March 29, 2014

"Goat Simulator:" Game Hailed By Its Maker as "World's Dumbest Game" Will Put You Behind the Controls of a Top-of-the-Line, High-Tech Goat
— Ace

You've long had the fantasy of piloting a goat, right?

Sure. Who hasn't.

Well April Fools Day is your lucky day then.

"Goat Simulator is the latest in goat simulation technology, bringing next-gen goat simulation to you," Coffee Stain Studios writes. "You no longer have to fantasize about being a goat, your dreams have finally come true!"

They also call it a "stupid, small, broken game," and brag that the game has "millions" of bugs and glitches in it, but they're leaving them in anyway, to enhance the Goat Simulation, or whatever. (They say they'll fix the game-breaking glitches but the rest will stay in.)

What might you do as a goat? Well, you do the same thing as you do in every other game: You move around, destroy objects and vehicles, and kill people. (Though the creator says the inert bodies you leave behind are merely "sleeping.") The goat headbutts things until they explode, the explosion sometimes launching him into flight, and you set people on fire by headbutting barbecues into them.

Then you go to the town's zero-g simulator because, well, of course it has one.

You can also carry around heavy objects by licking them with your tongue. Because your tongue sticks to them, and then you can carry things around and kill people with them.

The way goats do.

Below, the official launch video for what people are calling (in a Sharknado-like way) "the greatest video game ever made."

And here's some gameplay with the Goat Simulator, with simultaneous interview of the creator. At 4:23, the creator shows off the "Tall Goat" mode, which is worth watching.


You can throw ten dollars away here, if you gotta get your goat on.

Posted by: Ace at 09:13 AM | Comments (190)
Post contains 327 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Um. OK.

Posted by: rickl at March 29, 2014 09:28 AM (sdi6R)

2 I see everybody else is speechless as well.

Posted by: rickl at March 29, 2014 09:30 AM (sdi6R)

3 No one can believe they can finally indulge their fantasy of being a bad-tempered goat.

Posted by: ace at March 29, 2014 09:30 AM (/FnUH)

4 Should be quite popular in the ME.

Posted by: SouthTexas at March 29, 2014 09:31 AM (uhFbA)

5 Nope, still can't think of a cogent comment. I got nuthin'.

Posted by: rickl at March 29, 2014 09:31 AM (sdi6R)

6 I'm guessing this is the logical sequel to "Redneck Rampage."

Posted by: Blake at March 29, 2014 09:31 AM (2IqjF)

7 Curse you infidel Americans with your porn obsessions!


But only $10 bucks you say...

Posted by: Achmed at March 29, 2014 09:32 AM (3a584)

8 Next up: Honey Badger Simulator.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at March 29, 2014 09:32 AM (0HooB)

9 I'll admit that I've actually been looking forward to this game. There's also a game coming out where you can be a bear wandering around the forest doing bear stuff like stealing pik-a-nik baskets and killing butterflies.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at March 29, 2014 09:34 AM (Yx4EH)

10 Moar evidence our civilization is in reverse!

Posted by: Soothsayer as The Villain at March 29, 2014 09:35 AM (EoeFV)

11 9 There's also a game coming out where you can be a bear wandering around the forest doing bear stuff like stealing pik-a-nik baskets and killing butterflies. Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at March 29, 2014 01:34 PM (Yx4EH) And shitting, presumably.

Posted by: rickl at March 29, 2014 09:35 AM (sdi6R)

12 Why are we talking about goats? There are much more important things that we need to be talking about! And I heard the developers are Dems! Starve the beast! Don't be a RINO and feed the machine of our destruction!!!!11!!

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at March 29, 2014 09:35 AM (GEICT)

13 Wow, the Boss is working weekends. Thanks for the new one Ace.

Posted by: ManWithNoParty at March 29, 2014 09:35 AM (ojnk6)

14 I want to, but I'm not ready for it yet.

Posted by: eman at March 29, 2014 09:36 AM (AO9UG)

15 And shitting, presumably. And then finding a rabbit, natch.

Posted by: Soothsayer as The Villain at March 29, 2014 09:36 AM (EoeFV)

16 This will be a very popular game in Pakistan... Think about, what if the game was Hot Babe Simulator...it would sell like hotcakes.

Posted by: William Eaton at March 29, 2014 09:36 AM (rLRIj)

17 I like 'em when they play 'hard to get'!

Posted by: Achmed the Goatherd at March 29, 2014 09:36 AM (661Xw)

18 Backwards Boy: There's a game called Shelter where you play as a mother badger guiding it's young. The bear simulator game actually looked pretty good on it's kickstarter video.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at March 29, 2014 09:36 AM (Yx4EH)

19 It will be cited in divorce court.

Posted by: eman at March 29, 2014 09:37 AM (AO9UG)

20 ~ tap tap tap tap tap ~ of course Hadji is a gamer Hadji has the fingers of basket weaver and the speed of a mongoose, why one time ... wait. This microphone? It is on? Yes? and so.. Hello! It is I, Hadji the Muslim Comic, here to give you the chuckle that will make your infidel knees buckle. Please to face Mecca when that happens. And, so ... Hadji reads that there is a version of the Goat Simulator available in the United States. Big Deal as Hadji says. We in the Middle East have had goat simulators for years. Our wives. Is Hadji Correct or is Hadji correct? Hadji say Take one of my ways ... please. Thank you Thank you Thank you! The veal is fresh as Hadji can attest. And place coins for the waitresses. -

Posted by: Hadji the Muslim Comic at March 29, 2014 09:38 AM (4CVLy)

21 (and now you're all hearing in your ears Everybody's working for the weekend!) You want a piece of my heart? You better start from the start You want to be in the show? C'mon baby, let's go

