Dick Cheney means a lot to this site. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how many lives around here he's affected. But that doesnÂ’t mean we should forget the man whose Â’30 FactsÂ’ inspired us, the man who prepared the way.

I am talking, of course, about Chuck Norris.

As a tribute, it is with quiet reverence I recall to you these Conan O’Brien clips of ‘Walker, Texas Ranger’ doing what he does best: Busting Ass.

I give you Bear Trap!, Proposal and It's Him!

But that ain't all. Not by a long shot. Those are just the set up, get you properly stretched for the roundhouse-kick-to-the-brain 'Walker' that is "Little Visitor"

Remember, no man cometh to the Cheney, but by Norris.

(h/t Metafilter)

Posted by: Dr. Reo Symes at 06:06 PM | Comments (17)
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Or, No Balls - No Sperm.

French lesbians exhausting Belgian sperm banks

Their title is actually quite a mouthful!

French lesbians have been crossing the border to Belgium in search of medical procedures to get pregnant, which are denied in France, creating a new sort of baby boom at Belgian fertility clinics.

"We do not have sufficient sperm donations in reserve to meet all the requests" for insemination, Delbaere said at a recent conference on homosexual parenting in Paris.

Why don't they just do what they have done historically? You know, use the German sperm for all their needs.

Anyway, in other French sex news...

'Lewd rubbing' shuts Paris statue

Pere Lachaise cemetery in Paris has fenced off a famous tomb to prevent lewd acts being performed on a statue.

Officials concerned about damage to the icon's groin area have erected a fence around the grave, and a sign prohibiting indecent rubbing.

It is said that a woman who kisses the lips of the prostrate statue and slips a flower into the upturned top hat will find a husband by the end of the year.

The new sign warns: "Any damage caused by graffiti or indecent rubbing will be prosecuted."

Statuephilia???

Posted by: Tanker at 01:30 PM | Comments (41)
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Derbyshire has always walked that fine line between "a guy just willing to say what we're all thinking" and "homophobic, racist asshole."

Sorry, it's true. And he often leans more to the latter side than the former.

He attracted some criticism for this Chris Klein-worthy riff:

Jennifer's bristols. Did I buy, or browse, a copy of the November 17 GQ, in order to get a look at Jennifer Aniston's bristols?** No, I didn't. While I have no doubt that Ms. Aniston is a paragon of charm, wit, and intelligence, she is also 36 years old. Even with the strenuous body-hardening exercise routines now compulsory for movie stars, at age 36 the forces of nature have won out over the view-worthiness of the unsupported female bust.

It is, in fact, a sad truth about human life that beyond our salad days, very few of us are interesting to look at in the buff. Added to that sadness is the very unfair truth that a woman's salad days are shorter than a man's — really, in this precise context, only from about 15 to 20. The Nautilus and the treadmill can add a half decade or so, but by 36 the bloom is definitely off the rose. Very few of us, however, can face up to this fact honestly, and I am sure this diary item will generate more angry e-mails of protest than everything else I have written this month.

Gee, Derb, ya think? You've just expressed a preference for 15 year olds and have written off every woman older than 20 as sexually undesirable.

He also pedantically offers:

** Bristols. Cockney rhyming slang. There is a well-known soccer team in England named Bristol City.

Dude, that's the one bit of cockney rhyming slang that even I know.

Anyway, the Corner is still dealing with the fallout. Start at the bottom and work your way up if you're interested.

Jailbait

Catch the Fever!

More... A good AllahPundit photoshop at Naked Testicle Spiderman.

Thanks to Kelly.

Posted by: Ace at 12:00 PM | Comments (157)
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Iraq the Model covers it because the MSM won't.

The first witness was 15 years old in 1982, he said that he was arrested along with his parents, 8 brother and six sisters and he spoke in detail about his story from the time Saddam made his speech in Dujail till the time when he (the witness) and some of his family were released from prison in 1986 and I say “some” because this man lost 7 of his brothers during those years at the hands of the brutal regime.

