February 10, 2014

Instructor Blows Away His Students With His Committment To The Profession of Teaching And An Accidental Suicide Bombing, But Mainly The Accidental Suicide Bombing.
— Open Blogger

As Slublog calls it, the feel good story of the day.

A group of Sunni militants attending a suicide bombing training class at a camp north of Baghdad were killed on Monday when their commander unwittingly conducted a demonstration with a belt that was packed with explosives, army and police officials said.

The militants belonged to a group known as the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, or ISIS, which is fighting the Shiite-dominated army of the Iraqi government, mostly in Anbar Province. But they are also linked to bomb attacks elsewhere and other fighting that has thrown Iraq deeper into sectarian violence.

Twenty-two ISIS members were killed, and 15 were wounded, in the explosion at the camp, which is in a farming area in the northeastern province of Samara, according to the police and army officials. Stores of other explosive devices and heavy weapons were also kept there, the officials said.

Posted by: Open Blogger at 08:24 AM | Comments (515)
Post contains 199 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Commence the bad punning!

Posted by: Kinley Ardal at February 10, 2014 08:26 AM (dSlfO)

2 4 Rules of Suicide Vest Safety: 1) All bombs are live bombs 2) Never walk up to someone you don't want to destroy 3) Keep your finger off the trigger until you're ready to enter paradise/hell 4) Be sure of your infidel

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 56% more DOOM! at February 10, 2014 08:27 AM (09o/X)

3 PHRASING!!!

Posted by: Sterling Archer at February 10, 2014 08:27 AM (Tm4DC)

4 Muhammed always had a history of popping off when he shouldn't. He just couldn't keep his explosive temper in check.

Posted by: Muhammed's Neighbor at February 10, 2014 08:27 AM (P3U0f)

5 Is it bad that I can't stop chuckling?

Posted by: Formerly known as Skeptic at February 10, 2014 08:27 AM (91XRk)

6
I took his class.

It was a BLAST!!

Posted by: fixerupper at February 10, 2014 08:27 AM (nELVU)

7 Live by the suicide bomb, die by the suicide bomb.

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 10, 2014 08:28 AM (PwZCO)

8 Ok guys, pull my finger. No seriously I promise I won't fart this rime.

Seriously!

Posted by: Bubba Muhammed at February 10, 2014 08:28 AM (P3U0f)

9
.... and....  I would like to restate my extreme disappointment there is no accompanying video footage to the article.

Posted by: fixerupper at February 10, 2014 08:28 AM (nELVU)

10 Awesome demonstration. Very effective.  I'm not quite sure I got it, though.  I want to see it again.

Posted by: Heralder at February 10, 2014 08:28 AM (/Mxso)

11 ISIS? Really? So awesome.

Posted by: TheEngineer at February 10, 2014 08:29 AM (9PNNC)

12 The only time this guy was a--"bright light" is when he went--"splody".

Posted by: tasker at February 10, 2014 08:29 AM (RJMhd)

13 Nice to see Achmed the Dead Terrorist has a stupid uncle...

Posted by: Mr. Buford at February 10, 2014 08:29 AM (gAZMH)

14 Dirka dirka, not the blue wire dirka!

Posted by: Muhammad Jihad at February 10, 2014 08:30 AM (Aif/5)

15 Can't stop laughing! Couldn't happen to a nicer group of folks. Will they still get their certificates?

Posted by: SWOhio at February 10, 2014 08:30 AM (3S0GP)

16 ...and you want to be my freedom fighters?

Posted by: allah at February 10, 2014 08:30 AM (4fx1m)

17 He ended his career with --"a bang".

Posted by: tasker at February 10, 2014 08:30 AM (RJMhd)

18 TOP. MEN.

Posted by: Seems legit at February 10, 2014 08:30 AM (A98Xu)

19 That final exam was killer!

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 10, 2014 08:30 AM (PwZCO)

20 Billy Connolly on the suicide bombing instructor:
"Now, I'm only gonna show you this once."

Posted by: real joe at February 10, 2014 08:30 AM (Z2QrI)

21 These guys were blown away and I wasn't even there.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at February 10, 2014 08:31 AM (eV1I0)

22 They actually belonged to the ISIS-DB - "Islamic State of Iraq and Syria - Dumshit Brigade."

That brigade has existed off and on for many decades...

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at February 10, 2014 08:31 AM (Z7PrM)

23 So...who is that guy with he pitchfork and why is he handing my 72 white raisins?

Posted by: Bubba Muhammed at February 10, 2014 08:31 AM (P3U0f)

24 This kind of stuff always happens in Presbyterian Country. Usually around Pot Luck Season.

Posted by: garrett at February 10, 2014 08:32 AM (4fx1m)

25 Reminds me of this idiom: Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

Posted by: tasker at February 10, 2014 08:32 AM (RJMhd)

26 These classes are graded on a pass/fail program.  Sadly, none of these students will get into a good college now.  Though if one was close by, they might have gotten on a good college.

Posted by: Heralder at February 10, 2014 08:32 AM (/Mxso)

27 WASHINGTON — Two members of Congress plan to send a strongly worded letter to the commissioner of the National Football League on Monday urging him to support changing the name of the Washington Redskins because it offends Native Americans and others, with one lawmaker saying she might reconsider the league’s tax-exempt status if it does not comply.

Senator Maria Cantwell, Democrat of Washington State and chairwoman of the Indian Affairs Committee, said in an interview on Sunday that lawmakers would “definitely” examine the N.F.L.’s tax-exempt status and other ways to pressure the league.

... how about "Obama's Deficits" ?!?

Everybody in Washington loves deficit

Posted by: Frankie Goes To Law School at February 10, 2014 08:32 AM (e8kgV)

28 And never ever ever touch this button.

Posted by: Achmed the dead terrorist at February 10, 2014 08:32 AM (bAGA/)

29 Mother, what have you done this time?

Posted by: Sterling Archer at February 10, 2014 08:33 AM (XiVKO)

30 Israelis call this a "work accident." Likely this is just because he was a dumbass, but I would like to think this was made to happen.

Posted by: blaster at February 10, 2014 08:33 AM (4+AaH)

31 "Whatever you do, don't touch the blue button, Achmed"  "Wait.. wait! Did I say blue button?  I meant REDDDDDDDDDDD"

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at February 10, 2014 08:33 AM (Z7PrM)

32 At a woodworking shop, the foreman was explaining the use of the router table to new operators. With the machine in operation he said,

"as you are working the piece, sawdust and other bits will accumulate on the table top, and the natural inclination is to brush the saw dust away like this...."

losing a finger.





Posted by: It's Magic, he said. at February 10, 2014 08:33 AM (IgC46)

33 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a malignant traitor.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 08:33 AM (PYAXX)

34 Suicide bombers need a training class? If everything went wrong, what's the worst that could happen. Fatima, I'm hoooome. Yeah, I fucked up. I'm still alive. Now get that sexy burka'd ass down to the market and bring home some goat for dinner. And bring a chaperone. I'll try this suicide shit again tomorrow, by Allah!

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 08:33 AM (7ObY1)

35 So do these guys get virgins or did they blow it?

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 10, 2014 08:34 AM (PwZCO)

36 You idiots! Every terrorist bombmaker knows that you have your girlfriend and a few other expendable comrades you wanted dead anyway to make the bombs.

Make sure you're off somewhere at a "meeting" when the laws of physics ignore Rules for Radicals

Posted by: Bill Ayers at February 10, 2014 08:34 AM (aTXUx)

37 Hmmm..... maybe we should give the teacher a MEDAL??? After all... he may have just saved HUNDREDS of lives...

Posted by: Romeo13 at February 10, 2014 08:34 AM (84gbM)

38 I used to call these "Jihadi Work Accidents" before I overdosed on Cheeto dust and lost my mind.

Posted by: Jharles Chonson at February 10, 2014 08:34 AM (7ObY1)

39 Hold my goat and watch this!

Posted by: Bubba Muhammed at February 10, 2014 08:34 AM (87y4e)

40 The two words you never want to hear as a student in a suicide bombing class (they have class for this? seriously?): "Oh. Shit."

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 08:34 AM (PYAXX)

41 "The militants belonged to a group known as the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, or ISIS, " Better known as the Obama administration arm of the Middle East.

Posted by: Seems legit at February 10, 2014 08:34 AM (A98Xu)

42 This is the face I am making.
http://is.gd/73y46w

Posted by: HR at February 10, 2014 08:34 AM (ZKzrr)

43 Tough day at the office?

Just hit the button to set off your explosive vest?

Take a moment and enjoy a snickers bar, because hey what else do you have to do with the 2 seconds you have left?

Posted by: Some commercial at February 10, 2014 08:35 AM (P3U0f)

44 That right there is a case of that Instant Karma running right over that stale old Dogma.

Posted by: GasperGoo at February 10, 2014 08:35 AM (58UGl)

45 So, no commencement ceremony then? Bummer.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire at February 10, 2014 08:35 AM (x65HD)

46 Instructor's last words: Here, hold my falafel and watch this!

Posted by: DangerGirl and her Sanity Prod (tm) at February 10, 2014 08:35 AM (x1L8S)

47 Twenty-two ISIS members were killed, and 15 were wounded, in the explosion at the camp, which is in a farming area in the northeastern province of Samara Habib, great news! A new class just opened up!

Posted by: rickb223 at February 10, 2014 08:35 AM (GjYxB)

48 This kind of stuff always happens in Presbyterian Country.

Usually around Pot Luck Season.

Their own damn fault for lingering too long after sampling Gertrude's Three Bean Casserole.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at February 10, 2014 08:35 AM (SY2Kh)

49 Awww....they blow up so fast. Seems like you just had them and then....BOOM....they're gone.

Posted by: [/i][/b][/u][/s] Tami at February 10, 2014 08:36 AM (bCEmE)

50 Being, stupid, jihadi and blown to bits is no way to go through life, son.

Posted by: Seems legit at February 10, 2014 08:36 AM (A98Xu)

51 Such a bittersweet moment. BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 08:36 AM (659DL)

52 Surely, he blew the Shiite out of them.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 08:36 AM (6bMeY)

53 Posted by: Heralder at February 10, 2014 12:32 PM (/Mxso) Well... Geezzzzz.... looks like we can shitcan THOSE Student Visa applications... already had em approved to....

Posted by: Obama Immigration dept. at February 10, 2014 08:36 AM (84gbM)

54 Poor Muhammed.  Jihadi knew ye...

( sunglasses )

YEEEEAAAAAAERRRGG!!

Posted by: weft cut-loop[/i] [/b] at February 10, 2014 08:36 AM (cxs6V)

55 Sounds like they had Kaboom! for breakfast....

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX (@Teresa_Koch) at February 10, 2014 08:37 AM (PZ6/M)

56 I'm outta here. I was only enrolled to meet suicide bomber babes in bhurkas.

Posted by: Suicide Bombing Student at February 10, 2014 08:37 AM (OZmbA)

57 So it was a case of premature detonation? I hear they make medicine for that now.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 08:37 AM (PYAXX)

58 This is why reduced class sizes are such a bad idea.

Posted by: t-bird at February 10, 2014 08:37 AM (FcR7P)

59 We need more explosives-free zones around our young people.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 08:37 AM (659DL)

60 OT.... but.....

Gun control activist forgets about his carry piece..... at a school.... subject to felony charges..... that he helped implement.

http://tinyurl.com/kkswbja


Posted by: fixerupper at February 10, 2014 08:37 AM (nELVU)

61 25 Oh my.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 08:37 AM (6bMeY)

62 Stores of other explosive devices and heavy weapons were also kept there, the officials said. All the better, let's blow shit up near a bunch of other shit that blows up. The Jihadists need their own version of the NRA safety training, apparently.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 08:38 AM (7ObY1)

63 Best drone cover story I've heard yet. And if it's not fucking start using it against the wedding party stories stat.

Posted by: The Hickster at February 10, 2014 08:38 AM (TI3xG)

64 At least it wasn't another school shooting.

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 10, 2014 08:38 AM (PwZCO)

65 If your index finger lands more than four meters away from the detonator, please consult a physician immediately.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 08:38 AM (659DL)

66 All pop quizzes have been suspended until further notice.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at February 10, 2014 08:38 AM (8ZskC)

67 That's a huge number of would-be homicide bombers in the "class". It's kind of a miracle they didn't get out into the world to kill innocents.

Posted by: MTF at February 10, 2014 08:39 AM (F58x4)

68 Yay!  X and Y, but mostly Y makes a comeback!


Posted by: EC at February 10, 2014 08:39 AM (GQ8sn)

69 Can you say secondary explosions Farfur?

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 08:39 AM (6bMeY)

70 60 OT.... but..... Gun control activist forgets about his carry piece..... at a school.... subject to felony charges..... that he helped implement. http://tinyurl.com/kkswbja Yeah, that's my town! Typical Lib fascist...guns for me but never for thee...

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 08:39 AM (7ObY1)

71 This historic act is in many ways the story of Obama.

Posted by: Fritz at February 10, 2014 08:39 AM (UzPAd)

72 He died doing what he loved.

Posted by: eleven at February 10, 2014 08:39 AM (KXm42)

73 Talk about spreading yourself too thin.

( sunglasses )

YEEEEAAAAAAERRRGG!!