Posted by: Soothsayer, corn bread assassin at March 29, 2014 09:39 AM (EoeFV)

22 Think this would be a funny game for young boys.
Sort of like GTA but without the violence, T&A.


Posted by: looking closely at March 29, 2014 09:39 AM (TZsWx)

23 Praise Allah! I must have this game! Wait...I thought it said Goat Stimulator. Never mind, infidels!

Posted by: Muhammad Mahmoud Mohammed at March 29, 2014 09:39 AM (mWijP)

24 DBS, there's a bear game video link on the end of the one above.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at March 29, 2014 09:39 AM (0HooB)

25 I have thought it would be cool to have a dinosaur game. I'm tyrannosaurus red. Fear me!

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 29, 2014 09:40 AM (Mogjf)

26 Did that goat have some sort of jet pack?

Posted by: eman at March 29, 2014 09:40 AM (AO9UG)

27 Posted by: Hadji the Muslim Comic at March 29, 2014 01:38 PM (4CVLy) HADJI!!!!!!

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at March 29, 2014 09:40 AM (GEICT)

28 I must wait for cleric to decide if this is greatest or worst thing ever.

Posted by: Muhamad at March 29, 2014 09:40 AM (Aif/5)

29 We in the Middle East have had goat simulators for years. Our wives. Ha!

Posted by: Soothsayer, corn bread assassin at March 29, 2014 09:40 AM (EoeFV)

30 Ace, regarding the thread below

Wouldn't it be a beautiful gesture to send that deaf woman who can hear music again an album from..

The London Boys?

Posted by: kbdabear at March 29, 2014 09:40 AM (aTXUx)

31 24 DBS, there's a bear game video link on the end of the one above. That's what I'm talking about!

Posted by: Andrew Sullivan at March 29, 2014 09:41 AM (mWijP)

32 Are you trying to get my goat?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at March 29, 2014 09:41 AM (1I48Z)

33 Hadji, you should comment more often.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at March 29, 2014 09:41 AM (0HooB)

34 GOAT MODE. 

Posted by: alexthechick - come for the Global Warming stay for the SMOD at March 29, 2014 09:42 AM (Gk3SS)

35 One of these days I'd like to try goat -- on my grill.
 
(although I suspect there is a sound reason for goat not appearing on the supermarket shelves)

Posted by: GnuBreed at March 29, 2014 09:43 AM (cHZB7)

36 Goat broke Batman's back.

Posted by: eman at March 29, 2014 09:43 AM (AO9UG)

37 I enjoyed the giraffe/tall goat option. Really, it is just a great, silly, stupid idea. Plus, they're putting it in Steam Workshop, so there'll certainly be goat phaser packs, missile firing goat hats, and probably some really weird stuff. Weirder than the vanilla content, that is. Which includes goats able to drag cars with their tongues.

Posted by: Inspector Cussword at March 29, 2014 09:44 AM (92l2D)

38 Redneck goat craves moon pies and moonshine.

Posted by: Fritz at March 29, 2014 09:44 AM (oJUxt)

39 One of these days I'd like to try goat -- on my grill. I've had goat before. Sorta like a brisket. It wasn't ba-aa-aa-aad.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at March 29, 2014 09:45 AM (0HooB)

40 I really can't stand that little prick S. Colbert, but the people complaining about the ching-ching-ding-dong business are outta their friggin' minds.  Thicken your damned skin, leftist scum.

Posted by: Bart at March 29, 2014 09:46 AM (s/sIv)

41 These goats don't live in the ME, do they?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 29, 2014 09:46 AM (DmNpO)

42 Nice graphics, but damn that's weird shit.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at March 29, 2014 09:46 AM (FMbng)

43 Goat again?! We had goat yesterday and the day before that. I hate goat! Can I eat at Billy's?

Posted by: eman at March 29, 2014 09:46 AM (AO9UG)

44 Yeah, there's only so much you can do with this topic..

Posted by: Soothsayer, corn bread assassin at March 29, 2014 09:47 AM (EoeFV)

45

Where the fuck ya been, Hadji?   The ME is burning and you can't find anything to joke about?  A goat simulater brings you back? 

 

Now that I think about it..........

Posted by: Soona at March 29, 2014 09:49 AM (uwgVG)

46 Great, we're under a tornado watch until 5:00. The thunder and lightning has started. What's worse, I only have one Guinness left.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at March 29, 2014 09:49 AM (0HooB)

47 When I spent a year in Japan, I asked how the Japanese made fun of people speaking English.  After countless reassurances that I wasn't looking to start anything, I was told the Japanese bark like dogs, and that's how English sounds to them.  Several times afterwards, I'd be walking along and hear wong-wong-wong (Japanese for bark, bark, bark or woof, woof, woof).  I always turned around to see who it was and I always burst out laughing.  Frack me, I thought it was funny.   I guess I could have been offended, but why?

Posted by: Buddha at March 29, 2014 09:50 AM (s/sIv)

48 9 I'll admit that I've actually been looking forward to this game. There's also a game coming out where you can be a bear wandering around the forest doing bear stuff like stealing pik-a-nik baskets and killing butterflies. Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at March 29, 2014 01:34 PM (Yx4EH) Call me when they come out with one where you're a 'bear' roaming West Hollywood.

Posted by: Bawney Fwank at March 29, 2014 09:50 AM (QeH9j)

49 46 Great, we're under a tornado watch until 5:00. The thunder and lightning has started. What's worse, I only have one Guinness left. Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at March 29, 2014 01:49 PM (0HooB) No shit? It was storming up here in Fernandina earlier, but it's cleared up some now. Just overcast and dreary looking.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at March 29, 2014 09:51 AM (GEICT)

50 They should make a EBT card-holder simulator. brb, cashin my EBT card dollars

Posted by: Soothsayer, corn bread assassin at March 29, 2014 09:52 AM (EoeFV)

51 "Goat Simulator: Will Put You Behind the Controls of a... Goat" YES!

