Well, not really, but he did use the word "torture" 38 times.

Arthur Cherenkoff notes he didn't have much to say on the good anniversaries:

Senator Edward Kennedy didn't have anything to say on 19 March, the second anniversary of the start of the liberation of Iraq. In fact, he kept quiet until two days later, only to talk about President Bush's judicial appointments. Senator Kennedy didn't have anything to say on 9 April, the second anniversary of the liberation of Baghdad and the end of Saddam's regime. In fact, he kept quiet until the following day, when he spoke on the occasion of receiving a community award.

"Avenue B Alum" suggests that as long as we're noting anniversaries, we ought to note this one, coming up July 19th. Ted Kennedy's own version of PT-109 of course, but not quite fit for Profiles in Courage.

Thanks to the very good Hotline Blogometer for the LGF and Cherenkoff tips.

And yet still no Ace of Spades. Douchebag.

Posted by: Ace at 08:53 AM | Comments (10)
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Thanks to AllahPundit, who reads HWWNBN so that I don't have to:

But in my darker moments, I wonder whether the war wasn't a cover to persuade good, open-minded folk like Glenn to enable the theocratic impulses of the Republican base. Of course, Glenn can wait and see. Gay couples who have had basic rights taken away from them since November, might feel more aggrieved.

Unfortunately, there is no category called "In My Darker Moments," but I imagine it must be either "disgusted" or "nauseated" or even "Filled with Heart-Ache at Such Gobsmacking Vileness."

Wizbang!, Allah, and I will have to confer on this very important matter. Expect a change in the Freak-Out Advisory.

Update: After delicate negotiatons and painstaking analysis, the Freak-Out has been raised to the redline.

Posted by: Ace at 08:45 AM | Comments (54)
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When I was hyping Clive Owens as Bond, I did mean to say: You know, this always happens in the Bond franchise. When the current Bond wants more money, he makes noises about being tired of the role, and the producers at EON begin claiming that so-and-so is ready to be signed to replace him.

Happened with Roger Moore after two or three movies. They kept saying, in fact, that they were all ready to sign Brosnan, before they'd finally come to terms with Moore again.

So, alas, stiff prissyboy Pierce will continue to be the second-worst Bond of all time, at least for the next film.

Posted by: Ace at 08:37 AM | Comments (59)
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No evidence of an official transer, he wrote.

But...

The group also said it had been unable to complete its investigation because of security concerns and couldn't rule out an "unofficial" transfer of material.

Funny... I don't remember seeing anything about that in a headline, or even a sub-hed. At least not before a blogger bothered to read the report.

Yeahp... bloggers are just a bunch of overcaffeinated, overopinionated morons who can't read official government reports like the geniuses making up our press corps.

We're just too glib and too lacking in "nuance." Unlike the MSM, which takes great pains to get the stories "100% accurate" in all their particulars and never deliberately leaves out important qualifications in order to slant a story to their liking.

Via Instapundit, who writes on a fifth-grade level.

The Ace of Spades Blog

You need to be This Tall to enter this blog. With Instapundit, anyone can get on, like that queerbait teacup ride for kids.

Adding "Nuance": VonKreedon has difficulty discerning the main story/headine/bulletpoint from something buried in a story and not very loudly trumpted by the MSM, as usual. So I edited to note the headlines and sub-heds all seemed to omit this key fact.

Posted by: Ace at 08:30 AM | Comments (9)
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Not necessarily this post; maybe Bill's post. I got it from him.

Why? Because bloggers are attention-starved narcissists who just want feedback, even if it's from a software program.

Bill's link leads to a site that will analyze your site -- your whole site, I guess -- for "readability."

My results:

Fog Readability Index: Retarded
Flesch Reading Ease: Sub-Cretinous
Flesch-Kincaid Grade: Easily comprehensible by foreigners speaking English as a second (or third) language whose vocabulary is largely limited to swear-words and stock phrases like "Where do they keep the hookers in NY anymore?"

But seriously... My God, I write almost at a 7th grade level (ALMOST! 6.96, if you want to know the truth!).

On the other hand, my 9.97 on the Fog Index puts me in the 8-10 range of "most popular novels," and almost exactly equal to Time's rating of 10. The "Flesh Reading Ease" score clocks in at 68.67, which is comfortably in the 60-70 range most authors are encouraged to write in.

So I'm doing just fine, overall.

But that 7th grade thing sort of hurts.

The truth does that sometimes.

Instapundit's A Bigger Moron Than Me Update!

His results:

Gunning Fog Index 8.64 (a point less than mine)
Flesch Reading Ease 68.93 (a tick less than mine)
Flesch-Kincaid Grade 5.63 (YESSS!!!!)

Hah! Not even three-quarters of the way through fifth grade! Moron!

Then again, his score is almost certainly deflated by those myriad one-syllable "Heh's."

My Co-Host Is An Even Bigger Moron Than I Am Update: Which sucks, because I want her to be the smart one, the Tina Fey to my Jimmy Fallon.

