Ace of Spades HQ

March 04, 2014

District Judge Rules That Chevron Was, In Fact, the Victim of a $16 Billion Fraud/Extortion Scheme Directed By US Attorneys
— Ace

This has been going on for years.

Chevron, which some years back was presented with a multi-billion-dollar judgment related to pollution claims in Ecuador, has been engaged in a years-long battle against a coalition of lawyers, environmental groups, and activists, and its defense has been an interesting one: Not only has Chevron rejected the specific claims against it, it has maintained that the case is the result of a criminal conspiracy involving those same lawyers and environmentalists, corrupt judges, bribery, and more. The companyÂ’s general counsel, Hewitt Pate, said today: Â“The case against Chevron was the result of fraud, bribery, and other crimes, and its aim was extortion.Â”
The story might have struck many as too implausible even for a B movie, but a U.S. district court today issued a remarkable opinion confirming that the judgment against Chevron is indeed the result of fraud.

The ruling is long -- over 500 pages long. However, you can get the general sense of it from the first five pages (the first five numbered pages, after the very lengthy table of contents).

Upon consideration of all of the evidence, including the credibility of the witnessesÂ– though several of the most important declined to testify Â– the Court finds that Donziger began his involvement in this controversy with a desire to improve conditions in the area in which his Ecuadorian clients live. To be sure, he sought also to do well for himself while doing good for others, but there was nothing wrong with that. In the end, however, he and the Ecuadorian lawyers he led corrupted the Lago Agrio case. They submitted fraudulent evidence. They coerced one judge, first to use a court appointed, supposedly impartial, Â“global expertÂ” to make an overall damages assessment and, then, to appoint to that important role a man whom Donziger hand picked and paid to Â“totally play ballÂ” with the LAPs. They then paid a Colorado consulting firm secretly to write all or most of the global expertÂ’s report, falsely presented the report as the work of the court-appointed and supposedly impartial expert, and told half-truths or worse to U.S. courts in attempts to prevent exposure of that and other wrongdoing. Ultimately, the LAP team wrote the Lago Agrio courtÂ’s Judgment themselves and promised $500,000 to the Ecuadorian judge to rule in their favor and sign their judgment. If ever there were a case warranting equitable relief with
respect to a judgment procured by fraud, this is it.
...
[O]ne Ecuadorian legal team member, in a moment of panicky candor, admitted that if documents exposing just part of what they had done were to come to light, Â“apart from destroying the proceeding, all of us, your attorneys, might go to jail.Â”
It is time to face the facts.

Apparently it was a seriously-offered legal argument that bribery of judges for favorable rulings is just the way it's done in Ecuador, so, you know, we ought to respect their rules and enforce their judgment here in America.

Posted by: Ace at 01:55 PM | Comments (138)
Post contains 539 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Legal extortion!

Harumph!

Posted by: The EPA[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at March 04, 2014 01:57 PM (P7Wsr)

2 Ace, Congratulations on being second, but I think this blog is superior to HA! I'm sorry that first comment is off topic.

Posted by: Carol at March 04, 2014 01:58 PM (z4WKX)

3 I say Harumph as well!

Posted by: The IRS[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at March 04, 2014 01:58 PM (P7Wsr)

4 Russia has invaded countries for less, with commenter approval.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 04, 2014 01:58 PM (hn70M)

5 John Schindler ‏@20committee 5 Kanal TV reports that "Russian military and Cossacks" in Crimea are buying Ukrainian military uniforms and insignia...but whatever for?

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at March 04, 2014 01:59 PM (ZPrif)

6 Let's see.
A 500 page report to read, and we already have comments.
Now me? I read very fast.

The rest of you Morons are just fakin' it.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 04, 2014 02:00 PM (DPkKe)

7 I know the plot of my next book!

Posted by: John Grisham[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at March 04, 2014 02:00 PM (P7Wsr)

8 physical bravery is almost always admirable John Schindler ‏@20committee Â“Any man who did not want to come, he would not be branded a traitor or a coward. Every man came.Â” #Ukraine http://tinyurl.com/kzsmnqj

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at March 04, 2014 02:03 PM (ZPrif)

9 Yeah, even I

Posted by: Captain Renault at March 04, 2014 02:04 PM (IV4od)

10 I didn't read it. I will take Aces word for it My own personal experience with attorneys, most, not all, but most are scum sucking weasels fit for hobo consumption

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at March 04, 2014 02:04 PM (HVff2)

11 Beat you to it John!!

Posted by: Tom Clancy at March 04, 2014 02:04 PM (suQh3)

12 Congratulations on being second Poppin' Fresh got to Rubio's Garbage first?

Posted by: garrett at March 04, 2014 02:05 PM (0mRKW)

13 I'm afraid my flu-addled brain is struggling to understand the ins and outs of this case. So I think I'll just drink while the rest of you produce the smart stuff. Skal!

Posted by: grammie winger at March 04, 2014 02:05 PM (oMKp3)

14 Oh wait. Wrong thread. Brb, gotta fire a ghostwriter...

Posted by: Tom Clancy at March 04, 2014 02:06 PM (suQh3)

15 This isn't much different than what happens with the EPA here. Lawsuits among friends to spike the ball and achieve own-goals.

