I don't know how much can be mined from this joke, but last night, I was goofing on Obama's "We can absorb another 9/11" and started ridiculing it with the joke type, "I promise I will do everything in my power to avoid f***ing your sister; that said, tell her I like short skirts, the flouncy, summery kind."

Okay, that wasn't great, but I did crack two jokes I sort of love. For the second one, I am using "mug" in the 40's sense of "face."

"I promise you, Sir, I will treat your daughter with the utmost respect. She will not get pregnant, and she will not get addicted to drugs. That said, if you had to choose..."

But my favorite is:

"I promise, I will do everything in my power to avoid nutting in your mug. That said, full disclosure, my college nickname was 'Mug-Nutter.' "

Kinda wanted to share. I don't know if this a riffable joke, but we get good riffs around here, so I thought I'd toss it out there.

Posted by: Ace at 09:27 AM | Comments (234)
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Bumped. And also check out Neo-Neocon ginning up a MoneyBomb and Sissy Willis' interview with Bielat.

Here, Bielat says he's no Scott Brown, in the sense that he's more conservative.

Sean: It's great that Sen. Brown won the Fourth District. It means that people in the Fourth aren't afraid to support Republicans and that there is a significant number of people out there who are fed up with entrenched politicians who support policies that have a lasting negative effect on our families. But I'm not Scott Brown and we're running our own campaign. For example, I would not have supported the Dodd-Frank Financial Regulation Bill. It's not difficult to find people in and out of state who would like to see Barney Frank head for early retirement. He has been central to many of the problems that caused and exacerbated the economic collapse. We're getting that message far and wide and have been successful attracting volunteers and financial support. We're going to continue to reach out to people seven days a week through social media, mainstream media, events, door-to-door, mail and phone calls.

...

Bielat's running against Barney Frank. Lost cause? Well, he's just about as great a candidate as you could hope for, and Barney Frank's district actually voted for Brown over Coakley. (BTW: That link takes you to his homepage, where you'll see him on Hannity's Great American Panel sitting next to none other than Pat Caddell. It's a wonder there were any survivors.)

But here's the thing: You can't not elect this guy. Check out his bio:

Major, U.S Marine Corps Reserve

Independent Consultant. Helped client companies build market strategies

Program Manager, iRobot Corporation. Led $100 million, 100 person business line providing life-saving defense robots used to destroy roadside bombs in Iraq and Afghanistan

Chairman, NATO Industrial Armaments Group. Led an international team studying the potential for use of advanced reconnaissance technology in urban warfare

Management Consultant, Mckinsey & Company

Lieutenant, U.S. Marine Corps (active duty)

Sean Bielat For Congress

When he's not killing terrorists, he's building fuckin' robots.

Ads: Pretty good.
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Posted by: Ace at 09:21 AM | Comments (191)
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Brand Democrat™ from Slublog.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 05:25 AM | Comments (539)
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From Woodward's new book, quoted in the Washington Post.

A little context here. The Obama and the leftist media will attempt to spin this as merely descriptive, and as a tribute to America's resiliency. After all -- we did survive 9/11, didn't we? (Well, actually, 2996 of us did not survive 9/11, but apart from them, we survived.)

This is merely Obama talking up America's capacity to endure, they will say.

But it's not. This is a meme that has been circulating on the left for quite a while, usually secretly and among themselves only, but sometimes, ill-advisedly, being pushed out into public as a trial balloon.

The idea, of course, is that America overreacted to 9/11, and 50,000 people die every year in car crashes, and we don't freak out about that, do we? No, we accept these as acceptable losses in the bigger picture (that is, we want to drive places) and we take the exchange. We drive, some of us will die. Sound bargain.

That's the killer notion here -- the idea of bargain. Of what is being exchanged for these deaths. In the case of automobile collisions, well, sure, we have mobility and freedom. That's something.

But the left is pushing this idea that we can safely "absorb" many new 9/11's with an eye towards getting us to "accept" the greater bargain they fatuously offer -- peace, and a general wind-down of post-9/11 security "overreactions" like the FBI tracking Muslims suspected of terrorist ties. If only we didn't overreact to the occasional mass-murder, we could go about our business without war, without increased security measures, without "Islamophobia," without the rest of it.

The problem, you see, is primarily within us, those being targeted for murder. If only we understood that this was a good bargain in exchange for living in a multicultural country and global economy, then we could be good citizens of the world and not lash out so terribly and uselessly when some of the more aggressive proponents of multiculturalism blow up a few of our buildings.

They will spin this, but this is what Obama is getting at, what the left is constantly saying, but which leftist politicians are careful never to say publicly: for the good of relations with the Muslim world we're just going to have to be mature about mass murder.

Posted by: Ace at 07:56 PM | Comments (695)
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Good evening all M&Ms.
Also don't forget about the job bank at the AoSHQ yahoo group.

When Vajayjay's Attack

According to the elder scrolls there 51 distinct attacks possible with the human vajayjay. Most men have seen maybe one or two of these and lived to tell about it. Well here is #40 - Vagina Bubbles From Hell - one of the most advanced and deadly of the forms. It has a whopping 2d6+5 damage making it nearly always fatal, but it can only be employed on nearly immobilized targets. So it's best used as a followup to the Duct Tape of Binding or the Basilisk Glare of Exposed Boobage.

This footage is from a 1990s Japanese movie series, The Female Ninja Magic Chronicles, which apparently has quite a few unexpected female ninja uh, techniques. You can read a review here.

