May 03, 2014

Saturday Gardening Thread: You're Canned! [Y-not and WeirdDave]
— Open Blogger

Good day, gardeners! This thread brought to you by creepy plants:

ChineseFleeceFlower.jpg

Chinese fleeceflower... or Harry Reid?

'Hope you are experiencing better weather at your neck of the woods this weekend. After a week of cold, damp weather, including a hard freeze that required me to cover my raised beds here at Casa Y-not, we are going to hit the 80s. Spring in Utah -- can't beat it.

Per reader requests, this week's topic is a bit off the straight and narrow path of "gardening" and will be about how to preserve the fruits (and veggies) of your labor.

Take it away, WeirdDave!

Here, look what I got in an email from a client who is a realtor. If you print it out, it's got a magnet on the back and a calendar from 1952 on the bottom.

GardeningTipsWD.jpg

OK, gardening thread's done, I need a beer

*Sigh* I suppose I better do more than that. Y-not is pretty busy these days, especially on weekends when she does the gardening thread, the travel thread, the knitting thread (my wife would jump on that one), the egg dying thread, the cats playing chess thread and the how to cook forty humans thread on the Zerfbloch blog. Since I'm here to help her out with this one, I should do my part.

DogTeamWD.jpg

Y-not and I work as a team

Anyhow, word is that some of you wanted to talk about caning and stocks this week, which is a weird subject for a gardening blog, but hey, who am I to argue? It was made very clear to me that my role in ife is to be the Dread Pirate Wesley (by my wife, on our wedding night. Is that bad? The bandanna was cool, and I got laid), so, “As you wish”.

Anyhow, caning is perhaps one of the oldest and simplest forms of corporal punishment know to man. In its simplest form, it merely requires a man, a prisoner and a stick. The man uses the stick to beat the prisoner as punishment for some offense, real or imagined, usually on the bum. Most of the time caning is non-lethal, and is seen as a deterrent to future crime as well as punishment for past ones, but sometimes death does occur, intentionally or not. Most western societies have abandoned the practice as cruel and unusual punishment, although it is still used in Singapore. In a completely unrelated coincidence, petty crime in Singapore is almost nonexistent. Sometimes strange rituals surround the caning, with participants wearing elaborate costumes and tightly whities, as this footage smuggled from an underground ritual demonstrates:

What primitive society could spawn such insanity?

Stocks, on the other hand, are a more enlightened method of punishment, although they too are frowned upon in western countries. “Stocks” refers to a device or platform, usually made out of wood, that immobilizes a prisoner in public. The purpose of stocks is a deterrent as well, but rather than rely on physical pain, stocks fiendishly depend on public ridicule and shame for to work. While in the stocks a prisoner would be subjected to jeers and thrown food from the crowd. Stocks used to be a very effective method of restraining the excesses of Democrat politicians, but by the early 20th century the great Democrat eugenics programs had succeed in breeding shame out of their politicians, and the effectiveness of stocks fell off dramatically (See Fig 1, Jones, Dow. “Illustration of declining shame levels in U.S. Leadership,” Industrials Journal 20, no. 7 (200 : 1929. )

DowWD.jpg

Comparative effectiveness: stocks vs caning

(Note to Y-Not: Here's the draft of what I have so far. Honestly, I don't know why you wanted this topic. I know that I have a degree in history and am well prepared to deliver it but shouldn't we be discussing peas or something? If this meets with your approval, I'll finish the comparative effectiveness portion Friday night -WD)

EDIT: It had been brought to my attention in a blistering email not fit for publication in a family blog such as AoSHQ (Really Y-not? AND the horse I rode in on? Isn't bestiality going a little far? I messed up, but he's a good horse and I haven't even named him yet. This heat is hot and so I'm going riding in the desert for a bit. My feelings are hurt, maybe I'll write a song or something) that todayÂ’s subject was supposed to be canning and STOCK(singular). I've done both those things, sometimes even canning the stock after I make it, but not recently, so I have no pictures. Internet to the rescue! Want to can food? If your grandmother didn't teach you how (shame on you Nana. You get to sit by smelly old Uncle Tom next Thanksgiving), here's someone's else's grandmother demonstrating the procedure. This video comes from a tractor supply company:

Nothing says good down home cooking like tractor parts

Stock is even easier. Take soup bones, boil the everloving crap out of them until they are soft and mailable. Strain the solids out and put the liquid in the fridge over night. Next day, skim the congealed fat from the liquid and what's left is stock. I freeze it in ice cube trays and divide it into baggies with a couple stock cubes in each bag. Pop a cube into the bowl when making ramen soup for a much fuller taste. Add fresh veggies and thin sliced beef and it's a real meal. The way I make it I call it “Faux Pho.”

PhoWD.jpg

In 5 minutes you can make soup that tastes like ambrosia, and spend less than $1

That's it from me, over to you Y-not, got any, oh, I dunno, garden stuff?

And now from your co-hostess, Y-not:

So you want to talk about canning, huh? Well, that's awesome. I know there are quite a lot of experts about the subject (and related food preservation techniques) here at HQ.

Sadly, I am not one of them. This is only the second year I've attempted a "serious" vegetable garden. Last year's crop would have barely fed a family of anorexic mice, so very little by way of long-term storage or preservation was needed. I am hopeful that this year might be more productive, so I do plan on learning as much as I can about food preservation and canning. Let's dip our toes in the water this week and plan on some future threads later in the season.

This site, A Way to Garden has a nice overview of various means to store your harvest for winter. Last year the vast gardens at Casa Y-not yielded a lot of herbs and a batch of green tomatoes (Cherokee purples) at the end of the season.

