What was supposed to be an off the record routine is of course recorded by the press anyway on cell phone video and then disseminated.

Eh, he can kind of sing. Though I continue to be uncomfortable with how easily Bush jokes about his own fairly serious screw-ups.

Remember the joking about the missing weapons of mass destruction? I thought the left wing made way too much of it, but still... I mean, I don't know. I didn't find that a very funny topic for joking around. I have trouble fathoming how Bush did.

Thanks to Jay.

Posted by: Ace at 02:49 PM | Comments (45)
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I don't even think I really know who or what the fuck Nickleback is. I just know that younger people say they're awful, so I repeat that, in a desperate effort to appear hip and a youthful thirty-seven.

Though I think I have heard some very gay shit on the radio and when I inquired what this perverse ear-buggery might be, I was told "Nickleback."

They seem to be the easy-listening version of the blistering, hard-edged metalstorm of Creed.

Anyway. proof at last. The singer from Nickleback admits to youthful indiscretions involving his penis and his own mouth.

One could argue that if it's your own hog going into your piehole, it's actually not gay at all.

On the other hand, one could also argue that since both body parts involved are your own, it's actually twice as gay as a normal gay act.

I think I'm liking the math on that last one more. Because I'm just not buying that "not gay" option.

Thanks to Demure Thoughts/Temple of Jenninfer.

Just so we can all pretend we know who the hell this guy is, here's the second gayest thing to ever come out of his mouth:

more...

Posted by: Ace at 02:12 PM | Comments (77)
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Speculation is rampant about what a $5000 prostitute will get you. I doubt very much the sex is that good (but what do I know, right?). You'd want several things probably: looks, presentability, assurance of cleanliness (ahem), exclusivity and most of all silence. As I wrote in the comments earlier, you don't buy a prostitute with $5000. You buy her tongue.

As for Spitzer, it looks like he spent $4300 for the night in D.C. with Kristen, his "regular girl." Only $2600 was for her. The rest was suggested to him by the club's "operators":

He had sent over a large deposit of money by mail, but the package was taking its time to get through the US mail. Meanwhile, Spitzer was trying to arrange for “Kristen” to take the train down from NY and meet him at a hotel in DC.

As the time for the appointment neared, the cash still hadnÂ’t arrived. But the Emerald [I think they mean Emperor] ClubÂ’s operators noted that the governor had some credit in his account: $400. Now, that would buy you a real good time in our neighborhood, but Eliot was looking for the royal treatment, and it was going to cost him $2,600.

Hey, why donÂ’t you hit the ATM, Spitzer was told, and not only pull out enough to cover KristenÂ’s $2,600, but give her an additional $1,500 so that heÂ’d have some cash on the books and this wouldnÂ’t happen next time.

I wonder how easy it is for someone so susceptible to blackmail to say "no" when his pimp asks for a couple of grand "for your account"?

Even more wasteful speculation: If you had $4,500 that you had to spend on entertainment for a single night, what would you do with it? I'm pretty sure I'd just take a drive to Vegas. But I'm sure that you guys are much more creative than me.

So, what's it going to be?

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 01:56 PM | Comments (79)
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Valentine's Day!

"I miss you, baby."

-- "I miss you too."

"Is it cold in DC?"

-- "Eh, it's okay."

"I wish I could be with your for Valentine's Day."

-- "Oh, you wouldn't like it. It's a lot of boring stuff."

"But I meant at night, Elliot."

-- "Trust me, that's boring too."

"Are you getting me anything, honey?"

-- "Sure. Absolutely. Candy. Flowers. Some chocolate-covered herpes simplex."

"What?"

-- "Oh, that wasn't me."

"It sounded like you said herpes."

-- "No, it was just the floor squeaking. I stepped on a gazelle. Okay gotta go, baby. I have a meeting coming up with some big backers."

The Incoming Governor Will Give You Bigger Government: Bigger everything, really.

Does Anyone Understand Sign Language? Not sure of what he's asking for here.

Thanks to Dan Riehl, with more. Something about Spitzer forcing something or other "down the throats" of New Yorkers or something.

Faso was prescient.

Hey, Who Are You Calling Cocksucker? Read this, especially the letter at the end of the post.

I was just debating whether or not I should feel sorry for this guy.

That debate is over.

Guess That Party Correction: Originally this post asserted in the first item that the NYT had buried Spitzer's affiliation in the fifteenth paragraph. That's what a tipster told me; when I checked, I didn't see the reference to Democrat until the fifteenth paragraph either.

But now a bunch of buzzkills are claiming the NYT did in fact mention it in the third paragraph, from the beginning. As I never bothered to take a screenshot, I'll take their words for it. They're right I'm sure.

That original post, and then the mistaken "correction" that followed, below the fold.

Resigning... If you're watching TV, you know the speculation is that Spitzer is trying to work out an ipso facto plea bargain with prosecutors -- don't prosecute and I'll resign. They usually wouldn't prosecute, but his position as an executive of the public trust more or less demands it.