Posted by: --- at March 04, 2014 02:07 PM (MMC8r)

16 Quote from the ruling:

Â“I once worked for a lawyer who said something IÂ’ve never forgotten. He said, Â‘Facts do not exist. Facts are created.Â’ And ever since that day,I realized how the law works.

--Danziger

Paging AmishDude.

Posted by: John Grisham[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at March 04, 2014 02:07 PM (P7Wsr)

17 On the S.F. Chronicle website, even people claiming to be liberals support this decision (not all of them, mind you) but enough to warrant further reading.

Posted by: SFGoth at March 04, 2014 02:07 PM (cSllb)

18 Chevron. Is that Hugo Chavez oil or am I thinking of another company?

Posted by: grammie winger at March 04, 2014 02:08 PM (oMKp3)

19
Ace,
Congratulations on being second, but I think this blog is superior to HA!
I'm sorry that first comment is off topic.

Posted by: Carol at March 04, 2014 05:58 PM (z4WKX)

Brown-nosing teh Ewok is always on-topic.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 04, 2014 02:08 PM (TIIx5)

20 I hope the ruling stands...it's a score for the good guys, imo.

Posted by: wheatie at March 04, 2014 02:09 PM (40W9K)

21 No, no, no! Big Oil is the bad guy. Do you not watch movies or TV?

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 04, 2014 02:09 PM (E+uky)

22 And Eric the Red's new strategy of non-defense of laws they want to sweep away.

Posted by: --- at March 04, 2014 02:10 PM (MMC8r)

23 Â“The case against the American People is the result of fraud, bribery, and other crimes, and our aim iextortion.Â” Just shut up.

Posted by: DNC® at March 04, 2014 02:11 PM (iN2E+)

24 Chevron. Is that Hugo Chavez oil or am I thinking of another company?

That's Citgo.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at March 04, 2014 02:11 PM (P7Wsr)

25 So, this is why Kerry Kennedy was driving all drugged up. Didn't she have her dirty hands in this?

Posted by: Judge Pug at March 04, 2014 02:11 PM (6Nj7A)

26 Environmental shakedown? Huh...

Posted by: Gibson Guitars at March 04, 2014 02:12 PM (GSIDW)

27 Â“I once worked for a lawyer who said something IÂ’ve never forgotten. He said, Â‘Facts do not exist. Facts are created.Â’ And ever since that day,I realized how the law works. --Danziger - Attorneys have no trouble with the concept of an untrue fact.

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 04, 2014 02:12 PM (q6nni)

28 #18

Citgo is Venezuela's oil company.

Posted by: Epobirs at March 04, 2014 02:12 PM (bPxS6)

29 I deal with bullshit "activist groups" regularly while trying to keep my clients in business. Environmentalists and extortionists are the same thing in the legal world.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 04, 2014 02:13 PM (8ZskC)

30 My own personal experience with attorneys, most, not all, but most are scum sucking weasels fit for hobo consumption Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at March 04, 2014 06:04 PM (HVff2) Go for the Flamethrowers!

Posted by: Hawk Thunderschlong at March 04, 2014 02:13 PM (iN2E+)

31 It's very simple. 'Big Oil' is Bad. 'Big Tobacco' is bad. 'Big Corporations' are bad. But 'Big Government' is good. As hard as I try, I can't shove the pie slice into the circular shape. Others find it very easy. Guess I'm dum.

Posted by: SE Pa Moron [/i] at March 04, 2014 02:14 PM (CnA98)

32 24 Chevron. Is that Hugo Chavez oil or am I thinking of another company? That's Citgo. Posted by: bonhomme at March 04, 2014 06:11 PM (P7Wsr) --------------- Thanks. Like I said, flu addled brain. Plus hot toddy.

Posted by: grammie winger at March 04, 2014 02:14 PM (oMKp3)

33 In many ways, this is the story of Obama. No, really. Bribery, extortion, illegal activity. It's all there.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit[/i][/u][/b][/s] at March 04, 2014 02:15 PM (0HooB)

Putin test fires ICBM weeeeeeee....

Obammy all wee wee'd up

Posted by: Zombie Turtle Kid at March 04, 2014 02:16 PM (N3Al8)

35 Apparently it was a seriously-offered legal argument that bribery of judges for favorable rulings is just the way it's done in Ecuador, so, you know, we ought to respect their rules and enforce their judgment here in America. **** After the split of Conrail between NS and CSX, it was discovered that a great deal of insider theft was occurring at a Chicago terminal. When busted, one of the employee/crooks argued, and I'm not making this up, I don't know what the problem is. Conrail never had a problem with it! That mentality is staggering.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 04, 2014 02:16 PM (DmNpO)

31 It's very simple. 'Big Oil' is Bad. 'Big Tobacco' is bad. 'Big Corporations' are bad.

But 'Big Government' is good.

But 'Big Media Corporations' are good...if they are toadies for 'Big Government'.

Posted by: wheatie at March 04, 2014 02:17 PM (40W9K)

37 Putin test fires ICBM weeeeeeee....
Obammy all wee wee'd up

Another red line crossed?