In terms of the herbs, my basil was pureed with oil and frozen in an ice cube tray. The rest of the herbs were washed, patted dry, and frozen in small bunches using my vacu-sealer. I've used those herbs over the past several months and I can report that they are fine, but not for long. After a few hours of exposure to the air they turn dark and become unappealing. So I won't plan on repeating that method this year. I realize most people would probably just dry the herbs, but I guess I'm too lazy to see the benefit of herbs dried from my garden versus store-bought herbs. Maybe I'll try to make a wreath or bouquet out of them this year...

As for the green tomatoes, I hit the bargain bin at my local Williams-Sonoma (I rarely pay full price at a place like that) and picked up some pickling spices. This is my way of trying out new things in the kitchen -- I do it the easy way the first time, then invest the time and energy in doing it from scratch if I like the results. In any event, using W-S pickling spices, I made refrigerator pickles of my green tomatoes. They last about a month in the fridge and, if you get pretty jars from Hobby Lobby, they can make attractive gifts.

TomatoPickles.jpg

Based on my experience last Fall, I plan to make more refrigerator pickles this year. I'm wondering what you folks like to pickle (aside from yourselves, of course!) and what your favorite pickling spice combinations and methods are.

So that's the easy, fool-proof way to preserve veggies (and fruits), but it is not good for long-term storage. To do that, you need to either dry your produce (does anyone here do that?) or "can" it. That's where my experience really falls off a cliff. I have canned -- once.

A couple of years ago, my best pal here (who is a Latter-Day Saint, aka "Mormon," like most of the folks in my community), asked me if I'd like to join her and other ladies from "my" old ward to can peaches. I'd participated in quite a few service projects with these ladies, ranging from tying off quilts to sorting used clothing to making handbags out of strips of plastic, so I quickly agreed. I'd never canned before so I thought it would be interesting and a nice way to visit with the women from my old ward. Usually these service projects are held either in one of the ladies' homes or at the Stake center, so I was a little confused when my friend told me she'd pick me up and take me to the site.

Because this was a church-related activity, I dressed in what I call my Utah Valley attire -- a long linen skirt and a modest, long-sleeved top. My friend hesitated when she picked me up, asking if I wanted to change. Recall, I was picturing us going to someone's home and working with half a dozen other ladies canning some peaches, so I said, "No, this is fine" and we headed off.

Imagine my surprise when instead of driving to someone's home, we drive to the industrial part of town and pull up here:

CanneryLindon.jpg

Yep, that's the Deseret Industries cannery in Lindon. It's a factory owned by the LDS church.

Suffice it to say, this was not some homespun afternoon of canning. It was a lot more like this, complete with hair nets and conveyor belts:

Miraculously, despite all of the dripping, sticky peaches wooshing by on conveyor belts, I managed to avoid ruining my clothes. I did almost lose my lunch, however, as the movements of the conveyor belts (which run in both directions) gave me motion sickness, but fortunately I was able to adjust after half an hour or so.

But I haven't gone near a peach since.

(Incidentally, the Church has since converted the Lindon cannery from wet and dry packing to a solely dry-pack operation. As far as I know, my visit there was not the reason. But I can't be sure.)

Given that there's very little actual canning content in this post (I do apologize about that -- it was a hectic week), I thought our Blog of the Week should probably have something to do with food preservation. Living Homegrown is chock-a-block full of all things pertaining to growing (and raising) your own food... and preserving it. The author, Theresa Loe, is also on Twitter.

Happy gardening!


Posted by: Open Blogger at 09:13 AM | Comments (108)
Post contains 1892 words, total size 13 kb.

1 OK... I hope this doesn't get stomped. I'm headed out the door in a few.

Posted by: Y-not of the fat fingers at May 03, 2014 09:13 AM (zDsvJ)

2 Are you calling Y-Not a dog? I have...a vision...yes, it's coming to me clearly...a barrel...dank, horrible place...a barrel...the horror...

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at May 03, 2014 09:14 AM (oFCZn)

3 The Ball Blue Book

Best basic canning information for beginners!

Posted by: JeanQ Flyover at May 03, 2014 09:14 AM (82lr7)

4 The dog picture is supposed to be a gif, but it's not moving for me. Bummer. Link to gif: http://tinyurl.com/cdxzkdr

Posted by: Weirddave at May 03, 2014 09:16 AM (N/cFh)

5 Damn... Dave I may have blown that. I'll try to fix it later.

Posted by: Y-not of the fat fingers at May 03, 2014 09:17 AM (zDsvJ)

6 My childhood was made hideous by canning. And freezing. My parents *deliberately* sought out the most obscure and disgusting vegetables to grow in our huge garden, which I had to weed. And then they made me *eat* the damn things. (I mean, kohlrabi? Who the hell eats kohlrabi???) That is right up there with being forced to dig your own grave, for a kid. Can you blame me for "thinning" the beets with a vigor that would have made a Mongol blanch? Yeah, I could tell you about canning--but then I would start twitching and the voices would tell me to do Bad Things and you wouldn't like that...

Posted by: Sabrina Chase at May 03, 2014 09:25 AM (2buaQ)

7 gotta post an off topic: an email today from Sen Tim Kaine: In 2006, when I was serving as Governor of Virginia, I told my friend, then-Senator Barack Obama, that I would support him if he ran for president in 2008. I made my decision early because I figured that the sooner I started helping, the more helpful I would be. It was an historic effort that broke barriers and changed politics forever. If Hillary Clinton decides to run for president in 2016, I know that she can achieve all that and more. [achieve what? dumbass.]

