Some of you may object to my continued dwelling on this story, suspecting that this is all just a pretext to use the word "vagina" in mixed company.

Thank you for noticing!

But Victory Soap (Andrea Harris, I presume) has further thoughts on the matter:

The widely-touted "fear of the vagina" died when the Pill was invented; that fear was born of the idea that women could chain men to them by their fruitful wombs; once the womb could be made unfruitful, there went the idea that the vagina was dangerous. Anyway, thanks to the Pill women's one physical weapon, as it were, was "disarmed." No one now is seriously afraid of a vagina.

Well, I wouldn't go that far. Afraid? Maybe not. But it still produces a great amount of anxiety in men. I mean-- what the hell is it? What's going on with that whole confusing set-up?

It's at least several orders of magnitude more anxiety-inducing than trying to add a second CD drive to your computer. At least for that you can call up Jaglesh in Bombay for tech-assistance.

Hell, I might even call up Jaglesh to find out what the hell is going on with a woman's dirty parts. But, being a guy, he won't have any f'n' clue either. He'll just keep saying "Have you tried rebooting?" and "Are you sure you have the most current drivers?"

Which is, you know, what Jaglesh says for everything, anyway.

Which is why Eve Ensler is so stupid. .... What women want is the same thing they've always wanted: to be taken seriously, to be thought something more than her body parts. Thanks to Eve Ensler and her many fans, women are being made to look more and more frivolous and stupid every day, and as we can see, men are still feared as the wielders of the Fearsome Penis, Hammer of Thor, that makes fainting maidens of both sexes, at least in the halls of academe, scream and run.

Would that it were so.

Modern-day feminists keep asking themselves why more and more women are turning away from NOW and other trad-fem groups in favor of horrid old male-dominated institutions like marriage, motherhood and and the Catholic Church... and again and again the feminists complacently blame it on those icky boys and their all-powerful phalluses. Feminism is being marginalized out of existence by the feminists; it's not a tragedy, though -- it's a farce. But the joke's on us.

This is just further evidence that in any aggregation of like-minded individuals, it will not be long before the most extreme and attention-craving will control everything and drive the more sensible and centered persons into apostacy.

In little political groups, you don't get attention or stature or "bad boy"/"riot grrl" points by proposing sensible propaganda that has a good chance of persuading some readers or listeners. Nope. You get attention and stature by proposing that you begin wacking US Senators (Vietnam Veterans Against the War) or that you stage a "Vag-In" in the campus administration building, where everyone strips to underwear emblazoned with the slogans "Keep Your Agenda Off My Pudenda!" and "You Can't Spell 'Uterus" without 'U' and 'US.'"

Posted by: Ace at 08:34 AM | Comments (19)
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The judge has agreed to at least evaluate the statistical evidence that all those "votes" suddenly discovered in King County were, in technical statistical jargon, "hinky as all get out."

And Pull on Superman's Cape has been doing his own statistical analysis on this for a while.

He's forwarded his conclusions to the Washington State GOP. If those analyses are used in anyway in preparing their preparation, well, that would be (I think) another blog-first.

Posted by: Ace at 08:15 AM | Comments (3)
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For all of you obsessed with the Jennifer Wilbanks Runaway Bride story-- and I know I'm not -- you can now buy her gift registry and a piece of toast alleged to contain her face amidst the scorched bread.

In a year or two, that sort of memorabilia could be worth... nothing. Same as it's worth now, actually.

So it's a good investment. No downside, you see.

Thanks to LauraW.

"Crazy eBay Mom:" very sad. This woman's house is crammed, floor to ceiling, with crap that she's buying off eBay.

I liked this part:

Those buttplug looking things on the monitor are old glass insulators they used to use on telegraph and telephone lines. I'm assured they also are quite valuable.

It's the electronic-marketplace equivalent of having nineteen cats, three of which are named "Clay" after your American Idol fave Clay Aiken.

Thanks to Yukari.

Posted by: Ace at 07:59 AM | Comments (11)
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Oh, if you want to talk about adult sexual spanking, knock yourself out. You can get a 13-week commitment for a sitcom based in a Sub-Dom club with the right creative team behind you. I'm thinking a Brillstein-Grey production, starring Andy Dick and Kathy Griffith as a pair of inept "dungeon masters" who squabble every week about how to make rent and over the proper color for ball-gags.