Posted by: Mohammed at March 29, 2014 09:52 AM (A1oWF)

52 >>>Did that goat have some sort of jet pack? of course.

Posted by: ace at March 29, 2014 09:52 AM (/FnUH)

53 Holy Goat!
( yeah, somebody had to say it....)

Posted by: backhoe at March 29, 2014 09:52 AM (ULH4o)

54 An obama simulator? brb, scoldin Russia

Posted by: Soothsayer, corn bread assassin at March 29, 2014 09:53 AM (EoeFV)

55 I've been looking forward to the goat game as well.  I'm getting bored supervising a naked girl in a deep hole putting lotion on its skin.

Posted by: Buffalo Bill at March 29, 2014 09:53 AM (s/sIv)

56 I'm going to learn HTML5 and Javascript or whatever to develop my own game. It will be called "Bad Baby". The baby will stagger about bopping people with his bottle. A hit to the head is a "kill" for which he earns points. A miss will earn baby "time out" and a loss of points. The only problem is his diaper is continually filling which slows him down so he must earn enough points to hire a nanny to change his diaper. I think I'll add a dog who is attracted to the diaper smell and tries to tug on it slowing the baby down even more. If the baby kills the dog this will allow him to resume speed but will also lose him points because everyone loves dogs. I also will include big brothers and clueless parents. Many plans. Please do not steal my idea. It will go for five $$$'s.

Posted by: leaf eater at March 29, 2014 09:53 AM (3MNCs)

57 No shit? It was storming up here in Fernandina earlier, but it's cleared up some now. Just overcast and dreary looking. *** It stored all morning here in Murray Hill but it passed us a little while ago

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 29, 2014 09:53 AM (DmNpO)

58 Well it's no street sweeper simulator, that's for sure.

Posted by: Lauren at March 29, 2014 09:54 AM (hFL/3)

59 I am going to wait till Ewok Simulator hits the market. Who doesn't want to video play a little fury thing banging a trash can?

Posted by: Mallamutt, Now Convinced the end time is near at March 29, 2014 09:54 AM (o4MMe)

60

Great, we're under a tornado watch until 5:00. The thunder and lightning has started.

What's worse, I only have one Guinness left.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at March 29, 2014 01:49 PM (0HooB)

 

 

-------------------------------------------

 

 

OK is supposed to get severe weather this next week.  Three-point weather axis setting up Wed.

Posted by: Soona at March 29, 2014 09:54 AM (uwgVG)

61 The Goat game designers totally ripped off their trailer style from of the trailer for "Dead Island" (probably the best thing about that game, sadly). http://tinyurl.com/mdrk5x5

Posted by: Thrawn at March 29, 2014 09:55 AM (WlWt+)

62 Oh yeahhhhhh! The goat has the ability to trun into a demon goat!

Posted by: RWC at March 29, 2014 09:56 AM (QeH9j)

63 Best. Game. Ever.

Posted by: No, seriously at March 29, 2014 09:56 AM (i9vov)

64 Mmmmmmmm.... .sexy.....

Posted by: Goat Fucker at March 29, 2014 09:59 AM (jucos)

65 i'm going to start a beer delivery service

Posted by: phoenixgirl @phxazgrl at March 29, 2014 09:59 AM (u8GsB)

66 I don't expect it to last long, but it looks pretty nasty on the radar. Wunderground says we're under a Warning now, meaning one's been seen somewhere. I should probably turn on the telly.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at March 29, 2014 09:59 AM (0HooB)

67 63 Best. Game. Ever. Posted by: No, seriously at March 29, 2014 01:56 PM (i9vov) No, it's the second best game ever. The first being "Big Rigs". Since you can't lose (literally), always you're winner. http://tinyurl.com/pdt9owo

Posted by: Thrawn at March 29, 2014 10:00 AM (WlWt+)

69 I don't understand this mindless garbage. What was the fascination with Flappy Bird?

Posted by: Travis McGee at March 29, 2014 10:02 AM (Ph479)

70 50 They should make a EBT card-holder simulator. brb, cashin my EBT card dollars Posted by: Soothsayer, corn bread assassin at March 29, 2014 01:52 PM (EoeFV) best comment. Ever.

Posted by: tangonine at March 29, 2014 10:02 AM (x3YFz)

71 Come on ace.....A goat?  With all the shit that's going on in the world?  A goat?

Posted by: Obligatory Thread Concern Guy at March 29, 2014 10:02 AM (jucos)

72

Speaking of video games, I am a fucking psychic.

 

235 220 >>>Yeah. The future belongs to those who can read and speak French. it's like a videogame -- the point isn't that it's useful to win, it's that I set this god-damned goal and I am intensely frustrated at not being able to achieve it. Posted by: ace at January 29, 2013 05:56 PM (LCRYB)

 

Clearly Steam needs to get in on a deal with Rosetta Stone, and set up achievements for learning the language. First Achievement - Potty Break: You have learned how to ask 'Where is the bathroom?' in a foreign language.
Posted by: buzzion at January 29, 2013 06:00 PM (GULKT)



There is now a game on Steam called Influent which is a Language learning game. Doesn't sound that great though from one person's review, but hey close enough for psychic work!

Posted by: buzzion at March 29, 2014 10:03 AM (LI48c)

73 What does this have to do with Syria......

Posted by: Obligatory Thread Concern Guy at March 29, 2014 10:03 AM (jucos)

74 Wunderground says we're under a Warning now, meaning one's been seen somewhere. I should probably turn on the telly.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at March 29, 2014 01:59 PM (0HooB

 

 

---------------------------------------------

 

 

No, please.  Sit back.  Relax.  I'ma gonna give you a ride.

