Is this legal? No idea. But it slices like a hammer.

Mollifying Mr. Paul Anka: You can order "Rock Swings" from Amazon, if you like this cut. And who wouldn't?

Thanks to Ari Goes Down.

Posted by: Ace at 10:28 AM | Comments (18)
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But of course they did, darling. This is ABCNews we're talking about, after all.

In the "Nightline" version of a 1996 recording, Saddam predicts that Washington, D.C. would be hit by terrorists. But he adds that Iraq would have nothing to do with the attack.

Tierney says, however, that what Saddam actually said was much more sinister. "He was discussing his intent to use chemical weapons against the United States and use proxies so it could not be traced back to Iraq," he told Hannity.

In a passage not used by "Nightline," Tierney says Saddam declares: "Terrorism is coming . . . . In the future there will be terrorism with weapons of mass destruction. What if we consider this technique, with smuggling?"

ABCNews did not include that quote?

Is this a joke?

If they didn't include that quote... well, I don't know what to say. That is bias and politically-driven bowlderization of the worst sort. Heads should roll.

Posted by: Ace at 10:04 AM | Comments (46)
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No one else is covering it, that's for sure. It's all worth reading, but this is especially juicy:

There definitely is a campaign to intimidate witnesses. Only three testified in open session, for fear of retaliation. They have good reason to be afraid. After Tony Shaffer "outed" himself as one of Weldon's sources, the DIA tried to fire him. The grounds? When Shaffer was being interviewed prior to becoming an intelligence officer years ago, he admitted that at age 13, he'd stolen a box of pens from the embassy where his father worked. That, $67 in disputed telephone charges and $180 in disputed travel charges were the reasons why DIA said he should be canned.

There is something very strange going on in our intelligence services.

Posted by: Ace at 09:58 AM | Comments (2)
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Another study we couldn't have done without.

Women say they've had 8.6 lifetime sex partners; men, 31+. Obviously, someone's lying. This study immediately asked men and women if they were lying about their numbers and, just two minutes after reporting their number, many confessed they were.

It's also due to a different method of counting employed by either sex.

Men's overreportage of sex partners comes from including partners that they

1) almost had

2) should have had

3) really, really wanted to have

4) could have had, but were either too drunk or not drunk enough to have, or

5) didn't actually have, but heard a buddy recount an especially vivid sex story such that "they almost felt like they were there"

On the other hand, women's underreportage comes from women "not remembering" partners they

1) didn't really have; after all, they only had oral and/or anal sex

2) didn't really have because it was over really quickly or the guy was so small they figure it didn't count

3) had, but in another country, so no one really knows about it, except for some dirty stinking foreigners, and who would believe them anyway?

4) had, but really "just weren't that into it" and/or were doing on a "mercy" basis,

5) had, but it was another chick, and that doesn't count, that's just nice innocent lesbian experimention, or

6) had five or six guys in a span of ten days during their sophomore year in college, but they've combined that half-dozen into a single composite character they call "Enrique Testarossa," a Barcelona medical student and base-jumper/rock-climber/bull-fighter

Science. What would we do without it.

Thanks to Allah Pundit.

Gratuitous Bonus Filthy Link! Jenna Jameson says she had sex with Jenny McCarthy; Jenny McCarthy says she didn't.

See Number 5, above.

Allah really wants this story to be true, but I gotta tell ya, I always thought Jenny McCarthy was kinda weird and fake-looking, and Jenna Jameson... well, she was a doll, but the knife has not been kind to her.

Personally, I'm about as interested in this story as a hypothetical Madeleine Albright/Margaret Cho tryst.

More Vile Filth: "Valentine heart" symbol derives not from a heart at all, but is rather "inspired by the shape of female buttocks as they appear from behind."

As they appear from behind? As opposed to what? As they appear from the front?

Posted by: Ace at 09:23 AM | Comments (74)
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Not behind a pay wall if someone posts it all on his blog.

Our mind-set is progressive and rational. Your mind-set is pre-Enlightenment and mythological. In your worldview, history doesn't move forward through gradual understanding. In your worldview, history is resolved during the apocalyptic conflict between the supernaturally pure jihadist and the supernaturally evil Jew.

You seize on any shred - even a months-old cartoon from an obscure Danish paper - to prove to yourself that the Jew and the crusader are on the offensive, that the apocalyptic confrontation is at hand. You invent primitive stories - like the one about Jews who kill children for their blood - to reinforce your image of Jewish evil. You deny the Holocaust because if the Jews were as powerful as you say, they would never have allowed it to happen.

...

You fundamentalists have turned yourselves into a superpower of dysfunction, demanding our attention week after week. But it is hard to intimidate people forever into silence, to bottle up the conversation, to lock the world into an epic war only you want. While I don't share your rage, I do understand your panic.

Read it all.

Posted by: Ace at 06:43 PM | Comments (99)
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Remember when Clinton admitted lying, and the network newscasts regaled us with "context" stories about how common lying is, how important it is for humans to lie, etc.?