Posted by: weft cut-loop[/i] [/b] at February 10, 2014 08:39 AM (cxs6V)

74 This part of the class syllabus is a little difficult to read...

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 08:40 AM (659DL)

75 Wonder what he gets for this f@#$ up instead of the 72 virgins promised for successful suicide bombings?
72 Hillarys?

Posted by: Lizzy at February 10, 2014 08:40 AM (POpqt)

76 Some professors take "publish or perish" way too literally.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at February 10, 2014 08:40 AM (8ZskC)

77 From the Syllabus: Redistributive Physics 202- Led by Achmed Al-splody, this sophomore level seminar includes a hands-on lab session. Students will expand on lessons learned in entry level coursework. Class final will include an aerial field trip, expanding the horizons of both mind and body.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at February 10, 2014 08:40 AM (g4TxM)

78 What is this?  The Tonight Show joke writer auditions?

Posted by: Sphynx at February 10, 2014 08:40 AM (OZmbA)

79

Gun control activist forgets about his carry piece..... at a school.... subject to felony charges..... that he helped implement.

 

I suggest you guys back up a few steps.

Posted by: Schadenboner at February 10, 2014 08:40 AM (87y4e)

80 73 Talk about spreading yourself too thin. ( sunglasses ) YEEEEAAAAAAERRRGG!! Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 10, 2014 12:39 PM (cxs6V) finally a CSI:miami ref

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 56% more DOOM! at February 10, 2014 08:40 AM (09o/X)

81 72 He died doing what he loved. Posted by: eleven at February 10, 2014 12:39 PM (KXm42) HA! Karma is in fact a bitch.

Posted by: Seems legit at February 10, 2014 08:40 AM (A98Xu)

82 Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 12:39 PM (7ObY1)

----

I bet his felony charges get conveniently "dropped".

Posted by: fixerupper at February 10, 2014 08:41 AM (nELVU)

83 Gun control activist forgets about his carry piece As someone who carries wherever legal... How do you forget about your carry weapon? I mean, it's not like a loaded firearm is feather-light. And then there's the bathroom issue (having to use the stall instead of the urinal- even just to pee). Also- multiple 9-11 calls? That's not "forgetting" about your piece, that's carrying it openly.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 08:41 AM (PYAXX)

84 Gun control activist forgets about his carry piece..... at a school.... subject to felony charges..... that he helped implement. Guaranteed defense: "I am a responsible, law-abiding gun owner."

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 08:41 AM (659DL)

85 Never, ever, neverever sneak up behind the guy with the vest on and pop a brown paper bag......

Posted by: rickb223 at February 10, 2014 08:41 AM (GjYxB)

86 Gun control activist forgets about his carry piece..... at a school.... subject to felony charges..... that he helped implement.


I want to believe.

Posted by: eleven at February 10, 2014 08:41 AM (KXm42)

87 I hope the injured were denied medical care. Let them die of their wounds.

Posted by: Judge Pug at February 10, 2014 08:41 AM (NRYdU)

88 13 Nice to see Achmed the Dead Terrorist has a stupid uncle... --- "What happened?" "New guy.

Posted by: Achmed The Dead Terrorist at February 10, 2014 08:41 AM (/Crba)

89 Mohammed had always had trouble with premature climaxes.

Posted by: Sphynx at February 10, 2014 08:41 AM (OZmbA)

90 Someone, somewhere in England, just pushed his "That Was Easy" button and laughs a little laugh.

Posted by: MTF at February 10, 2014 08:41 AM (F58x4)

91 Can you say secondary explosions Farfur? Farfur than what?

Posted by: rickb223 at February 10, 2014 08:42 AM (GjYxB)

92 What is this? The Tonight Show joke writer auditions? Screw you, plebe. I'm auditioning for "Girls."

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 08:42 AM (659DL)

93 'Pull my finger'

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 08:42 AM (iQxYV)

94 Achmed went asymptotic.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at February 10, 2014 08:42 AM (g4TxM)

95 But did any of them come out as gay before the explosion? No? Non-story.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 10, 2014 08:42 AM (P1WNR)

96 Who are we to judge?

Posted by: Prez'nit 404 at February 10, 2014 08:42 AM (Dwehj)

97 And now he gets to reap his reward of a ride on the barbed cock of Muhammed.

Posted by: DangerGirl and her Sanity Prod (tm) at February 10, 2014 08:43 AM (x1L8S)

98 Love how the NYT can't bring itself to label the departed as "terrorists" even after blowing themselves up at Camp Suicide Bomb-Making.
That's right, just some militants....

Posted by: Lizzy at February 10, 2014 08:43 AM (POpqt)

99 Well, they do say "Those who can, do; those who can't teach."

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 08:43 AM (PYAXX)

100 95But did any of them come out as gay before the explosion? No? Non-story.

Posted by: Dr Spank at February 10, 2014 12:42 PM (P1WNR)

Gay? Hell no.

All the goats they've loved have been female.

Posted by: Heralder at February 10, 2014 08:43 AM (/Mxso)

101 Thank God they weren't water boarded. Someone could have gotten hurt.

Posted by: JackStraw at February 10, 2014 08:43 AM (g1DWB)

102 I bet his felony charges get conveniently "dropped". Wonder if that will work for another Buffalonian. Buffalo conservative AM talk-show host Tom Bauerle had one of his legal guns confiscated. He has a concealed carry permit and the gun was listed on his permit. The powers that be are pissed at Bauerle for supporting and giving a radio platform to Erie County Sheriff Thomas Higgins, who has vowed to ignore Cuomo's SAFE-Act. Curiouser and curiouser.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 08:43 AM (7ObY1)

103 Was the teacher's name Andrea Thomas? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boXtqvcrpKM

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, formerly MrCaniac at February 10, 2014 08:44 AM (HxSXm)

104 The Yassir Arafat Chair in Applied Chemistry is now accepting applications.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at February 10, 2014 08:44 AM (8ZskC)

105 Post modernism take: What if the suicide bomber was actually suicide bombing the suicide bombers?

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 08:44 AM (659DL)

106 Mayors Against Illegal Explosives condemns the actions of the teacher.

Posted by: Mike Bloomberg at February 10, 2014 08:44 AM (F58x4)

107 Screw you, plebe. I'm auditioning for "Girls." Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 12:42 PM (659DL) Ace will fight you for it. He's sweet on chubby flat chested girls with butter faces.

Posted by: Judge Pug at February 10, 2014 08:44 AM (NRYdU)

108 Screw you, plebe. I'm auditioning for "Girls."

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 12:42 PM (659DL)


-----


Id wager Id find you more pleasing in the nude than Lovely Lena.....


Posted by: fixerupper at February 10, 2014 08:44 AM (nELVU)

109 104 The Yassir Arafat Chair in Applied Chemistry is now accepting applications.
Posted by: Cicero


heh.

Posted by: Sphynx at February 10, 2014 08:45 AM (OZmbA)

110 Is suicide bombing a degree more likely or less likely than wymyn's stydyes to result in college loans being repaid?

Posted by: dudenolongerinsantacruz at February 10, 2014 08:45 AM (PGXA8)

111 Hopefully satellite showed where the cockroaches that survived scuttled to afterward.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at February 10, 2014 08:45 AM (IXrOn)

112 It costs an arm and a leg to go to that school.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 08:45 AM (6bMeY)

113 Why would you use live explosives with the trigger device? Wouldn't it be smarter to use a decoy vest to demonstrate how to connect the trigger?

Posted by: Judge Pug at February 10, 2014 08:45 AM (NRYdU)

114 Maybe the survivors would be interested in my 404Care, Durka Durka Platinum.

Posted by: Prez'nit 404 at February 10, 2014 08:45 AM (Dwehj)

115 will this be on the exam?

Posted by: Khalid Al-Farookmanoosh at February 10, 2014 08:46 AM (T+Zre)

116 I took that class and look where it got me. Don't laugh or I keel you!

Posted by: Achmed the dead terrorist at February 10, 2014 08:46 AM (t3UFN)

117 111 Is suicide bombing a degree more likely or less likely than wymyn's stydyes to result in college loans being repaid? Posted by: dudenolongerinsantacruz at February 10, 2014 12:45 PM (PGXA Alas, even as a professor, he didn't outlive his student loans...

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 56% more DOOM! at February 10, 2014 08:46 AM (09o/X)

118 Why would you use live explosives with the trigger device? Wouldn't it be smarter to use a decoy vest to demonstrate how to connect the trigger?

Posted by: Judge Pug at February 10, 2014 12:45 PM (NRYdU)



----


SEQUESTER!!!

Posted by: fixerupper at February 10, 2014 08:47 AM (nELVU)

119 They'll come out as gay in the hayat al-akhir. "Is it supposed to be this... thorny?"

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 08:47 AM (iQxYV)

120 Allah: "You stupid goatfuckers. Sheesh!" And no, no virgins for you!

Posted by: rickb223 at February 10, 2014 08:47 AM (GjYxB)

121 This is why I let my assistant coaches demonstrate proper technique.

Posted by: Head Football Coach Howard Schnellenberger at February 10, 2014 08:47 AM (T+Zre)

122 Must be one of those predatory for-profit suicide bombing universities.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 08:48 AM (659DL)

123 Little Achmed, feeling bright. Bought a vest of dynamite. Curiosity seldom pays. It rained Achmed for several days.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at February 10, 2014 08:48 AM (g4TxM)

124 119 20 20 hindsight.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 08:48 AM (6bMeY)

125 Student 1: (Looking at student 2's class schedule) "Oh, man." Student 2: "What?" Student 1: "Applied suicide bombing?" Student 2: "What? It's a walk course. Besides, I needed an elective." Student 1: "Well, the course work is easy, but I've heard the final is just brutal."

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 08:48 AM (PYAXX)

126 I like WeaselZippers' Zip response: Allah reportedly running low on virgins. heh.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at February 10, 2014 08:48 AM (IXrOn)

127 Was his name Achmed by chance?

Posted by: Conservative Crank's iPhone at February 10, 2014 08:48 AM (MhPEb)

128 This post calls for a visit to Iowahawk's Zarkman posts, like this one:
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2006/06/paradise_blows.html

Posted by: Lizzy at February 10, 2014 08:48 AM (POpqt)

129 I go to pieces...

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 08:48 AM (7ObY1)

130 Well, when you promote the gym teacher who taught them to do jumping jacks you can see there would be problems.

Posted by: RWC at February 10, 2014 08:48 AM (fWAjv)

131 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Posted by: The Valkyries at February 10, 2014 08:48 AM (PYAXX)

132 Looks like they're going to need some more ISIS guys

Posted by: Dwayne T. Robinson at February 10, 2014 08:48 AM (aTXUx)

133 those lab courses are a bitch

Posted by: Miley's Tongue at February 10, 2014 08:49 AM (R+h7Q)

134 Honestly, no references to me yet? You're slipping, RWNJs.

Posted by: Bill Ayers at February 10, 2014 08:49 AM (wsnKp)

135 Kaboom Class.

Posted by: The Hickster at February 10, 2014 08:49 AM (TI3xG)

136 The education system is going to pieces.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 08:49 AM (6bMeY)

137 When you bomb in that class, you really bomb

Posted by: Achmed the dead terrorist at February 10, 2014 08:49 AM (t3UFN)

138 It was the JOOOOOOS! Beaming brainwaves...

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at February 10, 2014 08:49 AM (IXrOn)

139 Did he ask one of the students to "hold my beer and watch this"?

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, formerly MrCaniac at February 10, 2014 08:49 AM (HxSXm)

140 Dean of Terrorism Studies: "Note to self, pay more attention to which classes include a practical examination."

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 08:49 AM (PYAXX)

141 Typical Pass/Fail course.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at February 10, 2014 08:50 AM (IXrOn)

142

OK, from one who usually reads the posts and the comments (what?!), I know this will repeat someone above, but ....

 

"OK, class, watch carefully, I'm only gonna show you this once"

 

 

Posted by: non-purist at February 10, 2014 08:50 AM (afQnV)

143 Hey watch me fart and light this match

Posted by: Achmed the dead terrorist at February 10, 2014 08:50 AM (t3UFN)

144 The Official Breakfast of ISIS Polytechnic: Kaboom.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at February 10, 2014 08:50 AM (8ZskC)

145 Soft Sunni, warm Sunni, little ball of fur Happy Sunni, sleepy Sunni BURN BURN BURN

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 08:50 AM (7ObY1)

146 How do you forget about your carry weapon? I mean, it's not like a loaded firearm is feather-light.

I can see it.  A couple of mine (Kel-Tec P3-AT and Taurus 85 Poly) are small and light enough that one could forget carrying them.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at February 10, 2014 08:50 AM (SY2Kh)

147 Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once!!