Posted by: mallfly at May 03, 2014 09:28 AM (bJm7W)

8 There are 2 ns in canning. Caning is what they do to graffiti artists in the east.

Posted by: Spell Check Purity Tzar at May 03, 2014 09:30 AM (LJ7Ze)

9 Posted by: mallfly at May 03, 2014 01:28 PM (bJm7W)


There's a non-gardening thread up too.



And Weirddave, you'd better be wearing a bandana to the NoVaMoMee.

Posted by: Vendette at May 03, 2014 09:31 AM (MpP9p)

10 That...thing...is creeping me out more than ParrotWoman.

Posted by: rickl at May 03, 2014 09:33 AM (sdi6R)

11 We did very little canning growing up. There was one epic weekend where we all picked wild blueberries and made a TON of jam. Maybe that's why we only did it once. Other than that, it was primarily applesauce. Bor-ing! I have been having fun just making small batches using recipes from this site: http://foodinjars.com/

Posted by: Lizzy at May 03, 2014 09:35 AM (8zTpe)

12 8 There are 2 ns in canning. Caning is what they do to graffiti artists in the east. Posted by: Spell Check Purity Tzar at May 03, 2014 01:30 PM (LJ7Ze) Thank you, I hadn't noticed. Maybe I'll do a post with that as the hook.

Posted by: Weirddave at May 03, 2014 09:35 AM (N/cFh)

13 Chinese fleeceflower... or Harry Reid?



Not harry reid. It seems to have a dick.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at May 03, 2014 09:37 AM (FMbng)

14 6 My parents *deliberately* sought out the most obscure and disgusting vegetables to grow in our huge garden, which I had to weed.

The Garden of Substandards?

Posted by: Anachronda at May 03, 2014 09:37 AM (o78gS)

15 Afternoon Fappers and Fapperettes! Went to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival this glorious morning. It felt like a cross between RenFest and Lilith Faire, with skeins of groovily dyed yarn and fluff everywhere, minus the combat kilts and furry LARPers. Don't know if packs of men in kilts elbowing their way around sheep pens wouldn't be very disquieting indeed for the critters, anyway. And speaking of, I munched on a lamb-burger as I toured the sheep and lamby-pie pens, which is kind of insensitive now that I think back on it. Any Horde members there? I left early before the crowds got thick and my social anxiety/patchouli phobias kicked in. A preponderance of Obama/anti-Romney stickers in the lot.

Posted by: All Hail Eris at May 03, 2014 09:38 AM (QBm1P)

16 All Hail Eris, Gingy is there all day. I know at some point she'll be demonstrating spinning. She'll be there all day tomorrow too.

Posted by: Weirddave at May 03, 2014 09:40 AM (N/cFh)

17 [achieve what? dumbass.] Posted by: mall fly at May 03, 2014 01:28 PM (bJm7W) Mallfly, He actually sent that? The man is an ass.

Posted by: Carol at May 03, 2014 09:40 AM (gjOCp)

18 She's at the Gourmet Stash booth.

Posted by: Weirddave at May 03, 2014 09:41 AM (N/cFh)

19

Well done as always, and Weirddave you gave me a huge laugh in the middle of a long day.

y-not: We do the same re: testing then perfecting. Refer pickles 2 years ago, real ones last year- 3 different pickling spices. The last jar from last year sits in the dark, cool bottom rack of the wine fridge- it will be time to make more shortly.

I finally figured out pickles are easy- and screw all the fancy canning boilers and crap, I use the propane low country boil/fry pot that lives on the deck, works fine for the purpose.

 

 

 

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at May 03, 2014 09:42 AM (X3xYu)

20 Weirddave, I'm sorry I missed her. Was/is she in a white tent or one of the big barns?

Posted by: All Hail Eris at May 03, 2014 09:47 AM (QBm1P)

21 Sabrina, KOHLRABI can be kind of disgusting if grown in hot weather, or if it gets too big. I like them when they're little, grown in cool weather. One of the easiest Brassicas to grow. A Swiss friend's mother froze them for winter (sorry) sliced, in stewed tomatoes with bacon and onion. Also works with zucchini. Serve with a toasted cheese sandwich. For breakfast if you're like my grandmother. My Swiss friends also DRIED GREEN BEANS and kept them in pillow cases in the attic. Great simmered with potatoes, onion and some good sausage. REFRIGERATOR PICKLES: The best ever dills can be made from cucumbers, water, raw apple cider vinegar, kosher salt and fresh dill (seed heads, not quite ripe). Add a cayenne pepper if you're that type. Leave out for a day on the counter, then refrigerate. I could look up the brine proportions for next week if anybody has to know, or you could probably just ask on this GardenWeb forum. Warning: they're sticklers for food safety. Great source of information on canning, drying, etc. http://forums.gardenweb.com/forums/harvest/

Posted by: KT at May 03, 2014 09:48 AM (qahv/)

22 Everyone should have a pressure cooker. You can extract ever single last bit of flavor out of anything, and in a fraction of the time. You can cook bones until they look like they've been bleached in the desert.

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at May 03, 2014 09:49 AM (pgQxn)

23 I believe the correct caption for that picture is: "THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK CAN HELP YOU LOSE 200 LBS IN ONE MONTH"

Posted by: Hyppypiertari at May 03, 2014 09:50 AM (kp5cA)

24 >>The Garden of Substandards? Ha!