... Then he began describing how he and his family were interrogated in the Baath Party HQ and here he pointed at Barzan (Saddam’s half brother) and said that “he was in charge of the interrogations” and accused Barzan of giving orders to kill his brothers. Here Barzan yelled “to hell with you and your brothers!”.

The butcher lost control over himself and starting shouting only to be silenced by the judge, then some of the lawyers began complaining from someone who apparently was whispering threats at the lawyers or staring at them!

Again, Barzan lost control and started cursing and spitting at someone in the upper section of the hall, supposedly the same person who was threatening the lawyers; this personÂ’s identity wasnÂ’t revealed but the judge ordered security to get him out.

Plus, Ramsey Clark wouldn't shut up about "sovereignty" and the sanctions that killed five million children.

It's up to five million now. By the end of the trial, it'll be eleventy-three bazillion.

Thanks to Fred.

Posted by: Ace at 11:45 AM | Comments (4)
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“I try to treat all women with respect whether they’re pretty or ugly.”

That’s the high-minded philosophy of Hollywood actor and self-professed "Alpha Heterosexual” Chris Klein. He laid that on us in his “Where the hell was my f'in handler? Why did he let me say that?” interview in this months Elle.

I have a new hero and you will too. Just read, bitch. And donÂ’t make me tell you again about the teeth.
more...

Posted by: Dr. Reo Symes at 11:38 AM | Comments (75)
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The most outlandish home Christmas lighting yet.

Disclosure: Ummm, I've seen this thing a dozen times, but I'm finally posting it, because WonderKraut asked me too, and he's probably German.

I don't support apeasement per se, but I also don't want to wake up to find he's invaded my "breakfast nook."

Which gets to a pet peeve of mine... "Drudge Tips." Okay, I appreciate people letting me know stories on Drudge I may have missed (usually I miss them by a half hour or less, because I check Drudge frequently), but what is this crazy thing going around where someone will just take a Drudge link, put it on their site, and ask for a link to their site for it?

I mean, if there's interesting commentary, sure. If value has been added, absolutely, it's a candidate for a link.

But asking generally for a link to a post which simply links something Drudge did is like petitioning the American Astronomical Society regarding your discovery of a new cosmic object you're provisionally calling "The Moon."

Oh, Exceptions: Drudge Tips are also linkable if...

* it's a big breaking urgent story where someone would really want to have it up ASAP.

* it's a lot more interesting or funny than Drudge's headline would suggest. In essence, you're trying to get the word out about what would otherwise be a somewhat-ignored Drudge link.

* you found some interesting significance in it not mentioned by Drudge, like digging up Kerry's "terrorizing children" quote.

But, you know, as a general rule, if it's on Drudge, everyone knows about it (including me), and you really can't ask for credit for "finding" it.

Posted by: Ace at 11:05 AM | Comments (17)
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Lot of good blogs.

I'd have to say the most interesting category is for Best Conservative Blog. Ah-heh-hemmm.

I don't want to do any negative campaigning about my blood-enemies esteemed fellow nominees, but I understand that the folks at Polipundit are given to dressing up their dogs like this:

Just sayin'.

Other Endorsements: I really can't endorse anyone else. Not because I'm selfish (I am selfish, but that's not the reason), but because in many categories there are several people who I'm "blog-friends"* with, so it would be impolitic and awkward to favor one over the other.

* "Blog-friends" are like actual friends, except you really don't like each other very much and your entire relationship is based on a mix of resentment, back-biting, and ruthless what-can-you-do-for-me-ism.

Wait, no, blog-friends are exactly like actual friends.

It's a blessing to have so many friends. A blessing and a black Satanic curse.

Posted by: Ace at 10:40 AM | Comments (14)
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The man is always "just lookin' out for the folks."

CAVUTO: Okay. Gas prices are down a lot. Why do you think that is?

O’REILLY: Because they’re afraid they’ll go to jail. And those C.E.O.s who manipulated them–

CAVUTO: Why are you sure that they manipulated them?

