still answers them like that? I think I need a trigger warning for mind bottling stupidity.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD/Orion Death Star 2016 at March 20, 2014 11:13 AM (VtjlW)

94 80 How about of we just tell the 'punchlines' to jokes. Is that allowed? because if it is.....

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 03:12 PM (15qFH)

 

The Aristocrats.

Posted by: Conservative Crank at March 20, 2014 11:14 AM (sQ0LB)

95 And, of course, she has backtracked her ass off.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 20, 2014 03:12 PM (DmNpO)



Which doesn't    really  prove anything,   since we know this White   House  revels in intimidation.     And as for Ed Henry, like I said up above,   for all he knows he's just not "in the loop."



Honestly?  I don't actually care if this story is true or not.  I'm going to pimp  it like it is, because   I want tos ee this entire    "administration"    mired in shame.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:14 AM (4df7R)

96 There are a handful of graves I need to piss on as a part of my bucket list. Phelps' is one of those.

Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 11:14 AM (x3YFz)

97 Fuck you clown.

Posted by: eleven at March 20, 2014 11:14 AM (GXZgZ)

98 84 As long as you mics don't make fun of us wops, I'm fine with it. Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 03:12 PM (x3YFz) I'm a Yid, and Tom Hagen is my Kraut-Mick friend.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:14 AM (olDqf)

99 You're a mean drunk Superman.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:14 AM (gBnkX)

100 There is not a single shred of doubt inn my mind that I(and every other moron and 'ette) would despoise Mooch and Barack just as much if they were lily white.Irish,Italian,Jews,whatever.Nobody here hates them for their skin color.

Posted by: steevy at March 20, 2014 11:14 AM (zqvg6)

101 Wrong hole, wrong hole!!

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at March 20, 2014 11:14 AM (0LHZx)

102 As long as you mics don't make fun of us wops, I'm fine with it. Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 03:12 PM (x3YFz) Tell that to Ms. G. I'm in a mixed marriage (shes Irish) because she gave me the nic Guido and in her family the kids now call me Gueeds si I think it will stick. lol.

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:15 AM (15qFH)

103 That was my contribution to the only the punchline thing.

Posted by: eleven at March 20, 2014 11:15 AM (VhqUZ)

104 Shhhh! See that buzzard up there?

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:15 AM (gBnkX)

105 Many of the leftoids on Facebook are going surprisingly easy on Phelps.

----

Yeah I noticed that too.....

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 03:09 PM (nELVU)



I think they finally figured out that when we on the right kept telling them  "He's a Democrat," we actually meant it.   So they don't want to celebrate too much,   because then we can say again, "HE WAS A FUCKING DEMOCRAT LIKE YOU, " and then they'll be sad.   

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:15 AM (4df7R)

106
I always found Carneys to be creepy.

And they smell like cabbage.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 20, 2014 11:15 AM (0Kobm)

107 Funny

Posted by: Lee Harvey Oswald at March 20, 2014 11:16 AM (e8kgV)

108 Get the transcript, Candy!

Posted by: Well Rehearsed Barry at March 20, 2014 11:16 AM (pQJEV)

109 Probably going light on Phelps because the "heroism" of picketing of dead soldier's funerals is worth more speakingtruthtopower points than you lose protesting AIDS patients funerals.

Posted by: Clownf*cker at March 20, 2014 11:16 AM (+hPIb)

110 ....Because if you take one fishing he'll drink your beer.

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:16 AM (15qFH)

111 There is not a single shred of doubt inn my mind that I(and every other moron and 'ette) would despoise Mooch and Barack just as much if they were lily white.Irish,Italian,Jews,whatever.Nobody here hates them for their skin color.

Posted by: steevy at March 20, 2014 03:14 PM (zqvg6)



1)   Like I keep saying, the only thing about Bammy that I DON'T hate is his skin color.



2)  "Despoise."   I didn't know you were a Bowery Boy, steevy!  

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:17 AM (4df7R)

112 Wrecked 'im? Damn near killed 'im!

Posted by: Insomniac at March 20, 2014 11:17 AM (DrWcr)

113 Has the leaker disappeared yet?

Posted by: Meremortal at March 20, 2014 11:17 AM (1Y+hH)

114

86 -

 

See, I always figured it was more like the  bouquet  toss  at a wedding.  Except,  instead of flowers,  Jay tosses out the contents of Obama's chamber pot onto   the   awaiting lips  and tongues of the  assembled press. 

Posted by: BurtTC at March 20, 2014 11:17 AM (TOk1P)

115 The worst form of treachery - stupid treachery.


Yet another unbelievably ironic metaphor for this presidency.

Posted by: LoneStarHeeb at March 20, 2014 11:17 AM (BZAd3)

116 How about of we just tell the 'punchlines' to jokes. Is that allowed? because if it is.....

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 03:12 PM (15qFH)



That's what SHE said.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:17 AM (4df7R)

117 I predict the State will try to stop this. Not sure how yet. And the academic gatekeepers aren't happy that research priorities and funding are determined by the whims of internet billionaires. nextbigfuture ‏@nextbigfuture US Billionaires making a modern model of Renaissance Science Patronage: Last year, the USA started the Brain I... http://bit.ly/1iHxhcZ

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at March 20, 2014 11:18 AM (ZPrif)

118 This Political club looks more like "If your not at the table your on the Menu" That said: Blow me ....

Posted by: 7 Days in May at March 20, 2014 11:18 AM (WYUAi)

119 114 Ha,unintentionaly funny typo.

Posted by: steevy at March 20, 2014 11:18 AM (zqvg6)

120 28 Despite the Obama administration touting a budget deficit of “only” $680 billion in 2013, the GAO’s more accurate accounting shows a total government cost of $3.8 trillion on total revenue of $2.8 trillion. In other words– the administration wasn’t exactly honest with the American people– the deficit was more like $1 trillion, not $680 billion. Posted by: Lee Harvey Oswald at March 20, 2014 03:02 PM (e8kgV) _________ In fairness to Obama, using the new Common Core methods of math, 3.8T - 2.8T does indeed equal $680B.

Posted by: Mr. Moo Moo at March 20, 2014 11:18 AM (0LHZx)

121 My best friend is an Irish cop. My second closest friend is an Italian retired NYC detective. Oh, when we meet for beers one cannot help but say "hey, fuck saint paddy!" and "leave the gun, take the cannolis" I love my life.

Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 11:18 AM (x3YFz)

122
.... and when dago flat dago wop wop wop.....

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:19 AM (nELVU)

123 Jay is a worthless dbag. I thought he quit already.

Posted by: Titanium at March 20, 2014 11:19 AM (JLKJJ)

124 Fred Phelppss is dead? Al Gore must be devastated.

Posted by: --- at March 20, 2014 11:19 AM (MMC8r)

125

The Obama administration has proposed a 28 percent spending cut for a
Pentagon program that supports modernizing the military of Ukraine and
other former Soviet Union republics, Pentagon budget records show, a
move that could endanger efforts to boost Ukraine's armed forces as they
face threats from Russia.



 

Well what do you expect? He doesn't want to offend Pooty-poot!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit at March 20, 2014 03:10 PM (4df7R)

 

 

---------------------------------------------

 

 

Dear Leader will do nothing for the Ukraine.  Nothing.  It's part of his promised "flexibility" to Pooty.  And  that goes for NATO also.

 

The Ukraine is fucked.