Posted by: Mama AJ at May 03, 2014 09:51 AM (SUKHu)

25 Add a pinch of calcium chloride to refrigerator pickles to keep them crisp. I keep a gallon in the garage refer. yum snack while gardening and drinking beer!

Posted by: Cicero Kid at May 03, 2014 09:51 AM (Fp7JI)

26 We had a good week here as far as gardening. Last weekend, we dug out our cedar beds, and put in a very pretty (and curvy) sandy brick bed. Much more space. I never laid bricks before, so, wow, it was a learning experience, but we were tedious in our first (under) ground layer leveling them, and squaring them as best we could to perfection. We used construction adhesive versus traditional mortar. Much easier, cleaner and so far it seems solid. The winter will be the test. Seems this is used a lot for small beds, and even the stone facades on homes. We wanted to trailer in a bunch of dirt today, but rain. We'll have to do it tomorrow. Then off to the nursery this week to buy all my plants. I can't wait.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at May 03, 2014 09:51 AM (IXrOn)

27 Right now she's out in the parking lot looking for anti Romney stickers. "Gourmet Stash" booth is all I know. The owner is a friend and has her there all day demoing spinning. Red hair, bare feet (they BETTER be bare, gol durn it. I let her out of the kitchen, that's enough exceptions for one day), trundling away on a wooden wheel.

Posted by: Weirddave at May 03, 2014 09:51 AM (N/cFh)

28 At least let her get up to make you a sammich, Weirddave!

Posted by: All Hail Eris at May 03, 2014 09:52 AM (QBm1P)

29 That black thing in the Faux Pho, is that a centipede?

Posted by: Waterhouse at May 03, 2014 09:53 AM (w4C9b)

30 I think it's a dehydrated pepper. That's not my soup, just a pic I grabbed from the web.

Posted by: Weirddave at May 03, 2014 09:55 AM (N/cFh)

31 Its a penis

Posted by: Hyppypiertari at May 03, 2014 09:55 AM (kp5cA)

32 10 That...thing...is creeping me out more than ParrotWoman. Posted by: rickl at May 03, 2014 01:33 PM (sdi6R) ----- You mean this Parrot Woman? (Remove space after .co.UK/ ) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/ news/article-2580260/Artist-paints-womans-entire-body-make-look-like-parrot.html Or is there a creepier one?

Posted by: .-....-.-.-.-..-. at May 03, 2014 09:59 AM (W6wuT)

33 14 Anachronda You don't think I came up with all my weird ideas by myself, did you? Wait until you read my tales of horror like "Night of the Living Bok Choi" and "Fifty Bowls of Borscht". Made for an interesting childhood, now that I survived that is. Like the year my father decided to put in 5 50' rows of green beans. We could have kept the 101st Airborne in green beans. Literally could not pick them fast enough....

Posted by: Sabrina Chase at May 03, 2014 10:00 AM (2buaQ)

34 Kohlrabi is good grated, in slaw. Looks really cool while growing, also.

Posted by: Justamom at May 03, 2014 10:03 AM (Sptt8)

35 More insane than WeirdDave: Counted the tomato plants I have in the ground: 81 plants. I blame DH, who set up drip watering for them. He wants to share tomatoes with people. I gave a bunch of plants away, too, or it could be worse. I will probably need to make chili sauce and salsa this year. Have a SunGold and a Red Pear coloring up. Less insane than WeirdDave: Mine are not all the same cultivar. Seventy is a lot. But they're like your babies when you grow them yourself. I know. Killed a sphinx moth yesterday. Time to break out the Bt to keep tomato hornworms from eating all those plants. On the fruit front, have some Apriums coloring up. May need to experiment with some blueberry plants, in containers, next year. It amazes me that people are growing blueberries in this hot, dry, alkaline valley now.

Posted by: KT at May 03, 2014 10:04 AM (qahv/)

36 My wife makes refrigerator pickles like that, KT. Delicious when they're really chilled, next to some hunk of meat straight off the grill.

Posted by: Lincolntf at May 03, 2014 10:05 AM (ZshNr)

37 It's a homunculus!!!

Posted by: Paracelsus at May 03, 2014 10:06 AM (Q2bPn)

38 from the Living Homegrown link: Jamtinis! If you have ever been to one of my canning demonstrations, you know that I always like to demonstrate my signature drink - The Jamtini. It is a delicious martini made with homemade jam, vodka and fruit juice. I made a Plum Cocktail for the first time two weekends ago (we had the Plum Cocktails with the appetizers, and the French 75 to toast the birthday guest). It was similar to this one by Martha Stewart: http://www.marthastewart.com/317115/plum-cocktails It was simple and delicious. I let the plums soak in the simple syrup overnight.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at May 03, 2014 10:07 AM (IXrOn)

39 There are far too many people speaking kindly of kohlrabi here. It is vile and tastes like vulcanized rubber. (Although I am secretly impressed anybody else knows about it...) Don't listen to them, Horde! They are heathens. Repeat after me. "Vegetables are what food eats!" Skip the canning, go directly to steak.

Posted by: Sabrina Chase at May 03, 2014 10:09 AM (2buaQ)

40 Last year I canned pickles, bread n butter and dill. First day's batches were great, but the next lot were mushy. Either I let them drain in fridge with salt on them too long, or processed too long, or both. Such a monster waste.

Posted by: Justamom at May 03, 2014 10:09 AM (Sptt8)

41 Planted two apple trees last year. Been waiting to see if they survived the winter. Looks like there are some leaf buds there, but we still have a while to see any leaves.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at May 03, 2014 10:11 AM (IXrOn)

42 Alright, Sabrina. How about canning some bacon? My SIL in Texas brought us some commercially canned bacon jelly. It is teh awesome on grilled burgers. I had to hide the jar before it was empty so I can try to match the taste , then can in jelly jars. Never canned meat tho.