Posted by: Tornado bearing down on BB's house at March 29, 2014 10:04 AM (uwgVG)

75 Demon Goat begins at 4:30 after you make a blood sacrifice. http://tinyurl.com/p5jknyv

Posted by: RWC at March 29, 2014 10:04 AM (QeH9j)

76 Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse?So you're on Amelia Island? Used to go there a lot to explore Fort Clinch. Haven't been there in decades- but it's a lovely place.Weather here is clear. 68F, despite forecasts to the contrary.... *** Nope. Jax, near I-10 and 17.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 29, 2014 10:06 AM (DmNpO)

77 From last thread, it does seem like both of the horses are fine.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 29, 2014 10:06 AM (ZshNr)

78 No, please. Sit back. Relax. I'ma gonna give you a ride. Posted by: Tornado bearing down on BB's house at March 29, 2014 02:04 PM (uwgVG) Oooh, look over there, a trailer park!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at March 29, 2014 10:06 AM (0HooB)

79 I love those little hyperactive pygmy goats that bounce off of everything and everybody including the family cat and go baaaaa! That being said, I had a bad run in with a couple of goats at the petting when I was just a mere puppy. I had a scarf around my neck and one started eating one in and another grabbed and started chewing on the other. I was too petrified to move.

Posted by: Pug-delicious! at March 29, 2014 10:07 AM (vFh9Q)

80 Are goats the victims of sexual assaults the way sheep are??

Posted by: Pug-delicious! at March 29, 2014 10:10 AM (vFh9Q)

81 Goats are a little bit creepy. I can understand why they were associated with the underworld for so long.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 29, 2014 10:10 AM (A1oWF)

82 Just how pretty is this goat????

Posted by: Mohammed Al Mohammed at March 29, 2014 10:12 AM (kFxpe)

83 "Are goats the victims of sexual assaults the way sheep are??.." Not if they were asking for it. Acting all flirty and stuff.

Posted by: Arkansas at March 29, 2014 10:12 AM (A1oWF)

84 "Next-gen goat simulation." Yeah, the previous generation of goatsim just didn't cut it.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at March 29, 2014 10:12 AM (0HooB)

85 What does this have to do with Syria...... - Can't I bomb somebody yet? Pretty please.

Posted by: John "Mad Bomber" McCain at March 29, 2014 10:12 AM (Mogjf)

86 But the game gets really good in fainting goat-mode.

Posted by: Castle WolfenDOOM at March 29, 2014 10:13 AM (wu/TK)

87

Bunk...

Posted by: Ahkmed Al Mohammed at March 29, 2014 10:14 AM (kFxpe)

88 Awesome. I can't stop laughing.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 29, 2014 10:14 AM (IXrOn)

89

How are Tornados and a WV divorce similar?

In either case someone is bound to lose a trailer.

Posted by: Truck Monkey, Gruntled New Business Owner at March 29, 2014 10:14 AM (jucos)

90 But is it an African or a European goat?

Posted by: Richard McEnroe at March 29, 2014 10:15 AM (XO6WW)

92 But is it an African or a European goat? Laden or unladen?

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at March 29, 2014 10:16 AM (0HooB)

93 I say feh-ta to the whole idea!

Posted by: Zorbastien the Greek Jew at March 29, 2014 10:18 AM (wu/TK)

94 Goats can be deadly. Believe me, I dealt with hordes of pissed-off goats in Super Noah's Ark 3D.

Posted by: Noah at March 29, 2014 10:18 AM (WlWt+)

95 Random thing seen on the Internet: Never say that someone is "just a teacher". That's like saying Clark Kent is "just Superman".

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at March 29, 2014 10:18 AM (oFCZn)

96 Now our youth's future will be wasting away on animated porn.  I declare jeeehad

Posted by: Aasif Muhamid al Mohammed at March 29, 2014 10:19 AM (kFxpe)

97 Jay-ville! My late wife was first flute, principle chair in the JSO there. Early 1980's. Also manager of French quarter apartments- to supplement her income- because the Symphony paid her so cheaply....Gawd love her, she always worked too cheap.... *** From what I understand, the symphony has come a long way since then. My roommate in the early 90's was Director of Development there and turned things around for them, financially, in a very big way. I certainly hope they passed some of that along to the musicians. Where are you located? Amelia?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 29, 2014 10:20 AM (DmNpO)

98 Random thing seen on the Internet:

Never say that someone is "just a teacher".

That's like saying Clark Kent is "just Superman".

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at March 29, 2014 02:18 PM (oFCZn)

 

 

--------------------------------------------

 

 

We're all special. 

Posted by: Just a goat at March 29, 2014 10:20 AM (uwgVG)

99 Chow holds a "supreme authority" position in the Triad, an international Chinese organized crime group; heads the Hop Sing Boys, a San Francisco street gang - The Hop Sing Boys? I'm pretty sure that's racist.

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 29, 2014 10:20 AM (Mogjf)

100 Gov't Teaching's just the clock watching we do together

Posted by: Education prime cuts at March 29, 2014 10:21 AM (wu/TK)

101 Oversized jet packs on goat holding onto "asleep" woman with goat tongue, and jumping on a trampoline. scene winner

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 29, 2014 10:22 AM (IXrOn)

102 It's okay, I understand, this ain't no never never land....

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 29, 2014 10:22 AM (ZshNr)

103 Never forget to remind these people that education majors have the lowest average test scores of all college majors... even lower than communications majors.

Posted by: SAT Testing at March 29, 2014 10:23 AM (kFxpe)

104 You know you've been gaming too long when you recognize/identify with the typical running/walking and flipping whilst talking...