And then all the stuff about philandering presidents through history, and Thomas Jefferson's ninety-seven illegitimate black kids?

Well, reader Nat can play that game too.

Merriwether Lewis (of Lewis & Clarke) Shot In Ass By Hunting Buddy

On Aug. 11, 1806, Lewis and his party were trying to catch up with Clark, whose party was a few days ahead down the Missouri. Lewis saw some elk in a thick willow bar along the river. He went ashore and took Cruzatte with him for some hunting.

After they each shot an elk, they reloaded and headed back into the willow bar for more. As Lewis was about to pull his trigger with another elk in his sights, he was spun around by a severe blow. A rifle bullet had hit him an inch below his hip joint on his left side and passed through his buttocks to come out on the right side. The shot left a three-inch gash the width of the ball. No bone had been hit. The ball lodged in Lewis' leather breeches.

Lewis immediately suspected his one-eyed, nearsighted helmsman. "Damn you!" Lewis shouted. "You have shot me!" Cruzatte didn't respond, so Lewis guessed that perhaps an Indian was near. Lewis made it back to the canoes before collapsing and told the men they would have to go back to save Cruzatte from the Indians. The party returned with Cruzatte, who denied everything.

No Indians were found. The bullet was from a U.S. Army rifle, one Indians weren't likely to have. Cruzatte later admitted he was at fault, thinking Lewis dressed in brown leather, was an elk in the thick brush.

He mistook Lewis for an elk.

Lewis survived the shooting, but spent the rest of his life asking people "Do these buckskin breeches make my ass look fat?" Friends say he was never the same man again.

Posted by: Ace at 04:34 PM | Comments (24)
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Plus bonus Clinton dig!

The DIE HARD star says, "Look at what happened to James Frey in the last two weeks. That's a great book and so is the follow-up book.

"And just because his publisher chose to say that these were memoirs, it took it out of being a great work of fiction... to this guy having to go be sucker punched on Oprah by one of the most powerful women in television, just to grind her own axe about it.

"Hey, Oprah. You had PRESIDENT CLINTON on your show and if this prick didn't lie about a couple of things, I'm going to set myself on fire right now.

"James Frey is a writer, OK? He can write about whatever he wants. It's fiction. It's just shameful how he was treated in some of these things."

I have no idea if this is a great book -- I don't read chick-lit -- but whether he lied or not, Oprah's holier-than-thou grandstanding made me end up siding with him.

Posted by: Ace at 03:29 PM | Comments (60)
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Need I even say it? Do not joke about Dick Cheney. You are trifling with forces you cannot possibly comprehend:

A Colorado man who laughed Monday when he first read Vice President Dick Cheney had shot a hunting companion was himself injured just hours later when he was accidentally blasted by his girlfriend in his own hunting mishap.

"I read that thing about the vice president and said to myself 'How can you shoot your friend with your gun?' And look what happened," said Josh Kayser of Lafayette, Colo.

According to the Longmont Daily Times-Call, the 21-year-old man was on the trail of raccoons that had been preying on chickens on his family's property.

As Kayser crouched down to look under a shed, his 17-year-old girlfriend, whose name was not released by authorities, crouched down behind him and accidentally shot him with a .22-caliber rifle.

The bullet reportedly entered behind his right ear, exited through his chin and ended up lodging in his left forearm.

I have it good authority that his "17-year-old girlfriend" is a balding, 270 pound former Ford Administration chief-of-staff calling herself "Chick Deney."

Thanks to Frank.

Meanwhile... Over at PoliPundit, a liberal screeches:

So let me get this straight, itÂ’s funny that one old man mixed his booze and meds and then shot another old man in the face while he was trying to gun down a flightless bird.

Well, not ha-ha funny, but "odd" funny. Wait, I take that back. It's a little bit of both.

"Flightless bird"? Of course, of course. Quail are often referred to as "marsh emus." Or sometimes "fenguins."

Now, having lectured us all on the seriousness of shooting a man, he continues:

... This whole thing is definitely a great example of two birds with one stone. Too bad he fired before he completely spun around he could have knocked off a few more in that sick elitist cabal.

I... see. It's wrong to joke about it, but it's jim-dandy to seriously wish for actual human deaths.

Posted by: Ace at 11:18 AM | Comments (48)
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Pretty damn funny.

Posted by: Ace at 09:56 AM | Comments (44)
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Awww. Widdle babies miss their monopoly?

Jack Cafferty, who was a joke on local NY news and hasn't stepped up his game for the national CNN, provides the most petulant quotes, calling Fox only by his cutesy nickname, "the f-word network."

For crying out loud, you'd think Dick Cheney shot his dog or something.

Which, by the way, he did. He said he mistook the dog for an especially-gifted endangered Peruvian chameleon lizard.

Posted by: Ace at 09:49 AM | Comments (20)
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