*yawn*

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 04, 2014 02:17 PM (8ZskC)

38 Putin test fires ICBM weeeeeeee.... Obammy all wee wee'd up -- ICBM UCBM WeAllCBM

Posted by: Gibson Guitars at March 04, 2014 02:17 PM (GSIDW)

39 US Attorneys today, led by that cocksucker eric holder, are modern day Sheriffs of Nottingham.

Posted by: soothsayer at March 04, 2014 02:18 PM (nfBpn)

40 Even though in another country, shouldn't attorneys with US licenses face disbarment/censure here in the US?

Posted by: Judge Pug at March 04, 2014 02:18 PM (6Nj7A)

41 So are the American lawyers, eco-zealots, and PR firms that engaged in the conspiracy gonna go the jail?

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at March 04, 2014 02:19 PM (ZPrif)

42 Even though in another country, shouldn't attorneys with US licenses face disbarment/censure here in the US? There's a lot of Winston Wolfing that goes on in the legal industry here.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit[/i][/u][/b][/s] at March 04, 2014 02:20 PM (0HooB)

43 After the split of Conrail between NS and CSX, it was discovered that a great deal of insider theft was occurring at a Chicago terminal. When busted, one of the employee/crooks argued, and I'm not making this up, I don't know what the problem is. Conrail never had a problem with it!

I've heard a significant number of African Americans make statements to the effect that black crime stats are not artificially high. White crime stats are artificially low. White people do those same crimes in the same numbers, but police let them do it because they're white.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at March 04, 2014 02:20 PM (P7Wsr)

44 For years the _San Francisco Chronicle_ basically turned over their Web site to the various scumbags of the professional left who were working this cynical scam.

Absolutely endless articles and comment pieces on the poor downtrodden Ecuadorean peasants being brutally exploited by the evil American oil company.

To just an incredibly over the top degree. At one point it seemed like there was yet another Chevron "expose" from the likes of the "Rainforest Action Network" showing up every second day.

In a world with any actual justice, that would be actionable against the Chron now that the scheme has been exposed as dishonest and extortionate. And in a world with any actual justice, the Hearst media combine who own that fishwrap would pay through the nose in court.

The sad part is that there are an enormous legion of LIV liberals here in the Bay Area who will only remember the extensive propaganda campaign, and who will be quoting it as gospel truth for decades to come that "Chevron fucked over the innocent jungle peoples of Ecuador for greeeeeedy profits".

Posted by: torquewrench at March 04, 2014 02:20 PM (gqT4g)

45 Isn't this about what Holder and the NY attorneys are doing to the Big banks for their participation in the mortgage kurfluffle?

Posted by: sawhorse at March 04, 2014 02:20 PM (e1h7z)

46
I hope to see more of these envirofrauds busted.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 04, 2014 02:20 PM (gorVZ)

47 Lawyers misbehaving? I'm skeptical.

Posted by: O'Bumbles and His Gang at March 04, 2014 02:21 PM (ndlFj)

48 18 Chevron. Is that Hugo Chavez oil or am I thinking of another company? Citgo is Hugo's.

Posted by: rickb223 at March 04, 2014 02:21 PM (h1D+w)

49 Even though in another country, shouldn't attorneys with US licenses face disbarment/censure here in the US?

Yep. Three attorneys mentioned are members of the NY Bar Assn.

I haven't read very far, so there may be more.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at March 04, 2014 02:21 PM (P7Wsr)

50 Conclusion The saga of the Lago Agrio case is sad. It is distressing that the course of justice was perverted. The LAPs received the zealous representation they wanted, but it is sad that it was not always characterized by honor and honesty as well. It is troubling that, in the words of Jeffrey Shinder, what happened here probably means that Â“weÂ’ll never know whether or not there was a case to be made against Chevron.Â” But we have come full circle. As the Court wrote at the outset, Â“he issue in this case is not what happened in the OrientÃ© more than twenty years ago and who, if anyone, now is responsible for any wrongs then done. The issue here, instead, is whether a court decision was procured by corrupt means, regardless of whether the cause was just.Â” The decision in the Lago Agrio case was obtained by corrupt means. The defendants here may not be allowed to benefit from that in any way. The order entered today will prevent them from doing so. The foregoing, together with the appendices to this opinion, constitute the CourtÂ’s findings of fact and conclusions of law. DefendantsÂ’ motions to dismiss [DI 1860, DI 1862] are denied. SO ORDERED.

Posted by: Joe at March 04, 2014 02:22 PM (e8kgV)

51 This is just what's going on with the climate change fraud, only with better bribery and coercion techniques.

Posted by: AtParisParamus at March 04, 2014 02:22 PM (ztMkL)

52 MOSCOW -- Russia said it had successfully test-fired an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile (ICBM) on Tuesday, with tensions high over its seizure of control inÂ… cbs so.

