A common-sensical flow-chart for problem-solving.

I've been using this approach for years, and it works like the Dickens.

Thanks to John from Wuzzadem, who's also looking into doing a webcast "radio" show, and whose best guess as to his first show's transcript looks frighteningly like the nightmares that awake me at 3:15 every night.

Posted by: Ace at 11:19 AM | Comments (6)
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Not really, of course, but you begin to get the feeling that, um, "They" won't be happy until all boys have been thoroughly Mobyfied.

Don't you know that it's different for boys?:

Pre-teen boys who went to the "Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day" at the University of California-San Francisco's Center for Gender Equity...

Wait a minute-- San Francisco has a Center for Gender Equity? Why wasn't I informed immediately?

That's like finding out that many buildings in New York rest upon a foundation consisting of nothing but chittering rabid rats. It's just, you know, mind-blowing.

... last week got to undergo gender sensitivity indoctrination while their female counterparts took part in all manner of hands-on activities, according to the San Francisco Chronicle.

The 9- and 10-year-old daughters got to, for example, work with microscopes, slice up brains, play surgeon or dentist and visit the intensive care unit nursery. The boys, on the other hand, learned about "violence prevention and how to be allies to the girls and women in their lives" using media, role playing and group games.

For the love of everything holy.

It's this sort of ceaseless lecturing and hectoring that is going to make these guys snap and start slapping women around.

Just reading this story made me take out my Anger Management Puppet "Delores" and begin pummelling her with a ballpeen hammer.

The center's director, Amy Levine, said the program wasn't intended to give boys and girls the same learning opportunities. "It's about dealing with effects of sexism on both boys and girls and how it can damage them," she said. It's about mirroring "the same sexism that occurs in the classroom daily."

I will admit that putting up with a constant stream of idiotic nonsense from women is actually a skill that will serve these boys well later in life.

But seriously-- can't they wait to start having sex before being forced to learn these coping skills? Because, you know, without the tension-release associated with sex, it really is horribly difficult to take all that senseless yap-yap without grinding one's teeth down into little bloody nubbins.

Posted by: Ace at 10:51 AM | Comments (94)
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Well, not on him, per se. Betsy's not into it.

But Dr. Phil's interview with my new hero, Pat "Let's do it" O'Brien, will air on Wednesday on CBS, when the 60 Minutes II show usually airs (no idea when that might be; never even knew the show existed until they put up the Rather forgeries).

Liveblogging? Nope... but I will TiVo it. I can't miss my America's Next Top Model. Brandy thinks she's all that, but she ain'.

But it is obviously can't-miss TV for those pursuing the Ace of Spades LifeStyle (TM):

[Dr. Phil] added that censored portions of Mr. O'Brien's graphic voice-mail messages would be played during the piece.

I'll give Dr. Phil this: he knows what we want to hear and he's not afraid to give it to us.

Will O'Brien tear up as he listens to messages about "getting any of these hookers" and "let's do it, let's have sex" and "you have to pretend to be into Betsy"?

Of course he will. That's what Dr. Phil and O'Brien are both doing this for: for the "healing" and "closure" that comes with squirting a few (tears, perverts).

How the hell did television reinvent itself to suddenly become so g-darn good?

Thanks to See-Dubya.

Posted by: Ace at 10:15 AM | Comments (15)
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It's meant to be humorous, but as far as I can tell, everything about the timeline is spot-on correct.

Except that part about the Internet's true purpose being to facilitate Baseball Fantasy Leagues.

Baseball Fantasy Leagues are just D&D for craven dorks who don't have the courage to stat-up their own characters. You may think you're "cool" for being in a baseball fantasy league, because it's sports related.

No, it's very uncool. Boil it down, and you're still just talking about the Armor Class of Randy Johnson's fastball, or Barry Bond's saving throw against taking a strike on the inside corner.

Admit what you are. Stop jackassing around with infantile hero-worship and childish stats-mongering and level-up to a MAN's game -- Dungeons and Dragons. Or, if you're mainly in all this for the stats, GURPS or RoleMaster.

Thanks to Dave from Garfield Ridge. Give him a click; the post also contains a link to "Zombo.com," which is strange and funny.

