I'll admit that I can't compete with you dorks when it comes to things like D&D, quoting Stargate, and not talking to girls, but the one area in which I always excelled was puerile, childish humor. I sought it out whenever and wherever I could, and as a result many of my fondest childhood memories involve coming home from school to find a brand new issue of Cracked waiting for me in the mailbox. That's right; I subscribed.

For those of you who don't know: Cracked was the lamer, less respectable (if that's possible) version of Mad magazine, whose mascot was a blatant ripoff of Alfred E. Neuman and whose main attraction was it's large-breasted "reporter" Nanny Dickering. It wasn't funny, it cost too much, and teachers at school would get mad if they caught you reading it, which of course was part of the fun.

At any rate, I eventually grew out of it, sort of, and the magazine went under. Until now, that is.

They're back in business, and they've become so adult-themed and filthy that this piece was shot down by the publisher for being too raw for the print version of the magazine (Warning: link NSFW). If you've ever imagined what would happen if Pooh, Piglet, and Eyeore found their way into Deadwood, then these are the guys you need to talk to.

The new and improved Cracked also features the writing of one Jay Pinkerton, a man whose dedication to photoshopping hilarious dialogue into old comic books (Again: NSFW) is so complete that it's downright heroic.

Posted by: AndrewR at 12:21 PM | Comments (31)
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Friends,

If you knew me (and you don't) you would quickly learn a couple of things about me.

For starters, I am a huge fan of the music of Bob Dylan.

Secondly, I am a huge fan of Scarlett Johansson's enormously talented knockers.

So you can imagine my joy when yesterday brought not only the release of Dylan's latest album "Modern Times" but also brought the debut video from the album (for the song "When the Deal Goes Down") featuring Scarlett Johansson.

Who, as I mentioned earlier, is very talented.

"Modern Times" is an interesting album, in that it seems to be the flip-side of his previous work "Love and Theft". Where "Love and Theft" was high energy, "Modern Times" is much more contemplative and subdued. "When the Deal Goes Down" is representative of this, I think.

But you don't care about that. You just want to see 5 minutes of Scarlett Johansson looking sexy.

And who am I to cast aspersions on you for that?

So here is the link. Use at your discretion.

Classic Music and Tremendous Beauty as components of the AoS Lifestyle. Whoever would have guessed?

Posted by: Ace at 11:57 AM | Comments (143)
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Being a guest blogger comes with all sorts of perks and privileges. No, really, it does.

For instance, one gets to learn many of our illustrious host's secrets. The secrets even he is too embarrassed to admit to publicly on his moron-blog.

Like this one: I know where Ace is going today.

Let's just say a certain someone has a certain script that involves a certain story that merges his love of Star Trek with his passion for The Simpsons.

Think it can't be done? Well, open your minds my friends. For not only has Ace writtent just this script, but he has also composed and performed the proposed theme song!

Courtesy of YouTube I bring you "Star Trek vs. The Simpsons". A mash-up that boldly goes where no mash-up has gone before.

Posted by: Ace at 10:15 AM | Comments (14)
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The news, at least as the MSM is comfortable reporting it.

The driver in a bloody hit-and-run spree that killed one man and injured more than a dozen people was mentally unstable and feeling stress from a recent arranged marriage, according to relatives.

Omeed A. Popal, 29, was taken into custody Tuesday following a rampage that terrorized pedestrians, bicyclists and motorists. Authorities believe it began more than an hour earlier when his black Honda Pilot fatally struck a man in the East Bay area.

"He drove on sidewalks, streets, hit people on crosswalks. It runs the gamut," said police spokesman Sgt. Neville Gittens.

Popal was arrested on suspicion of 14 counts of attempted murder and a charge of willful flight after causing serious injury or death, Gittens said.

A woman who identified herself as Popal's cousin said he had been having recurring nightmares about someone coming to kill him and had been taking medication.

"He thought the devil was coming to him," said Zargona Ramish, who went to the family's home Tuesday afternoon while Popal's relatives were speaking with police. "He is a very good person. He is not like that. What's wrong with him?"

Another cousin, Hamid Nekrawesh, said a recent arranged marriage in Afghanistan, where his family is from, may have contributed to Popal's problems.

"The kid grew up here. He wasn't used to the lifestyle in Afghanistan. I'm sure that put a lot of pressure on him," Nekrawesh said.

Obviously terrorism is a suspected motive -- being nuts does not preclude one from being a terrorist; indeed, it's a nice bullet-point to have on one's resume -- by virtually everyone except those in the MSM. A suspicion is hardly proof, but, as per usual, the MSM refuses to even acknowlege the possibility of an elephant in the room.

Elephant? Nah. Just one of those "juveniles."

They guy may just be crazy. The fact that he sped around the vacinity of a Jewish Community Center may be a coincidence. Still, the absurd speed with which the government and media begin chanting "Move along, move along, nothing to see here folks" is shocking. Did I say shocking? I meant "entirely expected."

I have a tip from a reader that I cannot confirm. (Update: CONFIRMED.) I wouldn't publish it, except... well, if Mayor Gavin Newsom is going to report that it's just a mere case of "road rage" before any investigation, why should I be more responsible than he is?

Again, this is an unconfirmed confirmed tip based on someone's memory of a breaking news story a viewable news report. For your edification, here's Kevin's tip:

his guys first victim was right outside my neighborhood, then he drove 30+ miles into San Francisco [paid the bridge toll, and waited in
traffic] then picked a central area in which to find lots of people out walking around, where he then ran down 13 other people with his car [an evil honda SUV].