Posted by: Soona at March 20, 2014 11:19 AM (SxpmN)

126 The Obama Administration tried this little stunt with Putin and he responded by invading the Republic of Crimea.

Posted by: Fritz at March 20, 2014 11:19 AM (PnMCP)

127 If you like your question, you can keep your question ...

Posted by: White House Press Corpseman at March 20, 2014 11:19 AM (qoKTg)

128 Actually, the reporters flash their questions in super secret WHPC sign language. Carney then decides which ones he has prepared for.

Posted by: bergerbilder at March 20, 2014 11:19 AM (8MjqI)

129 Yeah, he was something.

Posted by: Hanoi Jane Fonda at March 20, 2014 03:16 PM (oGrEy)



When you kick the bucket in the near future, Jane,   they're going to end up    turning your gravesite     into a septic tank.   That'll    be   the only way to justify the rank scent of gallons   and gallons   of   righteous   piss that is going to be    dumped on your    fetid   grave.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:20 AM (4df7R)

130 I think they finally figured out that when we on the right kept telling them "He's a Democrat," we actually meant it. So they don't want to celebrate too much, because then we can say again, "HE WAS A FUCKING DEMOCRAT LIKE YOU, " and then they'll be sad.

====

This. They would not be acting like that had Phelps been a Republican.

It also gives them a free shot to prove how much more reasonable and compassionate they are (which we all know is complete bullshit).

Posted by: Biff Boffo at March 20, 2014 11:20 AM (YmPwQ)

131 Yeah, he was something. Posted by: Hanoi Jane Fonda at March 20, 2014 03:16 PM (oGrEy) heh.. Her grave is going to need an irrigation system.

Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 11:21 AM (x3YFz)

132 Ed Henry tweeted out immediately that her claim was "dead wrong"

Absent evidence I can review at my leisure, I don't believe reporters.  At all.  The only time I might give a reporter the benefit of the doubt is when they're making a statement against interest.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at March 20, 2014 11:21 AM (P7Wsr)

133 "If she's sleeping on her stomach? That morning, I don't go fishing."

Posted by: garrett loves punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:21 AM (H+1fB)

134 125 .... and when dago flat dago wop wop wop..... Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 03:19 PM (nELVU) Excuse me? I think I get that one. Trigger warning... Irish joke right?

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:21 AM (15qFH)

135

Now where's the old lady with a toothache?

Posted by: Conservative Crank at March 20, 2014 11:21 AM (sQ0LB)

136 What's the matter with you? You're fucking like a Chinaman.

Posted by: eleven at March 20, 2014 11:21 AM (GXZgZ)

137 Excuse me, lady, I was talking to the pig.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 20, 2014 11:21 AM (DrWcr)

138
Ed Henry tweeted out immediately that her claim was "dead wrong"

----

Points for Ed on the obscure Grammarcy Park Reference......

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:21 AM (nELVU)

139 Speaking of the Irish "a six pack and a potato."

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:22 AM (15qFH)

140 Death! Death very honorable! But first, Chi Chi.

Posted by: LFW - Honorary Pointy Eared Vulcan at March 20, 2014 11:22 AM (F26eZ)

141 Oh-noes, rich white people trying to cure diseases that afflict their families!! NYT concern trolls: American science, long a source of national power and pride, is increasingly becoming a private enterprise. In Washington, budget cuts have left the nation’s research complex reeling. Labs are closing. Scientists are being laid off. Projects are being put on the shelf, especially in the risky, freewheeling realm of basic research. Yet from Silicon Valley to Wall Street, science philanthropy is hot, as many of the richest Americans seek to reinvent themselves as patrons of social progress through science research. The result is a new calculus of influence and priorities that the scientific community views with a mix of gratitude and trepidation. “For better or worse,” said Steven A. Edwards, a policy analyst at the American Association for the Advancement of Science, “the practice of science in the 21st century is becoming shaped less by national priorities or by peer-review groups and more by the particular preferences of individuals with huge amounts of money.” .. Fundamentally at stake, the critics say, is the social contract that cultivates science for the common good. They worry that the philanthropic billions tend to enrich elite universities at the expense of poor ones, while undermining political support for federally sponsored research and its efforts to foster a greater diversity of opportunity — geographic, economic, racial — among the nation’s scientific investigators. Historically, disease research has been particularly prone to unequal attention along racial and economic lines. A look at major initiatives suggests that the philanthropists’ war on disease risks widening that gap, as a number of the campaigns, driven by personal adversity, target illnesses that predominantly afflict white people — like cystic fibrosis, melanoma and ovarian cancer.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at March 20, 2014 11:22 AM (ZPrif)

142 I'll bet every Damon dollar that Pfelpsz and his odious brood were on the DNC payroll the whole time.

Posted by: --- at March 20, 2014 11:22 AM (MMC8r)

143 There is not a single shred of doubt inn my mind that I(and every other moron and 'ette) would despoise Mooch and Barack just as much if they were lily white.Irish,Italian,Jews,whatever.Nobody here hates them for their skin color.

Posted by: steevy at March 20, 2014 03:14 PM (zqvg6)




It's not because he's half black it's because he's all Red. He's an American hating commie through and through. I couldn't stand draft dodging SOB Slick Willie either.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 20, 2014 11:22 AM (1Jaio)

144 Because they can.

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at March 20, 2014 11:22 AM (JtwS4)

145

How long do you think this reporter will be in her current job before leaving due to "family issues"?

 

I wouldn't doubt that the WH was on the horn with CBS making sure that this reporter takes a vacation.

Posted by: Cheri at March 20, 2014 11:22 AM (G+Wff)

146
Jay Carney and his butt buddies made me put it in my mouth, but by the grace of God, I didn't have to suck on it. 

Posted by: Catherine Anaya, Reporterette at March 20, 2014 11:22 AM (nQjHM)

147 ...So I took the donkey out back and showed him that it really was bigger.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:22 AM (gBnkX)

148 The lutefisk got rid of the skunks, but now I've got four Norwegians living under my porch!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:22 AM (HsTG8)

149 Shut I hate autocorrect.

Posted by: --- at March 20, 2014 11:22 AM (MMC8r)

150 Oswald was a fag



Posted by: Michael McManus at March 20, 2014 11:23 AM (omBWL)

151 "When the sun goes down, and everybody leaves, I'm gonna fuck you till your eyes pop out."

Posted by: punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:23 AM (H+1fB)

152 130 If you like your question, you can keep your question ... Posted by: White House Press Corpseman at March 20, 2014 03:19 PM (qoKTg) Right after you can keep your ethnic joke...

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:23 AM (15qFH)

153 A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

Posted by: Biff Boffo at March 20, 2014 11:23 AM (YmPwQ)

154 44 So, Mr. Carney, what is the Presnits reaction to the fact that his bracket has already taken a dump?

Posted by: LFW - Honorary Pointy Eared Vulcan at March 20, 2014 03:05 PM (+hPIb)


Heh. Obama strikes again!

If the next president decides to forego this nonsense and eschews making and announcing a bracket, I will throw them a parade.

Posted by: LizLem at March 20, 2014 11:23 AM (ijXVY)

155 Excuse me? I think I get that one. Trigger warning... Irish joke right?

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 03:21 PM (15qFH)


----


Heh.

Eyetalians.... knife.... gunfight.


Some assembly required.....