Posted by: Justamom at May 03, 2014 10:16 AM (Sptt8)

43 More insane than WeirdDave: Counted the tomato plants I have in the ground: 81 plants. Posted by: KT at May 03, 2014 02:04 PM (qahv/) WOW. You might have the FDA or some other invasive gov agency after ya!

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at May 03, 2014 10:17 AM (IXrOn)

44 Btw, this post is worth reading all the way through. I laughed all the way til the end.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at May 03, 2014 10:18 AM (IXrOn)

45 Are sure that top photo is not the story of this President.  A fibrous marionette with strings?

Well if caning and stocks do not cure malfeasance, there is always that New England Yankee invention called the "drunkard's cloak."  Take an old oak barrel.  Remove the bottom and cut a hole in the top just big enough for the head to pop through.  And remove staves from the side so the arms can stick out.  Then make the offender walk around before all.  One English visitor to Boston witnessed such a punishment and described the man as "looking for all the world like a half-hatched chicken."

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 03, 2014 10:19 AM (L+hnr)

46 The neighbor let us have all the tart cherry we wished to pick last summer. made 6 gallons of the best wine you have ever tasted. drinking a glass is like having your head inside a barrel full of cherry's.

Posted by: Cicero Kid at May 03, 2014 10:20 AM (Fp7JI)

47 Posted by: Sabrina Chase at May 03, 2014 02:09 PM (2buaQ) Are you familiar with Durian fruit? There are things much worse than kohlrabi.

Posted by: .-....-.-.-.-..-. at May 03, 2014 10:23 AM (W6wuT)

48 I note that in the May chart it says to plant annuals after you're assured there won't be frost.



Where I come from, they go in around Memorial Day.

Posted by: Vendette at May 03, 2014 10:24 AM (MpP9p)

49 Are you familiar with Durian fruit? There are things much worse than kohlrabi.

Posted by: .-....-.-.-.-..-. at May 03, 2014 02:23 PM (W6wuT)


A thread from yesterday evening turned into spam recipe suggestions.  One was durian and spam. 

Posted by: Vendette at May 03, 2014 10:25 AM (MpP9p)

50 Sounds like Sabrina Chase could write a story called The Attack of the Killer Kolhrabi.  Alien vegetables out to conquer the Earth by turning all the other food into Vulcanised rubber.  Forcing the humans to surrender or starve.  And then the Kolhrabi make humans eat low-fat tofuu to show their dominance.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 03, 2014 10:29 AM (L+hnr)

51 MacDonalds has durian shakes in Singapore! Goes great with scorpion mooncakes. Good for your Yang.

Posted by: All Hail Eris at May 03, 2014 10:29 AM (QBm1P)

52 MacDonalds has durian shakes in Singapore! Goes great with scorpion mooncakes. Good for your Yang.

Posted by: All Hail Eris at May 03, 2014 10:29 AM (QBm1P)

53 Durian + spam = WMD

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 03, 2014 10:29 AM (L+hnr)

54 Durian + spam = WMD

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 03, 2014 10:29 AM (L+hnr)

55 A thread from yesterday evening turned into spam recipe suggestions. One was durian and spam. Posted by: Vendette at May 03, 2014 02:25 PM (MpP9p) ------- Singapore probably has mandatory incarceration laws for anyone making that *blech*

Posted by: .-....-.-.-.-..-. at May 03, 2014 10:33 AM (W6wuT)

56 Singapore probably has mandatory incarceration laws for anyone making that *blech*

Posted by: .-....-.-.-.-..-. at May 03, 2014 02:33 PM (W6wuT)



Spam eggnog nearly made NCJ ill.

Posted by: Vendette at May 03, 2014 10:35 AM (MpP9p)

57 I have survived durian. The big difference is I wasn't forced to care for it first, in my own back yard. It's one of those so-bad-its-good things, like Plan 9 from Outer Space. You find yourself (speaking of pretentious snobbery) mentioning "notes of fermented gym sock and sewer gas", and wondering how hungry the first human was to eat one. (Although durian would make excellent catapult ammo, both from the spikes and from the smell.) Anna Puma, I like your suggestion. I have to come up with stories for the next Bureau of Substandards collection, after all...

Posted by: Sabrina Chase at May 03, 2014 10:35 AM (2buaQ)

58 >>>If your grandmother didn't teach you how (shame on you Nana. You get to sit by smelly old Uncle Tom next Thanksgiving)<<<



That'd be horrible to have to sit next to Clarence Thomas.

Posted by: Bennie Thompson (D-Umbass) at May 03, 2014 10:37 AM (Q2bPn)

59 I will soon be going outside to till my garden space. Probably a waste of time in this desert.

Posted by: Ronster at May 03, 2014 10:37 AM (puNd6)

60 55 (Although durian would make excellent catapult ammo...) ---- I think we have the first sport for the Moron Games -- Durian Dodgeball. Who has a catapult, trebuchet, or onager?