Posted by: SouthofReality at February 10, 2014 08:50 AM (v5t5v)

148

HoboJerky, #2 - great!  love your riff on "the four rules" for firearms safety

 

Posted by: non-purist at February 10, 2014 08:50 AM (afQnV)

149 I hope no donkeys, dogs, cats, Zionist pigeons and/or Zionist sharks were injured in this demonstration.

Posted by: Judge Pug at February 10, 2014 08:51 AM (NRYdU)

150 I wonder if the professor was grading on the trajectory.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at February 10, 2014 08:51 AM (g4TxM)

151 Kreiger noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Sterling Archer at February 10, 2014 08:51 AM (HxSXm)

152 I was a security officer (deputized by the Provost Marshall at Ft Lewis). As part of that job I was allowed as a civilian contractor to carry a weapon on a Federal Military Installation. Of course there was training. And I have stories! One fun story takes place at a training class. I was not present for this one. The instructor is the head of weapons training. The instructor wants to do a demonstration. He hands his loaded weapon to his assistant, and gets an unloaded weapon in return. He's doing his demonstration and *BLAM*; puts a round into the wall right next to a student's head. Turns out his assistant handed back the same loaded weapon, and he didn't check it. The instructor immediately resigned. I thought he should have been arrested.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at February 10, 2014 08:51 AM (WhJf8)

153

I read the article and LOL'd.

Loudly.

As in, one of my co-workers just asked me what was so funny. We don't even share an office.

Maybe Jeff Dunham can make this guy's remains into another character- Achmed's uncle or something like that. 

 

Posted by: right wing whippersnapper at February 10, 2014 08:51 AM (NSh5j)

154 Leave the suicide vest, take the hummus.

Posted by: Sunni Corleone at February 10, 2014 08:51 AM (7ObY1)

155 They just can't have nice things.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at February 10, 2014 08:51 AM (l3vZN)

156 Iraqi investigator: "Can you describe the terrorist commander?"

Witness: "About 5-8, 175 lbs, blue eyes"

Investigator: "Blue eyes?"

Witness: "Yes, one blue this way and one blue that way"

Posted by: kbdabear at February 10, 2014 08:51 AM (aTXUx)

157 I hope the class was over subscribed?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 10, 2014 08:51 AM (t3UFN)

158 This is what happens when you allow affirmative action to guide your teacher hiring practices.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at February 10, 2014 08:52 AM (DHj6D)

159 You never ever want to do this.

Posted by: Suicide Bomber Professer at February 10, 2014 08:52 AM (6bMeY)

160 Damn shame it was only 22.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 10, 2014 08:52 AM (0jFxY)

161 "And that, students, is you how *don't* do it..."

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 08:52 AM (PYAXX)

162 They must really hate Americans.  They want to die but won't let me kill them - it makes no difference to them, selfish pricks.

Posted by: 0302 at February 10, 2014 08:53 AM (hllgx)

163 Well, sometimes my students say I've blown their minds, but I usually don't take it to that extreme.

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 08:53 AM (mQwL2)

164 151 I wonder if the professor was grading on the trajectory. Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at February 10, 2014 12:51 PM (g4TxM) Remember THE flying iman?

Posted by: Judge Pug at February 10, 2014 08:53 AM (NRYdU)

165 Yeah. Seems apropos. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rcYBP0FdL8

Posted by: akula51[/b][/i][/s] at February 10, 2014 08:53 AM (HtsKA)

166 Wonder if this conforms to "best practices."

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 08:53 AM (mQwL2)

167 Has anyone referenced an institution of higher learning yet?

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at February 10, 2014 08:53 AM (g4TxM)

168 >>Witness: "Yes, one blue this way and one blue that way"


heh. now that joke took work.  You're hired.

Posted by: Jimmy Fallon at February 10, 2014 08:54 AM (OZmbA)

169 my assistant outside my office wondered why I was laughing so loud after reading this.

Posted by: Aldarion at February 10, 2014 08:54 AM (1V7hv)

170 So did they get an A for the class?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at February 10, 2014 08:54 AM (1Jaio)

171 This post cries out for Haiku

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 08:54 AM (pkNRJ)

172 159 This is what happens when you allow affirmative action to guide your teacher hiring practices. Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at February 10, 2014 12:52 PM (DHj6D) I thought being a suicide bomber required that you be an idiot?

Posted by: Judge Pug at February 10, 2014 08:54 AM (NRYdU)

173 If only more teachers would do this. Like all of the union wastes of money and those in colleges too

Posted by: TheQuietMan at February 10, 2014 08:54 AM (1Jaio)

174 This story actually did make me "feel good."

Posted by: Seems legit at February 10, 2014 08:55 AM (A98Xu)

175 171 So did they get an A for the class? They got an "I" for incomplete. In complete PIECES! (rimshot)

Posted by: Sunni Corleone at February 10, 2014 08:55 AM (7ObY1)

176 speaking of bodies piling up... off topic, but IBD's latest cartoon is too good not to share (if you haven't already seen it) http://www.investors.com/editorial-cartoons/michael-ramirez/689398

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at February 10, 2014 08:55 AM (IXrOn)

177 I feel bad for the janitorial staff at that school.

Posted by: dudenolongerinsantacruz at February 10, 2014 08:55 AM (PGXA8)

178

Oops, looks like I'm a little late to the party with the 'Achmed's uncle' suggestion.

*shakes fist at slow computer*

Posted by: right wing whippersnapper at February 10, 2014 08:55 AM (NSh5j)

179 The instructor got blown up like a blow up doll.

Hee, hee. I love big American breasts.

Posted by: Steve Martin as Wild and Crazy Guy at February 10, 2014 08:55 AM (OZmbA)

180 I thought I requested Suicide Bomb Teaching for Dummies, not Suicide Bombing for Dummies.

Posted by: Bin Laden at February 10, 2014 08:56 AM (1V7hv)

181 Due to the accident on the soccer field this morning, this afternoon's stoning of harlots has been cancelled.

Posted by: The ISIS University Extracurricular Activities Coordinator at February 10, 2014 08:56 AM (8ZskC)

182 "And this one time at bomb camp..."

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at February 10, 2014 08:56 AM (DHj6D)

183 135 Honestly, no references to me yet? You're slipping, RWNJs.

Posted by: Bill Ayers at February 10, 2014 12:49 PM (wsnKp)

See #36


Posted by: King Barry, who only lived on that guy's street at February 10, 2014 08:56 AM (aTXUx)

184 Oh Mighty Isis!!!

Posted by: Andrea Thomas at February 10, 2014 08:56 AM (a5Mel)

185 They got an "I" for incomplete. >>

They got a B for Boom!

Posted by: The Hickster at February 10, 2014 08:56 AM (TI3xG)

186 >>>Damn shame it was only 22.<<<

The next class was going to teach young Jihadis bombers how to stretch an anus for a bigger payload.

Posted by: Fritz at February 10, 2014 08:57 AM (UzPAd)

187 SHAZAM!

Posted by: Billy Bolton at February 10, 2014 08:57 AM (a5Mel)

188

Let's see - 22 killed, 15 wounded, and 8 arrested while trying to flee the scene.

 

That's 45 terrorists in one spot.  If ever we needed a drone....

 

(And Allah has to round up 1584 virgins)

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX (@Teresa_Koch) at February 10, 2014 08:57 AM (PZ6/M)

189 @AllenG

I've never had a problem carrying concealed at a urinal. Not to delve too deeply into your tinkle habits, but why is it a concern for you?

Posted by: Clownf*cker at February 10, 2014 08:57 AM (sPO/s)

190 Splodey haiku: Business is good At suicide bomber school Prophets are sky high

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at February 10, 2014 08:57 AM (g4TxM)

191 Yeah graduates of the Bill Ayers School of Bomb Building here.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at February 10, 2014 08:57 AM (Z/g31)

192

oh, and the "Shi'ite dominated Iraqi army"

 

the quintessence of media "bias" (the word ace and others are looking for is "distortion", "bias" is far too mild and actually fails to describe the situation accurately)

 

let's do some translations:

 

"the army of Iraq's elected government, set up under the constitution adopted by national referendum in 2005"

 

"the sectarian terrorist organizations, whose attacks on public places have rocked the elected national government"

 

And one could go on and on with accurate descriptions that frame the topic.  But the false frameworks are KEY to the distortion that has, effectively, dumbed down most of the electorate. 

 

One of the most amusing/devastatingly discouraging things I've done is to deconstruct a NYT story (randomly picked by a student) in front of a college class.  Detail the false assumptions/assertions explicit or implicit in nearly every sentence.  Dissect the historical distortions, the illogic, the way the selection/presentation of facts completely misleads the reader who doesn't have any independent understanding of a topic.

 

Slack jaws all around (smirks and head-shakes from the young vets in the class).  Devastating ending, has happened several times:  some shocked young student asks "where do we go to get good reporting?".  My answer:  I don't know what to tell you - aside from actual experience, your own careful study of history and the world, and harvesting tidbits from here and there, I don't know.

 

 

Posted by: non-purist at February 10, 2014 08:58 AM (afQnV)

193 22 more victims of the Bengazi Youtube Video! 

Posted by: Kaisersoze at February 10, 2014 08:58 AM (ak/ho)

194 "We are never, ever, ever, ever, getting back togetherrrrrr...."

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 08:58 AM (659DL)

195

"PHRASING!!!"

 

Hee. All I took out of this story was that there is a real ISIS.

Posted by: Lea at February 10, 2014 08:58 AM (lIU4e)

196 That "ACME Snuggli-Vest" was supposed to be shipped to Wile E. Coyote!

Posted by: Ray Van Dune at February 10, 2014 08:58 AM (bCSgp)

197 Isn't "ISIS" a Scandi name? Dirty kaboom eating Scandi's!

Posted by: Mooch at February 10, 2014 08:58 AM (611Rk)

198 140 Did he ask one of the students to "hold my beer and watch this"? --- That reminds me... When The Simpsons was translated for use in Islamic cultures, they changed his ever-present donuts to Arab cookies called "kahk", pronounced "cock". Sure puts a new spin on the "Devil And Homer Simpson" mini-episode where Homer is forced to spend the day in Hell. New Arabic version - "So, you like kahk, huh? Well how about you eat all the kahk in the world!"

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at February 10, 2014 08:58 AM (/Crba)

199 He blew his tenure.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 08:58 AM (6bMeY)

200 The next class was going to teach young Jihadis bombers how to stretch an anus for a bigger payload. Posted by: Fritz at February 10, 2014 12:57 PM (UzPAd) Are they still butt fucking each other in the name of jihad?

Posted by: Judge Pug at February 10, 2014 08:58 AM (NRYdU)

201 Looks like we're getting hit with more global warming tonight. FR-S no go in ice. Tomorrow may be a day off.

Posted by: DangerGirl and her Sanity Prod (tm) at February 10, 2014 08:58 AM (A9hpr)

202 191 Splodey haiku: Business is good At suicide bomber school Prophets are sky high Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at February 10, 2014 12:57 PM (g4TxM) awesome

Posted by: phoenixgirl @phxazgrl 17 days (2wks 3days) until spring training at February 10, 2014 08:59 AM (u8GsB)

203 Someone tell these terrorist scumbags that the Egyptian goddess Isis is not pleased.  Bet allah hands them over to her to show his displeasure.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at February 10, 2014 09:00 AM (Z/g31)

204

my teacher argued

he always had the last word

Last thing he said? "Oops"

Posted by: dudenolongerinsantacruz at February 10, 2014 09:00 AM (PGXA8)

205 Pay attention class Connect the red wire right here Or is it the blue?

Posted by: Lincolntf at February 10, 2014 09:00 AM (ZshNr)

206 I guess the curve they grade on would be the Parabola.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 09:00 AM (iQxYV)

207 Slack jaws all around (smirks and head-shakes from the young vets in the class). Devastating ending, has happened several times: some shocked young student asks "where do we go to get good reporting?". My answer: I don't know what to tell you - aside from actual experience, your own careful study of history and the world, and harvesting tidbits from here and there, I don't know.

Posted by: non-purist



Yeah, but there is no media bias.

Posted by: MSM Universally at February 10, 2014 09:00 AM (OZmbA)

208 Burka Bombs are tricky. Pro Tip : You have to ground the underwire in your bra.

Posted by: garrett at February 10, 2014 09:00 AM (4fx1m)

209 Reminds me of 'Show Biz Bugs' where at the end Daffy pulls out his greatest trick and blows himself up. In a final attempt to impress the audience, Daffy performs a deadly stunt (which he refers as "an act that no other performer has dared to execute!"), by drinking some gasoline, some nitroglycerin, some gunpowder, and some uranium 238, "shake well," and swallowing a lit match ("Girls, you better hold onto your boyfriends!"), causing him to explode. The audience loves the performance, but Daffy (now a transparent ghost and ascending to heaven) "can only do it once."

Posted by: RWC at February 10, 2014 09:00 AM (fWAjv)

210 Sunni Militant-TERRORIST Commander within the so-called "Islamic State of Iraq and Syria" (ISIS) unwittingly conducted a demonstration with a belt that was packed with explosives. The point of a training demonstration is to show how to handle the belt of explosives. So saying that the commanding instructor "unwittingly conducted a demonstration" is nonsense, unless to say the commander was witless. The goddess of life, Isis took mass-murdering "ISIS" to task. Trickle down epiphany. No virgins await.

Posted by: panzernashorn at February 10, 2014 09:01 AM (MhA4j)

211 You were not taught right
Cheap infidel Apple phone
Not a good trigger.

Posted by: 0302 at February 10, 2014 09:01 AM (hllgx)

212 Whackity-shmackity-boom.

Posted by: Clownf*cker at February 10, 2014 09:01 AM (5npD/)

213 IT'S A TRAAAAPPPPP!!!!!!!

Posted by: Admiral Ackbar at February 10, 2014 09:01 AM (6bMeY)

214 Islamic cemetery plots: a mile wide, but an inch deep. And the headstone (well, actually footstone, never did find the head) reads, "Rest In Pieces."