Posted by: willow at March 04, 2014 02:22 PM (nqBYe)

53 White people do those same crimes in the same numbers, but police let them do it because they're white.

The takeaway you're supposed to have from this is that police should let more criminals go, because white people get away with it.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at March 04, 2014 02:23 PM (P7Wsr)

54 I have a word to say about this.

Posted by: William Shakespeare at March 04, 2014 02:23 PM (8ZskC)

55 Most environmental groups (and many activists) are really about nothing more than mining the revenue stream.

Posted by: --- at March 04, 2014 02:23 PM (MMC8r)

56 I love how the judge rejects the "fake but accurate" defense.

Posted by: Joe at March 04, 2014 02:23 PM (e8kgV)

57 Alan Grayson, Fighting Democrat. Kicking Ass, Taking Names.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at March 04, 2014 02:23 PM (ZPrif)

58 28 #18 Citgo is Venezuela's oil company. Posted by: Epobirs at March 04, 2014 06:12 PM (bPxS6) Not quite: Citgo Petroleum Corporation (or Citgo) is an American refiner, transporter and marketer of transportation fuels, lubricants, petrochemicals and other industrial products. The company is owned by PDV America, Inc., an indirect wholly owned subsidiary of PetrÃ³leos de Venezuela, S.A., the national oil company of Venezuela. /wiki

Posted by: model_1066 at March 04, 2014 02:25 PM (KWIwL)

59 But it's all right, cause it's alllllll white! Amirite? Amirite?

Posted by: Chris Rock at March 04, 2014 02:25 PM (ZPrif)

60 The foregoing, together with the appendices to this opinion, constitute the CourtÂ’s findings of fact and conclusions of law. DefendantsÂ’ motions to dismiss [DI 1860, DI 1862] are denied. SO ORDERED. Posted by: Joe at March 04, 2014 06:22 PM (e8kgV) hmm would be nice if they have to pick up costs and damages and perhaps some jail. maybe decades later.

Posted by: willow at March 04, 2014 02:25 PM (nqBYe)

61 Putin test fires ICBM weeeeeeee.... Obammy all wee wee'd up *** Interesting observation here: http://t.co/kfun1q4MKj

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 04, 2014 02:25 PM (DmNpO)

62 White people do those same crimes in the same numbers, but police let them do it because they're white. *** *headdesk*

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 04, 2014 02:26 PM (DmNpO)

63 But I thought that big oil companies have an army of secret agents to murder lawyers and closeted gay conservative environmentalist judges just like in The Pelican Brief.. why would this even go to court?

Posted by: LIV at March 04, 2014 02:26 PM (KkQGg)

64 The government extorts money from oil companies?

You gotta be shittin' me.

Posted by: BP at March 04, 2014 02:26 PM (hO9ad)

65 Having dated and screwed a few trial attorneys I can attest they are the most corrupt, morally bankrupt and greedy scumballs walking the planet. Except of course for members of Congress, which is made up of bunches of them. They will lie, distort or hide evidence, bribe, steal and fix juries in their pursuit of monies. Instead of SlappyCare, we should Federalize the legal profession thereby rendering them inept as well.

Posted by: IrishEd at March 04, 2014 02:26 PM (bfm04)

66 "I've heard a significant number of African Americans make statements to the effect that black crime stats are not artificially high. White crime stats are artificially low. White people do those same crimes in the same numbers, but police let them do it because they're white."

All perfectly true.

Why, just last week, outside of the nightclub, some pushy little punk was not showing me respect, so I pulled my gat and shot him dead right there on the sidewalk.

Fortunately, I carry the White Guy Card. When the po-po came -- white cops of course -- I pulled that out and discreetly handed it to them along with my regular ID. They pretended to cuff and stuff me, made a big show for the crowd, but they let me out of the squad car a few blocks away and we all had a big white laugh about the whole thing.

White Guy Card. Don't leave home without it.

Posted by: torquewrench at March 04, 2014 02:27 PM (gqT4g)

67 Interesting observation here:

http://t.co/kfun1q4MKj

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 04, 2014 06:25 PM (DmNpO)

Heh. No surprise Putin's pen is significantly bigger than TFG's pen and phone put together.

Posted by: Country Singer at March 04, 2014 02:28 PM (r/e1Q)

68 Putin test fires ICBM weeeeeeee....
Obammy all wee wee'd up

Posted by: Zombie Turtle Kid at March 04, 2014 06:16 PM (N3Al

It's Bush's fault. No, really. The aircraft carrier George HW Bush is not in the Black Sea but is in the neighborhood.

Posted by: Retread at March 04, 2014 02:28 PM (cHwk5)

69 Neidermeyer, yesterday the Poles were at the Ukraine border, That was also routine. (lol) is all i can do.

Posted by: willow at March 04, 2014 02:28 PM (nqBYe)

70 White people do those same crimes in the same numbers, but police let them do it because they're white. - Yeah, that's true but not just any white person. You have to know the secret white person handshake.

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 04, 2014 02:28 PM (E+uky)

71 US Attorneys today, led by that cocksucker eric holder, are modern day Sheriffs of Nottingham. Posted by: soothsayer at March 04, 2014 06:18 PM (nfBpn) ...and all the little infants run around thinking they're Robin Hood. No, you're poorly educated little Storm Troopers of stupid. Laughing at this shit, just doesn't cut it anymore. Stupidity, has become virtue to be praised and rewarded.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire at March 04, 2014 02:28 PM (iN2E+)

72 White people do those same crimes in the same numbers, but police let them do it because they're white. ========= And the CIA ships drugs into the inner city/created AIDS.