Posted by: All Hail Eris at May 03, 2014 10:39 AM (QBm1P)

61 You are welcome Sabrina Chase, recently been spinning off story ideas by the bucketful instead of writing.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 03, 2014 10:42 AM (L+hnr)

62 I think we have the first sport for the Moron Games -- Durian Dodgeball. Who has a catapult, trebuchet, or onager? Posted by: All Hail Eris at May 03, 2014 02:39 PM (QBm1P) --------- Keep it simple, about 10 feet of surgical tubing and about 1sq ft of leather made a great tree-based slingshot at Ft Stewart

Posted by: .-....-.-.-.-..-. at May 03, 2014 10:44 AM (86Idm)

63 Keep it simple, about 10 feet of surgical tubing and about 1sq ft of leather made a great tree-based slingshot at Ft Stewart

Posted by: .-....-.-.-.-..-. at May 03, 2014 02:44 PM (86Idm)



The winner gets to eat durian ice cream!  (It does exist.)

Posted by: Vendette at May 03, 2014 10:46 AM (MpP9p)

64 Loser has to eat wasabi ice cream?

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 03, 2014 10:47 AM (L+hnr)

65 I've got 15? Roses to plant & I'm reading here instead. The sun isn't out. That makes a big difference in my going outside. I have to plant this weekend because I won't n Be able to next weekend. I'm going outside now! I'm motivating myself, or trying to. Have a nice afternoon!

Posted by: Carol at May 03, 2014 10:48 AM (gjOCp)

66 well, I did get a seed from a green pepper to grow. So far it's produced three peppers than got no bigger than a good sized olive. But I live in hope. I'd plant stuff outside but I suspect the neighbors would steal whatever grew.

Posted by: mallfly at May 03, 2014 10:50 AM (bJm7W)

67 Artisanal'ette @43, I'm not too wild about the idea of the FDA showing up in my garden (though I might expect another agency first). I once had to escort FDA officials to a meeting room at a pharmaceutical company. All the bigwigs on the escort list were at lunch when the FDA showed up. One agent was wearing a sidearm. Everybody had to sign in and out of the meeting room. On the other hand, we escorted them to the restroom. Standard procedure. FDA inspections can be tense. They wore dress uniforms (a lot like the uniforms of naval officers) when delivering their inspection report. Only garden encounter I've had with government so far has been county agents putting insect traps in my trees.

Posted by: KT at May 03, 2014 10:51 AM (qahv/)

68 Well, everything is growing nicely in our gardens. Except one potato plant. Everything that survived the winter is going nuts: lettuce, spinach, peas and celery. We had 4.5 inches of rain in April, but it just stopped a couple weeks ago and there's not much in the 10 day forecast. We water, but it's just not the same.

Posted by: Mama AJ at May 03, 2014 10:52 AM (SUKHu)

69 Sorry for the n00b question, but what's the deal with the number in parenthesis after the date and why is mine changing? I'm on a VPN if that makes any difference.

Posted by: .-....-.-.-.-..-. at May 03, 2014 10:53 AM (W6wuT)

70 Carol, if you're still here... Our rose is making me laugh. It's 90% flowers. It's pretty, but I have a feeling it's supposed to have more leaves & thicker branches. I'll snap a picture of it.

Posted by: Mama AJ at May 03, 2014 10:55 AM (SUKHu)

71 This  could be the motivation to build the trebuchet me and the boy have been envisioning...

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at May 03, 2014 10:55 AM (X3xYu)

72 It's a hash. Based on your IP address, so if yours changes, the hash will change. Lets us change our names for fun while still being identifiable. Some of us are "lucky" enough to have the same one for years.

Posted by: Mama AJ at May 03, 2014 10:56 AM (SUKHu)

73 I a not a gardener. I never have been. Fortunately, here in Jax, the ground is so fertile that anything that hits the ground takes off and in this rental, the last owner planted trees like crazy. I've had to cut a few down because the yard was just too crowded. However, last month, I went to Ace and asked for the impossible: A rose, with fragrance, that would not take over my yard and which would require no maintenance. She smiled and said "I have just the rose for you." This past month has been glorious. New, bright pink, fragrant blooms every day and then.... then... The Lubbers showed up. Frankly, I had no idea that giant Lubbers start off as tiny, little black and red grasshoppers. I also had no idea that, once grown, drowning and squishing them are the only ways to kill them. Bing revealed that the young can be killed with pesticides containing pyrethrins which, fortunately, is also what kills fleas, so I had some on hand. I sprayed the heck out of my rose and they disappeared overnight. This gardening thing isn't so tough after all!

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 03, 2014 10:58 AM (DmNpO)

74 Pretty sure those 'human shaped roots' are molded.

Posted by: --- at May 03, 2014 11:00 AM (MMC8r)

75 Bejeezus! I thought that Fleeceflower was a fluke. That is beyond creepy.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 03, 2014 11:01 AM (DmNpO)

76 I thought that Fleeceflower was a fluke.
Hey, Sailor!

Posted by: Sandy F. at May 03, 2014 11:07 AM (Ua6T/)

77 Good on ya, Y-not. Canning is not nearly as fearsome as some would have you believe, and it's a lot easier to do with a couple of busy hands to help the process be more streamlined. Having actually just relocated to Happy Valley, I'm anxious to get my plants in the ground. You can't buy decent produce in Utah, except what's grown locally--peaches in August. I got some awesome snap peas from Harmons a couple weeks back, though. Take it from a fellow Horde-er--canning is the BEST way to savor that amazing fresh flavor. And canning supplies from DI are the cheapest way to go.