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at February 10, 2014 09:01 AM (pFqpP)

215 People, people, people. I can't stress this enough. Red right, white left.

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 10, 2014 09:01 AM (9S9BR)

216 When I flip this switch My body will disappear Like tears, in rain. BOOM!

Posted by: Conservative Crank's iPhone at February 10, 2014 09:01 AM (MhPEb)

217 I don't understand the activist carrying at the school story. Two different calls alerted the police to an armed person at the school. So apparently he was open carrying? Or had tucked his shirt incorrectly, revealing the weapon. But later the police only found the weapon during a pat-down. So did he hide it once he realized he was carrying? But he claims he didn't remember carrying. Maybe he realized after the cops arrived? Need moar data!

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at February 10, 2014 09:01 AM (WhJf8)

218 Vests didn't detonate like this in periods of lower CO2 in the atmosphere.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 09:01 AM (659DL)

219 Hey, I think those guys are doing it wrong.

Posted by: Yogi Berra, Moron philosoper king at February 10, 2014 09:02 AM (RFeQD)

220 boom
roasted goat
delicious

Posted by: Prez'nit 404 at February 10, 2014 09:02 AM (Dwehj)

221 Wait, they have Acme stores in the Middle East too?

Posted by: Wiley Coyote at February 10, 2014 09:02 AM (7ObY1)

222 Teach the common core
We leave no martyr behind
Equally blown up

Posted by: 0302 at February 10, 2014 09:02 AM (hllgx)

223 Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough

'Cause, baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y



Posted by: kbdabear at February 10, 2014 09:03 AM (aTXUx)

224 Bugs madly clapping, "Daffy! They love you!"

Daffy's soul ascending, "I know! I know! But I could only do it one time!"

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at February 10, 2014 09:03 AM (Z/g31)

225 I think there is a song in this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvwV24yRRb0

Posted by: Terri Nunn at February 10, 2014 09:03 AM (HxSXm)

226 The Kaboom cereal they were served for breakfast ought to have given them a clue...

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at February 10, 2014 09:04 AM (HsTG8)

227 Clearly this guy wasn't fit to prance around in the desert with an M-249.

Posted by: Zombie Zarqawi at February 10, 2014 09:04 AM (Aif/5)

228 You know, one common thread I've noticed in my travels among the peoples in the Third World is a complete, total, and utter lack of any kind sense regarding personal safety.

Jus' sayin.

Posted by: Sean Bannion [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:04 AM (6T8Ay)

229 Wait, they have Acme stores in the Middle East too? Yeah, but the pronounciation is different.

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at February 10, 2014 09:05 AM (659DL)

230 Should have got himself a shotgun.
Just point it in the air, and let off a round.
Scare them infidels right off.
That's what I would do.

Posted by: Joey Choo Choo at February 10, 2014 09:05 AM (DHj6D)

231 207 I guess the curve they grade on would be the Parabola. Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 01:00 PM (iQxYV) That bell curve has been blown to hell.

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, formerly MrCaniac at February 10, 2014 09:05 AM (HxSXm)

232 You know, one common thread I've noticed in my travels among the peoples in the Third World is a complete, total, and utter lack of any kind sense regarding personal safety. Yep. My experience as well. Anybody who complains that their state's drivers are the worst in the world either is exaggerating for effect, or has never been to Thailand, Mexico, the Philippines, India, or even Italy.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at February 10, 2014 09:07 AM (WhJf8)

233 Another victory for common core curriculum.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 09:07 AM (6bMeY)

234 Hold tight wait till the party's over
Hold tight We're in for nasty weather
There has got to be a way
Burning down the house

Posted by: kbdabear at February 10, 2014 09:07 AM (aTXUx)

235 At a militant camp in Iraq
The instructor for vests was a hack.
     "When you see infidel,
       You can blow him to Hell-"
But his vest went off - now, fade to black.

He blew himself and his class to pizza toppings - but are they halal?

Posted by: Keith Arnold at February 10, 2014 09:07 AM (DMtT+)

236 What, you were expecting they'd learn from experience?

Posted by: Brother Cavil at February 10, 2014 09:07 AM (naUcP)

237
In the typical form of her myth, Isis was the first daughter of Geb, god of the Earth, and Nut, goddess of the Sky


Earth, sky, nuts....they should have went with a different goddess.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at February 10, 2014 09:07 AM (n0DEs)

238 Trickle down epiphany. No virgins await. Posted by: panzernashorn at February 10, 2014 01:01 PM (MhA4j)

No virgins ever await.

http://tinyurl.com/ljqbqra

Posted by: Sean Bannion [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:07 AM (6T8Ay)

239 fap

Posted by: Sifty at February 10, 2014 09:07 AM (p39GY)

240 Professor holds forth
Expert killer of infidels
Now feeds trees and grass

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at February 10, 2014 09:07 AM (8ZskC)

241 A real-life acting-out of The Story of Barack Hussein Obama.



Posthumous Oscars all around!

Posted by: Sharkman at February 10, 2014 09:08 AM (TM1p8)

242 This religion blows, Staring at virgin faces, Look like Hillary.

Posted by: Seems legit at February 10, 2014 09:08 AM (A98Xu)

243 Ground terrorist is a mulch, and a mulch is good for your lawn.

Posted by: Sifty at February 10, 2014 09:08 AM (p39GY)

244 They all joined ISIS because they thought they would be drinking, doing drugs and banging hookers

Posted by: lemmiwinks at February 10, 2014 09:08 AM (Ed1xO)

245 Earth, sky, nuts....they should have went with a different goddess. How'rrrrrrrr you doing?

Posted by: Bastet, original catgirl at February 10, 2014 09:09 AM (naUcP)

246 This is a detonator ...

Can you say "detonator"?

Posted by: Mister Rajani at February 10, 2014 09:09 AM (aTXUx)

247 245 They all joined ISIS because they thought they would be drinking, doing drugs and banging hookers --- They got upset when they found out their new supervisor would be Conway Stein.

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at February 10, 2014 09:09 AM (/Crba)

248 They all joined ISIS because they thought they would be drinking, doing drugs and banging hookers. Yeah, they never paid attention. Archer and Lana get by mostly unscathed, but everyone else in the agency gets royally screwed frequently.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at February 10, 2014 09:10 AM (WhJf8)

249 What kind of nutjob plays with live explosives anyway?

Posted by: Randy Slade at February 10, 2014 09:11 AM (aTXUx)

250 PPPAAAAAMMMMMMM!!!!!!

Posted by: Dr. Krieger at February 10, 2014 09:11 AM (Aif/5)

251 Slightly off thread: http://tinyurl.com/mnmaucl

Posted by: Jean at February 10, 2014 09:11 AM (4JkHl)

252

So he was conducting this class like my instructor conducted my high-school chemistry class.  Good times.  Good times.

 

'Cept we didn't die.

Posted by: Soona at February 10, 2014 09:11 AM (WjEUF)

253
Nobel Piece Prize recipient.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at February 10, 2014 09:11 AM (n0DEs)

254 This week, on FatwaBusters...

Posted by: Brother cavil at February 10, 2014 09:11 AM (naUcP)

255 Shit, someone burned dinner again!

Posted by: Iraqi Zombies at February 10, 2014 09:12 AM (aTXUx)

256 Reward in heaven Virgins everywhere I see Whiny bitchez all

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 09:12 AM (DmNpO)

257 Sekhmet might have been more their speed, except for that time she went on a rampage eating all the humans.  So the other deities of the Egyptian pantheon got together and brewed up enough beer to cover a large field.  To trick the goddess with the lioness head, they dyed the beer the color of blood.  And she drank and she drank until she passed out.  Thus humanity was saved by beer.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at February 10, 2014 09:12 AM (Z/g31)

258 I saw Dead Terrorists open for Dead Kennedys at Blossom in '89.

Posted by: Barb the Evil Genius at February 10, 2014 09:12 AM (yE8uc)

259 253 So he was conducting this class like my instructor conducted my high-school chemistry class. Good times. Good times. You had Mr. White for Chemistry too?

Posted by: Jesse Pinkman at February 10, 2014 09:13 AM (7ObY1)

260 174 If only more teachers would do this. Like all of the union wastes of money and those in colleges too Posted by: TheQuietMan at February 10, 2014 12:54 PM (1Jaio) There's a reason I never joined the NEA when I was a middle/high school teacher.

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 09:13 AM (mQwL2)

261 229 You know, one common thread I've noticed in my travels among the peoples in the Third World is a complete, total, and utter lack of any kind sense regarding personal safety.

Jus' sayin.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at February 10, 2014 01:04 PM (6T8Ay)

 

Never traveled to a third world country, but here's my shot in the dark: If you have a high likelihood of being whacked by a suicide bomber, corrupt police, or even a shitty driver; you're not going to worry much about dying, because it's probably going to come from a corner that you had no control over anyway.

Maybe the more well-traveled members of the Horde can confirm/ nix that idea?

Posted by: right wing whippersnapper at February 10, 2014 09:13 AM (NSh5j)

262

The wire that is higher is the one that starts the fire.

 

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 09:13 AM (zF6Iw)

263 "Oh Ahmad, could you cover for me in this lab?"

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 09:14 AM (iQxYV)

264 Now that's a Thought Leader!

Posted by: Expat Tax Refugee at February 10, 2014 09:14 AM (m3mxz)

265 More on feel good stories:

http://tinyurl.com/pxuv9ol

And I can prove that the Obama marriage is on the rocks.

It's been announced that he is travelling to Fresno CA to discuss the drought... on Valentines Day! I guess Fresno was busy on the 13th? Perhaps it's in keeping with a personal drought?

Posted by: scottst at February 10, 2014 09:14 AM (v+8+I)

266 Never traveled to a third world country, but here'smy shot in the dark: If you have a high likelihood of being whacked by a suicide bomber, corrupt police, or even ashitty driver; you're not going to worry much about dying, because it's probablygoing to come from a corner that you had no control over anyway. That explains our inner cities quite nicely...

Posted by: Brother Cavil at February 10, 2014 09:14 AM (naUcP)

267 There's a reason I never joined the NEA when I was a middle/high school teacher.

You mean because had an opposable thumb and didn't have the prehensile tail.

Posted by: Sean Bannion [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:14 AM (6T8Ay)

268 Hold my goat milk and watch this shit!

Posted by: Southern Iraqi at February 10, 2014 09:15 AM (aTXUx)

269 Why does this blog keep eating my spaces? I swear, they were all there a minute ago.

Posted by: right wing whippersnapper at February 10, 2014 09:15 AM (NSh5j)

270 You mean because had an opposable thumb and didn't have the prehensile tail. I object to this post, as it was unnecessarily insulting. What did monkeys do to deserve that...?

Posted by: Brother Cavil at February 10, 2014 09:15 AM (naUcP)

271 BUTTERFINGERS!

Posted by: Kid from the 'Operation' Commercial at February 10, 2014 09:15 AM (4fx1m)

272 Have we had the obligatory "I was expecting an  earth-shattering KABOOM!" yet?

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 09:16 AM (zF6Iw)

273 They are cancelling show and tell next semester.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 09:16 AM (6bMeY)

274 I've never had a problem carrying concealed at a urinal. Not to delve too deeply into your tinkle habits, but why is it a concern for you? Sorry. Had to grab lunch. The extra weight on the back of my belt makes it a little more difficult to keep the pants in the proper upright position. It's not that it's a huge problem, but it is just easier to use the stall. Plus- more privacy for rearranging the weapon afterwards.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:16 AM (PYAXX)

275 Re personal safety in the Near East: "in sha'llah". There is a heavy streak of fatalism over there and Sunni Islam actually has it as a religious tenet. Precautions aren't taken because it's thought that Allah does as He will.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 09:17 AM (iQxYV)

276 Never traveled to a third world country, but here'smy shot in the dark: If you have a high likelihood of being whacked by a suicide bomber, corrupt police, or even ashitty driver; you're not going to worry much about dying, because it's probablygoing to come from a corner that you had no control over anyway.
Maybe the more well-traveledmembers ofthe Horde can confirm/ nix that idea?

Posted by: right wing whippersnapper at February 10, 2014 01:13 PM (NSh5j)

 

 

--------------------------------------------

 

 

It's good to  quickly become friends with at least one local.  That's been my MO for a long time.  It's kept me  out of a lot of trouble.

Posted by: Soona at February 10, 2014 09:17 AM (WjEUF)

277 I saw Prehensile Tail open for Opposable Thumb back in '93.

Posted by: Prez'nit 404 at February 10, 2014 09:17 AM (Dwehj)

278 Just waiting until OSHA hears about this. There will be hell to pay.

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 10, 2014 09:17 AM (aid6J)

279 Have we had the obligatory "I was expecting an earth-shattering KABOOM!" yet?

I was expecting an earth-shattering KABOOM!

There, happy now, kufir?