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:23 AM (nELVU)

156 Yea, it would be a shame if someone leaked the info on where Dead Phred's Phuneral was....

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 20, 2014 11:23 AM (/rlXg)

157 Punchline: "He is Jesus Christ. The problem is, He thinks he's Tiger Woods."

Posted by: Meremortal at March 20, 2014 11:23 AM (1Y+hH)

158 150 And the priest said "do we have time?" Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at March 20, 2014 03:22 PM (OWjjx) one of my all-time favorites.

Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 11:24 AM (x3YFz)

159 .....Let's walk down and fuck all of them.

Posted by: Soona at March 20, 2014 11:24 AM (SxpmN)

160 Well,here's the owners of the 2 private homes that Barakka has his fundraisers today. Estefan is quite a political catch. She’s a star. She’s the niece of music stars Emilio and Gloria Estefan. And the Cuban-American, along with husband Lorenzo Luaces, is a registered Republican. The president also has a DCCC fundraiser at the home of Alonzo Mourning. The Estefan fundraiser underscores the affinity between Univision and the Democratic Party these days. The network is partnering with Obama’s former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, in an outreach effort. Univision owner Haim Saban is a major Democratic donor who said he’d back Clinton with “full might.”

Posted by: steevy at March 20, 2014 11:24 AM (zqvg6)

161 A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 20, 2014 11:24 AM (DrWcr)

162
What happens when a Smurf holds his breath?

Posted by: Jay Carney (Mr. Claire Shipman) at March 20, 2014 11:24 AM (nQjHM)

163 So the Germans can march in the shade.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:24 AM (gBnkX)

164 62 Many of the leftoids on Facebook are going surprisingly easy on Phelps.

----

Yeah I noticed that too.....

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 03:09 PM (nELVU)


He was acting out what they are too afraid to do themselves.

Posted by: joncelli at March 20, 2014 11:24 AM (RD7QR)

165 164 Oh,she's a host on Univision.

Posted by: steevy at March 20, 2014 11:24 AM (zqvg6)

166 ..."Relax, Holy Father - the world's smartest man just jumped out of the plane with my backpack."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:24 AM (HsTG8)

167 Paint my house. 

Posted by: BurtTC at March 20, 2014 11:24 AM (TOk1P)

168 In before the scorpion!

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:24 AM (QupBk)

169 Shut I hate autocorrect.

Posted by: --- at March 20, 2014 03:22 PM (MMC8r)


----


LOL..... read that as "autoerect" first time thru....

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:25 AM (nELVU)

170 The important thing isn't that we cure Parkinson's. It's that the researchers doing it have darker skin tones and more vaginas!

Posted by: Diversity Tuesday at March 20, 2014 11:25 AM (ZPrif)

171 So the Estate Lawyer tells his wife, "...you might as well go home and get some rest, she's decided to let the State bury her."

Posted by: punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:25 AM (H+1fB)

172 "OH! you said 12 inch 'pianist!'"

Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 11:25 AM (x3YFz)

173 Why won't this thing run out of fuel?

Posted by: Capt Turn Arown at March 20, 2014 11:26 AM (1Y+hH)

174 Why the long face?

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:26 AM (4df7R)

175
Twenty dollars..... same as downtown Father.....

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:26 AM (nELVU)

176 ..."Excuse me, but you're sucking on my arm!"

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:26 AM (HsTG8)

177 It really says Saskachawach.

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:26 AM (15qFH)

178 damn it CBS! I have no fucking clue where Trutv is. Choose a different station or make cbssports available to all.

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at March 20, 2014 11:26 AM (WdbF7)

179 [spits] "And God damn, that guy could drive."

Posted by: Stringer Davis at March 20, 2014 11:26 AM (xq1UY)

180
My best assets are my hooter's!

Posted by: S E Cupp at March 20, 2014 11:27 AM (nQjHM)

181 How about of we just tell the 'punchlines' to jokes. Is that allowed? because if it is..... Hit my hand with that shovel!

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:27 AM (QupBk)

182 "He learned his lesson last time. Now he gauges them first."

Posted by: punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:27 AM (H+1fB)

183
One less drunk.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:27 AM (nELVU)

184 Speaking of lying sacks of shit:

"Despite the Obama administration touting a budget deficit of “only” $680 billion in 2013, the GAO’s more accurate accounting shows a total government cost of $3.8 trillion on total revenue of $2.8 trillion.

In other words– the administration wasn’t exactly honest with the American people– the deficit was more like $1 trillion, not $680 billion. But it gets worse."

*  *  *

Oh, and a special fuck you to Midol Medved for buying into the O-minstrations brand of bullshit.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:27 AM (nZiT2)

185 "What you mean 'wrong hole?!'"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:27 AM (olDqf)

186 ... You're supposed to ride the camel into town.

Posted by: Warthog at March 20, 2014 11:27 AM (WDySP)

187 the penguin said "no! it's just ice cream!"

Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 11:27 AM (x3YFz)

188 Jay Carney really knocked that answer out of the park with his cheeky, ironic answer. I always associate "cheeky" with the YouPorn Taxi Driver where the woman in the back seat calls the driver a "cheeky bastard" right after he propositions them for sex in place of cab fare.

Posted by: © Sponge at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (xmcEQ)

189 Naw...if three drinks won't wash it down, four won't either.

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (JtwS4)

190
Alex, give my China boondoggle for $2,650,000!

Posted by: American Taxpayer at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (nQjHM)

191 School will be open on they birfday!

Posted by: Chris Rock at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (ZPrif)

192 Peter, I can see my house from here!

Posted by: Biff Boffo at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (YmPwQ)

193 Heh.Eyetalians.... knife.... gunfight. Some assembly required..... Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 03:23 PM (nELVU) now this is fucking funny! lol.

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (15qFH)

194 That dog would bite you.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (gBnkX)

195 You give him a radar gun and put him at the bottom of a hill.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (DrWcr)

196 ..."That's not my severed ear; mine had a pencil behind it."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (HsTG8)

197 "HmmmÂ… I'll take the soup!"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (olDqf)

198 That dawg will bite u.

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (QupBk)

199 So, the genie turned him into a tampon.

Posted by: Biff Boffo at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (YmPwQ)

200 142 Speaking of the Irish "a six pack and a potato." Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 03:22 PM (15qFH) Shut up, you goombah guinea greaseball dago wop spaghetti-bender! (I hope that covers most of them)

Posted by: bergerbilder at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (8MjqI)

201 "And she said, 'That's not my dog.'"

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (4df7R)

202 "Flip Wilson! See you Tuesday, Teach!"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:28 AM (olDqf)

203 and dammit, it was in my daughter's handwriting!

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:29 AM (QupBk)

204 "Rectum? Hell, it killed'em"

Posted by: AltonJackson at March 20, 2014 11:29 AM (9HP5k)

205 They only had two cars.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:29 AM (gBnkX)

206
Michelle, don't hump my leg!

Posted by: Baracka the Magnificent at March 20, 2014 11:29 AM (nQjHM)

207 191 ... You're supposed to ride the camel into town. Posted by: Warthog at March 20, 2014 03:27 PM (WDySP) one of my favs!