Posted by: --- at March 04, 2014 02:28 PM (MMC8r)

73 But I thought that big oil companies have an army of secret agents to murder lawyers and closeted gay conservative environmentalist judges just like in The Pelican Brief..

Due to Obamacare the former army of secret agents has been reduced to forty-nine guys and they're all working less than 30 hours a week.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 04, 2014 02:29 PM (8ZskC)

74 62 White people do those same crimes in the same numbers, but police let them do it because they're white. *** *headdesk* Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 04, 2014 06:26 PM (DmNpO) I find that honkies are overly represented in crimes such as insider trading and fraudulent banking practices, thus creating a 'disparate impact'. So what can be done about that?

Posted by: model_1066 at March 04, 2014 02:29 PM (KWIwL)

75 66 White Guy Card. Don't leave home without it.
Posted by: torquewrench at March 04, 2014 06:27 PM (gqT4g)
It also works for discounts at any automobile dealership.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at March 04, 2014 02:29 PM (YgTB4)

76 Ecuador is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been, and hopelessly corrupt. Only place I've ever been tear gassed, when Mrs Jakeman and I stumbled on a student protest, complete with paper mÃ¢chÃ© heads. Might have even been anti-Chevron rally, because it was around the time they stole the US pipelines.

Posted by: jakeman at March 04, 2014 02:30 PM (P8fgk)

77 All perfectly true. Why, just last week, outside of the nightclub, some pushy little punk was not showing me respect, so I pulled my gat and shot him dead right there on the sidewalk. Fortunately, I carry the White Guy Card. When the po-po came -- white cops of course -- I pulled that out and discreetly handed it to them along with my regular ID. They pretended to cuff and stuff me, made a big show for the crowd, but they let me out of the squad car a few blocks away and we all had a big white laugh about the whole thing. White Guy Card. Don't leave home without it. **** Because if, in the current environment of politcal correctness, there's one segment of the population that's more revered than WASPy men, I don't know what it is.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 04, 2014 02:30 PM (DmNpO)

78 You have to know the secret white person handshake.

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 04, 2014 06:28 PM (E+uky)

We never learned that at any of my Zionist Occupation Government meetings.

You bastards are holding out on us?

Kiss your bank accounts goodbye.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 04, 2014 02:31 PM (QFxY5)

79 Grammie Winger, IÂ’m sorry you have the flu. I hope you get better soon.

Posted by: Carol at March 04, 2014 02:32 PM (z4WKX)

80 Dewey, Cheatem & Howe My favorite firm

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at March 04, 2014 02:32 PM (HVff2)

81 Once you see that tweet, it's impossible NOT to see a pen.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 04, 2014 02:32 PM (DmNpO)

82 All of this is a results of Chevron buying Texaco, which had already paid off the Ecuadorians. This was the SECOND shakedown by the "Green" lawyers. I hope the DOJ files criminal charges against them. Chances of that, slim and none. They are all democrats.

Posted by: Nip Sip at March 04, 2014 02:32 PM (0FSuD)

83 When white people are alone, they GIVE each other things. /Eddie Murphy in whiteface

Posted by: --- at March 04, 2014 02:33 PM (MMC8r)

84 The four basic food groups:- caffeine, nicotine, bacon, and lady parts.

Posted by: MSNBC BSDM at March 04, 2014 02:33 PM (rCS6C)

85 "[White Guy Card] also works for discounts at any automobile dealership."

And for getting a job!

Yep, all you have to do is pull out that WGC and you get jumped straight to the head of the line for hiring and promotions.

Wink wink. Let's just keep this between us whiteys. You never know what kind of a fuss might happen if others found out about The Card.

Posted by: torquewrench at March 04, 2014 02:33 PM (gqT4g)

86 I see one of my flock has wandered in.

Posted by: Jeremiah Wright at March 04, 2014 02:33 PM (Aif/5)

87 Once you see that tweet, it's impossible NOT to see a pen.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 04, 2014 06:32 PM (DmNpO)

Yeah, like not thinking about pink elephants.

Posted by: Retread at March 04, 2014 02:33 PM (cHwk5)

88 Alan Grayson, Fighting Democrat. Kicking Ass, Taking Names. - There's an allegation that Grayson committed a little domestic violence. See HA.

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 04, 2014 02:33 PM (E+uky)

89 82 All of this is a results of Chevron buying Texaco, which had already paid off the Ecuadorians. This was the SECOND shakedown by the "Green" lawyers. I hope the DOJ files criminal charges against them. Chances of that, slim and none. They are all democrats. Posted by: Nip Sip at March 04, 2014 06:32 PM (0FSuD) They and their families can still be brutally murdered, so there's that.

Posted by: model_1066 at March 04, 2014 02:34 PM (KWIwL)

90 Citgo is Hugo's. Posted by: rickb223 at March 04, 2014 06:21 PM (h1D+w) Hugo a was now & it supplies Joe KennedyÂ’s oil program.