Posted by: Marvin the Imam [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:18 AM (6T8Ay)

280 It's good to quickly become friends with at least one local. That's been my MO for a long time. It's kept me out of a lot of trouble. I find *not* travelling to 3rd World countries keeps me out of a lot of trouble.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:18 AM (PYAXX)

281 Damn, Bill DeStalino is really whipping through the Commie playbook in his NYC State of the City address. I haven't heard authentic Commie gibberish like this since...I'd have to go back to the community activist heyday of Barack Hussein Obama.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 09:18 AM (7ObY1)

282 I've heard about gut courses before, but this takes the cake.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 09:19 AM (zF6Iw)

283 Oh, da red wire connected to da red pin
Da blue wire connected to da blue pin
Da black wire connected to da ......

Da heel bone disconnected from da foot bone
Da foot bone disconnected from da ankle bone
Da ankle bone disconnected from da shin bone ..

Posted by: kbdabear at February 10, 2014 09:19 AM (aTXUx)

284 From the sidebar: IBD: ObamaCare Disaster May Deliver Mortal Blow To Liberalism This, unfortunately, will not happen. Our ability to self-correct has suffered a "mortal blow" at the hands of our Stalinist media. We're permanently boned.

Posted by: Harrison Bergeron at February 10, 2014 09:19 AM (JQuNB)

285 There is a heavy streak of fatalism over there and Sunni Islam actually has it as a religious tenet. Precautions aren't taken because it's thought that Allah does as He will.

True.

Thus, it is Allah's will that they're all fucking morons.

Notice how it only took 2 weeks to completely wipe out Saddam's fedayeen.  There's a reason for that. 

Stupidity and high explosives tend not to mix well.

Posted by: Sean Bannion [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:20 AM (6T8Ay)

286 Thanks for the feel-good story.

Posted by: Y-not at February 10, 2014 09:20 AM (tNMLW)

287 There is a heavy streak of fatalism over there and Sunni Islam actually has it as a religious tenet. Precautions aren't taken because it's thought that Allah does as He will. So they'll never leave the 7th century. Because if allah had wanted them to, they'already have left it.

Posted by: rickb223 at February 10, 2014 09:20 AM (GjYxB)

288 172 This post cries out for Haiku

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 12:54 PM (pkNRJ)


Teaching suicide


Is not for an amateur.


Watch out for that arm.

Posted by: joncelli at February 10, 2014 09:20 AM (RD7QR)

289 285 From the sidebar: IBD: ObamaCare Disaster May Deliver Mortal Blow To Liberalism I hear you. If I had a dollar for every time in the last 5 years that we've heard about a death blow to Liberalism, I'd be able to afford 404Care.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 09:20 AM (7ObY1)

290 I find *not* travelling to 3rd World countries keeps me out of a lot of trouble. But you're missing out on all the ... uh ... give me a minute Angkor Wat?

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at February 10, 2014 09:21 AM (o4Xc4)

291

The heartbreak of SEES.  "Sudden Entropy Elevation Syndrome".

 

Syptoms: Patient exhibits the appearance of an incandescent sphere of gases explanding at supersonic speed.

Prognosis: Poor

Posted by: Ray Van Dune at February 10, 2014 09:22 AM (bCSgp)

292 ObamaCare Disaster May Deliver Mortal Blow To Liberalism

I got two words to disprove that nonsense: Free. Shit.

Posted by: Prez'nit 404 at February 10, 2014 09:22 AM (Dwehj)

293 Soona, for me, it's not so much worry about dying due to factors you mentioned but getting fucked up bad enough to need medical care. In some of the places I go to, it might mean a long painful death or losing something if I need to see a local doc. That's scary.

Posted by: fastfreefall at February 10, 2014 09:22 AM (f/8nd)

294 How has there been no Archer comments on this post yet?

Posted by: BallOfHate at February 10, 2014 09:22 AM (vQ062)

295 Say, wasn't Archer working for ISIS?

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie © at February 10, 2014 09:22 AM (1hM1d)

296

So if you blow yourself up without blowing up some infidels do you still get the pussy in heaven?

Posted by: Chaos the other dark meat at February 10, 2014 09:23 AM (oDCMR)

297 @AllenG

That makes sense. I carry at 3 o'clock, so the back of my pants riding down is less of a concern.

Posted by: Clownf*cker at February 10, 2014 09:23 AM (kZVsz)

298 239. whether food/drink or unsullied girls is really beside the point of any "promised" bribe to be collected in the next life beyond what will be. People project all sorts of things. True, there is the trans-cultural "pearl of great price" which symbolizes our higher "Self" we're to come to know before we pass on. But regardless of sect, from the holiest books of scripture, trans-cultural religious texts, God isn't awarding murderers with virgin-sex-slaves. As likely as not, there won't be "sex" in the next life, anyway. That's more to Ibn Warraq's point made in your link.

Posted by: panzernashorn at February 10, 2014 09:23 AM (MhA4j)

299 As the bumper sticker goes:

ISIS! ISIS!
Ra Ra Ra!
Shish BOOM bah!
Stick it in your craw!

Posted by: Amun at February 10, 2014 09:23 AM (7+oD+)

300 Was this operation a success or a failure? It depends on what your definition of ISIS

Posted by: Achmed J Clinton at February 10, 2014 09:23 AM (2pw4s)

301 Where's Hadji the Muslim comic?

Posted by: kbdabear at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (aTXUx)

302 If I had an explosive belt I'd load it in the morning Then I'd close the circuit in the evening And I'd be all over this land! My students would be in danger! 'Cause I'd detonate without warning! My bits would rain all over my brothers and my sister All o'er this land!

Posted by: Mooch at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (611Rk)

303 297 So if you blow yourself up without blowing up some infidels do you still get the pussy in heaven? Instead of 72 virgins, you get Margaret Cho.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (7ObY1)

304 There is a heavy streak of fatalism over there and Sunni Islam actually has it as a religious tenet. Precautions aren't taken because it's thought that Allah does as He will. Eh, there's a huge amount of fatalism in most 3rd world countries. Among Catholic Hispanics it was very common to hear the answer, "If God wills it." to my questions of "Will you..." Basically it means no. But if God wills it, sure, nothing can stop the will of God.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (o4Xc4)

305 Posted by: Clownf*cker at February 10, 2014 01:23 PM (kZVsz) My weapon is too big for front, and I don't have the kind of clothes that make the side work well, so back of the pants is really my only option.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (PYAXX)

306 @295: Ummm, comment number 3?

Posted by: Vortex Lovera at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (wtvvX)

307 Religion of Peace Suicide Bomb Factory God is not impressed

Posted by: garrett at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (4fx1m)

308 They already got 72 pieces of ass in this life, so no.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (iQxYV)

309 I find *not* travelling to 3rd World countries keeps me out of a lot of trouble.

When I left the military I swore I'd never go back to another Third World shithole ever again.  From then on my idea of "foreign travel" was going to be strictly limited to places with a Ritz-Carlton or a St. Regis, a white sand beach, great food, excellent bourbon, and hot and cold running gingers with an occasional blonde for dessert.

As you might expect from all that, I don't do very much foreign travel now.

Posted by: Sean Bannion [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (6T8Ay)

310 some shocked young student asks "where do we go to get good reporting?". My answer: I don't know what to tell you - aside from actual experience, your own careful study of history and the world, and harvesting tidbits from here and there, I don't know. Posted by: non-purist at February 10, 2014 12:58 PM (afQnV) One of the things I love about this site is that posters and commenters frequently provide links to original sources -- uncut video or audio recordings that belie the "official" MSM narrative, first-person accounts of events, pre-photoshop photos, etc. I recently asserted some fact I gleaned from AoSHQ and was instantly challenged. When I went to the internet to back up my statement, it was there in black and white from an original source (Medicaid benefit recovery program is spelled out on the medicaid.gov website). I knew I could trust the HQ.

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (mQwL2)

311 On a more serious note, it's easy for those bastards to commit the sons and daughters of their countrymen to death whilst sitting safely back in their lair. Easy, because they romanticize it and most of the kids have probably never seen an actual suicide bombing take place. Any who survived the blast will be disabused of the romantic notion of death by suicide vest. They may forge ahead with the craziness, or they may not. At least they finally received an honest education.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (DmNpO)

312 "There is a heavy streak of fatalism over there and Sunni Islam actually has it as a religious tenet. Precautions aren't taken because it's thought that Allah does as He will."

So I guess that one could argue that the ascension of Christian religion, and the recession of Islamic religion, and the defeats that Israel keep handing to the Muslim countries are all the wishes of Allah.

Why do Muslims hate Allah and his wishes?

Posted by: Joey Choo Choo at February 10, 2014 09:24 AM (DHj6D)

313

This post cries out for Haiku

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 12:54 PM (pkNRJ)



 

Carry out his will,

Two and seventy virgins!

Gets them every time

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 09:25 AM (zF6Iw)

314 The instructor's last words?

"But first, I WILL BLOW YOU!!!"

Posted by: Vortex Lovera at February 10, 2014 09:25 AM (wtvvX)

315 Jihad is just another word for nothing left to lose.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 09:25 AM (6bMeY)

316 Speaking of blowing up, blowing, blow jobs, scrunts NYC mayor commie went all commie today in his state of the city address and promised a wet dream to all his union supporters, illegals, and the free shit crowd. I wonder who is gonna pay for all that? Can you say "Hello Detroit"?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 10, 2014 09:25 AM (t3UFN)

317 Skyrockets in flight. Afternoon delight.

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 10, 2014 09:25 AM (9qilP)

318 Where Hadji? I've seen him around, here and there

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 09:25 AM (iQxYV)

319 Religion of Peace

Suicide Bomb Factory

God is not impressed

Can we get a McKayla Maroney "not impressed" face for that?

Posted by: Sean Bannion [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:25 AM (6T8Ay)

320 And yet I would have still preferred to be in that classroom than one in which Obama was lecturing on constitutional law.

Posted by: RD Walker at February 10, 2014 09:26 AM (ImpgP)

321 Posted by: Mooch at February 10, 2014 01:24 PM

Not bad.

Posted by: Zombie Commie Pete Seeger at February 10, 2014 09:26 AM (Dwehj)

322 As likely as not, there won't be "sex" in the next life, anyway. There is if you're a good Mormon!

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at February 10, 2014 09:26 AM (o4Xc4)

323 I find *not* travelling to 3rd World countries keeps me out of a lot of trouble.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 01:18 PM (PYAXX)

 

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

 

It's not just third world countries.  I do this everywhere I go that I've never been before.  And that goes for places here in this country too. 

Posted by: Soona at February 10, 2014 09:26 AM (WjEUF)

324 Also... is it just me, or is it a little ironic that their organization name (ISIS) just happens to be the name of one of the Dead Gods of Egypt?

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:26 AM (PYAXX)

325 When I worked as a store detective (long ago in my yoot), I freaked one night when I was filming my partner making an apprehension and I spotted a piece shoved in the back of the perp's pants. Turned out OK though. The shoplifter was only an off-duty cop. What a relief.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 09:26 AM (7ObY1)

326 Explode we much

Posted by: TheQuietMan at February 10, 2014 09:27 AM (1Jaio)

327 This presents a headache for the bureacrqats at the terrorist school. Do the students all earn an Incomplete? Or is the class ruled cancelled? Ah, a dilemma . . .

Posted by: logprof at February 10, 2014 09:27 AM (X3GkB)

328 Last thought in the instructor's mind? "Well, I just blew off my upcoming sabbatical!"

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at February 10, 2014 09:27 AM (HsTG8)

329 Ugh. I just received my first President's Day sale email. For all time that bastard will be included in the tribute to our presidents.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 09:28 AM (DmNpO)

330 A premature detonation means never having to say you're sorry.

Posted by: Fritz at February 10, 2014 09:28 AM (UzPAd)

331 You should totally take that class.  He's a great teacher and I got so much out of it.

Posted by: Bad Terrorist Advice at February 10, 2014 09:28 AM (/29Nl)

332 Begone thou fetid Choo Choo sock

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at February 10, 2014 09:28 AM (DHj6D)

333 Bombers in training. Terminal premature climax. Damn you, Viagra!

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:29 AM (PYAXX)

334 Instead of a tenure track, at ISIS we offer a tenure trajectory!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at February 10, 2014 09:29 AM (HsTG8)

335 I wouldn't be surprised if there was someone on the inside-an infiltrator- who switched belts on the instructor. It's just too good.

Posted by: JoeyBagels at February 10, 2014 09:29 AM (HWDqx)

336 Instead of 72 virgins, you get Margaret Cho. - And Bea Arthur. That ought to be enough for any man.

Posted by: WalrusRex at February 10, 2014 09:29 AM (9qilP)

337 Hey Abdul, hold my falafel and watch this!

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 10, 2014 09:29 AM (TIIx5)

338
The heartbreak of Eyecorelessness.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at February 10, 2014 09:29 AM (n0DEs)

339 336 I wouldn't be surprised if there was someone on the inside-an infiltrator- who switched belts on the instructor. It's just too good. Do we know of Mitch Rapp's whereabouts on the night in question?

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 09:29 AM (7ObY1)

340

>>>; you're not going to worry much about dying, because it's probablygoing to come from a corner that you had no control over anyway<<<

.

It's the will of allah.