Posted by: Holly at May 03, 2014 11:14 AM (jxbbT)

78 Love the tag team you two; excellent as always! Y-Not, have never done wet pack canning at the canneries/Bishop's storehouses, only dry. Is much easier sounding. You can also just go there and buy things pre-packed, or set up a time to can things yourself with a group. The LDS canneries have the best stuff, aka prepper food. Their dried apples are legendary. And the potato pearls...my fave. Just add water, no extra butter needed. You can just pop the pearls in your mouth and they turn to buttery mashed potato goodness. The church almost discontinued them because they only last a couple of years in storage, versus like the 50 of everything else the church makes. But there were almost riots in the streets, so they changed their minds. You do not mess with LDS moms. Mmm Potato pearls... Also get oats, other dried fruits, powdered stuff. My grandparents canned like pros. One day hope to have the ability to do the same. Cherries, apricots, pears, green beans, etc. There is nothing like home canned green beans, they are amazing.

Posted by: LizLem at May 03, 2014 11:17 AM (HyIce)

79 Mama AJ, IÂ’m using phone. Give your rose a tablespoon of Epsom salts & water in to dissolve. In a week or two you will have new growth coming from the ground. Old way was to break it when it is about 8 inches tall. Newer is to let it grow. IÂ’ve experimented with the few roses that I have same variety of and itÂ’s much better if you break that new basal shoot at the proper height. It will harden off & grow new blooms. Yes, you should have foliage. Did it fall off from disease? Blackspot?

Posted by: Carol at May 03, 2014 11:19 AM (gjOCp)

80 Isn't Mandrake also shaped like a well you know man?

Posted by: Boss Moss at May 03, 2014 11:27 AM (LJ7Ze)

81 The Chinese Fleeceflower is hung like a Ken Doll.

Posted by: Boss Moss at May 03, 2014 11:28 AM (LJ7Ze)

82 This thread is pushing up daisies.

Posted by: Boss Moss at May 03, 2014 11:30 AM (LJ7Ze)

83 Best refrigerator dills for non-gardeners: 1. Buy a big jar of standard dill pickles. Open jar. 2. Take out a couple of pickles, add fresh dill, some fresh garlic and maybe a cayenne pepper. Replace pickles you took out, close jar and refrigerate. Only tricky part is finding a farmer's market or other source for almost-ripe fresh dill seed heads.

Posted by: KT at May 03, 2014 11:35 AM (qahv/)

84 Carol, It has some leaves, it just doesn't look...full like rose bushes tend to. I'm trying to get a pic uploaded to Twitter. My husband takes care of it. The year he was overseas, I just left it alone. Three branches shot up to well over 6 ft. and then leaned over. Hmm, it looks okay in the picture. Definitely looks better in 2D than 3D! But you can kind of see how it goes running off on the right. I guess it just needs to be trimmed as it grows, then the branches will get thicker not longer?? Yes, I really know nothing about this! https://twitter.com/MamaAJ123

Posted by: Mama AJ at May 03, 2014 11:39 AM (SUKHu)

85 82 Great Hash.

Posted by: Boss Moss at May 03, 2014 11:41 AM (LJ7Ze)

86 Man that faux pho looks tasty.

Posted by: eleven at May 03, 2014 11:42 AM (fsLdt)

87 I was a root who dreamt he was a man.

Posted by: eleven at May 03, 2014 11:43 AM (fsLdt)

88 Mama AJ, that rose looks like it may have rootstock suckers coming up, blooming.

Posted by: JeanQ Flyover at May 03, 2014 11:48 AM (82lr7)

89 82 Is that refrigerator art on your Avatar?

Posted by: Boss Moss at May 03, 2014 11:50 AM (LJ7Ze)

90 Only garden encounter I've had with government so far has been county agents putting insect traps in my trees. Posted by: KT at May 03, 2014 02:51 PM (qahv/) Nice.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at May 03, 2014 11:53 AM (IXrOn)

91 Oh, oops, the 'suckers' don't appear to have buds or flowers, like the rest of the bush.

Some of my roses do this, too--I keep cutting back the suckers, so the "good" parts can grow better.

Posted by: JeanQ Flyover at May 03, 2014 11:56 AM (82lr7)

92 My gardening effort for the week has been pulling cheat grass out of mom's flowerbeds. It was not noxious cheat grass I'd probably let the flowers duke it out with the grass but I hate those stickery seed heads. I've still got a bunch left to pull even after hitting it so hard my knuckles are sore from all the gripping.

Posted by: PaleRider at May 03, 2014 11:57 AM (m+nIW)

93 If you are going to can or want to can non-acid veggies and meat you do need a pressure canner. Presto is the best at a fairly modest rate, but the American brand is probably the best around. No rubber seals, heavy milled Aluminum and based on the original pre WWII National Pressure Cooker company (that later became Presto) Acid fruits like apples, pears, cherries, and peaches can be canned in boiling water baths. The Ball Blue Book is one of the best resources for canning. Ball sells jars so they want you to enjoy and understand the process. Alternately get involved with one of the Master Food Preserver programs if your state has a Extension Service.

Posted by: Kindltot at May 03, 2014 12:01 PM (BsFYx)

94 Yes, that was my daughter's version of the flaming skull from a couple years ago. JeanQ, I think they are weeds but I'll double check later. I'm baking cookies and have run out of butter. I would have sworn there was more in there... I have a recipe for peanut butter cookies that uses shortening instead. I can't find the recipe card, but I know I posted it on one of CBD's threads, so I found that and am reprinting it from there!