So the hold up here is about working out a promise to not prosecute and, I suppose, for his testimony.

DrewM reports seeing this:

The Assembly minority leader is on live and he said he just spoke to the Lt. Governor. He wouldn't go into details about a private conversation but did say, "it relates to the fact that the Governor may resign today".

This guy, Jim Tedisco, hates Spitzer and usually is a bomb thrower but right now he seems quiet, calm and shocked.

I think he's gotten word it's about to happen.

Only a matter of time I think.

more...

Posted by: Ace at 12:28 PM | Comments (115)
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Near the end of the last paragraph.

Ooooooh. Hot.

What do Democrats consider kinky?

Sure, vaginal sex. But what does a hooker consider unsafe, I guess is the right question.

And a Kos Kid says this is all because of Karl Rove and George Bush.

"My theory is that the Bush administration caught this through their wiretaps of Democratic politicians."

Of course they did, darling.

Thanks to JackM. and Jeff. D.

Correction: Greta Van Spinmeister is pointing out that Spitzer is not under indictment at the moment. The paper being read naming him is a criminal complaint -- but not yet an indictment.

Actually... He was caught on a federal wiretap arranging for a hooker, according to a British paper.

But that's a wiretap via a warrant, of course.

Posted by: Ace at 11:31 AM | Comments (85)
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Well hellllloooo, nurse!

Gov. Eliot Spitzer has informed his most senior administration officials that he had been involved in a prostitution ring, an administration
Governor Eliot Spitzer at a news conference in July 2007.

Mr. Spitzer, who was huddled with his top aides early this afternoon, had hours earlier abruptly canceled his scheduled public events for the day. He is set to make an announcement about 2:15 this afternoon at his Manhattan office.

Mr. Spitzer, a first-term Democrat who pledged to bring ethics reform and end the often seamy ways of Albany, is married with three children.

Just last week, federal prosecutors arrested four people in connection with an expensive prostitution operation. Administration officials would not say that this was the ring with which the governor had become involved.

...

As attorney general, he also had prosecuted at least two prostitution rings as head of the stateÂ’s organized crime task force.

In one such case in 2004, Mr. Spitzer spoke with revulsion and anger after announcing the arrest of 16 people for operating a high-end prostitution ring out of Staten Island.

“”This was a sophisticated and lucrative operation with a multitiered management structure,” Mr. Spitzer said at the time. ”It was, however, nothing more than a prostitution ring.”

I know what the liberals are asking: Why is this such a big deal, and Sen. David Vitter's previous experience with call girls isn't?

Shut up, that's why.

Thanks to DrewM.

Coming over FoxNews... the five grand an "hour" figure.

He cannot afford that.

He was given free access to the girls for favors.

Client Number Nine? Apparently he may be named, though unnamed, in the indictments.

Update: Not so much on the "he can't afford that." DrewM says he's a multimillionaire, and I believe him.

But then, if he payed full freight, I'll eat my hat.

Governor Original Pimp: Slublog:

A $5,500 Per Hour Prostitute? Everyone wants to know what one may look like.

Well, I happen to know. I was in loooooove with Rachel Ward as a kid and she ust happened to star in one of the best damn (wildly underrated) action/detective movies of the eighties, Sharky's Machine. Mild content warning.

Bonus! Hey, as long as I'm linking movies I watched eighty billion times on HBO as a kid, here's another one:

I would link Rocky III too but there aren't any whores in it.

Except Mickey.

Hillary Clinton, Perceptive Judge of the Character of Men: Again thanks to slublog; this is no photoshop.

And... another. A Hillary sandwich on Bill and Elliot bread:

thanks to jdub for that.

Posted by: Ace at 10:12 AM | Comments (197)
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Someone I know wants a dog, but only a smart dog. I'm pretty sure she'll wind up with a morondog, but perhaps this miracle of science will spare her that fate:

Finally, an answer to the question: How dumb is your best friend?

A California company has created a doggy IQ test that's sure to please New York canine lovers who are certain their pampered pup's the second coming of Lassie.

The Pooch IQ Kit comes with 15 "mentally stimulating" exercises designed to assess whether Fido's an academic, an imbecile or just plain average.

"We developed it in-house and we did a ton of research on both human and dog intelligence," said Stacy Stubblefield, a spokeswoman for PoochIQ.com.

Sample Dog IQ Test Questions

General Knowledge and Current Events. Mark the following either "True" or "False" based upon your belief and knowledge.

1. My own genitals taste like strawberry waffles.

2. That other dog's ass tastes like my genitals, which in turn tastes like strawberry waffles.

3. This nasty old rotting canvas sneaker I just pulled out of the mulchpile tastes like that dog's ass, which in turn tastes like my own genitals, which themselves taste like strawberry waffles.

4. Toilet water tastes much like maple syrup.

Mathematical Reasoning. Answer each of the following questions. Partial credit will be given for incomplete answers if your work is shown.