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:29 AM (15qFH)

208 205 Shut up, you goombah guinea greaseball dago wop spaghetti-bender! (I hope that covers most of them) Posted by: bergerbilder at March 20, 2014 03:28 PM (8MjqI) He's German-Irish, my kraut-mick friend!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:29 AM (olDqf)

209 In the near future, Putin could possible be credited with ruining the Climate Change gambit single-handedly

This alone should get him a Nobel Prize

Posted by: Lee Harvey Oswald at March 20, 2014 11:29 AM (e8kgV)

210
Yessa..... one-a for a-January, one-a for a-Februrary, one-a for March-a......

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:29 AM (nELVU)

211 Poof, both leg's were gone.

Posted by: CSMBigBird at March 20, 2014 11:30 AM (jsWA8)

212 The last guy said "I work in a lollipop factory".

Posted by: Armando at March 20, 2014 11:30 AM (EDWuJ)

213 Read the transcript Candy..

Posted by: Barky at March 20, 2014 11:30 AM (aDwsi)

214 How do you spell uclaucmit?

Posted by: Carnac, The at March 20, 2014 11:30 AM (ZPrif)

215 "A fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and fucked-up duck."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:30 AM (olDqf)

216 The beans keep falling through the grill.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:30 AM (gBnkX)

217 we can't eat him all at once, he's a helluva damn fine pig!

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:30 AM (QupBk)

218
The spirits don't believe anything Senor Obama says.

Posted by: Miss Cleo, Psychic Friends Network at March 20, 2014 11:31 AM (nQjHM)

219 "Look, he's moving!"

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:31 AM (8ZskC)

220 I said, "Posse!", "Posse!"

Posted by: Cowboy at March 20, 2014 11:31 AM (ZPrif)

221 ..."Pull up your drawers! I said, 'Smack your mutt!'"

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:31 AM (HsTG8)

222 "The lady with the recipe died."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:31 AM (olDqf)

223

So men will talk to them.

 

So they don't leave a trail like a slug.

 

So you can carry them upside down like a 6-pack.

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at March 20, 2014 11:31 AM (JtwS4)

224
Doesn't really matter cause you just know that the press room has every seat bugged and they just listen in to the reporters talking to each other.  Its why Oblammy is always late, they have to gather the questions and give him his answers.

  #allconspiraciesareprobablenow

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 20, 2014 11:31 AM (0Kobm)

225 No! No! In the front of zee pants!

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:31 AM (QupBk)

226 "Because the air is free."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:31 AM (olDqf)

227 "OK. Coffee Break is over. Back on your heads."

Posted by: punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:31 AM (H+1fB)

228 Limerick punchline: "And he finished the job in mid-air."

Posted by: Meremortal at March 20, 2014 11:31 AM (1Y+hH)

229 "Your dog is pregnant and your garbage is missing."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:32 AM (olDqf)

230 Don't worry, we can jump from here!

Posted by: Polish Paratrooper at March 20, 2014 11:32 AM (ZPrif)

231 All the ones who can run, jump, or swim are already here.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:32 AM (gBnkX)

232 212 191 ... You're supposed to ride the camel into town. Posted by: Warthog at March 20, 2014 03:27 PM (WDySP) one of my favs! Posted by: Guido Like that's going to help me.

Posted by: The Goat at March 20, 2014 11:32 AM (aDwsi)

233

Focus?

 

Bofus? 

Posted by: BurtTC at March 20, 2014 11:32 AM (TOk1P)

234
Friends, it's all about the pussy!

Posted by: Jo Jo Biden at March 20, 2014 11:32 AM (nQjHM)

235 This isn't the Onion.   This is NRO.   (http://tinyurl.com/n4zhqme)



If President ObamaÂ’s looking for a post-presidential occupation, he could find it on the floor of the Staples Center, Kobe Bryant says. On Wednesday, sports radio host Dan Patrick asked the Los Angeles Lakers star if the president could play for the team, currently among the worst teams in the league and having one of their worst seasons in nearly a decade.



“Yes, he could, actually,” Bryant responded. “That’s not a diss at the current roster that we have, but more of a sign of respect of the skill that the president possesses.”




Funny.   I didn't know   having a CLANG! to basket ratio   of   100:1 was considered "skillful."   



of course, considering how much the Lakers suck this year,   that actually might be an improvement.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:32 AM (4df7R)

236 I think I need to visit more flea markets and dusty antique stores.  $33 million Faberge Egg on the mantlepiece.  Wow.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at March 20, 2014 11:32 AM (1zr4/)

237 Do I really look like a weasel or is it just my personality.

Posted by: Jay Carney at March 20, 2014 11:32 AM (Aif/5)

238 "When he rubbed them together the played "Stormy Weather," and lightning shot out of his ass."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:32 AM (olDqf)

239
C'mon.... admit it.   This isnt about the hunting anymore is it???

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:33 AM (nELVU)

240 "At these prices, you won't get many more."

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:33 AM (8ZskC)

241 "Simple.  I just drank her douche and counted the lumps as they went down."

Posted by: Country Singer at March 20, 2014 11:33 AM (L8r/r)

242 ..."The last thing that I saw was that poor little monkey, frantically trying to stick the cork back in the elephant's ass."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:33 AM (HsTG8)

243 They both have a cockpit.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:33 AM (gBnkX)

244 "Mothers Against Dyslexia."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:33 AM (olDqf)

245 ....and the doc said, "That's not my  ring".

Posted by: Soona at March 20, 2014 11:33 AM (SxpmN)

246 246 "Simple. I just drank her douche and counted the lumps as they went down." Posted by: Country Singer at March 20, 2014 03:33 PM (L8r/r) OMFG! I don't even want to hear the joke!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:34 AM (olDqf)

247 "If I can find my car keys we can drive out."

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:34 AM (8ZskC)

248 So he starts running after her with his pants around his ankles, yelling "Hey, wat about my penguin job!?"

Posted by: bergerbilder at March 20, 2014 11:34 AM (8MjqI)

249 The forgot the recipe. Fire! How do you get all the water in that little tiny pouch?

Posted by: Polish Jokes for Kids at March 20, 2014 11:34 AM (ZPrif)

250 205 142 Speaking of the Irish "a six pack and a potato." Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 03:22 PM (15qFH) Shut up, you goombah guinea greaseball dago wop spaghetti-bender! (I hope that covers most of them) Posted by: bergerbilder at March 20, 2014 03:28 PM (8MjqI) It's a good summary...Ginzo and Tony (To NY) "but they're so cute when they're little."

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:34 AM (15qFH)

251 "Get off the table, Mable.   The quarter's for the soup."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:34 AM (4df7R)

252 and the Pope said, "you fuckers are all right!"

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at March 20, 2014 11:34 AM (JtwS4)

253 So, where's his wheelchair?

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:34 AM (QupBk)

254
Ru Paul, Reggie Love, and Barack Obama walk into a leather bar..

Posted by: Doctor Fish at March 20, 2014 11:34 AM (nQjHM)

255 C'mon.... admit it. This isnt about the hunting anymore is it??? Priceless.

Posted by: rickb223 at March 20, 2014 11:35 AM (KvM9d)

256 "Takeoff, Zebra, baby!"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:35 AM (olDqf)

257 (from one of the grossest jokes I can remember) The dead one's full again!

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:35 AM (gBnkX)

258 Are we still talking about the $460,000 in quarters from this morning MWR?

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at March 20, 2014 11:35 AM (1zr4/)

259 "You can slick her hair back and pretend she's 7!"