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 29, 2014 10:23 AM (IXrOn)

105 Tell me they aren't cute: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0Y-SvS9kwo Wasn't there some sort of mesmerizing backyard goat playset posted here a few weeks ago? This place could use some baby goats.

Posted by: Pug-delicious! at March 29, 2014 10:25 AM (vFh9Q)

106 Pardon me while I link-whore: http://tinyurl.com/nymbl59 Because you didn't get enough winter.

Posted by: fluffy at March 29, 2014 10:25 AM (Ua6T/)

107 This game will be better than Dead Island.

Posted by: Zombie Mailman Bob at March 29, 2014 10:25 AM (BDCov)

108 Well they got the physics right. Looks pretty cool. But the best game ever is Strongbad's Duck Simulator http://tinyurl.com/l893ks3

Posted by: Rex Power Colt at March 29, 2014 10:26 AM (kp5cA)

109 You can't test for heart and a passion to entice young minds with hopes of a June/marxh romance.

Posted by: Stand and Deliver my paycheck at March 29, 2014 10:27 AM (wu/TK)

110 Big deal......Slappy Obammy has been playing this game now for 6 years.

Posted by: IrishEd at March 29, 2014 10:28 AM (bfm04)

111 I might as well ask and well, goats, since y'all are here: did anyone watch Jeff Dunham's Achmed Saves America cartoon last night?

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at March 29, 2014 10:28 AM (0HooB)

113 Physics + Goats I can't wait to see the underwater scenes. And, Goats in Space.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 29, 2014 10:29 AM (IXrOn)

114 Goat Simulator. I can guess what's next.

Posted by: The Chicken at March 29, 2014 10:30 AM (rdfgg)

115 Anything catastrophic is a metaphor for ObamaDoggle.
Try it at home. Works every timeÂ…!!!

So youÂ’re saying that Benghazi was a metaphor for ObamaCare for diplomats ?

Sure!
“If you like your security detail, you can KEEP your security detail…”
See how well that works?

Posted by: Fargo North, Decoder at March 29, 2014 10:31 AM (e8kgV)

116 The Hop Sing Boys? I'm pretty sure that's racist.
Posted by: WalrusRex at March 29, 2014 02:20 PM (Mogjf)
Straight out of Bonanza.

Posted by: Shrimp Boy at March 29, 2014 10:34 AM (1I48Z)

117 Too bad about Shrimp Boy. I bet he would have sold us some firecrackers.

Posted by: Pug-delicious! at March 29, 2014 10:37 AM (vFh9Q)

118

Someone upthread was mentioning animated porn.  What's that?

 

I'm asking for a friend.  Really.

Posted by: Soona at March 29, 2014 10:37 AM (uwgVG)

119 have a baby raccoon stuck in a window well. Which explained why the dog went bag-shit crazy - and has been for the past hour. Time to stop fooling around with getting Goat Simulator running on my linux system and get into the animal rescue business. Which will consist of dropping a long 2x4 into the well and then going out for dinner. _

Posted by: BumperStickerist at March 29, 2014 10:37 AM (4CVLy)

120 I dont like fat pointy tongues. Goats have them. Rabbits have them. Giraffes have them. Why???

Posted by: Pug-delicious! at March 29, 2014 10:38 AM (vFh9Q)

121 "Straight out of Bonanza." Yeah, and we had fried rice or lo mein for 14 fuckin' years. EVERY DAMN MEAL!

Posted by: Little Joe at March 29, 2014 10:38 AM (A1oWF)

122 When will I be able to play as a toaster?

Posted by: Toaster Lover at March 29, 2014 10:40 AM (Aif/5)

123 Headline at hotair

Maryland to dump its ObamaCare exchange

MD spent $125 million in an effort to enroll 150,000 people.  Essentially $1000/person projected transaction cost (actual is running $2500, and cost will expand as the system will be replaced with a copy of CT's before the next enrollment period.  The waste is humungous.  A catastrophic policy should only be $1200/yr.  The ACA needs to be killed with fire.

Posted by: phreshone at March 29, 2014 10:40 AM (kFxpe)

124 116?

Well, there was "Hey Boy!" from "have gun, will travel...." 'a man called "paladin....'"

Posted by: backhoe at March 29, 2014 10:41 AM (ULH4o)

125 Yeah, and we had fried rice or lo mein for 14 fuckin' years. EVERY DAMN MEAL!

Posted by: Little Joe at March 29, 2014 02:38 PM (A1oWF)

 

 

----------------------------------------------

 

 

Because Hoss eat all dogs?   He too fat!   He  numba ten!

Posted by: Soona at March 29, 2014 10:42 AM (uwgVG)

126 Highbrow to lowbrow at the speed of light.  That's why I love this fucking blog.

Posted by: grognard at March 29, 2014 10:43 AM (S2juK)

127 have a baby raccoon stuck in a window well. Posted by: BumperStickerist at March 29, 2014 02:37 PM (4CVLy) You should keep it. Raccoons are cool.

Posted by: Rex Power Colt at March 29, 2014 10:44 AM (kp5cA)

128 Can you keep it? Is that at all practical? If I could, I would. Or call a WildCare affiliate in your area, if there is one.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 29, 2014 10:48 AM (ZshNr)

129 I want to thank President Obama for being the strong leader at this great time of crisis caused by Bush. Also I am glad to see our black president visit the President of that Saudi Arabia place and help brush over the hatred toward America for all the wars Bush started for oil.

Posted by: Dorcus Blimeline at March 29, 2014 10:50 AM (iB0Q2)

130 126 Highbrow to lowbrow at the speed of light. That's why I love this fucking blog. Posted by: grognard at March 29, 2014 02:43 PM (S2juK) heh. Wear a cup.