Posted by: Carol at March 04, 2014 02:34 PM (z4WKX)

91 Why does the name "Donziger" sound so familiar?

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX (@Teresa_Koch) at March 04, 2014 02:34 PM (PZ6/M)

92 Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at March 04, 2014 06:32 PM (HVff2)

Click and Clack!

Hardcore lefties, but damn! They were funny.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 04, 2014 02:34 PM (QFxY5)

93 Ponytailed skank lawyers don't do well in stir. Too many ripped-off convicts placed there by the likes of these ambulance-chasing fast-talkers.

Posted by: redenzo at March 04, 2014 02:35 PM (WCnJW)

94 You have to know the secret white person handshake. Is that anything like a Maine Handshake?

Posted by: garrett at March 04, 2014 02:35 PM (KOhQT)

95 It's time to shoot every third lawyer, just to set the right tone...........

Posted by: Alamo at March 04, 2014 02:36 PM (C0alm)

96 Imagine how well the USA would be doing if: The KL pipeline had been swiftly approved. Offhsore and federal land oil/gas production was being encouraged by the government. Healthcare reform had only dealt with pre-existing conditions and buying insurance across state lines. Our educational system was attuned to the needs of students and their future employers. Our media did not have a politicla agenda. The IRS was not being used as a political war tool. The EPA had been abolished long ago and its duties turned over to the states. The corporate income tax had been abolished in 2008. General Motors had been allowed to make or break itself on its own. You can add your own, this is the list that quickly comes to mind.

Posted by: Meremortal at March 04, 2014 02:38 PM (1Y+hH)

97 NDH, don't worry that wasn't an ICBM, it was an optical illusion caused by an airplane reflecting sunlight.

Posted by: Methos, part time comedian at the gallows at March 04, 2014 02:39 PM (hO9ad)

98 @93 I think you mean prosecuters don't do well. The ponytailed ones are defense attorneys.

Posted by: Beagle at March 04, 2014 02:39 PM (sOtz/)

99 96 Imagine how well the USA would be doing if:

Imagine there's no assholes.
It's easy if you try....

Posted by: Not John Lennon at March 04, 2014 02:42 PM (YgTB4)

100 Healthcare reform had only dealt with pre-existing conditions and buying insurance across state lines.

We'd still be screwed. If you force insurance companies to take clients at a guaranteed loss, that has to be made up somewhere.

Posted by: Methos at March 04, 2014 02:42 PM (hO9ad)

101 You can add your own, this is the list that quickly comes to mind. If we had representatives who understood free-market economics and dedicated themselves to maintaining a robust economy.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit[/i][/u][/b][/s] at March 04, 2014 02:44 PM (0HooB)

102 I think you mean prosecuters don't do well. The ponytailed ones are defense attorneys. - They did a survey of prisoners some years ago asking who was most responsible for them being in prison hoping that they would say that they themselves were. The number one answer, however, is that it is t h e fault of their defense attorneys. An insult to those attorneys and to the prosecutors.

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 04, 2014 02:45 PM (E+uky)

103

96 Imagine how well the USA would be doing if:

If all our Liberals had been abducted by ETs and taken away to some other planet.

Posted by: wheatie at March 04, 2014 02:45 PM (40W9K)

104 General Motors had been allowed to make or break itself on its own. Speaking of GM, Jess -- meth cooking manic/depressive of 'Breaking Bad' -- drove away in the final episode in an El Camino. I couldn't tell if it had astro-turf in the back. That was one hell of a combination on date/rape night.

Posted by: Bill Cliton [/i] at March 04, 2014 02:46 PM (CnA98)

105 And the CIA ships drugs into the inner city/created AIDS.

The best one I heard went thusly:

I was joking around with friends at work. One laughed about how amped up she was and I pointed out it was the cocaine in her Coke.

A black former Army Staff Sargent looked at us all seriously and told us the African American community lost a lot of people in the 70s and 80s because of the cocaine in CocaCola.

I thought he was jerking our chains so I laughed it off. He repeated it, to emphasize its seriousness. I told him Coke hasn't had cocaine in it since at most the 1920s and that if he could find a Coke can from the 80s with cocaine content he'd have a monster class-action suit against Coca Cola. He stormed off in a huff.

Posted by: bonhomme[/i][/b][/i][/b][/s][/s] at March 04, 2014 02:46 PM (P7Wsr)

106 Ace, Worth viewing. The state of the Kelo Vs. Massachusetts Eminent Domain case. Land seized now a wasteland: http://reason.com/archives/2014/02/06/lessons-from-kelo-the-eminent-domain-cas And what is that property now being used for? Easy..., a dump: " . . . the cityÂ’s project has been a failure, with 91 acres of waterfront property sitting there empty and overgrown by weeds. Now, we learn from the local newspaper, The Day, that following the hurricane Irene, the city has designated the Fort Trumbull redevelopment site as a place to dump vegetation debris. For a video of locals dumping that stuff on the site, click here. Connecticut taxpayers have thus been soaked tens of millions of dollars, not just for nothing, but for making things worse Â— for transforming a nice local neighborhood into a dump." http://tinyurl.com/4xrjfrn

Posted by: Mike Hammer at March 04, 2014 02:46 PM (aDwsi)

107 41 So are the American lawyers, eco-zealots, and PR firms that engaged in the conspiracy gonna go the jail? Posted by: Flatbush Joe at March 04, 2014 06:19 PM (ZPrif) Eco zealot? There is a lot of "green" involved but not the kind you are referring to. The lawyers cuts are tens of millions of bucks.