Posted by: Mama AJ at May 03, 2014 12:02 PM (SUKHu)

95 Mama AJ, After the flowers have bloomed, cut it back. You are supposed to prune once forsythia bloom in your area. I had to cut back some climbers to knee level from the winter we had. I havenÂ’t been outside since PatriotÂ’s Day. I pruned most that day but didnÂ’t finish. I thought more were dead but I looked at them yesterday and earlier today and they are sprouting new growth from the ground. I am missing ten roses. I have list or what rose I planted & when etc. I had ordered two roses from one company but he didnÂ’t want me to send a check. I came in to send him the email from November & four roses from another company that I paid by check in November. I forwarded that email exchange to him to ask where they are. One was supposed to send me some free cuttings but he must have changed his mind. There were three in that group. IÂ’m back in the house for a few minutes because I have meant to send those emails all week. I kept them on laptop. I get them on iPad, iPhone, laptop & Comcast website. I save & flag them on laptop. DonÂ’t forget the Epsom salts and make sure they dissolve!

Posted by: Carol at May 03, 2014 12:04 PM (gjOCp)

96 Oh. And everytime you go to the store and walk by the canning section buy a box of lids. Rings and Jars you can find and re-use, but the lids are the one thing that become hard to find. In the 70's when my mom was canning, she would get mad because there would always be a run on lids when she wanted to buy them.

Posted by: Kindltot at May 03, 2014 12:07 PM (BsFYx)

97 Thanks Kindltot for bringing up the only two things in "caning" that will actually kill you: failure to superheat low-acid food, and re-using lids.

There are simple tables, even on-line, for what foods you have to superheat in a pressure cooker. Surprisingly few are safe to can with just blanching or boiling -- even most tomatoes don't have the acid. Everything's fine as long as you follow those tables.

Ignore them, and die a horrible lingering death. Your choice.

Posted by: Stringer Davis at May 03, 2014 01:24 PM (xq1UY)

98 I need to learn how to can since my M-i-l and dad won't always be available to provide delicious canned salsa and plums. Also, if all our new trees do well (please G-d, please G-d, please G-d) we'll have so much fruit that simply giving it away won't be enough (and some of the berries are described as being *much* better as jam).

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at May 03, 2014 01:31 PM (GDulk)

99 Grandma always kept Hydrion Papers (pH test strips) with her canning equipment.  

I'd like something easier to read, especially when processing highly-colored foods.  (Not quite ready to spend a couple hundred, but I know alternatives are out there.)

Some foods can be water-bath processed with the addition of lemon juice or vinegar, which is great because pressure cooking just destroys[i/] the more tender ones.

Posted by: JeanQ Flyover at May 03, 2014 02:14 PM (82lr7)

Posted by: JeanQ Flyover at May 03, 2014 02:14 PM (82lr7)

101 whew!

Posted by: JeanQ Flyover at May 03, 2014 02:14 PM (82lr7)

102 My parents used to can in season. I remember the house full of vinegar odor. 

I have a Polish recipe for dills from a farmer's market cookbook. You wash everything thoroughly and do not heat, just close up. the cooking destroys the firmness.  Crisp has to be fresh picked and cold packed.

Posted by: Bill sometimes bill from Canada at May 03, 2014 02:39 PM (ZTatW)

103 Ahh, the pungent odors of crockery pickles, done in the cool and dark.....*sigh*

My dad's folks made the real pickles like that, and sauerkraut.  Nothing like those are available in a supermarket!

Too bad those recipes are lost and all's left is some antique (sadly, also cracked) stoneware crocks.

Am using the crocks for flowers now.

Posted by: JeanQ Flyover at May 03, 2014 03:01 PM (82lr7)

104 Posted by: JeanQ Flyover at May 03, 2014 07:01 PM (82lr7) Amazingly, my M-i-l still has *two* of those crocks and still uses them to make saurkraut. Good thing she has a basement because it makes the whole area smwll horrible for several weeks.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at May 03, 2014 04:14 PM (GDulk)

105 Good thing she has a basement because it makes the whole area smwll horrible for several weeks.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette

Ha!  And removing the scum....so gross...

If people only knew, they'd probably gag and never eat the stuff again!  Lol!!

Posted by: JeanQ Flyover at May 03, 2014 06:48 PM (82lr7)

106 Thanks, everyone, for your contributions this week!

Posted by: Y-not at May 03, 2014 07:08 PM (zDsvJ)

107 Can't believe I missed out on the first semi-psuedo-kinda-official-canning-along-with-gardening thread! Dammit. I did fridge pickles last year, and didn't get enough. This year I've got about 18 cucumber plants to make up for the loss. I'm also going to be experimenting with sweet hots, if my japalenos take me seriously. All Hail Eris, I'm totally jealous. I would have loved to be crawling around a wool fest today. I hand dye yardage when I'm not haunting my rows of potatoes and harassing my chickens. Tomorrow I finish cleaning my large bed's (33 yards x 11 yards) last unproductive corner. I'm making way for 10 more various pepper plants and my volunteer vines from last year. Hopefully they're watermelon and cantaloupe, but it's too early to tell. Thanks for adding canning to the thread, folks. If I hadn't been so damn busy today I would have been haunting it all day. Say la vee, as the damn frenchie frogs say....

Posted by: Ddgreen67 at May 03, 2014 07:29 PM (H+wA3)

108 My dear friend, Ms. Jeanne, runs an intermittent blog for recipes (mostly big events: try her blueberry French toast bake; a-frickin-mazing). Her refrigerator pickles are the best I have ever had. They are not long term storage but honestly, they are as so good they dont last long. This is for a dill pickle, but a good mix of sour and sweet, very well balanced and SUPER crunchy, like vlasic crunchy. Anywho, recipe's at the link. http://bit.ly/1q3p20G

Posted by: Aaah--Clem at May 04, 2014 04:02 AM (rVMNS)

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