But it's not to be. Karol from Alarming News is almost as stupid as Instapundit:

Gunning Fog Index 8.58
Flesch Reading Ease 71.96
Flesch-Kincaid Grade 5.72

Not even sixth grade. For crying out loud.

This show's going to be a disaster.

Posted by: Ace at 07:36 AM | Comments (36)
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I love the Beatles, but it's gotta be Sgt. Pepper.

Take the poll.

PS, if you choose The Wall, you're a moron, and will be banned from the site forever.

Posted by: Ace at 07:09 AM | Comments (121)
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It worked for Frisbees, why not the Holy Covenant?

Next up: Tickle Me Leviticus.

Posted by: Ace at 07:00 AM | Comments (2)
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Speaking of brains clogged with bong-resin...

Put Down Your White Man's Burden, Support Iraqi Resistance



A Radical Opinion?

Nah. Not at all. What would give you that idea? Dummy.

BY LIZ SPERBER

Uchhhhh... I have a feeling she's related to Wendie Jo Sperber, who just about ruined Bosom Buddies as well as pretty much every B- grade comedy she was cast in.

She was Rosie O'Donnell before Rosie O'Donnell. Fat people can be funny, but it's not like you're a laugh-riot just because you're a couple of hundred pounds over ideal weight.

"Before we prescribe how a pristine Iraqi resistance must conduct their secular, feminist, democratic, nonviolent battle, we should shore up our end of the resistance by forcing the U.S. and its allied governments to withdraw from Iraq."

-ARUNDHATI ROY

A quote from Arundhati Roy, who'll soon be the subject of her own "Magical Retard" biopic.

"Before we prescribe how a pristine Iraqi resistance must conduct their secular, feminist, democratic, nonviolent battle..."

Right. I notice a lot of jihadis burning their bras.

Well, they burn some bras. Like when they blow up a bus filled with schoolgirls, I'm sure some bras get burned up along with the 12-year-old human bodies. So that's something.

UNCONDITIONALLY-that's the way I support the Iraqi Resistance these days.

Unconditionally. Right. I--

I can't go on. It's just too stupid.

Jewish Grandmother Voice ON: For this I saved and scrimped to send you to college? Oh, you're a big-shot now, with your support of foreign terrorists and all... no don't bother calling, I'm sure you've got very important terrorist-fundraising to do... JGV OFF.

Thanks to Some Poor Schmuck.

Correction: Wendie Jo, not Amy Jo.

I think she played "Amy" on Bosom Buddies.

Thanks to Dave. At least he didn't tell me this was "old."

Posted by: Ace at 06:55 AM | Comments (7)
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A part of me has just been ripped, the pages of my mind have slipped.

Ugggccchhh. It's so awful I'm almost sure it's an actual Stormtrooper from Star Wars III. Lucas put him in because his stupid kids told him "the forces of evil have to be nicer, funnier, and more colorful, like Jar-Jar."

The good thing about this "Peace Trooper" is that you wouldn't even need the Jedi Mind trick. His brain is so clogged with bong-resin you'd just have say -- no force-tricks involved -- "These aren't the droids you're looking for," and he'd be like, "What? Huh? Oh yeah. Droids. I guess they're not. Thanks for doing me the solid of telling me that, dude. Hey-- got some weeeeeeeed?"

Thanks to It's a Pundit, who's having a caption contest.

Posted by: Ace at 06:33 AM | Comments (32)
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Cool stuff:

John Hawkins: I want to ask you another question and you're in a particularly good place to answer this because I know in the book you interviewed and talked to a lot of Democrats, a lot of liberals. One thing conservatives often grapple with is when liberals say things like: "Conservatives want a theocracy," or that "Iraq was a war for oil," or even that "Bush is another Hitler," -- how much of that is something they believe? I mean, do they really think that's the case or is that just the spin they're trying to get out there for the public?

Byron York: One of the things I did in this book was to take these people seriously. I didn't dismiss them as nuts or cyncis. I think that a number of them actually believe the things they're saying and so I take it pretty much at face value. I do have a chapter on this whole idea of a theocracy and the accusation on the Left that Bush is ushering in a theocracy in the country.

I discussed the ideas of a man named Mark Crispin Miller who's a writer and a professor at New York University and the ideas will just kind of blow you away if you listen to them or read them. He really believes that Bush is leading a covert effort to establish a theocracy in the United States based on the first five books of the Old Testament which will include things like death by stoning for adultery and things like that. It seems just kooky; I mean it really seems kooky. On the other hand, I do take him seriously and I believe that part of them actually believe this -- as wild and, you know, unattached from reality as this seems.

You ought to believe it, Byron; that's what I'm waiting for myself. Essentially I'm pining for the day Bush finally grows a pair of balls and imposes a Children of the Corn like existence on the entire country, with Men in Black playing the enforcer role previously filled by Malachai.

Plus, we'll all get to change our names to those cool-ass Biblical handles. I've got my eyes on Ezekiah, but Lot is coming on strong lately, too.

Posted by: Ace at 06:20 AM | Comments (9)
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