On the local TV news last night, an eyewitness told the tv reporter that when the police took him out of the car, he claimed he was a terrorist.... it has
been the only mention of this, and the press is bending over backwards to make this guy out to be mentally ill, I think something fishy might be going
on...

Again, mentally ill does not equal "not a terrorist."

And here's the video... in which the eyewitness says "I am the terrorist" at the end of the clip.

Via JihadWatch. Thanks to readers for pointing it out.

PS: The government, media, and the left use the word "terrorist" in the most restrictive sense possible -- as an international terrorist, working in cooperation with a major terrorist organization.

By such a definition, a single loan nut can never be a "terrorist." And that's a fine definition.

But generally the law recognizes "terrorism" to be any criminal act undertaken with the intent to frighten, intimidate, or, well, "terrorize" a community. If a single loan nut lights a cross in front of a black church-- well, he can be charged with a a terror-related crime.

A single loan nut making death-threats over the phone can be charged with a terroristic threat.

I know the idiot liberals are going to attack the "scaredy-cat" conservatives for employing the second (and technically, legally accurate) definition of terrorist here, while they cling to their (recently-invented, inaccuarate) gloss on the term; such is idiocy.

But rather than getting bogged down in semantics, I just want to know: Did this guy, unbalanced or not, see his action as part of a jihad against the West? A way to lash out at the Great Satan?

I don't know if this guy was just acting out of rage or a particular sort of Islam inspired rage.

If I could trust the MSM to give me the facts about it, it's possible I could just rule the latter out and say, along with Gavin Newsom, "Just another lone nut."

But I can't trust the MSM, so I can't exclude that possibility.

Update: That possibility is now more than a "possibility."

Posted by: Ace at 09:21 AM | Comments (208)
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As you might guess from all the guest posters, I'm in the middle of something pretty time consuming. You probably know what. I'm avoiding saying what for reasons I'll mention at some later time.

I'll be on here and there, but basically today, and part of tomorrow, I'm going to be in Paris working on my novel. Or something.

The Funky Adventure of the Disappearing Blog: I freaked when my blog not only didn't post, but also showed that I had a sum total of zero posts to my credit.

I immediately suspected that I had accidentally sent out my login information to a troll, mistaking Harrison's email (who I meant to email) for some troll who just happened to have a similar email.

I apologize for the J'accuse freak-out I just went through with my guest bloggers.

Oh... Once again, as I'll be away from my gmail most of the time, it's probably better to send tips to morontips@gmail.com, which is an account I set up for the morons.

And Thanks... Despite the fact that the site was blanked, a lot of you guys kept on checking in. Not only is that a really nice gesture, but, as I'm having the best month in this blog's existance (for traffic, alas, not quality), I was really cheesed the outage would hurt my numbers.

For the first time ever, I hit over a million page views in a month, and, who knows, maybe 720,000 "unique" hits.

A million is a damn nice number.

Posted by: Ace at 09:08 AM | Comments (52)
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Ten years ago, I was living in Hartford, CT's South End area. I was one of only half a dozen people on my street who had a job.

Strong-bodied people for blocks around pretty much spent their days playing video games, hanging out with friends, dealing drugs, and being general ne'er-do-wells while taking advantage of the public dole.

For those of you who didn't live in an urban area during that time, I cannot stress enough how open, obvious, and everywhere welfare fraud used to be. It was in your face.
more...

Posted by: LauraW. at 09:04 AM | Comments (50)
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...or so, at least, this little noticed (until now) article from Aug. 12 would seem to imply:

One of the senators most criticized for his personal projects, Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, has a hold of his own on CoburnÂ’s bill to make public the spending patterns of the government. Called the Federal Funding Accountability and Transparency Act, the legislation calls for the creation of a database open to the public where citizens can track government spending.

“He’s the only senator blocking it,” Coburn said of Stevens.

TPMmuckraker notes Coburn isn't returning calls. Because, I guess, this is supposed to be a secret.

Although the toothpaste is now out of the, um, tube -- so why not brush with it?

This is pretty bad news. Not because he's a Republican. But because the whole idea behind this was exposing the secret hold senator in order to embarrass him into lifting it.

And Ted Stevens, dumb as a bag of retards, is incapable of embarrassment.

I expect a Jack Nicholson-like "You're goddamned right I ordered the secret code red hold!" and then a speech about the perogatives of a Senator ("There's this thing called the legislative process... some people want to dump trucks of material into it") and then he'll just stubbornly continue.

Via Hot Air, which also has video of the CNN report on the hunt for the porker, mentioning Porkbusters prominently.

Posted by: Ace at 08:54 AM | Comments (9)
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Okay...testing...testing...

Saw this story in my local-ish paper this morning - "Maine lags behind U.S average in seniors' SAT scores."

Members of Maine's high school class of 2006 did worse on the SAT than the previous year's class, and they dropped further behind their peers around the country on the national college entrance exam, according to results released Tuesday.

Much of this drop may have to do with the new test, which has added a writing component for the first time, but doesn't explain why students in Illinois, Seattle and others did better this year. Smarter students or statistical outliers? more...

Posted by: Slublog at 08:45 AM | Comments (39)
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Had a little drive failure thingy going on there.

Should be fixed now. And we'll be moving to new servers next week and leaving the old and poopy servers behind, so that will be good.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at 08:09 AM | Comments (17)
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Yes, this is only one step removed from an ultra-lame open thread - but the picture is just too good to pass up.

Technically, this isn't a 'contest' as there will be no winner and no prizes. In this game, being funny is its own reward.

Have at it!

Posted by: Slublog at 04:21 AM | Comments (79)
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