Posted by: Roman Polanski at March 20, 2014 11:35 AM (H+1fB)

260 Funny. I didn't know having a CLANG! to basket ratio of 100:1 was considered "skillful."

===

Yo dawg, some homies think I should be in the hall of fame.

We talkin' about practice.

Posted by: Allen Iverson at March 20, 2014 11:35 AM (YmPwQ)

261 259 Ru Paul, Reggie Love, and Barack Obama walk into a leather bar.. Posted by: Doctor Fish at March 20, 2014 03:34 PM (nQjHM) They turn over a stool and order an enema with 4 straws, ever hopeful..,

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:35 AM (olDqf)

262 Posted by: Country Singer at March 20, 2014 03:33 PM (L8r/r)



*vomits noisily*



That one needed a trigger warning!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:35 AM (4df7R)

263 one of them you can unload 'em with a pitchfork.

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:35 AM (QupBk)

264 "and deep too."

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:36 AM (15qFH)

265
And the old favorite, "yes Coleen, I'll only use the tip."

Posted by: Doctor Fish at March 20, 2014 11:36 AM (nQjHM)

266 190?
J.J. Sefton?
"What you mean 'wrong hole?!'"

Old mechanic's/machinist's joke?

"You wahood! That what she exclaimed when you stuck it in the wrong hole...."

Posted by: backhoe at March 20, 2014 11:36 AM (ULH4o)

267 "Okay, you're ugly too."

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:36 AM (8ZskC)

268 You can't touch this punchline, it's over: President Obama at Florida event: 'We've got to build an economy that works for everybody, not just for a few' - @BarackObama

Posted by: Meremortal at March 20, 2014 11:36 AM (1Y+hH)

269 OH,    I forgot, your brother borrowed the truck

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 20, 2014 11:36 AM (AskuI)

270 Are we still talking about the $460,000 in quarters from this morning MWR?

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at March 20, 2014 03:35 PM (1zr4/)



I think I missed that convo!

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:36 AM (4df7R)

271 Sheep lie.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at March 20, 2014 11:36 AM (aDwsi)

272 ... "$425.25? Who did you charge twenty-five cents?" "All of 'em."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:36 AM (HsTG8)

273 Hairlip! Hairlip!

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:37 AM (QupBk)

274 "Â…They buy it."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:37 AM (olDqf)

275 You gonna sit there squawkin', or you gonna fish?

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:37 AM (gBnkX)

276 Okay, Fred, coffee break is over. Back on your head.

Posted by: satan at March 20, 2014 11:37 AM (hn5v5)

277

From a limerick:

 

But think of all the money he'll save.

Posted by: Soona at March 20, 2014 11:37 AM (SxpmN)

278 "He choose death! Death by bunga bunga!"

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:37 AM (8ZskC)

279 President Obama at Florida event: 'We've got to build an economy that works for everybody, not just for a few' - @BarackObama

Posted by: Meremortal at March 20, 2014 03:36 PM (1Y+hH)



Dear Preezy Obammy,


2007   called.   It wants its empty campaign promises back.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:37 AM (4df7R)

280 "suffer baby! Suffer!"

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:37 AM (15qFH)

281 It is! Wanta buy a toothbrush?

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:37 AM (QupBk)

282
I heard it as:  "It's time to fish or fuck?"

Posted by: Doctor Fish at March 20, 2014 11:37 AM (nQjHM)

283 She's a Goonie-Goo-Goo, Gus!

Posted by: Eddie at March 20, 2014 11:38 AM (ZPrif)

284 271 190? J.J. Sefton? "What you mean 'wrong hole?!'" Old mechanic's/machinist's joke? "You wahood! That what she exclaimed when you stuck it in the wrong hole...." Posted by: backhoe at March 20, 2014 03:36 PM (ULH4o) I'm referring to the joke where the American businessman goes to Japan and learns the word "Toshi-ma!"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:38 AM (olDqf)

285 MWR, some Joisey wise guy on the city dole stole from the parking meter department over a few years about $460,000 in quarters.  He only got probation.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at March 20, 2014 11:38 AM (1zr4/)

286 Can I push in your stool?

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:38 AM (gBnkX)

287 Easy. Dress her up as an altar boy.

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at March 20, 2014 11:38 AM (JtwS4)

288
Yeah Monte, just an RCH to the left!

Posted by: Doctor Fish at March 20, 2014 11:38 AM (nQjHM)

289 MWR, some Joisey wise guy on the city dole stole from the parking meter department over a few years about $460,000 in quarters. He only got probation.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at March 20, 2014 03:38 PM (1zr4/)



Because of course he did.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:39 AM (4df7R)

290 "Why did you say it twice?"



"I didn't."


Posted by: EC at March 20, 2014 11:39 AM (GQ8sn)

291 (slaps his  hand)  No, those are for the funeral!

Posted by: BurtTC at March 20, 2014 11:39 AM (TOk1P)

292 Toby, at 286, I'm desperately trying to remember that one.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:39 AM (gBnkX)

293
A brunette with bad breath.....

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:39 AM (nELVU)

294
So little Johnny Fuckherfaster said....

Posted by: Doctor Fish at March 20, 2014 11:40 AM (nQjHM)

295 294 MWR, some Joisey wise guy on the city dole stole from the parking meter department over a few years about $460,000 in quarters. He only got probation. Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at March 20, 2014 03:38 PM (1zr4/) Because of course he did. Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit at March 20, 2014 03:39 PM (4df7R) Poor Donald Manes had to slash his wrists with a dull steak knife. Look it up.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:40 AM (olDqf)

296 You know, us being this easily amused can't be doing wonders for Ace's self-esteem.

Posted by: garrett at March 20, 2014 11:40 AM (H+1fB)

297
Son of a bitch!..... I just lost ONE BILLION DOLLARS..

*points pinky finger at mouth*

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 20, 2014 11:40 AM (0Kobm)

298 You can just turn 'em around and pretend they're a boy.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:40 AM (gBnkX)

299 Toby, at 286, I'm desperately trying to remember that one. Give me another chance, I will sell many toothbrushes, many tootbrushes!

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:40 AM (QupBk)

300 I'm referring to the joke where the American businessman goes to Japan and learns the word "Toshi-ma!" Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 03:38 PM (olDqf) Well, hell just go ahead and break the Blog rules JJ. Didn't you start this punchline fest?

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:40 AM (15qFH)

301 Good news Fred Phelps is rotating on Satan's barbed cock about now

Posted by: thunderb at March 20, 2014 11:41 AM (zOTsN)

302
Dating Lena Dunham would require a sack of flour!

Posted by: Doctor Fish at March 20, 2014 11:41 AM (nQjHM)

303 The hardest  part is washing the blood off the clown suit.

Posted by: Soona at March 20, 2014 11:41 AM (SxpmN)

304 306 Well, hell just go ahead and break the Blog rules JJ. Didn't you start this punchline fest? Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 03:40 PM (15qFH) GuiltyÂ… with an explanation.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:41 AM (olDqf)

305 "Why do you ask, Fucking Dog?"

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:41 AM (8ZskC)

306 302 You know, us being this easily amused can't be doing wonders for Ace's self-esteem. Posted by: garrett at March 20, 2014 03:40 PM (H+1fB) C'mon, tell the whole joke! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeze!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:41 AM (HsTG8)

307 308
Dating Lena Dunham would require a sack of flour!