5. You have one (1) full dish of dog food. The other dog in the house also has (1) full dish of dog food. Assuming you can swallow every bit of food in his dish without chewing in 1.5 seconds or less, how many dishes of dog food do you really have? Note: Assume the other dog is a little piece of shit like a terrier, but not terribly "scrappy." You can take him.

6. A northbound train leaves Station X at 60 mph. A southbound train leaves Station Y -- directly 150 miles down the track from Station X -- at 50 mph. At what point will you go apeshit bugfuck crazy because someone said the word "leash"?

7. If your master apparently throws a tennis ball at a speed of 30 feet per second and it is apparently airborne for 2.5 seconds and stops completely as soon as it hits the ground, how far does he throw the ball? NOTE: The key word here is "apparently."

Honestly, you shouldn't even have your calculator out for this question. Put it down. No, put it down. I'm trying to help you here. Remember, apparently? I put it in italics and everything.

No, it's not an invisible ball and besides invisible balls wouldn't travel any further than visible ones. Apparently it's a perfectly normal ball. Hint.

No, assume gravity is still functioning. And wind resistance too, yes. I really think you're overthinking this. You'll have this well in hand if you just hold on a minute with the math, know what I mean?

Again with the calculator. What are you doing? Cosine has absolutely nothing to do with this problem. Stop hitting the logarithm function. You don't even know what that is.

No, no, no. You already said 75 feet the first time and it's still wrong. Jesus. Forget it. Let's move on.

Don't look at me all betrayed and wounded. I didn't trick you. You tricked yourself.

Verbal Reasoning. For the analogy below, choose the answer that best mimics the relationship of the given word pair.

8. OWNER is to BELOVED FRIEND as SQUIRREL is to:

a) playful foil

b) bosom chum

c) occasional companion

d) esteemed rival

e) Adolf Hitler

Essay. Please answer the following question either in the affirmative or negative, defending your answer with evidence from your own experiences and outside reading.

Is he a good boy?! Is he?! Is he the best boy?! Does he want to go in the car? The car?! The car?! Is that what my puppy wants?!

Extra credit if you can answer without crapping on the sofa or pissing on the cat.

Posted by: Ace at 09:25 AM | Comments (59)
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Let me get this straight. I take a couple of days off, and I come back and find that some group of chicks is arguing with another group of chicks about whether posting pictures of, and then ridiculing, Madonna and Sarah Jessica She-Hulk Parker's physiques is appropriate. And implicating this blog and it's host and commenters for its seeming lack of "sensitivity" and "respect" for women.

Respect, apparently, that is due to them solely because they possess a va-jay-jay.

Now, if you jokers have learned anything about me it's that I'm all about giving the ladies (and I use that term advisedly) their due. If you've learned anything else about me, it's that I like to give these "ladies" their due in the form of epic poetry.

So here, for your edification, is my take on this whole "blog drama" silliness that went on in my absence. I think you will find that it is the very model of empathy, sensitivity, and compassion that you have come to expect from me.

Read on at your own discretion. Unless you are a fat chick.

No fat chicks allowed.

more...

Posted by: Jack M. at 09:03 AM | Comments (59)
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Register with the state. The state knows best.

Kentucky Representative Tim Couch filed a bill this week to make anonymous posting online illegal.

The bill would require anyone who contributes to a website to register their real name, address and e-mail address with that site.

Their full name would be used anytime a comment is posted.

If the bill becomes law, the website operator would have to pay if someone was allowed to post anonymously on their site. The fine would be five-hundred dollars for a first offense and one-thousand dollars for each offense after that.

Representative Couch says he filed the bill in hopes of cutting down on online bullying.

...

Represntative Couch says enforcing this bill if it became law would be a challenge.

Yes, there is some marginal inhibitory element to posting under one's real name, but not a lot.

There are also some marginal benefits to posting anonymously -- like the fact I don't have to worry quite so much about stalkers tracking me down. Or that I don't have to fear illegal or at least unfair retaliation by the angry, intolerant liberal establishment in any other career I want to pursue.

I'm just curious if Couch wants to also make anonymously written books (Primary Colors, anyone?) illegal as well.

Thanks to Kid From Brooklyn.

Correction: DrewM. tells me this Tim Couch isn't that Tim Couch, and I believe him. Although I also believed KFB when he said he was.

There's an easy way to resolve this -- a quick Wikipedia search -- and as it's so easy let's just assume I did it and move on.

This may, or may not be, the QB Tim Couch. It's the sort of fact I guess I should nail down, and in fact could already resolved rather than writing all this nonsense, but you know what? I just don't care.

Posted by: Ace at 08:30 AM | Comments (86)
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How bad do you have to suck to get MSNBC to cancel your show?

I'm sure it's partly due to MSNBC's effort to cast itself as a purely partisan ultraleft outfit.

At least he went out on a high note.

Posted by: Ace at 08:23 AM | Comments (20)
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