Posted by: Judge Pug at March 04, 2014 02:47 PM (6Nj7A)

108 Los Angeles, having tackled all their pressing problems, finally addresses the scourge of e-cigs. 14-0 in favor of banning their use in public. FREEDOM!!!

Posted by: RWC at March 04, 2014 02:47 PM (MtC8f)

109 106 -- OOOps, should read Kelo vs. New London...

Posted by: Mike Hammer at March 04, 2014 02:47 PM (aDwsi)

110 If we didn't have the 47%

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at March 04, 2014 02:47 PM (HVff2)

111 >>109 still one of the worst decisions of all time!

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at March 04, 2014 02:49 PM (HVff2)

112 A judge has granted a temporary protective injunction against U.S. Rep. Alan Grayson, after his wife filed paperwork accusing the Orlando congressman of shoving and injuring her during an incident this weekend. Lolita GraysonÂ’s petition for the injunction, dated Monday, says her husband pushed her against a door, causing her to fall to the ground, during a confrontation Saturday at their home on Oak Park Road, near Windermere. In a statement, Alan GraysonÂ’s press secretary Lauren Doney wrote that the allegations Â“are absolutely false, completely unfounded, and clearly designed to vilify and harm Congressman Grayson.Â” The incident comes just less than two months after Lolita Grayson filed a divorce petition stating that their marriage of nearly 24 years was Â“irretrievably broken.Â” . . . According to the petition, Lolita Grayson was preparing to take the coupleÂ’s two youngest children to a play date when Alan Grayson Â“showed up, unannounced,Â” and asked to speak to her inside. After she refused, retrieved his mail and asked him to leave, Alan Grayson Â“then deliberately and with force pushed [Lolita Grayson] very hard against the front door, causing [her] to fall to the ground as a result,Â” the petition states. She told her husband not to touch her, then pushed him in the face and kneed him in the stomach Â“in order to protect and defend herself,Â” before calling 911, her petition says. As she was talking to the operator, Alan Grayson told his wife, in the presence of their children, that she Â“would receive nothingÂ” in their divorce and would be left Â“in the gutter,Â” the petition states.

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 04, 2014 02:49 PM (E+uky)

113

If we had representatives who understood free-market economics and dedicated themselves to maintaining a robust economy.

Hey man, I've been trying.

Posted by: Rick Perry at March 04, 2014 02:51 PM (40W9K)

114 What can I say? Usually a take a few oranges, wrap them in a towel, and beat her torso with it. Doesn't leave any visible marks but hurts like hell.

Posted by: Alan Grayson at March 04, 2014 02:52 PM (oFCZn)

115 Of course those bribes were legal. They used legal tender. See, it says so right there on the bills.

Glad to see that Chevron finally got justice.

Posted by: GnuBreed at March 04, 2014 02:52 PM (wNF3N)

116 71 US Attorneys today, led by that cocksucker eric holder, are modern day Sheriffs of Nottingham. Posted by: soothsayer at March 04, 2014 06:18 PM (nfBpn) ...and all the little infants run around thinking they're Robin Hood. No, you're poorly educated little Storm Troopers of stupid. Laughing at this shit, just doesn't cut it anymore. Stupidity, has become virtue to be praised and rewarded. Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Rounding Error Extraordinaire at March 04, 2014 06:28 PM (iN2E+) Stupid little dipshits don't realize that Robin Hood was fighting the government and against the excessive taxation.

Posted by: Buzzion at March 04, 2014 02:52 PM (tzp8R)

117 No, looks like the eco-nazis tried to wet their beak, too.

Posted by: Flatbush Joe at March 04, 2014 02:53 PM (ZPrif)

118 Robin Hood robbed the f*cking tax collector.
Sheesh.

Posted by: navybrat at March 04, 2014 02:54 PM (AW7Gr)

119 Here's a bit of good news:

@bob_owens Brat teen suing parents is denied by judge. http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2014/03/04/nj-students-lawsuit-against-parents-headed-to-court/

Posted by: Retread at March 04, 2014 02:54 PM (cHwk5)

120 Nood

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at March 04, 2014 02:56 PM (HVff2)

121 119 Here's a bit of good news: @bob_owens Brat teen suing parents is denied by judge. http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2014/03/04/nj-students-lawsuit-against-parents-headed-to-court/ Posted by: Retread at March 04, 2014 06:54 PM (cHwk5) See that's what you get from these bitches. No one ever shoved the girl into a door or, even better, a wall or a refrigerator.

Posted by: Alan Grayson at March 04, 2014 02:57 PM (oFCZn)

122 If the allegations against Grayson were "absolutely" false he would not have been there to be heard by 911 in the first place. Hard to believe that part is false given how easily disproven. Once the unannounced visit is established her story seems more likely than some innocent meeting to discuss things politely. Could it be? My Crazy Congressman could be gone soon?