Posted by: Javems at February 10, 2014 09:29 AM (nTgAI)

341

There was an imam  and  his cell

Who'd blow the kufir back to hell;

But, scratching an itch,

Was told, "Don't touch that switch!" -

There was an imam and his cell.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 09:30 AM (zF6Iw)

342 "You put your right hand in You put your right hand out You put your right hand in Then you blow it all about..."

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:30 AM (PYAXX)

343 This hilarious tale reminded me of this. Please forgive me if it has already been posted. Allah does NOT approve. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyzalT7bIaQ

Posted by: Judge Roy Bean at February 10, 2014 09:30 AM (cCxiu)

344 As likely as not, there won't be "sex" in the next life, anyway. That's more to Ibn Warraq's point made in your link. Posted by: panzernashorn at February 10, 2014 01:23 PM (MhA4j) What about the "the marriage supper of the Lamb?" I think we will find out earthly sex was a dim foreshadowing of the intimacy and love in heaven.

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 09:30 AM (mQwL2)

345 We're gonna need another Timmy!

Posted by: Ask Mr. Lizard at February 10, 2014 09:30 AM (3JccP)

346 If it was a suicide bomber's op to kill a suicide bomber teaching a suicide bomber school, that would be one of the most awesome things, ever.

Posted by: Clownf*cker at February 10, 2014 09:31 AM (5npD/)

347 So sad. He use to be a very "hands on" professor. Now not so much!

Posted by: runningrn at February 10, 2014 09:31 AM (o6g4X)

348 But first you will blow me...up

Posted by: TheQuietMan at February 10, 2014 09:31 AM (1Jaio)

349
♪ Shaboom, Shaboom, ♫ la la la ♪

Posted by: Sha Na Na at February 10, 2014 09:31 AM (n0DEs)

350 We three Sunnis of ISIS are. Tried to smoke a rubber cigar. It was loaded it exploded KABOOM! Silent night...

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:31 AM (PYAXX)

351 At a school for aspiring bomb makers For mullahs and imams and fakirs This suicide college disseminated knowledge... over two hundred seventy-five acres.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at February 10, 2014 09:31 AM (g4TxM)

352 What about the "the marriage supper of the Lamb?" I think we will find out earthly sex was a dim foreshadowing of the intimacy and love in heaven.

Hmmmm....soooooo not Catholic.


Posted by: Sean Bannion [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:31 AM (6T8Ay)

353 Also... is it just me, or is it a little ironic that their organization name (ISIS) just happens to be the name of one of the Dead Gods of Egypt?

Posted by: Allen G. at February 10, 2014 01:26 PM (PYAXX)


The irony is probably only visible to that part of the world that uses the Roman alphabet. Likely the Arabic acronym doesn't look like "ISIS".

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at February 10, 2014 09:32 AM (pFqpP)

354 What about the "the marriage supper of the Lamb?" I think we will find out earthly sex was a dim foreshadowing of the intimacy and love in heaven.

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 01:30 PM (mQwL2)

 

 

-------------------------------------------------

 

 

So women actually  have orgasms in heaven?

Posted by: Soona at February 10, 2014 09:33 AM (WjEUF)

355 Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at February 10, 2014 01:32 PM (pFqpP) So they won't understand why I'm laughing at them? I'm okay with that.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:33 AM (PYAXX)

356 Instant Karma's gonna get you!

Posted by: John Lennon at February 10, 2014 09:33 AM (bjND7)

357 You know who's really responsible for this bombing of innocent school children, right?

Posted by: The JUICE at February 10, 2014 09:33 AM (SY2Kh)

358 Ima looking forward to Hollywood's treatment of this, entitled Jihadis Blown to Mist

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars™ [/i] [/b] [/s] at February 10, 2014 09:33 AM (HsTG8)

359

This was no accident.  The Bombing Prof found out about before class that one of his student's great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather dated a Jew in 1165 AD and decided to teach his kin and the rest of the students a lesson that they will never forget.

Plus The Prof ain't had any in a while and he figured what the Hell I could use some of those virgins right about now.

Posted by: Albert at February 10, 2014 09:34 AM (LH5aZ)

360
Likely the Arabic acronym doesn't look like "ISIS".

Well not now anyway.

Posted by: suicide bomber at February 10, 2014 09:35 AM (n0DEs)

361 328 This presents a headache for the bureacrqats at the terrorist school. Do the students all earn an Incomplete? Or is the class ruled cancelled? Ah, a dilemma . . . Posted by: logprof at February 10, 2014 01:27 PM (X3GkB) Moreover, has this been Peer Reviewed?

Posted by: kbdabear at February 10, 2014 09:35 AM (aTXUx)

362 Posted by: Soona at February 10, 2014 01:33 PM (WjEUF) Not to spark a real theological debate, but Jesus once mentioned that, in Heaven, the saints will neither marry nor be given in marriage. On the other hand, Paul at one point states that the Resurrection is (and must be) a resurrection of the body. So I think we can officially file this under "God only knows."

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:35 AM (PYAXX)

363

As likely as not, there won't be "sex" in the next life, anyway. That's more to Ibn Warraq's point made in your link.

 

So it's going to be like it is now, is what you're saying.



Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 09:36 AM (zF6Iw)

364 Basically it means no. But if God wills it, sure, nothing can stop the will of God. As opposed to "God willing and the river don't rise", which is a Southernism for "provided nothing unforseen screws things up".

Posted by: Brother Cavil at February 10, 2014 09:36 AM (naUcP)

365 There once was a teacher from Qom

Who taught young jihadis to bomb.

He stuffed the plastique

In the hole with the squeak

And said "Blow out your hole for Islam"!


Posted by: joncelli at February 10, 2014 09:36 AM (RD7QR)

366 And now here's the Mohammed Clark Five with their new hit Bits and Pieces.


(I'm in pieces, bits and pieces)
Since you left me and you said goodbye
(I'm in pieces, bits and pieces)
All I do is sit and cry


Posted by: TheQuietMan at February 10, 2014 09:36 AM (1Jaio)

367 soooooo not Catholic. Posted by: Sean Bannion at February 10, 2014 01:31 PM (6T8Ay) Well, Sean, it's true that I am not Roman Catholic. I'm just trying to make sense of Jesus referring to Himself as the Bridegroom and the heavenly feast as the marriage supper of the Lamb. We are surrounded by foreshadowings of the heavenly realities; wouldn't sexual joy in marriage be a foreshadowing of some heavenly blessing?

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 09:36 AM (mQwL2)

368 If The Federalist is going to poach AoSHQ for contributors, can we negotiate CAC back and let them keep Malor?

Posted by: Burn the Witch at February 10, 2014 09:36 AM (0jFxY)

369 If The Federalist is going to poach AoSHQ for contributors, can we negotiate CAC back and let them keep Malor? This.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:37 AM (PYAXX)

370 All the Widowed Ladies Put Your Husbands Hands Up

Posted by: kbdabear at February 10, 2014 09:37 AM (aTXUx)

371 Hadji needs to back up the "truck of funny" to this thread.

Posted by: Mooch at February 10, 2014 09:37 AM (611Rk)

372 He got the separating the radical wheat from the unworthy chaff thing half-right

Posted by: Bill Ayers at February 10, 2014 09:37 AM (Q6pxP)

373 Where did the instructor graduate from, and can we send them scholarship donations for more just like him?

Posted by: Steve the Pirate's Wife at February 10, 2014 09:37 AM (MS21K)

374 On the other hand, Paul at one point states that the Resurrection is (and must be) a resurrection of the body.

So I think we can officially file this under "God only knows."

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 01:35 PM (PYAXX)

 

 

----------------------------------------

 

 

Yeah.  It's too bad we don't have a "Heaven's Daily Times" or an  AoSHeaven.

Posted by: Soona at February 10, 2014 09:37 AM (WjEUF)

375
The jokes in this thread are so gay!

Posted by: Johnny Weir at February 10, 2014 09:37 AM (n0DEs)

376 It's too bad we don't have a "Heaven's Daily Times" or an AoSHeaven. Sometimes I think I'm going to go to Hell just for reading the comments at the HQ.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:38 AM (PYAXX)

377 Looks like he fucked up that "Duck Season/Rabbit Season" schtick again.....

Posted by: Vortex Lovera at February 10, 2014 09:38 AM (wtvvX)

378 I think it was Mar Ephrem who wrote a bunch of hymns about the pure intimacy and pleasures of Heaven. He used sex and grapes as a metaphor for how Heaven was better than the sex and wines found here. (I got this from Gabriel Said Reynolds's books.) So Mindy's right. Muhammad corrupted all that. Took the Semitic peoples back to the Canaanite Age.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 09:38 AM (iQxYV)

379 A and B, but mostly B......NEVER gets old.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at February 10, 2014 09:39 AM (TIIx5)

380 You're doing it wrong.

Posted by: Ted Kaczynski at February 10, 2014 09:39 AM (PYAXX)

381 In Catholic theology, the wedding supper of the Lamb refers to Christ as Bridegroom and the Church as Bride. What that symbology will actually turn out to be like, I'm "God only knows" with Allen. But Jesus' words seemingly negate the possibility of sex in the afterlife.

Posted by: LadyS at February 10, 2014 09:39 AM (tMTsS)

382 376 The jokes in this thread are so gay! In a way, isn't that Obama's story too?

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 09:39 AM (7ObY1)

383

If I cannot go to heaven without the HQ, I will not go there at all.

 

- Shit Jefferson Said, Vol. XIV

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 09:39 AM (zF6Iw)

384 "Class on the count of three, spread out".

Posted by: Buffalobob at February 10, 2014 09:39 AM (RZBmV)

385 I did not shoot my own  leg.

Posted by: Guy who shot his own leg at February 10, 2014 09:40 AM (KXm42)

386 Not to spark a real theological debate, but Jesus once mentioned that, in Heaven, the saints will neither marry nor be given in marriage. On the other hand, Paul at one point states that the Resurrection is (and must be) a resurrection of the body. So I think we can officially file this under "God only knows." Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 01:35 PM (PYAXX) "God only knows" is the undoubtedly the wisest response. The "no marrying in heaven" was a response to a question about a person's relationships in heaven after having multiple spouses on earth.

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 09:40 AM (mQwL2)

387 What was the last thing to go through the instructor's mind? His belt buckle.

Posted by: Mr. Dave at February 10, 2014 09:40 AM (W5p55)

388 Sometimes I think I'm going to go to Hell just for reading the comments at the HQ.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 01:38 PM (PYAXX)

 

 

--------------------------------------------------

 

 

Heh.  I think we know that God's going to bring it up.

Posted by: Soona at February 10, 2014 09:40 AM (WjEUF)

389 What would you think if I wired out of sync Would you blow up and fly out on me Lend me your hands and I'll wire you a bomb Oh, I blow high with A Little Help From My Friends..

Posted by: kbdabear at February 10, 2014 09:40 AM (aTXUx)

390 That's a mess load of guys I won't be able to drone

Posted by: Barry 'Clubber Lang' Soetoro at February 10, 2014 09:41 AM (Q6pxP)

391 I'm not the bomb-vest maker,


I'm the bomb-vest maker's son,


But I can blow us all to bits,


Until the bomb-vest maker comes.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at February 10, 2014 09:41 AM (pFqpP)

392 Are there dogs in Heaven?


Does that mean there are fleas in Heaven?

Posted by: Guy who shot his own leg at February 10, 2014 09:41 AM (KXm42)

393 Ted Cruz now speaking at Heritage summit. Live on CSpan-3

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 09:41 AM (DmNpO)

394 Boy, the whole class bombed the final....

Posted by: Vortex Lovera at February 10, 2014 09:41 AM (wtvvX)

395
Wow, who smells?  Somebody light a match.

Posted by: Suicide Bomb Class at February 10, 2014 09:41 AM (n0DEs)

396 The jokes in this thread are so gay!  Posted by: Johnny Weir at February 10, 2014 01:37 PM (n0DEs)

You know I'm not a violent person. But I would like to hold you down and skate over your throat.

Posted by: Fairchild Van Waldenberg [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:42 AM (6T8Ay)

397

The embarrassment of premature detonation...

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at February 10, 2014 09:42 AM (knoK7)

398 ewww, this school house looks worse than my operating room

Posted by: Dr. Gosnell at February 10, 2014 09:42 AM (Q6pxP)

399 The "no marrying in heaven" was a response to a question about a person's relationships in heaven after having multiple spouses on earth. Indeed it was. But it must also be *true.* Had He meant something other than "they won't marry or be given in marriage" He would have said something else.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:43 AM (PYAXX)

400 The jokes in this thread are so gay! Posted by: Johnny Weir at February 10, 2014 01:37 PM (n0DEs) -------- You're so Johnny you're so Johnny.

Posted by: PSA at February 10, 2014 09:43 AM (Aif/5)

401

The whole sex after death thing is teh dumb. People what argue are so dorky they hafta hope it happens becoz they get none in the here and now.

 

/burn

Posted by: Bigby's Mittens at February 10, 2014 09:43 AM (3ZtZW)

402 So "You Only Live Twice" won't be the prom theme this year, I take it?

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 09:43 AM (zF6Iw)

403 All the Widowed Ladies Put Your Husbands Hands Up Kbdabear, I now have masticated Wheat Thins spewed everywhere! Thanks a lot!