Posted by: tangonine at March 29, 2014 10:50 AM (x3YFz)

131 They call me the 'Goat Stimulator'

Posted by: Amir at March 29, 2014 10:50 AM (kFxpe)

132 File under No Shit: "President Obama Got Elected on Competence. Now People Are Starting to Wonder."--headline, Washington Post website, March 26

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 29, 2014 10:51 AM (Mogjf)

133 You should keep it. Raccoons are cool. Posted by: Rex Power Colt at March 29, 2014 02:44 PM (kp5cA) Until they reach maturity and chew your face off while giving you rabies. But yeah, they're *completely* adorable as babies. Too bad about the becoming adults part.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at March 29, 2014 10:52 AM (GDulk)

134 Because you didn't get enough winter.

I didn't, actually.  Way too much visible grass.


Posted by: HR at March 29, 2014 10:52 AM (hO8IJ)

135 "Highbrow to lowbrow at the speed of light. " Don't blame me for this shit.

Posted by: Highbrow at March 29, 2014 10:52 AM (A1oWF)

136 Can you drop in food to the raccoon, or even get him some water somehow? I assume he's truly trapped, not just exploring.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 29, 2014 10:54 AM (ZshNr)

137 Stay away from the LED bulbs at IKEA.  They are crap. I bought one, it didn't last 76 hours.

Posted by: navybrat at March 29, 2014 10:55 AM (JgC5a)

138 Waiting for Unibrow and Löwenbräu to show up

Posted by: grognard at March 29, 2014 10:55 AM (S2juK)

139 Can you drop in food to the raccoon, or even get him some water somehow? I assume he's truly trapped, not just exploring.

Garden hoses work too.

Posted by: Underprivileged Whitey at March 29, 2014 10:57 AM (Cs2tJ)

140 Can you drop in food to the raccoon, or even get him some water somehow? I assume he's truly trapped, not just exploring.

Garden hoses work too.

Posted by: Underprivileged Whitey at March 29, 2014 10:58 AM (Cs2tJ)

141 Waiting for Unibrow and Löwenbräu to show up

All I've got is Skittlebräu.

Posted by: HR at March 29, 2014 10:59 AM (hO8IJ)

142 Have I mentioned Human Achievement Hour?
http://cei.org/hah

Posted by: HR at March 29, 2014 11:02 AM (hO8IJ)

143 The last thing in the world I need is a goat stimulator.

My old goat gets enough stimulation already from all those Kate Upton pictures.


Posted by: Mrs. Grampa Jimbo at March 29, 2014 11:03 AM (V70Uh)

144 It is coming to Windows, Mac, AND Linux! Can't wait!

Posted by: NWConservative at March 29, 2014 11:05 AM (FWxdJ)

145 Can I dress the goat in clothes? Peasant blouses, schoolgirl uniforms, etc...

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at March 29, 2014 11:05 AM (AC0lD)

146 What was the fascination with Flappy Bird?

Not to mention any names or initials, but I was at the graduation ceremony the other night for the military's technical graduate school. The titles and brief descriptions of the PhD dissertations were published in the program. There were, I think, 11 PhD's awarded, and either two or three of them were devoted to solving the very small vortex issues of high-power controlled flight using flapping wings.

We all knew they were coming soon to a bedroom window near you, but I suspect we'll see this applied to larger scales too. 

Posted by: Stringer Davis at March 29, 2014 11:05 AM (xq1UY)

147 Stay away from the LED bulbs at IKEA. They are crap. I bought one, it didn't last 76 hours. ** Ikea is a strange place. Depending upon what you purchase it can be either the best deal you ever got or the biggest piece of junk ever.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 29, 2014 11:06 AM (DmNpO)

148 "Waiting for Unibrow and Löwenbräu to show up" Haven't see 'em.

Posted by: Schraderbrau at March 29, 2014 11:07 AM (A1oWF)

149 It strikes me as a blatant rip-off of Angora-y Birds.

Posted by: S. Muldoon at March 29, 2014 11:07 AM (g4TxM)

150 You should keep it. Raccoons are cool.
Posted by: Rex Power Colt at March 29, 2014 02:44 PM (kp5cA)

****

Until they reach maturity and chew your face off while giving you rabies. But yeah, they're *completely* adorable as babies. Too bad about the becoming adults part.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at March 29, 2014 02:52 PM (GDulk)

They don't even have to grow up to be dangerous.  Not only can kits carry rabies, but a high percentage of the raccoon population, of all ages, carries the "raccoon roundworm" parasite, which is either fatal or will cause severe brain damage when transmitted to humans.  The eggs are shed in the feces, so it's not just the animals themselves, but also their "latrines" that are highly dangerous.

Raccoons are cute, but after reading up on them they scare the heck out of me. 

Posted by: CQD at March 29, 2014 11:09 AM (4iOIE)

151 137 Stay away from the LED bulbs at IKEA. They are crap. I bought one, it didn't last 76 hours. Posted by: navybrat at March 29, 2014 02:55 PM (JgC5a) I have the Cree led recessed lighting fixtures. Very high CRI for an alternative light source, especially compared to CFLs, which are complete crap BTW. I have had one running almost 12-15 hrs a day @ 7-10 watts (~800 lumens)for three years now and no signs of stopping.

Posted by: NWConservative at March 29, 2014 11:09 AM (FWxdJ)

152 Meh.  Once you've been hooked on Redneck Rampage and its subsequent permutations for a couple of years, something like this "Goat Simulator" gives nothing. 

NOTHING!



Now, what was the Cheat Code for "Elvis Mode" (immortality and never ending ammo) for R R?