But when the bete noir of liberals ("bete noir" is a French term meaning "Evil-Twin Goateed Bette Midler"), Dr. James Dobson, wishes to run ads endorsing spanking as a means of disciplining children, the usual suspects have a hissy fit.

I don't have any kids, and I remember my own terror at getting "the belt" (at least until I was no longer afraid of it, sometime around turning 27), so I don't know if can really offer a firm opinion on corporal punishment. Spare the rod, spoil the child they say, but I would use that rod sparingly if at all.

Nevertheless, it does seem to me that if we are living in a democracy, with that "marketplace of ideas" thing liberals like to talk about whenever they have some (usually atrocious) ideas they'd like to peddle, perhaps we shouldn't get the vapors over the fact that some people still believe that a moderate amount of corporal punishment is ultimately in the best interest of a child.

If Dobson wants to run his ads, let him. Who cares?

As a side note, I've lately become a firm believer in the theory that one's politics are decided chiefly not by what you believe per se, but by whichever side's bullshit annoys you the least. Both sides have bullshit, of course. I'm frequently annoyed by some of the bullshit of the right.

But until the left can exert some greater quality-control over its bullshit, and present that bullshit in a less Henny-Penny-the-sky-is-falling manner, I'm going to be stuck being a conservative, whether I like it or not.

Posted by: Ace at 07:47 AM | Comments (31)
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Slublog notes that the media has a new obsession: the difficulty the armed forces are having in meeting recruitment goals.

You will not be surprised to learn that they weren't quite such bears on the topic when it reared its head -- repeatedly -- when Clinton was in office.

Posted by: Ace at 07:37 AM | Comments (4)
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A transcript of last Sunday's show, in which the gang argues about the surprise ejection of Constantine "Smolderin' Hot" Maroulis.

John McLaughlin: Question: Are you surprised that Maroulis - without question a heartthrob unmatched since since the days David Cassidy graced lunchboxes from coast to coast - was voted off of the show? Pat Buchanan.

Pat Buchanan: ...you completely ignored Carrie and Anthony...

John McLaughlin: Come now. Are you, Pat Buchanan, disputing my earlier prediction that 2005 will be the year of the rock and roller on American Idol?

Pat Buchanan: That's exactly what I'm telling you, John. Look, you've got two young kids on that show there whose very stories exemplify the American dream. This Anthony comes from a family of immgrants-- legal immigrants, mind you...

Eleanor Clift: Oh, PLEASE!

John McLaughlin: Let him finish, Eleanor.

Pat Buchanan: At one time they didn't think the kid would ever be able to sing at all, then he ends up in the top ten. Then you've got this girl, Carrie-- she lives on a farm, she's from a very wholesome, conservative family...

Eleanor Clift: Excuse me! Excuse me! Are you telling me that you can tell these people are conservative just because they live on a farm?

Pat Buchanan [Chuckling]: Well what do you think? You think they get up every day, go out and milk the cows and talk about how 13-year old girls ought to be allowed to have abortions without their parents being involved?

Eleanor Clift: I think what they probably talk about when they're sitting around their kitchen table...

Tony Blankley: Here we go with the kitchen table.

Eleanor Clift: Excuse me, I'm speaking! As I was saying, I think what they probably talk about when they're sitting around their kitchen table is whether or not Bush is going to bankrupt social security...

Good stuff.

Yeaahhhhp... I really ought to try to get back into that "comedy writing" thing that was working for me for a while.

WRONG! Update: Football Fans and Beyond has a transcript of Paula Abdul's call to dreamboat "idol" Scott Sabol, trying to pick him up.

It's all good. It's all good.

Posted by: Ace at 07:36 AM | Comments (1)
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Ohmygoodnessgracious, she mentioned Chippendales!

"Laura Bush cracks risque jokes at the White House Correspondents' dinner," sniffed Agence France-Presse.


CNN reporter Elaine Quijano, who attended the dinner, also apparently had her sensibilities scarred by some of the first lady's quips.


"In some respects, I think for some folks it was a little shocking because she kind of crossed the line a little bit in some people's minds," she said.


"It was very risque," the Nation's David Korn said yesterday on Fox News. "I was wondering what the social conservatives and James Dobson had to say about all these jokes that were laced with sexual innuendo. Not a very family-values-type speech. I'm not sure I want to explain a lot of those jokes to my 4-year-old."

Awww, poor David and his virgin ears. He doesn't want to explain Chippendales to his 4-year-old? Really? Is this a major concern? Do 4-year-olds typically watch C-SPAN broadcasts of Correspendents' Dinners in wide-eyed wonderment?