Posted by: Doctor Fish at March 20, 2014 03:41 PM (nQjHM)

 

And blindness.  And deafness.  And leprosy.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 20, 2014 11:41 AM (DrWcr)

308 From a limerick: But instead of coming, he went.

Posted by: bergerbilder at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (8MjqI)

309 You can just turn 'em around and pretend they're a boy. That's disgusting.

Posted by: Harry Reid at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (H+1fB)

310 You know, us being this easily amused can't be doing wonders for Ace's self-esteem.

Posted by: garrett at March 20, 2014 03:40 PM (H+1fB)


----


remember in third grade when Mrs Turner said.... "everybody stay in your seats and be quiet.   I'm going to the office for 10 minutes."


This thread is EXACTLY like that.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (nELVU)

311 While half the fun is figuring out the joke to the punchline, what we really need is a thread with lots of trigger alerts surrounding it where we might post the whole sick, perverted thing. The Horde clamors for it.

Posted by: Warthog at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (WDySP)

312 307 Good news Fred Phelps is rotating on Satan's barbed cock about now Posted by: thunderb at March 20, 2014 03:41 PM (zOTsN) Satan's gay?! I did NOT know that.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (olDqf)

313 302 You know, us being this easily amused can't be doing wonders for Ace's self-esteem. Posted by: garrett at March 20, 2014 03:40 PM (H+1fB) There's a joke in there somewhere.

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (15qFH)

314 You think your afraid, you're not the one who has to walk back alone.

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (QupBk)

315 A submarine!

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (gBnkX)

316 78 Ed Henry tweeted out immediately that her claim was "dead wrong"

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 20, 2014 03:11 PM (DmNpO)


Microagression!

Posted by: LizLem at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (ijXVY)

317 "I     would, but we need the eggs."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (4df7R)

318

You know, us being this easily amused can't be doing wonders for Ace's self-esteem.

 

Who knows?  It might give him a sense of power.  Ever throw a handful of fish chow into a trout hatchery? 

 

I was thinking about that in this morning's thread.  He tosses out anything and we'll roll around in it for hours.

Posted by: Frumious Bandersnatch at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (JtwS4)

319 the proper name is "Two Dogs Fucking" my hubby had a squadron mate they renamed Two Dogs for this very reason

Posted by: thunderb at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (zOTsN)

320 "Thank you, thank you!For my next act, I need a volunteer from the audience - you sir, in the back - no, the gentleman with the obsequious posture - yes you..."

Posted by: tubal at March 20, 2014 11:42 AM (50c0S)

321

The whole fucking administration reads off a teleprompter.


Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz Christies at March 20, 2014 11:43 AM (xggaJ)

322 317 While half the fun is figuring out the joke to the punchline, what we really need is a thread with lots of trigger alerts surrounding it where we might post the whole sick, perverted thing. The Horde clamors for it. Posted by: Warthog at March 20, 2014 03:42 PM (WDySP) My new website will be for that: Douche of Clubs HQ.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:43 AM (olDqf)

323 An elephant.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 20, 2014 11:43 AM (AskuI)

324 White House insiders are say that Obama is prepared to escalate punishment if Russia bullying her neighbors.  Sources say that Obama is seriously considering declaring a "Fart in the general direction of Moscow" day.


This is on the QT.  Don't want Russia to start any premature hilarity and ridicule.

Posted by: LoneStarHeeb at March 20, 2014 11:43 AM (BZAd3)

325 311 "Why do you ask, Fucking Dog?" Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at March 20, 2014 03:41 PM (8ZskC) aaaah...memories...lol.

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:43 AM (15qFH)

326 Mooooooooo!

Posted by: Interrupting at March 20, 2014 11:43 AM (ZPrif)

327

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a look of misery and dejection on the face of my daughter as I just did a moment ago. She just couldn’t understand why Gaia would undermine the efforts of fellow Warm Earthers. “Even my Grandpa?” she asked pitifully.

I sat down with her on the sofa and (as calmly as I could) tried to explain to her why Gaia has rushed to judgment and besmirched the good name of every Warm Earther, past and present. “And yes honey, even Grandpa”, I was forced to say.

I tried to keep my voice steady, but it became increasingly difficult – the rage and feelings of helplessness were just too much. I think my daughter could tell something was wrong. I found myself at such a loss for words – nothing made any sense; nothing makes sense anymore. I finally had to admit, “Honey, I just don’t know – I don’t know what’s going on in this planet anymore…”

When I finished her lower lip started to tremble and her eyes began to fill with tears, “Daddy” she said, “why is Gaia doing this to the planet ?” Well, that was it for me: I finally fell apart. She just fell into my arms and we both began sobbing for several minutes.

For once she had to comfort me and get me back on my feet. Sometimes I just think itÂ’s too much, but seeing the strength in my young daughterÂ’s voice helped me to get through.

Posted by: Carl Sagan at March 20, 2014 11:43 AM (e8kgV)

328 Stew!

Posted by: Soona at March 20, 2014 11:44 AM (SxpmN)

329 This thread is EXACTLY like that.

/fires paper dart

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 20, 2014 11:44 AM (FrfNj)

330 Why do you ask, Fucking Dog?" It was two dogs fucking under a tree

Posted by: Velvet Ambition at March 20, 2014 11:44 AM (R8hU8)

331 Fuck you, clown.

Posted by: Deadpan at March 20, 2014 11:44 AM (ZPrif)

332 "Behind the third hole is a milking machine and it won't stop until it gets five gallons."

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:44 AM (8ZskC)

333 "Me no stupid. Check for Bees!"

Posted by: Indian Brave at March 20, 2014 11:44 AM (H+1fB)

334 They only give me coloring sheets

Posted by: Joe Biden at March 20, 2014 11:44 AM (RGgMp)

335 I confess that I'm going to give-in to the urge to google that douche drinking joke

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:44 AM (gBnkX)

336 "hey it can happen!"

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:44 AM (15qFH)

337 The Aristocrats!

Posted by: thunderb at March 20, 2014 11:44 AM (zOTsN)

338 That's right! Take it all!

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:44 AM (QupBk)

339
Ya suck just one cock and they call you gay.

Posted by: Barack Obama at March 20, 2014 11:45 AM (0Kobm)

340 remember in third grade when Mrs Turner said.... "everybody stay in your seats and be quiet. I'm going to the office for 10 minutes." This thread is EXACTLY like that. Every class had at least one little Johnny...

Posted by: rickb223 at March 20, 2014 11:45 AM (KvM9d)

341 Calm down now, we've got meat snacks for everybody.

Posted by: Fritz at March 20, 2014 11:45 AM (UzPAd)

342 342 I confess that I'm going to give-in to the urge to google that douche drinking joke Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 03:44 PM (gBnkX) Yeah, that one has piqued my curiosity, although I dread finding out.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:45 AM (olDqf)

343 "I'm sorry, but I have a team of blondes installing a new lawn across the street."

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at March 20, 2014 11:46 AM (8ZskC)

344 "1000 people who don't do dick"

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:46 AM (15qFH)

345 I confess that I'm going to give-in to the urge to google that douche drinking joke What is once seen cannot be unseen.