Posted by: runningrn at February 10, 2014 09:43 AM (o6g4X)

404 Gregg Allman shot himself in the foot to avoid combat in Vietnam. He even had the presence of mind to call an ambulance before he pulled the trigger. Seems to me it would have been easier to go the Iggy Pop route. The Igster just showed up for his Army physical, whacked off in the bathroom till his legendarily enormous wang was erect, then walked out naked into the room full of guys and got sent home for being teh ghey.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 09:43 AM (7ObY1)

405 Three two one zero
Red Button looks like candy
And I am hungry

Posted by: Hollowpoint at February 10, 2014 09:44 AM (SY2Kh)

406 This is why schools shouldn't be privatized

Posted by: NEA at February 10, 2014 09:44 AM (Q6pxP)

407 Wonder if they will ever make blowing up an Olympic Sport?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 10, 2014 09:44 AM (t3UFN)

408 389 Sometimes I think I'm going to go to Hell just for reading the comments at the HQ. Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 01:38 PM (PYAXX) It's gonna be rough

Posted by: David Puddy at February 10, 2014 09:44 AM (aTXUx)

409 Can we have a new thread, yet?

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:45 AM (PYAXX)

410 So Mindy's right. Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 01:38 PM (iQxYV) This is quite a humbling endorsement, coming from an ancient literature scholar such as yourself.

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 09:45 AM (mQwL2)

411 You're not going to hell for reading and commenting this blog. As long as I get more toaster-fucking jokes. I love those. -Yahweh

Posted by: Yaweh at February 10, 2014 09:45 AM (7ObY1)

412 >>Perhaps it's in keeping with a personal drought? Posted by: scottst Where is Reggie going to be that day?

Posted by: Aviator at February 10, 2014 09:46 AM (DI+ja)

413 Watching the WH briefing and, sure enough, the press want a statement from Obama re Sam.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 09:46 AM (DmNpO)

414 Can we have a new thread, yet?

New threads are for closers.

Posted by: Blake [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:46 AM (6T8Ay)

415 the press want a statement from Obama re Sam. Who? "Sam" is not exactly a unique name.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:47 AM (PYAXX)

416 Mr. Abdullah's class is very interactive. He is totally into experiential learning and says we'll get to understand suicide bombing in an intimate way. I look forward to the rest of the term. [4 stars + Chili Pepper for "Hot"]

Posted by: ratemyprofessor.com, Jan. 31, 2014 at February 10, 2014 09:47 AM (X3GkB)

417 414 Sam? What's that refer to?

Posted by: Bigby's Mittens at February 10, 2014 09:47 AM (3ZtZW)

418 Satan  just  called up the local goat-herder and told him  to gather up a shitload of virgins.

Posted by: Roy at February 10, 2014 09:47 AM (VndSC)

419 You're not going to hell for reading and commenting this blog. As long as I get more toaster-fucking jokes.

I love those.

-Yahweh

 

Posted by: Yaweh at February 10, 2014 01:45 PM (7ObY1)

 

Can You make a toaster so heavy, You can't fuck it?

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 09:47 AM (zF6Iw)

420 Can we have a new thread, yet?

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 01:45 PM (PYAXX)

 

 

-----------------------------------------------------

 

 

Not until we squeeze the last drop of ugly out of this one.

Posted by: Soona at February 10, 2014 09:47 AM (WjEUF)

421 418 Defensive End who likes it in the can.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 09:47 AM (6bMeY)

422 You racist homophobes don't know who I am yet!?!?

Posted by: Michael Sam at February 10, 2014 09:48 AM (Aif/5)

423 Who? "Sam" is not exactly a unique name. *** Yes. But there is only one Sam consuming the media's attention right now.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 09:48 AM (DmNpO)

424 Sam I am

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 10, 2014 09:48 AM (t3UFN)

425

418 Defensive End who likes it in the can.

 

Talk about your backfield in motion. . .

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 09:49 AM (zF6Iw)

426 418 Defensive End who likes it in the can. Oh, yes. I can see why such a thing would even be on the President's radar. Well, okay, *this* President maybe. But I'm told questions about what goes on in the Presidential bedroom are supposed to be out of bounds.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:49 AM (PYAXX)

427 Wonder if they will ever make blowing up an Olympic Sport? I think of all the events they've considered, and some that actually were in the Olympics, and shake my head. Ballroom dancing is one they've toyed with.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at February 10, 2014 09:49 AM (o4Xc4)

428 422 418 Defensive End who likes it in the can.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 01:47 PM (6bMeY)


Barky will probably describe him as a tight end and start to sweat.

Posted by: joncelli at February 10, 2014 09:49 AM (RD7QR)

429 Indeed it was. But it must also be *true.* Had He meant something other than "they won't marry or be given in marriage" He would have said something else. Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 01:43 PM (PYAXX) I agree with and appreciate your respect for Scripture. Whatever the mystery turns out to be, it will absolutely conform to what Jesus told us about it.

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 09:49 AM (mQwL2)

430

>>>Defensive End who likes it in the can.

 

Cheap and tawdry way to gain notoriety, sez Paris Hilton

Posted by: Bigby's Mittens at February 10, 2014 09:49 AM (3ZtZW)

431 Would you like it with a pineapple?

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 09:49 AM (6bMeY)

432 416 the press want a statement from Obama re Sam. Who? "Sam" is not exactly a unique name. Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 01:47 PM (PYAXX) --I recall saying this during the football season, but Michael Sam is such a perfect name for a linebacker that's it almost seems contrived. He'll probably play linebacker (insert puerile Beavis and Butt-Head laughs here) in the NFL just because he's light for DL. For my part, he's done me a favor because I've been getting sick of the "One of these days a starting NFL player will come out" storyline.

Posted by: logprof at February 10, 2014 09:50 AM (X3GkB)

433 You know how most people face a nadir in their life where everything seems against you and it's really a slog through the dark night of the soul and one of the biggest tests of your existence. That's every Monday for Ace.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at February 10, 2014 09:50 AM (oFCZn)

434 I do not like you Michael Sam I do not like you Sam I am I do not like you in a box I do not like you sucking cocks I do not like you in a dress I do not like you I confess I do not like you with a ball Unless you're on the field, that's all I do not like you Michael Sam I do not like you Sam I am.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 09:50 AM (7ObY1)

435 Sam?  I am.

Posted by: Barry Soetoro at February 10, 2014 09:50 AM (Q6pxP)

436 288. Posted by: rickb223 Yes. And ironic that "fundamentalism" is NOT by any stretch of the imagination a historical restoration of the original. Sunni fundamentalism refuses to allow any Muslim the right to IMAGINE anything beyond what the most authoritarian and bigoted power mongers tolerate from others. Where civilizations existed in advance, and were conquered sequentially by the Muslim warlords who originated in the Arabian desert (recently named after the House of Saud), each new conquest influenced the evolution of THOUGHT within Islamic culture. It took the discovery of oil around Mecca to fund the most primitive and backwards of Islamists launching the "last" conquest to end all conquests (sound familiar?) -- terminating all infidels from the Muslim faith, and destroying the rest of the world because in the eyes of the old guard (when push comes to shove in their own jihad against abominations), there is NO WAY that any convert will measure up as an equal to a born and bred Saudi Muslim. map of Muslim nations population per Islamic sect http://tinyurl.com/klezg7c

Posted by: panzernashorn at February 10, 2014 09:50 AM (MhA4j)

437 Ballroom dancing is one they've toyed with.

Posted by: bonhomme at February 10, 2014 01:49 PM (o4Xc4)


-----


Well... they do have "Dancing with the ribbon thingy on the end of the stick" already.

Posted by: fixerupper at February 10, 2014 09:50 AM (nELVU)

438 He'll probably play linebacker (insert puerile Beavis and Butt-Head laughs here) in the NFL just because he's light for DL.

Oh, he's a little light alright.

A little light indeed.

Posted by: Sean Bannion [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:51 AM (6T8Ay)

439 Is there a reason why we care about the first openly gay NFL player? I mean, is he going to be having sex in the locker room? Or on the field?


I am exhausted with the "I'm gay, celebrate buttsecks!" crapola. Can he play? Fine, then play. Have sex in private, creep.

Posted by: tcn at February 10, 2014 09:51 AM (fwcEs)

440 422 418 Defensive End who likes it in the can. Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 01:47 PM   <<<<


And the butt too. But mostly the butt.

Posted by: Jason Collins at February 10, 2014 09:51 AM (n0DEs)

441 Yeah team.  Hope Sam gets drafted by the Jets or Giants

Posted by: Anderson Cooper at February 10, 2014 09:52 AM (Q6pxP)

442 The President views Sam as courageous.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 09:52 AM (DmNpO)

443 3-4 outside linebacker more than likely.

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 09:52 AM (6bMeY)

444 402 The whole sex after death thing is teh dumb. People what argue are so dorky they hafta hope it happens becoz they get none in the here and now. /burn Posted by: Bigby's Mittens at February 10, 2014 01:43 PM (3ZtZW)[i/] Ow. You hurt my feelings. j/k

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 09:52 AM (mQwL2)

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 09:52 AM (mQwL2)

446 "DL" don't just stand for "Defensive Lineman" iykwimaityd

Posted by: Michael Sam at February 10, 2014 09:52 AM (7ObY1)

447 Thanks Mindy :^)

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 09:52 AM (iQxYV)

448 Yeah team. Hope Sam gets drafted by the Jets or Giants

 

Posted by: Anderson Cooper at February 10, 2014 01:52 PM (Q6pxP)

 

I'd think he'd prefer the Packers.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 09:52 AM (zF6Iw)

449 How is it "inspirational" that someone announces they are homosexual?

Posted by: steevy at February 10, 2014 09:53 AM (zqvg6)

450 442 Yeah team. Hope Sam gets drafted by the Jets or Giants San Fran or bust.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 09:53 AM (7ObY1)

451 I'd think he'd prefer the Packers.  Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 01:52 PM (zF6Iw)

He might like to play for the Bears too.

Jus' sayin'

Posted by: Sean Bannion [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:53 AM (6T8Ay)

452

>>>I am exhausted with the "I'm gay, celebrate buttsecks!" crapola. Can he play? Fine, then play. Have sex in private, creep.

 

GAY PEOPLE ARE BORING

 

OMG how f-g boring they are

Posted by: Bigby's Mittens at February 10, 2014 09:54 AM (3ZtZW)

453 443 The President views Sam as courageous.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 01:52 PM (DmNpO)


It's too bad he didn't call him FABULOUS. That would have been epic.

Posted by: joncelli at February 10, 2014 09:54 AM (RD7QR)

454 The Bears.  Definitely the Bears

Posted by: Andi Sullivain at February 10, 2014 09:54 AM (Q6pxP)

455 430. Cut, jib, newsletter, Mindy.

Posted by: LadyS at February 10, 2014 09:54 AM (tMTsS)

456 414 Watching the WH briefing and, sure enough, the press want a statement from Obama re Sam.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 01:46 PM (DmNpO)


Well, they need a statement from the first gay president, so there you have it.




Posted by: tcn at February 10, 2014 09:54 AM (fwcEs)

457 I am a proud heterosexual man. I like vaginal sex. Where's MY shout-out from the Preezy? Yeah. Thought so.

Posted by: BlueStateRebel at February 10, 2014 09:54 AM (7ObY1)

458 How is it "inspirational" that someone announces they are homosexual?

Posted by: steevy at February 10, 2014 01:53 PM (zqvg6)


----


I'd be more impressed if a figure skater said "Im announcing to the world today that.... I .... am.... a ...... straight man."

Posted by: fixerupper at February 10, 2014 09:54 AM (nELVU)

459 there are no barrels in heaven, neither

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 09:54 AM (iQxYV)

460 Queer Eye for the Straight guy premiered 11 years ago. I think the cat is out of the bag at this point.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 09:55 AM (DmNpO)

461 there are no barrels in heaven, neither

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 01:54 PM (iQxYV)

 

Then what will they age the whiskey in?!

Posted by: Insomniac at February 10, 2014 09:55 AM (DrWcr)

462 Well... they do have "Dancing with the ribbon thingy on the end of the stick" already.

Posted by: fixerupper at February 10, 2014 01:50 PM (nELVU)

 

 

-------------------------------------------------

 

 

I'm going to be the live-action commentator for that  in the next summer games.  I think it's very artistic.  They need a men's competition too.

Posted by: Brian Boitano at February 10, 2014 09:56 AM (WjEUF)

463 You'll shoot your eye out!

Posted by: Ralphies teacher at February 10, 2014 09:56 AM (468Wd)

464 there are no barrels in heaven, neither  Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at February 10, 2014 01:54 PM (iQxYV)


That's what you think.

Posted by: St. Florian, Patron Saint of Coopers [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:56 AM (6T8Ay)

465 460 Shhhhh!

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 09:56 AM (mQwL2)

466 To hear ESPN tell it last night, Sam's announcement is worldwide news and nothing else in the world matters other than this

Posted by: kbdabear at February 10, 2014 09:56 AM (aTXUx)

467 regarding Islamic fatalism I'd bet it's worst from the points where the religion originated; AND that economic status influences a Muslim's willingness to put himself out there to protect his interests. When you're born with nothing, allowed nothing, have nothing, and given hell for living, there would be no open incentive for developing one's options in life experience. Better to keep the head down and not draw attention to yourself than be terminated for sticking out like a sore thumb. But if you're born into massive wealth and gluttonous opportunism, that Muslim would internally if not publicly find ways to do his own will, and then blame/honor god with the credit according to protocol.