Remember, these are the same assholes who asked "What's all the fuss about?" when Janet Jackson popped out her mommysac during the Superbowl, a show children really are watching.

Check out the very-yellow-journalism slant of that story, by the way. "Sniffed," "sensitivities scarred," etc. The Washington Times, of course.

That may be bias, but it's my kind of bias.

Hee, hee. David Korn worrying about explaining to his daughter what "Desperate Housewives" is all about.

I have a feeling there's a couple of more sensitive topics, perhaps a bit closer to home, he's going to have to explain to that daughter one day. "See, Angel, in college, we called it 'experimentation'... and after college, we just started calling it 'Thursday night.'"

Fucking partisan-hack jackass.

Posted by: Ace at 02:17 PM | Comments (82)
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Norm Coleman (best damn freshman Senator, evah!) is asking hypothetical questions as if they're not quite completely hypothetical.

Paul Volcker is doing his best to prevent the FBI agent (one of the pair who resigned over the matter) from testifying before Congress, claiming some sort of "diplomatic immunity."

Diplomatic immunity? Where's Danny Glover when you need him?

Uhhhhh... last I heard, diplomatic immunity is possessed by the person, no the country. If a diplomat wants to waive immunity and accept an arrest, I think he may do so.

And... how the heck does diplomatic immunity apply to a US citizen after the termination of his association with the UN? For how long does Volcker imagine this "immunity" persists for?

Anybody With a Wife This Hot Must Know What He's Talking About Update: Not too shabby.

Posted by: Ace at 12:53 PM | Comments (29)
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Okay, this link just leads to what is allegedly a pic of Jenna Bush exposing a bit of thong...

...but if you follow SondraK's not-safe-for-work link (and I know you all will), you will in fact find not-safe-for-work photos later in the series.

Is it Jenna Bush? Ummmm... no, it's not. I don't really know why people are claiming it is. This looks nothing at all like Jenna Bush.

Here's the giveaway: See, their faces are completely different. That's usually how I tell people apart.

War On Update: Yes, there's a war on, which is why I'm required to protect the President's daughter from salacious internet rumors. I can't have my President worrying about crap like this when he's getting his ass reamed out by John Bolton's potty-mouthed moustache.

Posted by: Ace at 12:24 PM | Comments (30)
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I wanted to avoid this story, but I guess I can't.

The word on the street is that the young man in question was one of the "Idols" bounced in a previous season, supposedly for some previous problems with the law. The excruciatingly annoying Corey Clarke, that is.

So... why was he really booted off the show?

Given Bo Bice's coke and pot busts, and Scott Sabol's domestic abuse allegations, seems to me that American Idol is fairly lenient about entanglement with the judicial system.

Could be that they allow you to stay in as long as you disclose all previous difficulties... but I don't know. Given the fact that, if this stuff is true, Paula was in the tank for one performer, and that's like Pete Rose betting on baseball (and, to be honest, equally important to me, too), they may have had to exclude this contestant or risk the, ahem, "credibility" of the contest.

ABC will run this important expose on Wednesday. Can't wait. Can't. F'n'. Wait.

It's really all so shocking. Paula Abdul always seemed well-centered and very together to me. I mean, apart from the fact that she was always showing up with mystery-casts and often seemed to be doped up on animal tranquilizers.

I Know, I Know: There's a war on.

I guess I'm supposed to be talking about John Bolton.

Here's my opinion on John Bolton: I have trouble separating the man from the moustache. The man himself is a diligent and intelligent public servant.

But that moustache is foul-tempered and sometimes lashes out at underlings and even stabs them in the cheeks with cocktail-forks.

I say: confirm him as ambassador, but require that his moustache be placed into a blind trust to be managed by disinterested lawyers until after his term as ambassador ends.

We Really Dodged a Bullet Here Update: For a moment, I was scared to death that the young man alleging he'd boinked Paula "Stability Defined" Abdul was... Clay Aiken.

Whew!

'Cuzzin' you just know he's a real skirt-chaser.

Life-Altering Correction: The show's on Wednesday, not Thursday, as I said originally. Thanks for the correction.

Are those bastards putting Pat O'Brien's dirty sex tapes against Paul Abdul's (dirty sex?) tapes?

Thank heavens for TiVo.

And thank heavens for May sweeps.

Posted by: Ace at 12:02 PM | Comments (30)
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