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:46 AM (QupBk)

346 Nevermind.

Posted by: Catchphrase comedy at March 20, 2014 11:46 AM (ZPrif)

347 344 The Aristocrats! Posted by: thunderb at March 20, 2014 03:44 PM (zOTsN) Well played (**golf claps**)

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:46 AM (olDqf)

348 I confess that I'm going to give-in to the urge to google that douche drinking joke

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 03:44 PM (gBnkX)


In order to avoid a wall of text, it involves a broke but horny Marine driving through Nevada and making a bet with a madam that if he can tell her how many times her best girl got laid last night without talking to the girl, he gets the night with her for free.

Posted by: Country Singer at March 20, 2014 11:46 AM (L8r/r)

349 A good start!

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:46 AM (QupBk)

350 go back go back, its just a blow job!!

Posted by: thunderb at March 20, 2014 11:46 AM (zOTsN)

351 FOOD FIGHT ****

Posted by: Blutto at March 20, 2014 11:46 AM (RGgMp)

352 350 "1000 people who don't do dick" Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 03:46 PM (15qFH) It's 2 million people, no?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 11:47 AM (olDqf)

353 The profession gave us journolist, an obama assisting group of asshats "secretly" trying to propagandize for the administration. You know they could never do such a thing.

Posted by: ejo at March 20, 2014 11:47 AM (GXvSO)

354
I've joined the 72 virgin fluffing team!

Posted by: Kate Upton at March 20, 2014 11:47 AM (nQjHM)

355 See, I thought it was a little different procedure. All this time I thought the White House gave the reporters their questions to ask Carney so they all stay on obama's informercial script.

Posted by: soothsayer, king of the underscore at March 20, 2014 11:47 AM (GiDKn)

356 So that's how they keep all the lies straight... they're written down.

Posted by: wth at March 20, 2014 11:47 AM (wAQA5)

357 "One to hold the bulb, and four to turn the house."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:47 AM (4df7R)

358 345 That's right! Take it all! Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 03:44 PM (QupBk) two punchlines I think...about an elephant?

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:47 AM (15qFH)

359 He ate it

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 20, 2014 11:48 AM (AskuI)

360 Yeah, I'm gonna chalk that one up in the top five sickest jokes I know.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:48 AM (gBnkX)

361 "Oh thank Heaven," the nun said, crossing herself, "I thought you said 'a Protestant!'"

Posted by: Conservative Crank at March 20, 2014 11:48 AM (sQ0LB)

362
You've really got a big one!

Posted by: College Freshman at March 20, 2014 11:48 AM (nQjHM)

363
Oh no!!!...... Not another breathalizer!!

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:48 AM (nELVU)

364 oh, what a tangled web jay weaves... White House Jay Carney rehearses questions with reporters prior to photo op "press conference". Jay Carney has no memory of practicing before performing. Because, like his boss Obama w/TOTUS, Carney routinely reads his teleprompter. It was the TELEPROMPTER programmer who attends the rehearsals with reporters prior to live broadcast press conferences. Asked a question? Unless someone talks in his ear and he sings along, we see him flounder. And by the way, no matter how much Carney would LIKE to be able to take credit for being so smart, he has no memory. He admits that he has no memory. With a mindless dunce like Carney around, his supervisors anticipate his inability to betray, reason he has that job. He can read, but he couldn't tell you what he just said after the fact. Although the phrase is "practice makes perfect" neurologists clarify the learning process as "practice makes memory". And where practice makes no memory? The brain is disconnected. That's Carney. Now if he claims he does have a functional brain with memory intact, that IS his confession to being a LIAR.

Posted by: panzernashorn at March 20, 2014 11:48 AM (/vO0r)

365 go to may site and I'll explain all of this to you little people

Posted by: Matt Yglesis at March 20, 2014 11:48 AM (RGgMp)

366 "To get to the other side."



(I can't possibly be the first one to post that.  it is THE punchline!)

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:48 AM (4df7R)

367 361 I've joined the 72 virgin fluffing team! Posted by: Kate Upton at March 20, 2014 03:47 PM (nQjHM) Uh, Allah Akbar, Y'all?

Posted by: tubal at March 20, 2014 11:49 AM (50c0S)

368 I have a terrible job that I almost posted during my Toby928 has a dirty joke period. Maybe on an ONT.

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:49 AM (QupBk)

369 It's 2 million people, no? Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 03:47 PM (olDqf) Absolutely JJ...Obamas version of the joke, and it loses it's humor. Ugh.

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:49 AM (15qFH)

370 He then said to the priest, "Hey, you got any toilet paper    in your stall?"

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 20, 2014 11:49 AM (AskuI)

371 That's not funny, you sexist.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 20, 2014 11:49 AM (DrWcr)

372 shep is looking at a picture of people digging. He is telling us they are digging. Thanks for that Or-EEE-in

Posted by: thunderb at March 20, 2014 11:49 AM (zOTsN)

373 354 344 The Aristocrats!
Posted by: thunderb at March 20, 2014 03:44 PM (zOTsN)


Well played (**golf claps**)

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 20, 2014 03:46 PM (olDqf

 

I liked it better the first time, at comment 95

Posted by: Conservative Crank at March 20, 2014 11:49 AM (sQ0LB)

374 Not everyone's been inside a Ferrari.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:50 AM (gBnkX)

375 "If I'm gonna be impotent, I got to act impotent."

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 20, 2014 11:50 AM (8ZskC)

376 ..."Then we'd both be wrong."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:50 AM (HsTG8)

377 M&M shells all over the floor.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 20, 2014 11:50 AM (DrWcr)

378 We eat the only witnesses.

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:50 AM (QupBk)

379 "Oh sh*t!" said the blonde, "I'm going to have puppies!"

Posted by: Conservative Crank at March 20, 2014 11:51 AM (sQ0LB)

380 She saw 911 on the side, and thought it was a Porsche.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 20, 2014 11:51 AM (AskuI)

381 Nothing. You already told her twice.

Posted by: Armando at March 20, 2014 11:51 AM (EDWuJ)

382 Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:51 AM (gBnkX)

383 remember in third grade when Mrs Turner said.... "everybody stay in your seats and be quiet. I'm going to the office for 10 minutes." If by office you mean out back & burn a doobie......

Posted by: rickb223 at March 20, 2014 11:51 AM (KvM9d)

384 I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco.

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:51 AM (QupBk)

385
She threw out all the W's.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:51 AM (nELVU)

386 "Thad Cochran: I Still Have No Idea What the Tea Party Is" Now there's a punchline.

Posted by: tangonine at March 20, 2014 11:51 AM (x3YFz)

387 Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 20, 2014 11:51 AM (DrWcr)

388

Chewing on the respirater.

Posted by: Soona at March 20, 2014 11:51 AM (SxpmN)

389 It means I had to clear my throat before saying the prayer. Why do you ask, Hakkim Farooq?

Posted by: bergerbilder at March 20, 2014 11:52 AM (8MjqI)

390 an interpreter.

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 11:52 AM (QupBk)

391 You don't come here for the hunting, do you, Fred?

Posted by: grizzly bear at March 20, 2014 11:52 AM (hn5v5)

392 240 --- Hah! A second-stringer at a Honolulu prep school! It's interesting that Kobe should say that though, especially when he makes it clear that he is assessing the preezy, not dissing his teammates. What makes human beings flatter the powerful with obvious lies? It's especially remarkable when the speaker has nothing of substance to gain from it.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at March 20, 2014 11:52 AM (dfYL9)

393 Better Nate than lever.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 20, 2014 11:52 AM (DrWcr)

394 White people be all like. Black people be all like.

Posted by: Every black comic ever .. at March 20, 2014 11:52 AM (ZPrif)

395

"A talking dog!"