Posted by: Sharkman at March 29, 2014 11:09 AM (8+xjO)

153 My wife just posted some pictures from "Futurism" at the Guggenheim. To my chagrin it's about some early 20th century Italian art movement, not flying cars or food replicators. Bummed.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 29, 2014 11:10 AM (ZshNr)

154 One time the ex-girlfriend said we "had" to go to Ikea. It was like a pilgrimage to Mecca. The one time was enough.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 29, 2014 11:10 AM (A1oWF)

155 Trying to convince myself if it is worth it to go to across the Bay Bridge to get a $7.49 refund.
I think I will just forget about it and warn all my buds.

Posted by: navybrat at March 29, 2014 11:11 AM (JgC5a)

156 Posted by: CQD at March 29, 2014 03:09 PM (4iOIE) Yikes! I knew I never wanted to get close to one, but the parasite thing is especially bad.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at March 29, 2014 11:13 AM (GDulk)

157 There's a plane missing in the Indian Ocean and were talking about Goat games?

Posted by: eleven at March 29, 2014 11:14 AM (fsLdt)

158 Where's your sense of adventure? Did Grizzly Adams let fear of a little coonworm stop him from befriending Bandit?

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 29, 2014 11:16 AM (ZshNr)

159 Next up: Honey Badger Simulator. Honey Boo Boo Simulator. Because the World Needs It. And stay away from coons.

Posted by: eleven at March 29, 2014 11:17 AM (fsLdt)

160 >>Oooh, look over there, a trailer park! And there is already a lady with more tattoos than teeth standing in the front yard wondering why she hears a freight train.

Posted by: Aviator at March 29, 2014 11:17 AM (3rrMW)

161 Gotta get off the computer, too much to do. Laundry, baking (that'll be yummy though), prepping pork loin for grilling/smoking with cherry wood chips (yummy I hope) and *lots* of knitting and weaving.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at March 29, 2014 11:17 AM (GDulk)

162 Had a pet racoon once. It tamed up nicely. They are funny things and they do like to steal things and hide them. Years after you'll move furniture and find stuff.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 29, 2014 11:18 AM (A1oWF)

163 Wooooohoooo!!!!!! Asshole neighbors are loading up the uhaul as I type. i was all upset the popo didn't make it in time to see the stolen shopping carts in the back of the uhaul. But now I have hope! We're bbqing in the driveway when my roomie gets home time celebrate, and now I can have a goat headbutt the BBQ into the aholes & set them in fire. There is a God!!!!! I need to pick up marshmallows when I go to the store to get hotdogs & beer huh?

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at March 29, 2014 11:20 AM (qx9Cw)

164 They also call it a "stupid, small, broken game," and brag that the game has "millions" of bugs and glitches in it, but they're leaving them in anyway, to enhance the Goat Simulation, or whatever.


Goat Simulator is much like the story of Obama

Posted by: phreshone at March 29, 2014 11:20 AM (kFxpe)

165 Yikes! I knew I never wanted to get close to one, but the parasite thing is especially bad.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at March 29, 2014 03:13 PM (GDulk)

It gets worse.  Even the runoff from the latrines carries the eggs.  There was a case where water passed through a raccoon latrine and then onto a playground, and multiple children were infected, fatally.

The only way to deal with a trapped raccoon is by hiring a professional removal service, and they will probably show up in hazmat suits with a big trap, and then have to scrape up the dirt where the raccoon did its business during incarceration.

Or they will just take off and nuke the site from orbit.  It's really the only way to be sure.

Posted by: CQD at March 29, 2014 11:21 AM (4iOIE)

166 Congrats Bebe. Really, packing up their stolen shopping carts? That's a new one.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 29, 2014 11:21 AM (ZshNr)

167 do you mean incineration?

Posted by: Soothsayer, corn bread assassin at March 29, 2014 11:23 AM (EoeFV)

168 When I was really little, we had an incinerator in which we burned our refuse. Then The Man and His Law showed up..

Posted by: Soothsayer, corn bread assassin at March 29, 2014 11:24 AM (EoeFV)

169 All of that is sound advice COD, but depending on where one lives, calling an animal control firm every time a raccoon, or a bat or a porcupine or a skunk or any form of weasel needs to be dealt with could consume a lot of income. Raccoons do have a bad reputation, and I would steer clear unless one showed up at my doorstep (or window well), but once he's there, you kind of have to do something.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 29, 2014 11:25 AM (ZshNr)

170 CQD at March 29, 2014 03:21 PM (4iOIE)

Not really a fan of raccoons.  They eat my avocados and fight my dogs.  Or my dogs fight them.

Regardless, I'm taking my dogs side in all this.


Posted by: Taco Shack at March 29, 2014 11:26 AM (C+qQ0)

171 Wooooohoooo!!!!!! Asshole neighbors are loading up the uhaul as I type. i was all upset the popo didn't make it in time to see the stolen shopping carts in the back of the uhaul. But now I have hope! We're bbqing in the driveway when my roomie gets home time celebrate, and now I can have a goat headbutt the BBQ into the aholes & set them in fire. There is a God!!!!! I need to pick up marshmallows when I go to the store to get hotdogs & beer huh? *** they're moving?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 29, 2014 11:26 AM (DmNpO)

172 new Obamacare thread up

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 29, 2014 11:26 AM (DmNpO)

173 I hadn't really thought about the parasite problem with raccoons.

All the more reason to not like them in my yard.