Warning: Do not attempt this at home.

Warning 2: If you are offended by decadence, hit Page Down now before it's too late!

Posted by: Maetenloch at 05:49 PM | Comments (425)
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Sorry to use MegaIndependent's PuddingSkull (Classic) in a non-breaking-news context.

A reader wanted me to note his own first ever PuddingCon, slated for November 6th in the Wilmington, DE area.

Also, if anyone else wants to start organizing these, maybe give a shout out in the thread.

For the Wilmington, DE PuddingCon (and only that one), contact pinkertonrk1 at gmail. (I am not writing it all out because web-bots scoop up emails.)

Posted by: Ace at 04:25 PM | Comments (157)
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Genius. Genius.

Whatever, dude, you are fucking out of here January 2013. Enjoy the book promotion circuit, fuckshit.

Posted by: Ace at 03:32 PM | Comments (489)
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Muri within striking distance of "safe" incumbent Adam Smith.

Just one month ago, Washington State Congressman Adam Smith was sitting comfortably, winning the August primary by 25 points. But a new KING 5 poll finds the race may be closer than the primary suggested, with Smith's Republican challenger just three points behind.

Stretching from Renton to Tacoma to Olympia, the 9th district has been represented by Smith for 14 years. In the August primary, the Democrat got 51%. But in that election, Republicans split their vote between two candidates and now, it appears the Republican vote has united behind Dick Muri, a former Air Force officer and Pierce County Councilmember.

Air Force officer? Well now we're talkin'.

Get ready for a pitch I think you'll like:

Stationed at McChord AFB, I married the love of my life Mary, settled down in my adopted hometown of Steilacoom and raised four children who are now married and having our grandchildren.

Future generations will not have the same quality of life we enjoy if the out-of-control spending by the incumbents is not stopped. This generational theft threatens the economic vitality and future of our country. Our government has taxed, borrowed, and spent an exorbitant amount of your money. Every American owes over $40,000 on behalf of the government. Record deficits and lack of smart oversight have mangled the job market and hurt small business growth.

The incumbent speaks like a moderate, but his voting record essentially follows Nancy Pelosi and the liberal congress. With so-called “Obamacare”, the failed stimulus package, special interest earmarks, corporate bailouts, cap and trade (an enormous domestic energy tax increase), and increased foreign aid, the incumbent has ballooned our debt and reliance on foreign countries.

My votes will support federal priorities of ensuring a good business climate for job creation, supporting military families and veterans, giving control of educational priorities to local school boards, promoting energy independence, preserving our beautiful environment, and protecting our borders from illegal aliens.

Emphases in original. Donation, volunteer stuff, etc. at the above link.

Thanks to kam, who just donated.

Posted by: Ace at 02:18 PM | Comments (244)
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She's making history.

Meanwhile, here's the week 2 standings for the rest of you idiots.

Dr.Spank: 18
ConservativeintheCity: 18
Ian Badness: 18
JCred : 18
iDoc21: 17
Roughrider: 17
endruntoglory: 17
Michelle's Donated Used Gitch: 17
maaadddog: 17
Lok'tar Ogar 17
moho: 17

Ben and CDR M had em to me early this morning, I got wrapped up in work crap, so it's my fault, not theirs.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at 12:58 PM | Comments (94)
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I am out of jokes. Too much today. Too much!

Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. asked a political fund-raiser to offer then Gov. Rod Blagojevich $6 million dollars in exchange for an appointment to President Obama's former Senate seat -- and had the fund-raiser pay for two airline trips for a blonde "social acquaintance" -- the fund-raiser told federal authorities.

Businessman Raghuveer Nayak... says Jackson instructed him to offer Blagojevich as much as $6 million for the seat -- $1 million from the Indian community and $5 million from a yet-to-be-held fund raiser that Jackson Jr. would organize.

About that "social acquaintance:"

Jesse Jackson Jr. doesn't deny involvement with a Washington D.C. based restaurant hostess who was named this morning in a Sun-Times story about his alleged attempt to buy an appointment to President Obama's former Senate seat.

Jackson Jr. allegedly had a relationship with Giovana Huidobro, a restaurant hostess and former model whose pictures can be seen here, and asked that fund-raiser Raghuveer Nayak pay for her to be flown from D.C. to Chicago on at least two occasions.

"The reference to a social acquaintance is a personal and private matter between me and my wife that was handled some time ago." Jackson Jr. said in a statement. "I ask that you respect our privacy."

It doesn't take much to decode "a personal and private matter between me and my wife" as "I was all up in that shit like BAM! BAM! BAM!" (I think that is Empire of Icecream's gag, but I'm not certain.)

The best part is that she's white, because, racism. And she's not just white, she's blonde-white.

No but I like that he says this is "personal and private" despite the fact he's got a fund-raiser/political fixer/Chicago machine bag-man flying her out as... a favor, I guess.

Hah: Herr Morgenholz, and definitely not me at all, makes a joke. Just a joke.

Because every restaurant hostess and former model has pictures in her underwear just laying around. On the internet. For anyone to google her up.

Oh, she's a hooker? Never mind.

Just a joke people. These words mean nothing legally.

Not to racially agitate more than necessary, but I have to link Kanya West's Gold Digger, for that closing verse about stickin' by your man as he makes something of himself, "and then he leave your ass for a white girl."
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Posted by: Ace at 12:08 PM | Comments (416)
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