Posted by: Ace at 08:42 AM | Comments (21)
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I just checked my Yahoo account and discovered that RockNClothing expects delays in the last batch of t-shirt deliveries. Apparently the order wasn't big, and they say it wasn't a "priority" at the printer.

I'm eager to get my hands on my own shirts, so I will try to find out when to expect them. Right now I only know they're "delayed."

Sorry.

Posted by: Ace at 07:49 AM | Comments (1)
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It's probably better you didn't -- you don't need the headache and frustration, and I don't need the competition -- but if you pine to opine, you should take Mudville Gazette's advice.

He recommends, as I always do, that new bloggers begin on Blogspot. It's the gateway drug of blogging, the joint that inexorably leads to heroin spiked with powdered shark penis.

Posted by: Ace at 07:42 AM | Comments (15)
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This is just unbelievable.

As you may know, dopey female college students (and their semimale hangers-on) have been calling "Valentine's Day" "V-Day" for a number of years, which, in case you don't know, now stands for "Vagina Day." And they talk endlessly about their vaginas, and offer, um, anatomically-correct lollipops (okay, that doesn't make sense, but you know what I'm talking about), and of course stage Eve Ensler's decidedly anti-penis, pro-pooter play The Vagina Monologues.

Campus administrators have had no problem with this sort of filth. I say "filth" nonjudgmentally; I think it's all pretty obnoxious and stupid, but I'm really not the first guy to begin complaining when a bunch of co-eds want to start talking about their funderdomes to me. As George Carlin observed, one sentence that's never been uttered in the English language is "If you don't stop s**king my c**k, I shall call the police."

Well, now some guys have gotten into the act too, and they're spoofing the whole pudendocentric worldview of Even Ensler and her dopey acolytes. They're staging "P-Day" events, and affirming the worth of their own genitals with spoof-slogans like "My Penis is Majestic" and, for those whose dorks are more academically-minded, "My Penis is Studious."

Great pick-up line, by the way. Almost as good as mentioning you call your thighPod "Mr. Polite, The Perfect Little Gentleman." (Doll-sized bow-tie, top-hat, and monocle optional.)

And now-- now! -- college administrators at Roger Williams College have decided that they will not put up with this sort of gob-smacking vileness.

A must-read. It's got everything -- sex, double-standards, the anti-male agenda, the ludicrous PC posturing of college students and administrators... plus a walking phallus named "Testiclese," photographed reading Michael Barone's Hard America, Soft America.

Thanks to NickS.

Posted by: Ace at 07:36 AM | Comments (131)
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Kudlow wonders what the media has against the economy. Did the economy play keep-away with the media's propeller-beanies or something?

Thanks to Insty.

PS, decent economic news aside, there's a war on.

Posted by: Ace at 07:25 AM | Comments (2)
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Over $20 million. Not bad for a spring release featuring a bunch of (talented) no-names.

I saw the film yesterday. I'm still writing my review, but I'd say it's a three star movie (that's slightly charitable; maybe two and three-quarters stars is more accurate). It departs from the book in frustratingly unnecessary ways, but most of it is good, and it's consistently amusing.

Posted by: Ace at 07:23 AM | Comments (7)
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Update: "Rosie," a blog read by tens of people a day (according to Letterman producer Rob Burnett), now has its comments enabled.

They LOVED the movie. They're thanking her for bringing back "real television."

I. Don't. Get it.

The woman is talentless. She's not funny. She's... nothing. How the hell has she attracted such a large number of... fans?

Thanks to SondraK.

...

Okay, I'm probably going to burn in hell for this, but I guess I have to do this at this point.

I will, to the extent possible, keep the focus on Rosie O'Donnell's inability to act, her embarassing performance, etc., and keep way from actually making fun of the mentally handicapped. Although, I'm afraid, there's going to be some overlap; her performance is, after all, a (clumsy, talentless, Emmy-bating) attempt to portray the mentally challenged.

9:00 PM EDT I start in earnest.

I don't know how long I'll be able to watch. But I will blow off both Deadwood and the return of The Family Guy for this horrorshow. I'll take the punishment for as long as I can.

But I am only human.

Guess it would be a good time to begin making predictions/wagers... like how many different "wacky t-shirts" will be displayed in the film, the first instance of her saying "No! No! No! No!" like Rainman, etc.
more...

Posted by: Ace at 04:35 PM | Comments (211)
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