O’REILLY: I have guys that are inside the five major oil companies - my father used to work for one of those oil companies, by the way - who have told me that in those meetings they look for every way to jack up oil prices after Katrina, every way. When they didn’t have to. And they got scared because in my reporting and some other reporting, they said –

CAVUTO: Wait, youÂ’re taking credit for gas prices being down?

OÂ’REILLY: My reporting and reporting of others.

My dad used to work for Bill O'Reilly, and says he's a bit of a lunatic. He did say, however, it was always pleasant to shower with him.

Thanks to Dr. Reo Symes, an "internet smear merchant" par excellence.

Posted by: Ace at 10:20 AM | Comments (14)
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American soldiers are "terrorizing children." Who knew?

On Face the Nation:

Sen. KERRY: ...I believe, also voted for the resolution which said the president needs to make more clear what he's doing and set out benchmarks, and that the policy hasn't been working. We all believe him when you say, `Stay the course.' That's the president's policy, which hasn't been changing, which is a policy of failure. I don't agree with that. But I think what we need to do is recognize what we all agree on, which is you've got to begin to set benchmarks for accomplishment. You've got to begin to transfer authority to the Iraqis. And there is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the--of--the historical customs, religious customs. Whether you like it or not...

SCHIEFFER: Yeah.

Sen. KERRY: ...Iraqis should be doing that. And after all of these two and a half years, with all of the talk of 210,000 people trained, there just is no excuse for not transferring more of that authority.

SCHIEFFER: Well, you're not saying we should stop fighting these insurgents?

Sen. KERRY: Absolutely not. In fact, in my plan, I have said very specifically that we need to keep Special Forces capacity. We need to have the ability to go after hard intelligence. We need to chase down Zarqawi. But we do not need 160,000 troops running around the country as a whole, exposing themselves as they are, feeding the notion of occupation. Let me just emphasize this.

First of all, Dick Cheney has been very firm on the vital need to have our troops going into homes in the dead of night, terrorizing kids and children, and you know, women. It's not so much that it helps the war effort, so much as it's "really freaking hilarious," as our Vice President said in a speech in Cincinnati.

Second, he just accused our soldiers of "terrorizing" children, as if American troops are riding into peaceful hamlets like James Earl Jones and the guy with the big maul in Conan the Barbarian.

Was that a poorly chosen word? Of course not; he meant to say it. John Kerry is a genius and does not flub his words. Don't you know who he is?

Third: It's amusing that he thinks the job of "terrorizing children" should be performed by Iraqis. That's kind of Kerry's whole "Iraq Plan" -- have someone else do it. Maybe he could get our "historic allies," the French and Germans, to put up some troops for the purpose of "terrorizing children" in the "dead of night."

The Germans, I'm reliably informed, have some good experience at doing just that. Just ask Anne Frank. Oh, wait, you can't; they killed her.

Thanks to Hoge.

Posted by: Ace at 10:01 AM | Comments (38)
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Prestopundit works there, and says:

Bill O’Reilly yesterday absurdly — and falsely — claimed that Sears won’t use the word “Christmas” in its advertising, but the front page advertising on its web page has right on it the words

“we wish you a merry christmas”

above a link to the Sears “Chrismas Shop”. Let me say that again. Its Chrismas Shop.

As Bill O'Reilly might say: "You're spinning, Prestopundit. You're SPIN-NNNINNG." Or: "We'll have to agree to disagree."

Or: "You get the last word. But really, you're completely wrong and 'the folks' know it and whoops!, hard break coming up. Good bye. Thanks for taking the heat. You're a real stand-up guy for coming in here and explaining your quasi-Satanic agenda, Christmas-hater."

And, by the way, over at the excellent chat forum The Perfect World, they have a special folder to discuss Christmas -- shopping, cooking, and of course the neverending Christmas Wars.

Posted by: Ace at 09:42 AM | Comments (10)
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