Posted by: Conservative Crank at March 20, 2014 11:52 AM (sQ0LB)

396 Nothing. You already told her twice.

Posted by: Armando at March 20, 2014 03:51 PM (EDWuJ)


----


My absolute favorite piss off grrrl pwrrrr joke....

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:52 AM (nELVU)

397 I give, what the fuck is going on in this here thread? Is there no supervision?

Posted by: tubal at March 20, 2014 11:52 AM (50c0S)

398 Nood up!

Posted by: rickb223 at March 20, 2014 11:53 AM (KvM9d)

399 ..."Running down my leg."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:53 AM (HsTG8)

400 Absent evidence I can review at my leisure, I don't believe reporters. At all. The only time I might give a reporter the benefit of the doubt is when they're making a statement against interest. *** except... of course, the dimwit who claims to have screwed up her own story. So, we believe her when she says that Carney takes questions in advance. We don't believe her when she says she misreported. And, we don't believe reporters whom we normally trust. Okay.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 20, 2014 11:53 AM (DmNpO)

401 "Porcupines have their pricks on the OUTSIDE."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Bossy Assault Hobbit [/u][/i][/s][/b] at March 20, 2014 11:53 AM (4df7R)

402 "Assume a spherical cow."

Posted by: torquewrench at March 20, 2014 11:53 AM (gqT4g)

403 It's wonderful for your complexion.

Posted by: Fritz at March 20, 2014 11:53 AM (UzPAd)

404 Cum in her shoe and let the flies do the rest.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 20, 2014 11:54 AM (gBnkX)

405 Have you tried closing all the windows and starting up the car again?

Posted by: Comp Sci at March 20, 2014 11:55 AM (ZPrif)

406 404 Nothing. You already told her twice. Posted by: Armando at March 20, 2014 03:51 PM (EDWuJ) ---- My absolute favorite piss off grrrl pwrrrr joke.... Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 03:52 PM (nELVU) ....because she just won't listen!

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:55 AM (15qFH)

407

"But you're bald!" the man protested.

"Yes," the gynecologist answered, "but notice my luxurious beard."

Posted by: Conservative Crank at March 20, 2014 11:55 AM (sQ0LB)

408 That's not a chicken.  That was my  wife.

Posted by: Soona at March 20, 2014 11:55 AM (SxpmN)

409 I give, what the fuck is going on in this here thread? Is there no supervision?

Posted by: tubal at March 20, 2014 03:52 PM (50c0S)


-----


Uh oh.   Mrs Tuner is back.......


**Spits spitball at rickb223

Posted by: fixerupper at March 20, 2014 11:55 AM (nELVU)

410 "To get to the other side." (I can't possibly be the first one to post that. it is THE punchline!) Posted by: MWR --------------- Derivative : "For some fowl reason"

Posted by: Mike Hammer at March 20, 2014 11:56 AM (aDwsi)

411 Shannon Bream ‏@ShannonBream 7s NOW: SupCt just issued order extending Hobby Lobby - HHS contraceptive mandate case to 90 min argument on Tuesday. 10-11:30am ET

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 20, 2014 11:56 AM (DmNpO)

412 "Now, it's the new normal - absolute sycophancy."

Is that pronounced psycho-fancy or sicko-fancy?

Posted by: whoever at March 20, 2014 11:56 AM (pjMym)

413 Because Sheep would be way too obvious.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at March 20, 2014 11:56 AM (4WhSY)

414

So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

Posted by: Armando at March 20, 2014 11:56 AM (EDWuJ)

415 You don't see any flies on the watermelon.

Posted by: Soona at March 20, 2014 11:56 AM (SxpmN)

416 ..."I've got one of these and with it, I can get all of those that I want!"

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at March 20, 2014 11:56 AM (HsTG8)

417 and Hillary said, "if I could walk that way I wouldn't need the talcum powder!"

Posted by: Mallfly at March 20, 2014 11:57 AM (bJm7W)

418 405 I give, what the fuck is going on in this here thread? Is there no supervision? Posted by: tubal at March 20, 2014 03:52 PM (50c0S) I won't mention any names but JJ seems to have started it. Then ran off to the new thread.

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:57 AM (15qFH)

419 answer: a rabbi can get married and have children...

Posted by: Mallfly at March 20, 2014 11:57 AM (bJm7W)

420 'but it can buy something that looks and acts just like it'

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:58 AM (15qFH)

421 "because she can't stand seeing him have a good time.'

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:58 AM (15qFH)

422 and I'm out....whew I'm exhausted.

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 11:59 AM (15qFH)

423 and the farmer said, "damn, that's the third queer rooster this month!"

Posted by: Mallfly at March 20, 2014 11:59 AM (bJm7W)

424 because he was nailed to a chicken ...

Posted by: toby928© all my posts come with a Trigger Warning at March 20, 2014 12:00 PM (QupBk)

425 "chickens!?"

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 12:00 PM (15qFH)

426 "don't worry, your clothes won't fit her"

Posted by: Mallfly at March 20, 2014 12:00 PM (bJm7W)

427 Lets bolt this joint Mallfly we beta it to death.

Posted by: Guido 'last of Guido tribe' at March 20, 2014 12:01 PM (15qFH)

428 "go ahead, honey, my wife doesn't know what a whore house smells like."

Posted by: Mallfly at March 20, 2014 12:01 PM (bJm7W)

429 "but doesn't the Bible say, Blessed are they who come in the name of the Lord"..?

Posted by: Mallfly at March 20, 2014 12:03 PM (bJm7W)

430 "Those aren't buoys!"

Posted by: Big McLargehuge at March 20, 2014 12:07 PM (o1CfD)

431 I don't hate Baraka for his skin color. That would be stupid.

Nose width is what's important.

Posted by: whoever at March 20, 2014 12:20 PM (pjMym)

432 Now where's that Eskimo woman you want me to kill?

Posted by: whoever at March 20, 2014 12:29 PM (pjMym)

433 Let me assure you, Mr. Carney, I can assure you professional hygiene, discretion, and animal gratification....I have a work order here which specifies that I am to roger you roundly 'til 6:15 tomorrow morning...You're dealing here with a fully qualified male strumpet. I service the entire ... Beltway area ...

Posted by: Fred Garvin, male prostitute and member of the MSM at March 20, 2014 12:33 PM (YBusZ)

434 214 In the near future, Putin could possible be credited with ruining the Climate Change gambit single-handedly

This alone should get him a Nobel Prize.

--

Why should Putin save the west from committing economic suicide? With us gone, Russia and China will rule the world. Not coincidentally, Osama Barakka's wet dream.

Posted by: whoever at March 20, 2014 12:46 PM (pjMym)

435 So, now reporter is retracting story...hmmm.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, Bossy Redneck Queen at March 20, 2014 01:37 PM (baL2B)

436 The hilarious part is that this was 'off the record' and the reporter had the stones to report it anyway. Some spare local CBS reporter has more balls than these national big shot reporters.

Posted by: Jay at March 20, 2014 03:30 PM (iJBvZ)

437 Listening to Rush today & predicted that she would retract this story before the end of the day. Forced by the Dems/whitehouse. Dangled the rest of her career in front of her. If you like your career you can keep your career.

Posted by: sharon at March 20, 2014 05:21 PM (k0bWj)

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