Posted by: Beagle at March 04, 2014 02:57 PM (sOtz/)

123 I told him Coke hasn't had cocaine in it since at most the 1920s and that if he could find a Coke can from the 80s with cocaine content he'd have a monster class-action suit against Coca Cola. He stormed off in a huff. Posted by: bonhomme at March 04, 2014 06:46 PM (P7Wsr) Not since the 1903, not 1929 as some report.

Posted by: Nip Sip at March 04, 2014 02:57 PM (0FSuD)

124 Is that anything like a Maine Handshake? More like a Boston Taco.

Posted by: toby928© at March 04, 2014 02:59 PM (QupBk)

125 Finally. This is a great result. Dole and other companies face similar extortion rackets.

Posted by: LASue at March 04, 2014 03:06 PM (pWeX5)

126 Mike Hammer, I havenÂ’t seen you here but then sometimes there are so many comments it is nearly impossible to read all of them. Sunday I posted that I had my dark mens sweatshirts to put in dryer. you posted something afterwards about it. I buy mens small because I know they will fit. Three weeks ago a woman in my office went to Lord & Taylor & came back with two Calvin Klein leather jackets that were marked down, then an additional 50% off & she had 25% off coupons. I went with her later that week. I weigh 98 lbs, on a good day. I tried on several leather and or suede jackets, that would have cost roughly $35 -$40 after the 50% off, then 25% off. I tried on a few that were size 8 & they were too tight. I have been wearing dresses from one brand for years in size 4. Last year I got several at a steal for them & had to return all but one. They wouldnÂ’t zip past my waist. I emailed the company two weeks ago to ask about the sizing. I shouldnÂ’t be a size 8. I had a beautiful pink dress in size 4 & 8 in a shopping bag at one of the online stores. CS wrote back to tell me that they were too small last year & that the fall dresses were going to be the old sizes. I asked if I had to wait until fall and she replied that I could buy now. The dresses I had disappeared from my shopping cart & she offered to find one in if I could tell her which one it was. I found it again & ordered size 4, which should fit. I got it a less than 1/3 of the original price. That is why I wear mens sweatshirts in my home. I know small will fit & they are warmer & cheaper than womenÂ’s.

Posted by: Carol at March 04, 2014 03:08 PM (z4WKX)

127 (9

I don't know a convict that doesn't blame his own defense lawyer.

Posted by: redenzo at March 04, 2014 03:16 PM (WCnJW)

128 Paging AmishDude. That's "paging PROPHET AmishDude".

Posted by: AmishDude at March 04, 2014 03:18 PM (xSegX)

129 I've heard a significant number of African Americans make statements to the effect that black crime stats are not artificially high. White crime stats are artificially low. White people do those same crimes in the same numbers, but police let them do it because they're white. Posted by: bonhomme at March 04, 2014 06:20 PM (P7Wsr) How do they explain Asians?

Posted by: AmishDude at March 04, 2014 03:22 PM (xSegX)

130 White Guy Card. Don't leave home without it.

Don't mix em up though or you wont get into the club in the first place.

Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at March 04, 2014 03:40 PM (DL2i+)

131 Being a descendant of Ecuadorian parents I can affirm that justice is indeed for sale in Ecuador. Any one of you could become a citizen for about $50 and procure "company" for the entire evening for about the same price.

Posted by: madtechie at March 04, 2014 03:56 PM (Gxpt2)

132 Carol,

Posted by: Mike Hammer at March 04, 2014 04:08 PM (aDwsi)

133 Yep, all you have to do is pull out that WGC and you get jumped straight to the head of the line for hiring and promotions.

I've got to say that "White Like Me" sketch that Eddie Murphy did back in the day was pretty funny.

Posted by: OregonMuse at March 04, 2014 04:14 PM (I8YZX)

134 Oooops. Carol- The comment the other night was lame humor. As you well know, the ONT morons are likely to seize on any innocent comment that might transformed to a ribald suggestion. They are notorious for it. Not me, of course... I was referring to your comment about washing your "dark mens shirts", I expected some moron to chirp up with a question about when you would wash your "light mens shirts". My humor failed..., as it should have.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at March 04, 2014 04:15 PM (aDwsi)

135 And the Judge goes "BLAMMMMMO!!'" on the shysters.

Posted by: eureka! at March 04, 2014 04:31 PM (xiXna)

136 I don't wish to impune the country but seriously, bribery and fraud is how it is done in Ecuador. After 5 years my buddy got out because there was no end to the "payments".

Posted by: dano at March 04, 2014 04:44 PM (OBioD)

137 The consulting firm that authored the fraudulent report is Stratus Consulting from the stupid peoples republic of Boulder.

Posted by: M at March 04, 2014 05:55 PM (vChtp)

138 Man I've been writing about this for a couple years now. It wasn't even a close decision to make either, a documentary film maker caught the attorney and Ecuadorean officials conspiring how to defraud Chevron on film. Here's the crazy part: the documentary was against Chevron and thought oil companies are all evil... but he put it in the movie anyway, apparently unaware this was proof of illegal activity, somehow.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 04, 2014 08:59 PM (zfY+H)

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