Posted by: Taco Shack at March 29, 2014 11:27 AM (C+qQ0)

174 One time the ex-girlfriend said we "had" to go to Ikea. It was like a pilgrimage to Mecca.

The one time was enough.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 29, 2014 03:10 PM (A1oWF)

Back in 1985, when Ikea opened its first store in the US, I upgraded my book shelving from bricks and boards to Ivar, which is a solid pine, adjustable and expandable shelving system from Ikea.  I still have those shelves; they are indestructible.  Now they line my garage and shed/workshop.  They can hold huge amounts of weight without sagging and come in a variety of heights and widths.  Plus, compared to other commercially available shelving, they are still pretty cheap.

Most Ikea furniture is particle board and falls apart pretty quickly, but I cannot recommend the Ivar too highly.

Posted by: CQD at March 29, 2014 11:29 AM (4iOIE)

175 . Really, packing up their stolen shopping carts? That's a new one. Seriously. I missed it but LAPD was here Thursday. Wife somehow managed to not get arrested or surrender the carts. They walked half of them, full of toys & shit, to their new house Thursday night (I saw them pushing one up the block). This was before I heard the story Friday morning. I got the cheap flimsy curtain wall rigged where the cocksucking husband was climbing over, and am going to head back outside to move everything he could steal or fuck with (that I'm not prepared to lose) into lockdown. I'm still debating hiding my car at a friends house (I still haven't made enough room in the garage) for a few days & seeing if I can sucker the prick over the wall, since he'll automatically destroy property doing so. What do you guys think? Oh yeah. I can get their new address & am going to give it to the grocery store. Bwwwwwaaaahhhh

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at March 29, 2014 11:32 AM (qx9Cw)

176 They of course have a version that can locate and sodomize humans. This version is expected to sell especially well in WA state.

Posted by: JEM at March 29, 2014 11:33 AM (o+SC1)

177 169 they're moving? Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 29, 2014 03:26 PM (DmNp Yes!!! Unfortunately it's within walking distance. So I'll be hiring a professional organizer & getting my convertible in the garage ASAP. Hopefully by Tuesday. I hope.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at March 29, 2014 11:35 AM (qx9Cw)

178 It's...it's, I mean... *wells up* That preveiw just HITS me, sorry... *snuffles* Allergies and whatnot. But seriously. The promise of this game to be a metaphor for people like me and the way we live, the challenges we face, is a truly promising thing. (Okay, the sticky tongue that lets you carry heavy objects is total BS! I mean, I lick various things all the time IRL sometimes with no particular object in mind, much less thievery but most of the time they are too heavy to stick to and drag away. IMHO) If just ONE normal person could immerse themselves in the life of a goat, even in fantasy for just a bit, I think we could end the bigotry and hate speech against the goateed once and for all. It's time to stop the bullying! I would say "ban bossy" but I know too many perfectly decent cows who find that kind of language needlessly hurtful. Also, it may be a "trigger" phrase for them and as they are much larger than I, I will politely step out of their way and I suggest you do the same!

Posted by: Deety is... Hard Core! at March 29, 2014 11:38 AM (D8ONs)

179 Whoa, that's some intense neighborly tension. The guy's a known thief and a scumbag? Be careful.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 29, 2014 11:40 AM (ZshNr)

180 @175 - are these section 8 people, or unsubsidized scum?

Posted by: JEM at March 29, 2014 11:44 AM (o+SC1)

181 178 @175 - are these section 8 people, or unsubsidized scum?

Posted by: JEM at March 29, 2014 03:44 PM (o+SC1)


*******


Worse.  I bet they have raccoons.

Posted by: Taco Shack at March 29, 2014 11:52 AM (C+qQ0)

182 178 @175 - are these section 8 people, or unsubsidized scum? Posted by: JEM at March 29, 2014 03:44 PM (o+SC1) they're non-government, but subsidized scum. They keep inheriting money, which has made it possible for them to own 2 houses in this neighborhood. I'm guessing the new one is substantially more expensive than this one as scrunt said it has over 1,000 more square feet.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at March 29, 2014 11:52 AM (qx9Cw)

183 Ok, I gotta finish battening down the hatches. I'll try to hit the ont with some pics tonight, if I'm still capable if typing.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at March 29, 2014 11:54 AM (qx9Cw)

184 Wouldn't it be a beautiful gesture to send that deaf woman who can hear music again an album from... The London Boys? Eh, she's also blind so, I would say that it might not be as impactful, if she cannot see the cover. (Oh, great! I've just found a practical reason why blindness is not all bad. Imagine the savings once you don't need to stockpile eyeball and brain bleach!) I am an horrible person.

Posted by: Deety is... Hard Core! at March 29, 2014 12:02 PM (D8ONs)

185 So is the goat special weapon the BFS-9000? Like in big fuckin' schwarma?

Posted by: CDR M at March 29, 2014 12:23 PM (LsJl8)

186 They also call it a "stupid, small, broken game," and brag that the game has "millions" of bugs and glitches in it, but they're leaving them in anyway, to enhance the Goat Simulation, or whatever. (They say they'll fix the game-breaking glitches but the rest will stay in.) ------------------ In many ways, this is the story of the Obama Presidency.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at March 29, 2014 01:01 PM (aDwsi)

187 I've been playing this game for 20 years now.

Posted by: holygoat at March 29, 2014 01:12 PM (ER48c)

188 Since we're talking about "taming" raccoons and bears and kit foxes and shit... *still stands by her theory* Steve Irwin must have been engaging in some Harry Reid levels of molestation on that poor flat-shark (also known as a Sting-Ray)to sustain that kind of injury to his torso, in open fucking water. Just sayin'...

Posted by: Deety is... Hard Core! at March 29, 2014 02:27 PM (D8ONs)

189 I'll wait until it's $0.50 during a Steam sale.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke's solid gold diaphragm at March 29, 2014 02:40 PM (M5T54)

190 "Was that a goat?" -- Big Trouble

Posted by: HAL at March 29, 2014 06:50 PM (AIC5Z)

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