Posted by: panzernashorn at February 10, 2014 09:56 AM (MhA4j)

468 Posted by: tcn at February 10, 2014 01:51 PM (fwcEs) Actually, there are lots of reasons to care about it, if you're an NFL coach or franchise owner. Considering how often football players bleed, and the fact that a homosexual male is much more likely to contract AIDS in his lifetime than a heterosexual male- that could be an issue. For all of the dick/sex jokes on the HQ, most guys don't *actually* like getting undressed in front of the ladies (a particular lady might be different). This same aversion would (for reasons I don't think require explanation) carry over to a gay dude in the locker room. And then there's the headaches that come with ever disciplining him. The mere threat of cries of "homophobia!" would be enough to keep him from receiving just punishment in the locker room- which could disrupt the entire team. For the rest of us- no, I don't really think we give a rip.

Posted by: AllenG (DedicatedTenther) Ah, F It. at February 10, 2014 09:56 AM (PYAXX)

469 Heaven whiskey doesn't need to be aged. It's like buttah on the day it's made. Heaven. It has its advantages.

Posted by: Yahweh at February 10, 2014 09:56 AM (7ObY1)

470 Did you see NBC's announcer faggot in drag?

Posted by: Boss Moss at February 10, 2014 09:56 AM (6bMeY)

471 This sort of thing happens when you eat 5 pounds of cocaine.

Posted by: Methos (late with the Archer joke) at February 10, 2014 09:56 AM (hO9ad)

472 I'm going to be the live-action commentator for that in the next summer games. I think it's very artistic. They need a men's competition too.

Posted by: Brian Boitano at February 10, 2014 01:56 PM (WjEUF)

 

 

Extra style points for expressive wrists!

Posted by: Insomniac at February 10, 2014 09:56 AM (DrWcr)

473 Well... they do have "Dancing with the ribbon thingy on the end of the stick" already. Yeah. I realize the evens they currently have present an easy argument for similar events. I don't really have a good counterargument other than to look at the athleticism needed for the current dance-like events. Gymnastics floor events are so hard on the body that the median age for an Olympian in those events is what, 15? The ballroom dancer groups include young people, but those on the top of the "sport" of ballroom dancing are closer to 34. Like I said, not the best argument, but it seems to me that the current events that are similar are significantly harder.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at February 10, 2014 09:57 AM (o4Xc4)

474 I'd be more impressed if a figure skater said "Im announcing to the world today that.... I .... am.... a ...... straight man."  Posted by: fixerupper at February 10, 2014 01:54 PM (nELVU)

....or a woman's softball player announcing she's heterosexual.

Posted by: St. Florian, Patron Saint of Coopers [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:57 AM (6T8Ay)

475 I truly wonder how many innocent civilians were just saved by his comical incompetence?

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at February 10, 2014 09:57 AM (468Wd)

476

..... fuckin football players ALWAYS get all the glory.

Posted by: Greg Louganis at February 10, 2014 09:57 AM (nELVU)

477 468 that rule applies regardless of religion or cultural ideology

Posted by: panzernashorn at February 10, 2014 09:58 AM (MhA4j)

478 Paul Lynde was the center square in the   70's.

Cat's been out of the bag for a loong time now.  When you're a liberal it's always 1969.

Posted by: Guy who shot his own leg at February 10, 2014 09:58 AM (KXm42)

479 447 "DL" don't just stand for "Defensive Lineman" iykwimaityd Posted by: Michael Sam at February 10, 2014 01:52 PM (7ObY1) -- http://youtu.be/hGiL836cfyc

Posted by: logprof at February 10, 2014 09:58 AM (X3GkB)

480 443 The President views Sam as courageous.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 01:52 PM (DmNpO)



How is it courageous to tell everyone and his brother that you like it up the pooper? Courageous? How about defeatist? "Look, everyone, I've given up trying to be a fine upstanding citizen and have fallen to the lowest of my basest urges." This is NOT a role model for children, but hey, society has fallen so far, as well, so good is bad and bad is good.

Posted by: tcn at February 10, 2014 09:58 AM (fwcEs)

481 Islam: Religion of piece. Little tiny pieces.

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at February 10, 2014 09:59 AM (468Wd)

482 Heaven whiskey doesn't need to be aged. It's like buttah on the day it's made.  Heaven. It has its advantages.


If Heaven has Pappy Van Winkle's 23-Year Old then God can take me now.

As in RIGHT NOW.

Because this 5 years on a waiting list thing sucks.

Posted by: Sean Bannion [/i][/s][/u][/b] at February 10, 2014 09:59 AM (6T8Ay)

483 “We will navigate New York City to a progressive city that is financially responsible too” NYC is in for some interesting times.

Posted by: RWC at February 10, 2014 09:59 AM (fWAjv)

484

462: "Then what will they age the whiskey in?!"

 

That's why they call the missing portion the Angel's Share.

Posted by: Azenogoth (Freedom or Fire) at February 10, 2014 09:59 AM (f6ZLT)

485 I'd be more impressed if a figure skater said "Im announcing to the world today that.... I .... am.... a ...... straight man." Posted by: fixerupper at February 10, 2014 01:54 PM (nELVU) The last "Miracle" happened at Lake Placid when the US Men beat the Ruskies. Ain't scheduled for another miracle for a long time

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 10, 2014 09:59 AM (t3UFN)

486 Holder to step down later this year http://t.co/QO5m0fqNGG

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 10:00 AM (DmNpO)

487 456 430. Cut, jib, newsletter, Mindy. Posted by: LadyS at February 10, 2014 01:54 PM (tMTsS) Perhaps I shouldn't share my half-formed attempts to get a "sneak peek" into things that have yet to be revealed. There's certainly enough material that is plainly stated that I could stick with.

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 10:00 AM (mQwL2)

488 484 “We will navigate New York City to a progressive city that is financially responsible too”



NYC is in for some interesting times.

Posted by: RWC at February 10, 2014 01:59 PM (fWAjv)


I think that's code for "We'll just tax Wall Street harder and it will all work out."

Posted by: joncelli at February 10, 2014 10:00 AM (RD7QR)

489 But we're the regressives.  You know.....the ones who want things like  nuclear  energy.



Posted by: eleven at February 10, 2014 10:00 AM (KXm42)

490 Dick in the toaster
Bomb belt ready at my waist
Which do I plug in?

Posted by: Hollowpoint at February 10, 2014 10:01 AM (SY2Kh)

491 487 Holder to step down later this year http://t.co/QO5m0fqNGG

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 02:00 PM (DmNpO)


Bah. The only "stepping down" he should be doing is into an oubliette.

Posted by: joncelli at February 10, 2014 10:01 AM (RD7QR)

492 new law post up

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at February 10, 2014 10:03 AM (DmNpO)

493 500th?

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at February 10, 2014 10:03 AM (zF6Iw)

494 How is it courageous to tell everyone and his brother that you like it up the pooper? Courageous? How about defeatist? "Look, everyone, I've given up trying to be a fine upstanding citizen and have fallen to the lowest of my basest urges." This is NOT a role model for children, but hey, society has fallen so far, as well, so good is bad and bad is good.

Posted by: tcn at February 10, 2014 01:58 PM (fwcEs)

 

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

 

They're blowing up American traditions faster than a jihadi explosives class.

 

The leftists are in full throttle now.  Wait until they kick in the afterburners.

Posted by: Soona at February 10, 2014 10:04 AM (WjEUF)

495 Because this 5 years on a waiting list thing sucks. Posted by: Sean Bannion at February 10, 2014 01:59 PM (6T8Ay) Waiting list? Are you in need of an organ? *prays for Bannion*

Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 10:04 AM (mQwL2)

496 I suppose it's "courageous" to announce you're gay if you pre-suppose there is a large amount of bigotry and hatred for gay people in the world. Real hatred, not "we don't want to change the definition of marriage for 1.5% of the country" "hatred".

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at February 10, 2014 10:05 AM (o4Xc4)

497 I don't think blowing up your suicide bomber students counts towards your 72 virgin payout in muslim paradise.


Mad bomb making skillz
Sometimes you win, sometimes not
This time I did not.

- Zombie  Bomb Teacher

Posted by: Marmo at February 10, 2014 10:12 AM (QW+AD)

498 What about the "the marriage supper of the Lamb?" I think we will find out earthly sex was a dim foreshadowing of the intimacy and love in heaven. Posted by: Mindy at February 10, 2014 01:30 PM (mQwL2) Interesting, Mindy. 19th Century music historian Sharon Winklehoffer asserted that during early romanticism (Goethe forward) there was no distinction made between the experience of sexual love and of God's love in art and literature. Rather, Christians of the era were "free" to experience God's love through sexual intercourse. (Agnostics and Atheists wouldn't have monopolized the "Libertine" interpretive Dionysian model.) Likely, interpretive reading of symbol and metaphor as if literal would lead to different anticipations for understanding than exploring the ineffable realm where the metaphysical quest never ends. Greeks weren't the first nor were they the only people with different words for different types of "love". I agree that the final and lost ritual Christian sacrament of the Bridal Chamber represents the person's unification within the Divine Holy Ghost of truth and love. (Blasphemy against the Father and the Son can be forgiven, but not blasphemy against the Spirit.) Christ also warned us to obtain that "resurrection" of higher Self awakening prior to passing to the next life, as that particular chrism door to the Wedding Feast doesn't open afterwards to procrastinators, fence jumpers, or "goats" at the Savior's left.

Posted by: panzernashorn at February 10, 2014 10:21 AM (MhA4j)

499 And his last words were... "Watch this"

Posted by: Nip Sip at February 10, 2014 10:24 AM (0FSuD)

500 HEEEE-HAWWWW!!!

Posted by: Dang at February 10, 2014 10:24 AM (MNq6o)

501 The instructional content was quite uplifting.

Posted by: Eisenhorn at February 10, 2014 10:27 AM (KvKOu)

502

Ooopsy...

My, my - imagine his surprise...

Last thing to go through his head - aside from his lower jaw and teeth, of course - wouldv'e been "Oooh - not smart! Not smart at all!!..."

Enjoy those ugly virgins, guys...

Posted by: J.S.Bridges at February 10, 2014 10:33 AM (o00SF)

503

"Holder to step down later this year http://t.co/QO5m0fqNGG"

No doubt gettin' a head-start on his escape plan - whether Das HillaryBeast or - somehow - a Rethuglican of some variety gets the next turn in the Big House on Penn Ave, li'l Eric knows his Obamanation-suckin' ass is in the chopper, come November 2016 - plus, in the meantime, there's an ever-increasing group of jes'-plain-folks types who'd really, REALLY like to ask him a few up-close-and-personal, pertinent questions about things like Operation Fast & Furious and similar matter...just before they pop his ugly carcass into a Grey-Bars Hotel with a fairly large, muscular bend-over-buddy roomie nicknamed "Bruiser"...

Posted by: J.S.Bridges at February 10, 2014 10:43 AM (o00SF)

504 First cut the blue wire... [continued page 17]

Posted by: mohammed abdullah reading from the instructin manual at February 10, 2014 10:58 AM (/QAZd)

505 [page 17] ...after ensuring you have cut the green wire.

Posted by: mohammed abdullah reading from the instructin manual at February 10, 2014 10:59 AM (/QAZd)

506 They would call this an "own goal" in soccer if I am not mistaken.

Posted by: exurbanDoug at February 10, 2014 11:00 AM (xAh4p)

507 Common core's a bitch.

Posted by: Weirddave at February 10, 2014 11:25 AM (N/cFh)

508 would you say he went to the Danger Zone?

Posted by: scoamt at February 10, 2014 11:27 AM (gpb+U)

509 There's my feel good happy time story of the day! Yay! I'm all cheered up now.

Posted by: Mrs. The Everlasting Phelps at February 10, 2014 11:32 AM (BB7MI)

510 So they all graduated with a C4 average.

Posted by: Feh at February 10, 2014 11:33 AM (Y/yjt)

511 I wondered recently why I bought that giant jar of popcorn. Thank you for making my day!!

Posted by: TimothyJ at February 10, 2014 11:35 AM (ep2io)

512

Do the survivors have Obamacare?  If not arrest them!

 

Posted by: burt at February 10, 2014 11:38 AM (1+kJ5)

513 I do feel sorry for the poor kid that was only auditing the class.

Posted by: Dobby at February 10, 2014 01:04 PM (/k0C6)

514 A lot cheaper than a drone strike and better PR-wise. Is our CIA smart enough to figure out how to make more "workplace accidents" like this happen?

Posted by: Socratease at February 10, 2014 01:57 PM (SZUi2)

515 "You know kids,  you must not push this button.  It might be hooked up to a suicide bomb!  If you accidentally push the button, you might become one of Allah's 72 Male Virgins!" >KABOOM!<
fire marshal bill.

"LOOK MA!  I'M RADKILL!  HA HA HA!"
ace ventura

Posted by: myfoxmystere at February 15, 2014 08:32 AM (Zkxok)

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